Ilovecake Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 and like I don't care? I hope this makes sense. I need some advice. I just received a private message from my ex via a music forum we both post on. He hasn't actually posted there in 2 months. Personally we’ve been NC for over 6 months, broken up over a year. We’ve seen each other at bars and have both pretended like the other person is not there. No contact whatsoever. Last week I posted a thread about filing taxes and how I received my return in record time. Anyways today I get a message from him asking what tax filing service I use because he would like to get his return really fast. First of all we have always used Turbotax and he knows this, secondly how dare he ask me for any advice on anything? BTW I am as over him as I probably ever will be. There is still some resentment left but I have no feelings of love left for him at all so there is no danger of me being pulled back in. Anyways my question is do I politely write back Turbotax and leave it at that or do I completely ignore his message? The only problem with ignoring his message is that he would know I saw it and ignored it. I post on this forum daily so if I’m posting I’m obviously checking my private messages. What would you guys do? Which option would make me look more like I don’t care about him either way? Be polite or slap in the face by keeping NC?
prayingshecomesback Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 NC all the way. Seems to me he is testing the waters. If you are over him... and want to stay over him...NC.
Howitzer Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 NC all the way. Seems to me he is testing the waters. If you are over him... and want to stay over him...NC. Ditto. NC is about you not wanting to have him in your life. Decide what to do for yourself. If you want to let him in your life, then pm back. If not, just ignore it. What he thinks doesn't matter here.
nobmagnet Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 let his sort his own tax out!!!!! NC deffo. Why would it matter what he thought of you if you didnt reply? Thrilled you over him and resentment is cool!!!!! I get alone quite merrily with a healthy amount of resentment..I.E He is paying all the bills so I havemy heating on full wackwith with windows open!!!!!!! Global warming is my fault sorry. Nobby xx
Author Ilovecake Posted January 26, 2010 Author Posted January 26, 2010 He is paying all the bills so I havemy heating on full wackwith with windows open!!!!!!! Global warming is my fault sorry. Nobby xx hahah that's too funny. You guys are right. I always worry about hurting people's feelings. I really shouldn't care either way. I'll ignore him and go about posting on the site like I never got the message. Hmmmm truthfully I don't really know why I care what my exes think. I don't know why it would matter if he thought I was over him or not but for some reson I do.
Howitzer Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 Hmmmm truthfully I don't really know why I care what my exes think. I don't know why it would matter if he thought I was over him or not but for some reson I do. haha I'd want my ex to be a bit sad that I'm over her. Not that I am... *goes to corner*
Author Ilovecake Posted January 26, 2010 Author Posted January 26, 2010 haha I'd want my ex to be a bit sad that I'm over her. Not that I am... *goes to corner* You'll get there soon, I promise. You'll be amazed how one day you'll just wake up and feel so much better. I went through hell with this breakup and it's taken me a year and a half of very hard work to get my head back together. It also helped that his life pretty much fell apart and his looks completely disappeared because of the amount of drinking he's done since we broke up.
Howitzer Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 Lol @ his looks. I'm doing pretty well actually, but still not happy with where I am. I guess this is where most people are? This was my first break up, so I've never felt this way before. Sometimes I feel pain if I think back, sometimes I don't.
nobmagnet Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 ILK Thats a bonus isnt it love!!!!!!!!!!!!! hahahaha Lowly shaved is goaty off and he has no chin and a moon face now!!!!!! also he hasnt been on the divorce diet..............chubby.............like a potato on sticks muhahahahahah nobby x
within2 Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 Sounds like you do still care.... For me, when I'm truly over someone or something...I don't have feelings of resent,anger, sadness,etc. I just feel indifferent/apathetic about the situation. I'm a polite person, so if I were in your situation, I'd probably respond politely and be on my way. If I weren't a polite person or that person wasnt truly deserving of a response then I'd ignore it and be on my way.
Author Ilovecake Posted January 26, 2010 Author Posted January 26, 2010 (edited) Sounds like you do still care.... For me, when I'm truly over someone or something...I don't have feelings of resent,anger, sadness,etc. I just feel indifferent/apathetic about the situation. I'm a polite person, so if I were in your situation, I'd probably respond politely and be on my way. If I weren't a polite person or that person wasnt truly deserving of a response then I'd ignore it and be on my way. I think you're wrong. We all deal with the people in our lives differently and just because you're the type of person who can feel nothing doesn’t necessarily mean other people are like that. I don’t feel indifference or apathy towards anyone I’ve known, no matter how close our relationship. If they affected my life I’m always going to have some sort of feeling towards them, whether it’s positive or negative. It doesn’t mean I still want them in my life. Edited January 26, 2010 by Ilovecake
sedgwick Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 He's an adult, he can figure out how to do his own taxes. NC!
within2 Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 (edited) Okay. I think what confused me is when you said "what makes me look cooler and like I don't care". Usually when people say that, that means they still do care what the other thinks. And adding in "resent" still sounds like some type of unresolved issue with that person.That is why I responded the way I did. And when I say indifferent I didn't mean completely lacking all emotion. I don't think that would be normal. I meant that I see them as a person and who they are. Thats it. I don't care to "look" a certain way to them or really care what they think of me or the situation in anyway. Not sure if you get what I'm saying. But, that is how I feel. But that is how you feel so that is how you feel. Good luck with whatever you decide to do. Edited January 26, 2010 by within2
Author Ilovecake Posted January 26, 2010 Author Posted January 26, 2010 Yeah I guess I wasn’t a 100% clear. You know I just had my first meeting with an ex I have not seen in 12 years. He was the most significant relationship I had to this day. He's been married for 10 years, his wife is lovely. Even though he has no impact on my life I still wanted him to think I was pretty after all this time. I think most people feel that way. It's like going to your 20th high school reunion. The people you see don't really matter anymore but you still want to make a good impression. That's sort of how I feel about my current ex, I guess. I don't want him to think I'm jumping on the message right away because I want him but I don't want him to think I’m ignoring his message because I’m still hurting.
within2 Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 I understand. Some reason when you said "I still want him to think I'm pretty" made me feel sad. Do what comes natural to you and do whats best for you. Like you said, he could take it either way. You dont care either way so which ever decision you decide will be the right one. Good luck .
GrayClouds Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 What makes me look cooler A black leather jacket and a second hand bray ...and sunglasses dont forget the sunglasses
Author Ilovecake Posted January 27, 2010 Author Posted January 27, 2010 GrayClouds that's funny. I kept NC and ignored the message. You guys were absolutely right I don't owe him any consideration.
paleblue Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 ignoring him would be the option that would make you look more like you dont care if he is alive or dead.
CaliGuy Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 Don't answer is my vote. Hands down. He deserves NOTHING from you.
Eeyore79 Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 Reading and not replying makes it look like you're purposely ignoring him. Personally I'd reply "TurboTax"... one word reply, so you don't give him the satisfaction of knowing he gets to you enough that you would ignore him.
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