ardy84 Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 Ok all, I've been lingering around these forums reading others' stories and decided to post mine...I'll keep it as short as possible. My ex and I met two years ago in graduate school. I was NOT interested in him at first, but after a month of him persuing me, I finally gave in. We started a relationship and were extremely close to one another emotionally and were affectionate (we're both saving ourselves for marriage however). After 4 months of being together, we had to separate to go to different areas of the U.S. for school. For the next two years, we were in a LDR, kept in contact everyday with phone calls, texts, webcam, online chat. We visited each other a few times during our breaks. Here the past couple of months, he began to avoid me. He came online less and less, and when I asked him about it, he said he wanted to live life with "real" people b/c he felt disconnected from the outside world. I asked if I was being clingy, and he said no. I didnt contact him after, and so 12 days passed without hearing from him, so I contacted him again and asked why he wasn't initiating convos with me anymore and if I had done something. He flat out told me that I was too clingy, and he didn't have feelings for me anymore, and that he didn't want to be friends...only acquaintances. I asked him if he found someone, and he said no...but he admitted that he "reconnected" with an old friend from college, a girl, whom he'd lost contact with 3 years ago recently. I've caught him lying about small things in the past, so I don't know if I believe him. He said he wanted distance and didn't want to webcam, chat online, call me, etc anymore... Anyways, he wanted to still be facebook friends so he could "keep tabs" on me (his own words), and I said no, if we can't be real life friends at least, we're not facebook friends. He kept insisting that I don't delete him. I asked him if he'll ever contact me in the future to see how I am, and he said he didn't know. Anyways, the last email I got was him apologizing for everything he did and he said that he hopes I'll forgive him one day. Anyways, I was so hurt I deactivated my FB account, I haven't deleted him though...it's day number 7 of no contact... I miss him like crazy...I feel used, like I was just there to pass the time until some other girl came along. Oh, and something else...we're different cultures, religion, and race. My friend married someone from a different culture, religion, and race...and...I dunno...I'm heartbroken...will he ever contact me again? Does he even miss me or has he moved on?? I'm such a sweet girl, and I did SO much for him...
Johnny M Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 Let's see: 1) Playing hard to get in the early stages of the relationship 2) "Saving yourself" (what a silly expression) until marriage 3) Getting involved in a long distance relationship You've made just about every mistake in the book. It would have been shocking if this kind of a relationship did not end up in heartbreak. I'm trying to feel sorry for you, but I'm having a pretty hard time at it...
USMCHokie Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 Let's see: 1) Playing hard to get in the early stages of the relationship 2) "Saving yourself" (what a silly expression) until marriage 3) Getting involved in a long distance relationship You've made just about every mistake in the book. It would have been shocking if this kind of a relationship did not end up in heartbreak. I'm trying to feel sorry for you, but I'm having a pretty hard time at it... Agreed. (3) is hard enough to accomplish in normal circumstances, but it's even more difficult given (1) and (2)...there's practically nothing keeping either of you at (3)...especially with (2)...
Author ardy84 Posted January 26, 2010 Author Posted January 26, 2010 Johnny, thank you for your insight, but I was not playing hard to get, I was being cautious at first b/c I didn't want to get hurt. I don't play games with people. And I'm very religious, and so is he, I know for the most part, it's looked down upon in today's society to be religious, but staying pure until marriage is very important to me.
counterman Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 Yes, a long distance relationship is never a good idea. And, that's what happens - he tells you he doesn't love you anymore and reconnects with someone else whilst you're in another state hoping he'll come back. Facebook accounts are so easy to activate again, so delete him. Block him from IM and don't answer his calls/texts. It doesn't matter if he misses you or if he's going to contact you in the future, he's reconnecting with some other girl now. And, reason why he wanted to keep tabs on you? So that if nothing else goes for him, he can always fall back on you. Seriously, it's not worth it and you'll be saving yourself a lot of pain. He's lied to you before and he'll do it again. Though, some of this comes from the the fact that it was a long distance relationship but even then things could have been handled differently. So, just move on and don't worry if he's coming back or not.
Johnny M Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 Johnny, thank you for your insight, but I was not playing hard to get, I was being cautious at first b/c I didn't want to get hurt. I don't play games with people. And I'm very religious, and so is he, I know for the most part, it's looked down upon in today's society to be religious, but staying pure until marriage is very important to me. I'm not trying to put down your religious convictions, but physical intimacy creates a bond between people. Combine the absence of such bond with the fact that you only each other several times a year and it's not hard to see that it really couldn't have ended any other way.
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