Crazy Magnet Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 You need to let this one go. You had a chance, and didn't take it. Maybe part of what this girl was thinking was "ah hah, buttmunch, NOW you see what your missing!!!" I rarely see guys who keep hanging around as friends get the girl in the end. And you keep forgetting, while this guy may not seem special to you, he's the one who recognized how great she was and took her off the market. As long as he makes her feel like the most special girl in the world, nothing you do or say is going to make her pick you. I say start looking for other fishies in the sea.
meerkat stew Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 Your success in the past by pursuing as a friend was a fluke. The probability of success is very low. You have a much better chance in alleviating any time and energy you were going to spend on this flaky girl (and she could be a nuclear physicist, doesn't keep her from playing the "dumb girly" card when it suits her), and spend that energy on a prospect who is more likely to treat you fairly as opposed to the crappy way this one has treated you.
BG1985 Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 Crown, girls leave their boyfriend for another guy all the time. Same runs for guys leaving their girlfriend for another girl all the time. If this girl was still that interested in you, she would have either had an affair with you or she would be in the process of leaving her boyfriend to explore what you have to offer.
Author The Crown Posted January 26, 2010 Author Posted January 26, 2010 Thanks for the input everyone has been very helpful. I think what bothered me most was not pursuing when I had a great opening a year ago. I told her my feelings a few weeks ago about regret and she agreed on a date. It is more so eating at me that she would act this way all of the sudden from one text message when clearly she knew my intentions well before this. I just wanted a small window to take her out as we had planned and lay my cards on the table of what I can offer and if she bites fine if not fine too. I just feel like the window as small as it was cracked was closed prematurely. I just wanted an opportunity in person. In college I was farrrrrrrrrrrrr from perfect as far as treating girls go. (Some history is I had a bad 2 year break up after I had invested so much into this girl who was a model. I felt maybe insecure measuring up to her and felt the need to treat above and beyond Queen status. I invested so much. After that I then joined a frat and went wild. My MO was pretty much get drunk with my friends have one nighters) Even then she liked me when I had far less to offer her. Now that I matured I have so much more to offer her and I cannot even properly present it to her.
Author The Crown Posted January 26, 2010 Author Posted January 26, 2010 You need to let this one go. You had a chance, and didn't take it. Maybe part of what this girl was thinking was "ah hah, buttmunch, NOW you see what your missing!!!" I rarely see guys who keep hanging around as friends get the girl in the end. And you keep forgetting, while this guy may not seem special to you, he's the one who recognized how great she was and took her off the market. As long as he makes her feel like the most special girl in the world, nothing you do or say is going to make her pick you. I say start looking for other fishies in the sea. You may be absolutely right. Its just that I felt like this situation was a bit different because her attraction to me was once there. It is not the standard tool friend doing anything to please this girl when she clearly never liked him. If she had feelings for me then when I was a jerk frat guy blowing her off, I want to see if she could have feelings now when I have changed a lot of the the past year or so. The way I am now I believe could have swept her off her feet a year ago. Probably too little too late as it seems from your posts. Thanks for responding.
BG1985 Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 Crown, has it ever occurred to you that she was attracted to the "jerk frat guy blowing her off?" Maybe she thought you were fun to be around. If you read posts from Beta Manlet and Open GL, you'll find that being a good guy with his sh*t together doesn't get you laid. This girl was attracted to you and viewed you as a challenge because you didn't put her on a pedestal like so many other guys may have. Once again, same situation with me, I blew this girl off and just lived my life partying my ass off. When she agreed to meet up with you, maybe she was hoping you were that same jerk frat guy.
boogieboy Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 I appreciate where you are coming from. I just in the past have been told by a couple girls we were only friends nothing will ever happen. I was persistent and it worked out better than I could have ever imagined to the point of even dating one for two years after nearly 4 months of pursuit. I knew she liked me a year ago, I know she was enthusiastic about this date. She has since ignored two texts. I have sent them sparingly. One on Saturday and one on Sunday. No calls no double texts like a creep. I would just like to make one appearance to get to the heart of matter without bull**** texts or phonecalls. Any idiot can send a text message. I need to know if the legit reason it was as friends is because of the bf or not. If it is not because of her boy friend what is it? Is it something that I can change? If it is her bf her relationship on the surface seems like it won't last forever. You dont seem to understand that persistence isnt always attractive to all women. When you are still after her while her focus is on someone else, it doesnt make you more attractive, it makes you creepy. If you text her and she ignores you, then you text her again, its creepy. No matter how few texts it is. Put yourself in her shoes, and put a girl youre NOT attracted to in your shoes, and pyoure in a position where youre dating a really hot girl who is really into you. Now do you really think that you would be bothered with the girl chasing you when you have all you need already? Dissappear now and go back in a few months when shes single. That way you can start over.
