Jump to content

As a Man, how do you Keep her beautiful in your eyes

hummingbird

By hummingbird
in Marriage and Life Partnerships

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

hummingbird Member

hummingbird

Posted
Posted

...... a myriad of reasons for asking ......

 

things I see daily, magazines, movies, ogling, things read here and there..

leave me wondering....

how do you as a man, married, with a serious SO, GF, life partner in the face of...

mens magazines ie Maxim, soft porn movies and even R movies these days, sex sells media, T&A everywhere, where you see women; naked, nude, havng some sort of sex, (not necessarily even porn one is masturbating to at all) .....

how do you keep the woman in your life beautiful in your eyes?????

do you??? and how often do you let her know????? and how??

do you think it matters to her??

does it matter to you???

 

and lastly, is she beautiful to you????? :love: and if you haven't told her, why not?

whichwayisup Established Member

whichwayisup

Posted
Posted

I like your post and look forward to reading men's responses to your questions.

alphamale Established Member

alphamale

Posted
Posted

i guess we just fantasize about other chicks

Boundary Problem Established Member

Boundary Problem

Posted
Posted
i guess we just fantasize about other chicks

 

 

Do men fantasize? I thought they were more visual, hence the thriving porn industry.

alphamale Established Member

alphamale

Posted
Posted
Do men fantasize? .

oh yea we fantasize a lot

Boundary Problem Established Member

Boundary Problem

Posted
Posted
oh yea we fantasize a lot

 

 

Had no idea. I do it a lot as well.

nddb Established Member

nddb

Posted
Posted
...... a myriad of reasons for asking ......

 

things I see daily, magazines, movies, ogling, things read here and there..

leave me wondering....

how do you as a man, married, with a serious SO, GF, life partner in the face of...

mens magazines ie Maxim, soft porn movies and even R movies these days, sex sells media, T&A everywhere, where you see women; naked, nude, havng some sort of sex, (not necessarily even porn one is masturbating to at all) .....

how do you keep the woman in your life beautiful in your eyes?????

do you??? and how often do you let her know????? and how??

do you think it matters to her??

does it matter to you???

 

and lastly, is she beautiful to you????? :love: and if you haven't told her, why not?

 

It depends on which yardstick one uses.

 

If objective visual aesthetic is the yardstick, everyone is flawed. And if someone appears unflawed, that's photoshop. Even if someone does come closer to that mythical "ideal", I remind myself that she may be like my neighbor--a real beotch to spend any time with.

 

But that's not what you are asking. You want to know whether you continue to rock our world, that our breath catches when you wear something suggestive, that when you strut, we are enchanted. That you are as beautiful to us today as the day you walked down the aisle that we would be head-over-heel in our continued pursuit to woo and impress.

 

For me, that's only 90% of the time true. There are times when objectively, my wife looks like she's not well (like after she's been in bed for two days running a fever and coughing and hacking from the flu). But that's human. But for that 10%, I practice kindness. For the other 90%, I am just reflecting how I feel about her beauty.

 

But here are the answers you really are asking for.

 

1) I view it as my part of the bargain to protect her emotionally. Telling her she's beautiful is an important part of that protection. This is what I always keep in mind. This culture (US) is cruel to women, and humiliates and destroys women's self-esteem to sell goods. Women are bombarded daily with messages that she's not good enough, that there's something she can do, she can buy that improves whatever imaginary flaw they are flogging to make her insecure. A six-year-old girl wants daddy to tell her that's she's pretty. My wife, in my opinion, never outgrows that little girl's needs, except that she now wants to know whether she still rocks my world. She may be very analytical and organized and high achieving at work. But I understand that need in my wife. It shores up her confidence, and I, as the husband, am the only one in the world with the power to give it to her. That makes me pretty powerful, don't you think?

 

2) It's rather easy to tell my wife of nearly 50 years old that she's beautiful--because she is. She's constantly being mistaken for being 30's or even 20's. Her being asian helps, and having good genes and good diet helps. But she IS radiant and just exudes positivity and happiness that makes people drawn to her.

 

3) How often? Daily a few times at the right time. Always always immediately after she spends time "dolling up" for my benefit if we go out, etc. She worked hard for that attention, and I'm not stingy with it. The key is not to do it by rote or use the same phrase. Nobody would find that sincere or exciting very long. Find something particular and comment on it with sincerity that you've noticed the details. Shoes, blouse, lower lip, eyes, skin, hair, anything. She likes it when I requests that she wears a particular skirt or blouse or lingerie. She likes it when I take time out and watch her model new clothes that she bought. It shows I pay attention and like something. Nonverbal is also important. Women, my wife included, can tell when a man (or her husband) is checking her out. A moment of speechlessness, a caught breath, a stare, etc., I don't need to hide those when she's my wife and she's hot. And she appreciates it that I appreciate her beauty.

