CaliGuy Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 She finally sent me a message stating that she is going to come by this weekend while I'm not around and gather the rest of her things. She told me that I made my point clear and she will not call or text me again and that shes sorry it took her this long to listen. That really stings, but I don't think she'll never contact me again.. not if our relationship ever meant anything. She says she still doesnt know what she wants but I know she is out seeing another guy while she's home this weekend. The truth is, she DOES know what she wants, but she won't tell me the truth b/c she doesnt want to hurt me further and she doesn't want to rule herself entirely out of my future if things don't work out. I'd rather her just flat out say what she wants RIGHT NOW though b/c her telling me she doesn't know what she wants is basically keeping me in the game hoping that she'll come around. I'm sticking with NC b/c if I want her back (which as of late I'm not even sure if I do anymore) she has to want it as well and initiate the reconciliation. I do have plans in the long term to see and talk to her again and see where that takes us, but right now I know I am not ready. I need to know nothing and see nothing. Like its been said so many times before, ignorance is bliss. I'm doing ok through the day now. In the morning and at night before bed are the worst when my mind has the chance to ponder things. I've been trying to stay busy throughout all hours. This thread has been a major help and thanks to all that contributed. Each day is another step to forgetting this mess. Winger, some advice. What she wants from you is validation. That's it. She doesn't really want to be with you or she WOULD be. I know that hurts, but her constant attempts at contact are simply to make herself feel good at the expense of YOU. KEEP IGNORING HER! TRUST ME AND HEAR MY WORDS: If she really wanted to be with you, she would dump that guy and literally beat your front door down. (LITERALLY!) By you sticking to NC you are sending a clear message that you are not going to be her "stand by" guy, her "second place" man. If she really wants to be with you, she will let you know. In the meantime, staying in contact will simply delay your healing and ruin any opportunity for a second chance. Heed my words, my friend....
Author Winger6 Posted January 31, 2010 Author Posted January 31, 2010 Thankyou caliguy... your words are 100 percent logic which is all i understand right now. Your so right... she tried contacting me tonight but i know i can have fun and feel good without her. Thanks to all for all the advice and strength
malc Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 I wish I could think like you winger, why do girls think they can break up with you, agree to initiate NC then break it by rubbing in your face how much fun they are having without you, and what you are up to, like they care, they break up with you, then go to the trouble to break NC and want to harm you even further by saying how wonderful their life is and they are having all the fun in the world without you. I was good and never though of her today, had so much fun with old friends, then come back, and theres an email from her. why would she go to that effort?? I dont care how much fun she is having, I just want to be left alone until she works out her feelings. Rant over. She has to try and ruin a good day of mine.
CaliGuy Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 I wish I could think like you winger, why do girls think they can break up with you, agree to initiate NC then break it by rubbing in your face how much fun they are having without you, and what you are up to, like they care, they break up with you, then go to the trouble to break NC and want to harm you even further by saying how wonderful their life is and they are having all the fun in the world without you. I was good and never though of her today, had so much fun with old friends, then come back, and theres an email from her. why would she go to that effort?? I dont care how much fun she is having, I just want to be left alone until she works out her feelings. Rant over. She has to try and ruin a good day of mine. Because they don't want you, they want what they can get from you. VALIDATION, SELF-ESTEEM. Every time an ex contacts you to brag about how much fun they are having, they are simply trying to get you to say how much you love and miss them. Once they are assured of that, they'll stop contacting you until they need their next fill up of self-esteem.... Like I keep saying: If they really want to be with you, they would drop everything and come find you, face to face. No emails, texts, letters and other crap. They will come beat down your front door to get at you. Anything less and they're simply sticking an I/V in you and sucking your emotional energy dry -- all to boost their own self-esteem...