Author The Crown Posted January 27, 2010 Author Posted January 27, 2010 Thanks BG and Boogie. I think your right Boogie. I should move on I texted once back after she ignored me but I have not gotten into the space as some persistent creep nor do I ever want to be in that space. If by the slim chance I ever have a chance again it will be pursued after much time has elapsed. I believe I have not done irreparable damage. I am not saying my chances are very good but atleast right now I save my dignity and look like a normal guy in her eyes. I am not some obsessive person over her just the situation sucks and is still fresh for me that is all. I am pretty certain the reason for this is loyalty to her bf not so much something with me. If that is the case the one problem I face is as hot as she is she was shy and never really dated guys so for her to be with this guy a year it is probably something very safe for her and comfortable even if there are a numerous better options for bfs not even including myself biasly.
Author The Crown Posted January 27, 2010 Author Posted January 27, 2010 Dissappear now and go back in a few months when shes single. That way you can start over. Do you think in a hypothetical 3 or 4 months if she was single I am in the position to say "Hey how is it going lets start over, what are you up 2 this weekend" based on the information I have provided in this thread?
Crazy Magnet Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 Dissappear now and go back in a few months when shes single. That way you can start over. Do you think in a hypothetical 3 or 4 months if she was single I am in the position to say "Hey how is it going lets start over, what are you up 2 this weekend" based on the information I have provided in this thread? In 3 or 4 months, you should already be dating somebody else! Don't wait around on this girl!!! Meet other FISHES!!
meerkat stew Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 Crown, has it ever occurred to you that she was attracted to the "jerk frat guy blowing her off?" I wondered this same thing myself. One person's jerk can be another person's hilarious, flirty pickup. I wouldn't be at all surprised if she went home with that guy and is ignoring you out of embarrassment. No way to know, but these days, it is a very real possibility.
Author The Crown Posted January 27, 2010 Author Posted January 27, 2010 In 3 or 4 months, you should already be dating somebody else! Don't wait around on this girl!!! Meet other FISHES!! I am a bartender until I go to grad school I still go out meet a lot of girls and have a good time but it takes a lot for a girl to impress me enough to desire a relationship and actually want to be tied down this was one of them. I am not going to be sitting at home for the next few months passeverating over this until she is single haha. It was just someone where I def wanted more than just a casual hookup those are easy to get.
BG1985 Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 I think you read it wrong, Meerkat. Crown used to be the "jerk frat guy blowing her off." He feels that since he has matured, she will be even more into him. I was saying that maybe she preferred Crown as the immature frat guy. But Crown, if she and this guy break up and she's back on the market, she'll give you a text/phone call saying what's up if she's interested. Do not contact this girl anymore as she knows where you stand.
sid3 Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 I think you have done permanent damage, you put her on the pedestal, telling her she's beautiful and an amazing girl< way too much before your dating. That instantly lowered your value, it killed any mystery and challenge. From your posts, it's obvious you find this girl very attractive, and if she was in fact "the hottest girl in the sorority" she is bombarded with attention and options. Stew was spot on, it's a fine line between persistance and creepiness. Having text her after being ignored appears deserate and creepy, you'd be better off to let her contact you if she wants any contact in the future.
Author The Crown Posted January 27, 2010 Author Posted January 27, 2010 You may be right but I told her she was beautiful before this and she appreciated it. She was a shy girl who did not put herself out there enough to garner the attention any girl with her looks would get normally. I know the fine line between creepy and persistence. I have only sent just one solo casual text the day after I was ignored I have not contacted her since.
