cogent_love Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 Hi, thank you for reading!! So I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. We met (and started dating) at ages 15 & 18. We have a wonderful relationship, and I think we are pretty mature for our age. We aren't the bar hopping - we're going to get married - everything is always perfect type. That being said... can this relationship last? I feel like things are so good. But generally I hear that the chances are we will definitely break up. Sometimes this makes me really sad and makes it hard to enjoy the moment. I have such a great guy and the thought of him not being a part of my life kills me. Any wise words for the young one?
Johnny M Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 Hi, thank you for reading!! So I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. We met (and started dating) at ages 15 & 18. We have a wonderful relationship, and I think we are pretty mature for our age. We aren't the bar hopping - we're going to get married - everything is always perfect type. That being said... can this relationship last? I feel like things are so good. But generally I hear that the chances are we will definitely break up. Sometimes this makes me really sad and makes it hard to enjoy the moment. I have such a great guy and the thought of him not being a part of my life kills me. Any wise words for the young one? In the past, marrying your high school sweetheart was quite common (i.e. look at Dick Cheney). Even nowadays it's still possible. If anything, lack of experience with other men/women can result in a stronger bond between the two of you because of the lack of past relationship baggage, heartbreaks, mistrust of the opposite gender and general jadedness.
OnlyJake Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 Wow, you are obsessed. I have 3 friends from college who have married their high school sweethearts. Very rare.
Ruby Slippers Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 At 15 and 18, you both are barely past childhood. It's rare to keep your best friends from childhood, and it's rare to stick with your high school sweetheart long term, especially these days. But there are, of course, exceptions. No matter what happens, no one can ever take away the time you had together. And in the end, all we really have are the moments of our lives. So, enjoy them. It may not last, but it just might.
Author cogent_love Posted January 26, 2010 Author Posted January 26, 2010 Thanks for responding! Why am I obsessed? And with what? And we are 18 & 21 now. Not a huge difference...but still : ]
tami-chan Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 It can last. In my experience it didnt. I married my high school BF and he broke my heart.
BG1985 Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 It's rare. People change so much between high school and college. They change even more between college and their mid to late 20s. As a 24-year-old, it's amazing how much I've changed since I was 21. I imagine it'd be hard to stay in a relationship when the people involved have changed so much. These days, people are more curious about what they may have been missing. It seems a lot of guys going through their mid-life crisis had married their high-school sweetheart or that girl they met their freshman year of college. I also read somewhere else that the highest rate of divorce happens between couples who married at such a young age. On top of that, I feel like it's a bad idea to make a huge, life-altering decision because your bf/gf made that same decision.
OnlyJake Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 Thanks for responding! Why am I obsessed? And with what? And we are 18 & 21 now. Not a huge difference...but still : ] This is the 3rd thread you've started on basically the exact same thing in the span of a couple hours. Difference being that you claim to not be interested in marriage right now in one of the other ones.
skydiveaddict Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 That being said... can this relationship last? I feel like things are so good. But generally I hear that the chances are we will definitely break up. Sometimes this makes me really sad and makes it hard to enjoy the moment. I have such a great guy and the thought of him not being a part of my life kills me. Any wise words for the young one? Don't be in such a rush to get married. You both are still very young. Let it play out and see where it goes. Concentrate on having fun with him and enjoy your life. You are only young once dont push things.
Lauriebell82 Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 I think it can last if two people are compatible. One of my friends met her husband when she was 16 and they dated all the way up until their late 20's. They have been married now for 3 years and have been together for over 11 years in total. So yeah, it can happen. Just make sure your relationship is strong enough to make it through any changes that may happen to either of you.
Author cogent_love Posted January 26, 2010 Author Posted January 26, 2010 I'm not interested in marriage per se, but who wants to break up? And yes.... I just got on the site today. A lot of the questions I have are relationship questions. I like hearing peoples' opinions. If that annoys you... you don't have to answer or read them.
skydiveaddict Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 I'm not interested in marriage per se, but who wants to break up? And yes.... I just got on the site today. A lot of the questions I have are relationship questions. I like hearing peoples' opinions. If that annoys you... you don't have to answer or read them. I really wasn't trying to annoy you. sry if i did
Author cogent_love Posted January 26, 2010 Author Posted January 26, 2010 @ skydive!! No you weren't the one annoying me haha sorry I forgot to space the sentences. It wasn't you
D-Lish Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 I've known a few couples that got married out of highschool. All of them are now divorced. It's very rare. I imagine it will be an even more rare occurance in your generation.
start-fresh Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 ...I think we are pretty mature for our age. It's kind of funny actually. It seems this sentence is in any thread about young love that someone is thinking will go the distance. Believe me, I'm only 23 now, but I thought I had the world by the horns when I was 18, and even in the few years since then I've grown immensely as a person and only realize now how much I didn't know then and still don't know. You will grow a lot the next few years, but that doesn't mean your relationship won't grow too. It' just really hard. As for your question, there's been research that's indicated a lot of people that have rekindled relationships with their first loves later in life (say 10-20 years after the fact) go on to have very fulfilling marriages. Usually the people dated the first time when they were younger than 17 or something like that and were broken up for reasons essentially out of their control (parents, going separate ways to college, etc.) rather than growing apart. They believed that people are so impressionable at that age that your first love becomes the standard that future relationships are compared to. I think it's kind of sweet thinking about it. OP, there's a chance your relationship can go the distance, but also a very high probability you two will grow apart. I think the important thing to realize is that you two have shared three great years together so far that no one can ever take from you. Appreciate the time you've spent together and realize life has twists and turns out of your control. You really never know what can happen.