malc Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 Im not sure I want her back now, she has treated me bad and still continues to do it, I wont let her get to me bi@ch
Author Winger6 Posted February 2, 2010 Author Posted February 2, 2010 Well I finally made the mistake. My ex called me last night and I ignored it. Then she texted me asking me that if I ever cared about her to please pick up b/c she needs someone right now. (I love her, how could I say no to that..) So I called her. She was a wreck. Crying and upset about how she feels that we were acting like our relationship never happened. She told me she doesn't know if she made the right choice with breaking up with me, so naturally I bit and started to pull for getting back together. She flat out told me that she would have never broke up with me had she of known I wouldn't talk to her anymore. I still stood by the fact that as long as we want different things I can't talk to her. She pleaded with me to please talk to her. She tried to tell me that me not talking to her is being just as selfish as her breaking up with me. I was shocked when she said this. She doesn't obviously understand. This killed me last night. By the time I got off the phone with her, she was feeling a lot better but nothing had changed and I was just left there crushed. She apologized and told me she's sorry for being a bad person. I was tricked. Played a fool. And now I feel like I'm worse off than I was before. One thing did come out of it last night. She said she wanted to see me and concluded that she'll see me on my birthday which is in a month. But what I don't understand is... why the wait?
HLP234 Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 You don't owe her anything if she broke up with you and has hurt you in anyway. If it was a mutual breakup where both of you were just waiting for one of you to to say something than I see no problem in talking to each other. But you are hurt by her actions and talking to her will not help you heal if you still have feelings for her. She should understand this but she doesn't because perhaps this has not happened to her before? It's not easy to just pretend everything is ok and go back to who you were before you were with her, when you know you want and miss her. She is being selfish in that she is not respecting your choice to be left alone in order to heal. They always do this to make the blame placed on you, making you feel bad so you can say "Oh I guess you are right, its wrong not communicating with you. She obviously doesn't know how much this affected you. Just keep no contact and if you don't feel ready to see her or talk to her, you don't have to explain anything to her, she should understand without being mad at you.
CaliGuy Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 Well I finally made the mistake. My ex called me last night and I ignored it. Then she texted me asking me that if I ever cared about her to please pick up b/c she needs someone right now. (I love her, how could I say no to that..) So I called her. She was a wreck. Crying and upset about how she feels that we were acting like our relationship never happened. She told me she doesn't know if she made the right choice with breaking up with me, so naturally I bit and started to pull for getting back together. She flat out told me that she would have never broke up with me had she of known I wouldn't talk to her anymore. I still stood by the fact that as long as we want different things I can't talk to her. She pleaded with me to please talk to her. She tried to tell me that me not talking to her is being just as selfish as her breaking up with me. I was shocked when she said this. She doesn't obviously understand. This killed me last night. By the time I got off the phone with her, she was feeling a lot better but nothing had changed and I was just left there crushed. She apologized and told me she's sorry for being a bad person. I was tricked. Played a fool. And now I feel like I'm worse off than I was before. One thing did come out of it last night. She said she wanted to see me and concluded that she'll see me on my birthday which is in a month. But what I don't understand is... why the wait? Haha, I love how she is turning this around and making it YOUR fault! Don't take that crap, man. Nut up and tell her TOUGH! This was her decision, she can live with it. I also love how she said "If I had known you wouldn't talk to me anymore I wouldn't have broken up with you..." Uhhh, WTF?! She was only with you because she wanted to talk to you, not because she loved you? She's definitely not the right woman for you. You can do much much better than her, dude. As for your birthday, celebrate it WITHOUT her. She doesn't deserve to spend YOUR special day WITH you. Save it for the people who REALLY love you.
ann09 Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 While I am sure no contact is for the best. I hate it. Sometimes a little contact can be helpful and healing. completely walking away from someone you love is painful - maybe just hearing that that person is also hurting somehow helps. I feel for your g/f as I know how she feels. Her "call ASAP" sounds familiar to me as that is something I would do in hopes of getting a call back. All it does it set yourself up for feeling even more ignored. I am sure because you didn't call her back she was hurt and thinking that you don't care about her. Not saying you're not doing the right thing. Everyone heals differently. Some people need that space and time away from the other person, and others need help through it. I hate "rules" - the no contact whatsoever thing is a hard thing for me to understand. I believe more in following one's heart and doing what you feel is right. If you never want anything to do with her again and don't care what she is going through, then the no contact thing is fine I guess.