Author The Crown Posted January 27, 2010 Author Posted January 27, 2010 Crown: She is enticing to you precisely because you can't have her. Or so it seems. Let me tell you something bro, your princess is nothing but a ho. She has a bf? Really? Then why is she: 1) making a date with you/teasing you/leading you on; 2) simultaneously at the very least flirting with that other guy who texted to you? She is into the drama, she thinks she's "all that." You can't win this game and it's not because she's "friend-zoned" you. Rather it's because you've idealized her and put her on an imaginary pedestal. You projected onto her, something that she is not and never was, due to your bad breakup from someone else. (That's natural by the way.) You didn't date her previously when you may have been able to, because you saw a flaw in her. When your head was in the game she was not worth your time. She's still not worth your time (maybe as a lay, certainly not as a serious gf) because she's toying with at least three guys that you know about--her "bf," the guy who texted you, and you. This girl you think you want is an immature piece of trash. She is definitely not serious gf material. If she actually has a bf, would you really want to take his place? I feel sorry for that guy, she's probably cheating on him six ways from Sunday. Let's say somehow you became the bf, do you really think you would like the taste of other men's semen as you were licking it out of her? No man I don't think so. This girl is the type of immature tease who craves the attention from a lot of different guys, probably randomly has sex with them, and is incapable of a serious, committed relationship. Now of course there's something alluring about trying to bang a "wild girl" like that. But she ain't no princess and if you really ever want a chance with her you have to knock her off that imaginary pedestal. She's a ho dude. Nothing but a ho. I think you have parts of this right. One because I confirmed from multiple sources that she has a bf and on her face book it says single and looking for a relationship. Also on Friday when we made the date for Monday there was no reason to bring me up to that other guy I knew from the bar. I questioned her like "how did I come up in the conversation?" She responded "Oh they asked where you were and I said I was hanging out with you Monday" well I have not spoken to that other guy in months and I have not spoken to her for a year prior to these past 2 weeks so there is no reason why they would ask for me.
meerkat stew Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 I think you read it wrong, Meerkat. Yeah, I did misread what you wrote. I thought maybe she let the guy at the bar bang her, he was certainly pushing her buttons full frontal at the bar at OP's expense. And you could be right, she could have liked OP's old more forward self.
BG1985 Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 Stay the hell away from Facebook. Facebook is about the worst thing ever invented. Don't take something on someone's Facebook profile to be factual. Besides, it makes you sound like a stalker. Actually the reason I got off is because it was too tempting for me to check up on my ex-girlfriend. I just decided to get rid of it altogether. I'm with Plastic, go back to the old girls and give them a good fornicating.
cognac Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 Hey OP I am in the same exact boat as you, only the girl in my question insists she is in love with me... Women pull this crap when they're in long relationships to see if they "still got it". We are their guinea pigs, do not take her stupid "friend request", it's just an excuse to keep another admirer to feed her ego 24/7 while giving him nothing in return.
BG1985 Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 The only reason we are guinea pigs is because we allow ourselves to be. I've been guilty of this as well, so don't accuse me of passing judgment.
Author The Crown Posted January 27, 2010 Author Posted January 27, 2010 (edited) I feel like I need to do something else to have another update and more information. It seems the only possible way to have any chance would be to do something drastic and more characteristic of my old self than the older more mature me. Edited January 27, 2010 by The Crown
BG1985 Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 Which means don't do anything. Ignore her. Go out, get drunk with your friends, chase skirts, and have fun. Ignore this girl. I feel like is under your skin and is playing games with you. You need to regain control of yourself and go back to being Vintage Crown. The drunken jerk frat guy who didn't give a sh*t.
Author The Crown Posted January 27, 2010 Author Posted January 27, 2010 Minor Update I was just invited to a little get together 10 15 people max. A night of drinking, hot tub, going out, coming back etc. She is probably going to be there. 1 Should I go? 2 What should do anything in particular when there? I am thinking go and play it off so cool like I do not even care and just be the center of attention in a good way.
Green Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 Its up to you man, but going could be trouble. The way I see it there were plenty of girls in college who were so hot but I screwed it up with by my imature frat boy ways. Seriously if I had a nickle for every hot girl I could have had a relationship with in college but was to imature to try anything I would have atleast 50 cents or something... lol. Move foward man don't get hung up on this one silly girl. If you two are meant to be togather things will work out. But if you are not confident and uncarring in the begining it never will. What I mean by uncaring is, just have fun and enjoy a person, don't come from a mind set of I love this person I have never had a relationship with and its so upsetting if things don't work out. Because that attitude is not attractive or confident or fun.
BG1985 Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 This is iffy. I thought I was cool with being around my ex after things ended, but once I was around her, I couldn't handle myself. It seems like you are in love with this girl. Even if you don't cause any trouble, you'll be torturing yourself by being around her, especially if she's there with her boyfriend or some other guy.
Recommended Posts