BlueeyedJonesy Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 Our Dday was 4 mos ago... I was looking at our bank statement and there it was 60 atm withdrawl to get a nasty stripper to grind on his crotch THE NIGHT before our wedding anniversary. We had been to the SC together twice and we had fun..but we made a promise to never go somewhere like that without one another. He told me lie after lie after lie....he just went and didn't do anything, he went and payed for his friends lap dance, he got 2 lapdances from 2 different girls, there was no touching, he has never been before. the facts were...he had been before the lapdances were from the same girl she put his face between her tits and put her mouth on his hard on this is just one occasion that hes shown infidelity.(I've posted on it before) there was phone sex, one EA while I was pregnant, and adult dating sites "only for masterbation". He is in counseling and doing better but I am starting to feel my love for him slip away day by day. I drive 45 mins everyday to my son's school and the whole time in my head I picture all of his lies and sexual acts in my head. I read a post today about infidelity messing with your mental state and it becoming a cancer to your mind, and that is exactly how I feel. I had forgiven him for EVERYTHING in the past and I stayed away from obsessing about things and snooping and then BAM it all happens again. So now I feel like if I stop snooping and live life he will do it again. I am so paranoid, so depressed, and I just don't know who I am anymore. sex is starting to get awkward, which kills me because our sex life has always been amazing on so many levels. sorry this is so long I just feel like I am falling out of love with him...is this normal and what should I do? just to add we are in counseling..
stillafool Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 Why not file for divorce? Why are you putting yourself through this? I have found that people DO NOT change. Life is short and if you want to give this guy your entire youth to waste go ahead but he is not going to change.
angie2443 Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 This sounds so painful. How old is your son and do you have any more children?
TinyLee222 Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 Our Dday was 4 mos ago... I was looking at our bank statement and there it was 60 atm withdrawl to get a nasty stripper to grind on his crotch THE NIGHT before our wedding anniversary. We had been to the SC together twice and we had fun..but we made a promise to never go somewhere like that without one another. He told me lie after lie after lie....he just went and didn't do anything, he went and payed for his friends lap dance, he got 2 lapdances from 2 different girls, there was no touching, he has never been before. the facts were...he had been before the lapdances were from the same girl she put his face between her tits and put her mouth on his hard on this is just one occasion that hes shown infidelity.(I've posted on it before) there was phone sex, one EA while I was pregnant, and adult dating sites "only for masterbation". He is in counseling and doing better but I am starting to feel my love for him slip away day by day. I drive 45 mins everyday to my son's school and the whole time in my head I picture all of his lies and sexual acts in my head. I read a post today about infidelity messing with your mental state and it becoming a cancer to your mind, and that is exactly how I feel. I had forgiven him for EVERYTHING in the past and I stayed away from obsessing about things and snooping and then BAM it all happens again. So now I feel like if I stop snooping and live life he will do it again. I am so paranoid, so depressed, and I just don't know who I am anymore. sex is starting to get awkward, which kills me because our sex life has always been amazing on so many levels. sorry this is so long I just feel like I am falling out of love with him...is this normal and what should I do? just to add we are in counseling.. Oh Jonsey, I am sorry but he sounds creepy. Look at you!! You are beautiful and articulate. Don't you deserve more than what he is giving you? Phone sex with an unknow person. To me that is the height of disrespect. An "EA" while you were pregnant and adult sights for "masterbation". Did he tell you it was just masterbation? How can you believe him? Listen I am alot older than you and take my experience for what it's worth. My first husband had numerous affairs. It crushed my self esteen to the gutter. I had two kids and was tired of being hypervigilent all the time. The snooping and detective work on my part became an obsession. And what for? So that I could have at best if he got well a mediorcre marriage? The trust was gone and I was tired. You sound tired too. Not until I took care of myself with IC was I able to see that I was doing all the work and that I deserved more. Find out why you are putting up with this and then when you are strong enough get the hell out. There is someone out there that will respect and love you. You deserve it! Lee
giotto Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 you still love him after all that? Gosh, you are the forgiving type...
Spark1111 Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 Jonesy.....set a timelime for change; in him, yourself, and the marriage. Everyone deserves that. I did, initially for my children, so I could hold my head up high should we one day divorce and be able to look them in the eye and say, "I tried absolutely everything to preserve the love I had for your father and save our marriage." It can take two to five years to overcome this, IF you still love him. The first phase is forgiving the infidelities. The second is learning to trust him again. And the third and hardest is to respect him again, IMHO.
Author BlueeyedJonesy Posted January 29, 2010 Author Posted January 29, 2010 Why not file for divorce? Why are you putting yourself through this? I have found that people DO NOT change. Life is short and if you want to give this guy your entire youth to waste go ahead but he is not going to change. I'm completely split down the middle..some days I just want a divorce, other days I want to work things out This sounds so painful. How old is your son and do you have any more children? My son is almost 5 and we have a 7 month old baby girl..I was suffering from some major PPD and self esteem issues from her birth when the strip club incident happened. Oh Jonsey, I am sorry but he sounds creepy. Look at you!! You are beautiful and articulate. Don't you deserve more than what he is giving you? Phone sex with an unknow person. To me that is the height of disrespect. An "EA" while you were pregnant and adult sights for "masterbation". Did he tell you it was just masterbation? How can you believe him? Listen I am alot older than you and take my experience for what it's worth. My first husband had numerous affairs. It crushed my self esteen to the gutter. I had two kids and was tired of being hypervigilent all the time. The snooping and detective work on my part became an obsession. And what for? So that I could have at best if he got well a mediorcre marriage? The trust was gone and I was tired. You sound tired too. Not until I took care of myself with IC was I able to see that I was doing all the work and that I deserved more. Find out why you are putting up with this and then when you are strong enough get the hell out. There is someone out there that will respect and love you. You deserve it! Lee Thanks! I am tired tho.. the snooping has let up a little but its still exhausting..He has agreed to take a lie detector test when we get our tax return, but its crappy to think we've made it to this point. you still love him after all that? Gosh, you are the forgiving type... yeah I'm starting to think I'm too forgiving.. Jonesy.....set a timelime for change; in him, yourself, and the marriage. Everyone deserves that. I did, initially for my children, so I could hold my head up high should we one day divorce and be able to look them in the eye and say, "I tried absolutely everything to preserve the love I had for your father and save our marriage." It can take two to five years to overcome this, IF you still love him. The first phase is forgiving the infidelities. The second is learning to trust him again. And the third and hardest is to respect him again, IMHO. Spark, I don't think I have forgiven him for his infidelities yet. I certainly don't trust him. Its hard to look into the future with him when I don't even know if I want to somedays..
ladydesigner Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 Sorry you are going through this. My H sounds the same as yours with the porn, infidelity, and lies. It is exhausting. I am living it too. The thing I am not proud of though is that I had a revenge A...wish I never did. Just thinking that I stooped to his level makes me sick. Anyways be easy on yourself and take care of that new baby of yours. I swear if it weren't for my kids I would be a basket case.
Recommended Posts