Ilovecake Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 (edited) She flat out told me that she would have never broke up with me had she of known I wouldn't talk to her anymore. Is she mentally challenged? What did she think a breakup was? She gets to do whatever she wants while you stand by at her beck and call? Whenever she's feeling like crap she gets to call you and cry to you? She is a complete manipulator, don't fall for her crap. Edited February 4, 2010 by Ilovecake
Author Winger6 Posted February 5, 2010 Author Posted February 5, 2010 Is she mentally challenged? What did she think a breakup was? She gets to do whatever she wants while you stand by at her beck and call? Whenever she's feeling like crap she gets to call you and cry to you? She is a complete manipulator, don't fall for her crap. No.. she's not mentally challenged. Just making stupid choices and I know deep down she knows she is. She sent me a text last night "We need to see each other." Thats it. I don't know why she would want to see me. She has everything she wants b/c this whole ordeal has only went her way. Who knows whats going to happen in the next 2 weeks or so... Hurray valentines day. Still going NC... but I think I'm finally starting to come off the initial shock of the breakup. Things are starting to feel real and i fear its only going to get harder bc of it.
CaliGuy Posted February 5, 2010 Posted February 5, 2010 I hate "rules" - the no contact whatsoever thing is a hard thing for me to understand. I believe more in following one's heart and doing what you feel is right. If you never want anything to do with her again and don't care what she is going through, then the no contact thing is fine I guess. The problem with "following your heart" is that quite often, it's wrong and makes you do stupid things you would normally not do if your hormones and feelings weren't screwing with your brain. Following ones heart makes them "call, text, send flowers, beg, plead, cry" and otherwise stumble over ones self into pure stupidity. There's an old saying that goes "If you love someone, let them go. If they come back, they are yours. If not, they were never meant to be." This is NC in it's purest form. And if you truly love your ex, you don't try and FORCE them to love you back. If you truly love your ex, you follow 1 Corinthians 13: "Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; [2] 6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." If you love 'em, let 'em go. Let them be free to be happy with someone else so that YOU are free to be happy with someone NEW. Cheers.
Author Winger6 Posted February 5, 2010 Author Posted February 5, 2010 Spot on Caliguy- I'd buy you a beer if I could. Thanks for keeping tabs through this whole thing. I really appreciate it and the logic you've empowered me with. Honestly if it wasn't for this thread I wouldn't be doing as well as I am right now. I also hope that anyone who has taken the time to read through this in hopes of enlightenment for their own issues has also been able to take away something good from this thread as well.
sunrae Posted February 5, 2010 Posted February 5, 2010 If you truly love your ex, you follow 1 Corinthians 13: "Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; [2] 6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." If you love 'em, let 'em go. Let them be free to be happy with someone else so that YOU are free to be happy with someone NEW. Cheers. I LOVE this, Best quote on LS all year!!! Thanks Caliguy..
CaliGuy Posted February 5, 2010 Posted February 5, 2010 I LOVE this, Best quote on LS all year!!! Thanks Caliguy.. Thanks though it's only early February. We have all the rest of the year
jan2000 Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 When your relationship is in trouble, all you seem to want to do is talk about it. It helps to get things out in the open, otherwise the situation just goes round and round in your head. But how many times have you had a heart to heart with a friend about your breakup, only to regret it when the conversation, or a version of it, has got back to your ex girlfriend or boyfriend? These situations destroy our trust and make us more frustrated than ever. We become suspicious of our friends and families, wondering whose side they are on. Because we desperately want them to be on our side, we often just give out the wrong signals if we are upset or angry about the breakup. These things can then get repeated to the wrong people and things can just go from bad to worse. Jan
Norville_Rogers Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 There's an old saying that goes "If you love someone, let them go. If they come back, they are yours. If not, they were never meant to be." This is NC in it's purest form. I have always agreed with this quote 100%. I have done just that and I will wait to see if she comes back. If she doesn't...then I know that her and I were never meant to be.
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