Boundary Problem Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 Do high school sweethearts ever last? The emotions will likely remain. But the intensity will lessen, unless you have stayed lock-step in intellectual, emotional growth and have life experience that you can communicate with the other. If you can communicate with someone - that ability won't change over the years. Communication has to do with level of trust. You won't tell "secrets" to someone (mind-blowing secrets) unless you trust them 100%. The question is when you meet up again whether you continue to interest each other, or whether one of you has outgrown the other. You'll have to set aside the sexual chemistry and see if emotionally and intellectually you still interest each other. Often the two individuals don't keep up, and so when they re-connect at the high school reunion - it doesn't last. Sex isn't enough. Communication isn't enough. There has to be more.
counterman Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 It is rare that they do last. I know of couples who have lasted married their high school sweethearts and they are still happy with everything. But, in saying that, people do change and some people realise this a little too late and end up broken-up after a long-term relationship that dated back since high school. I know of some friends who are still continuing strong with their high school sweethearts but, in my opinion, they won't last.
Cinderella7 Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 Is it possible? Absolutely. Likely? Probably not. I dated my ex-boyfriend from age 16 to 21. For a long, long time, we were perfectly happy and very much in love. We were together for five years before I ended things this summer. The qualities you look for and the things you want from yourself and from a partner change so much in that time period that it is highly unlikely you will still be together when it's over. My two closest girl friends were also in similar relationships and both of them (a 3 year relationship and a 5 year relationship) are no longer together. Life just often takes people different directions, and you are SO young that settling down right away with one person just often does not make sense. As much as I've struggled with being single and had to adjust to my new situation, I'm so thankful that I have these years to figure out what I want and who I am as an individual, and not as part of a couple. This time in your life is invaluable.
crazy4you Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 I think some of them last, but usually the answer is no. I met my gf in high school. I was with her for my full senior year. When I went into college, we made it about halfway thru my freshman year before she started pulling out mind games on me, dumping me, finding new guys, getting back together, on and off on and off. It was hell. I'm still with her but I tell you it hasn't gotten better. It's going downhill. I think it is due partially to the fact that I'm in college and she's still in high school. She's younger, she has that high school mentality, she isn't mature enough, and obviously the gaps between us play a big role. Point is, after high school, things start to get shaky. However I do think that if high school sweethearts make it through college, they're likely set for life.
SoulSearch_CO Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 I have a friend (known her for 1-1/2 years) who has been with her HS sweetheart for over 6 years, now. They just got married this past October. I can think of quite a few FB friends that are married to their HS sweethearts. At least 3 were in my grade and I graduated in '98. I would say this is NOT indicative of how things play out in society at large. The ONE common denominator in every single one of these marriages? Religion. They are ALL religious. The ones I grew up with - ALL LDS and were married in the temple. I'd say without marriage, it's not likely to last (that's simply MY opinion). And with your BF having said he's not going to marry you, I'm not thinking "lasting" is in the cards for you two.
Angel1111 Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 I think it has a lot to do with whether or not the two of you can grow together, and if you give each other a lot of space. My boss is married to his hs sweetheart and he's in his late 30's now. They have 3 kids and seem really happy. They went through college together and everything. But I do think these relationshps have a big chance for failure, too, because people tend to change a lot as they get older. You start defining your preferences more, your tastes change, and one (or both) of you may regret not experiencing the world before settling down with one person. But if you're mature, it can work. My son's gf's parents were hs sweethearts and they seem ok but her dad was telling her one day that 'things are different when you've been married this long.' By the time you reach your 40s, you've been with that person a really, really long time. And that can either be a good thing or a bad thing. I don't know what your situation is now, but I hope that both of you go through college. Do not miss that experience.
b52s Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 I've known a few couples that got married out of highschool. All of them are now divorced. It's very rare. I imagine it will be an even more rare occurance in your generation. Yeah, High School Reunions are a great way to meet the women you had crushes on in higschool...and to check who see who is back in the saddle once again. lol
phineas Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 My cousin married his high school sweetheart. 15yrs after graduation. I really don't know the particulars other than they went off to different colleges & didn't do the long distance thing. dated other people moved on with their life then wound up getting together again.
Crazy Magnet Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 I have a friend (known her for 1-1/2 years) who has been with her HS sweetheart for over 6 years, now. They just got married this past October. I can think of quite a few FB friends that are married to their HS sweethearts. At least 3 were in my grade and I graduated in '98. I would say this is NOT indicative of how things play out in society at large. The ONE common denominator in every single one of these marriages? Religion. They are ALL religious. The ones I grew up with - ALL LDS and were married in the temple. I'd say without marriage, it's not likely to last (that's simply MY opinion). And with your BF having said he's not going to marry you, I'm not thinking "lasting" is in the cards for you two. Interesting, I graduated in 98 too. I had several friends marry their HS sweethearts, but they did so when we were fairly young (21/22). some of them have been married for the last 8 years and have kids, some other ones have split up. However, the decidedly more religious couples are the ones still together. Obviously it can go either way. I went back and married my HS sweetie 10 years later and OH what a tragic mistake that was!!
Author cogent_love Posted January 27, 2010 Author Posted January 27, 2010 I really appreciate all the replies!
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