 

4) Magazines, TV, movie, hot chicks walking by, etc. I don't pay attention, and if asked, I will never admit that I pay attention. I think it's destructive to her self-esteem if I ogle other women and I end up paying the price when she's peeved or when she turns cold. If she presses, I either don't remember what the girl looks like, or if the girl is right there, I'd say something like "she may look cute, but you are beautiful to me and more importantly, you are mine." If it's on TV or movie or print, I'll shrug and say something like give me a good photoshop guy and even I, a guy, will look ravishing. That always makes her laugh.

 

5) Porn: Don't go there. I watch it alone, and very rarely. It's boring to me, more like watching a train wreck. I think no matter how liberated a woman is, it's hurtful and painful to know that her man watches and lusts other women. Beauty and desired to be loved are so important for women, I don't f$ck with that aspect of their psyches.

 

6) Does it matter to her? yes, I think it's as important to her confidence and self-esteem as her admiring my ability at work or in bed. She needs to know that I think she's beautiful and she needs to hear it from me constantly. Forget the independent strong women crap on this issue. She just needs it and it's cruel and a breach of my husband duties not to provide it.

 

6) Does it matter to me? Yes, having a happy and content wife makes the home so much more pleasant. And she feels hot and sexy, which means she likes to jump my bones more. She's also happier. I also like to think that I treat my wife better than the other guy treats his wife. And it pays good dividends--she is more confident which makes her more sexy, which brings more compliments from me so it's a good feedback loop.

 

I think men don't know sometimes how powerful they are in their women's lives. My words and actions matter a great deal. They can bring happiness and boost her confidence sky-high, or can bring her despair and frustration. Now that's power, and I exercise it carefully.

Jeff1962 Established Member

Jeff1962

Posted
Posted

My wife is the light of my life. No, I am not blind by any means, I know she is not either. Love goes much deeper than physical attraction. I guess love and commitment to eachother and our family hold us together.

 

I could be more happy in the bedroom. But I CHOOSE to be faithful.

 

I gave up trying to not look at other women a long time ago, as a man it is impossible to do. Women are hot. I would not ever make it obvious in front of my wife though because I respect her.

 

I'm not really into porn. It's ok but does get boring because it is very unrealistic. I make my own porn in my head, lol.

giotto Established Member

giotto

Posted
Posted

I buy her a facelift every couple of years... :D

JamesM Established Member

JamesM

Posted
Posted
I buy her a facelift every couple of years... :D

 

:lmao:

 

Seriously, it is not a chore, and that comes from a guy who has a low sex marriage.

 

Of course, we look around and see beautiful women. And we work with women who look good. There are even some who seem more attractive than our wives. And yes, we can look at porn and be turned on. We can be at the beach and see women who are almost naked and say "Wow!"

 

But there is a difference between all women and our wives if we love them. I think most men would have a hard time defining what that is...as I am having a difficult time deciding what makes her different.

 

My wife may not be classified by all other men as the most beautiful. And honestly, I see other women who if I didn't know my wife, could be considered more beautiful than her. While I cannot truthfully say that they are, I can see why others could.

 

What makes her special in all ways is not just her looks. It is her personality, the memories we created, the good times we have, and most of all....it is the light in her eyes.

 

When I first met her, she caught my attention. But I was not enthralled by her...just attracted. A few months later we met, and to this day, I can never forget the feeling I had and the dress she was wearing. As I type this, I can picture her. A light blue dress that complimented her blue eyes. A tanned body that was fit and sexy. To me from that day on, she was the most beautiful woman.

 

Every day is an experience with her. The more I learn of her, the more I love her. The more I see how capable she is, the more I see how beautiful she is. The more I see her struggle with troubles, pains and difficulties...the more I want to take it all way and make her life perfect as it never has been nor ever shall be. (And yes, all of this makes it more difficult when every day I want her all over again).

 

Now the odd part is....when I look back at those pictures of her as a young twenty five year old, I do think she is beautiful, but without a doubt, I look at her now and even consider her more beautiful...yet we have been together for twenty some years and she has aged obviously just as much. She is not as thin. She is not as youthful. Yet she is prettier. I remember about ten years ago, she had a glamor shot done, and I was stunned at how beautiful she looked. I thought, "THIS is how I will remember her and this is the moment that I will say she was at her peak." Oddly, that is not true. Now when I see that picture, I do see her as beautiful, yet I look at her all dressed up, and think, "No, THIS is the time she is at her peak." Yet now I know that in time, this will change, too.

 

Answering your question is not easy.

 

Today, I will have the privilege of having lunch with her. It is one of the happiest moments of my week when we have our lunch date.

 

When I walk in that restaurant where we meet, my guess is that she will be sitting at the table already. She will have ordered our meals, and she will have our drinks waiting. I will look around the room to find her. At first, it will be difficult. There will be a crowded room. There will be many women. Some will be looking at me...maybe even with a smile. Some may even catch my eye as I admire them.

 

Then I will spot HER. Those beautiful blue eyes and her bright smile will be looking at me with love, and I can honestly say that at that moment, I will lighten up inside as I see her. All other women in that room pale when compared to her. Then when I look at the others, there is no comparison. And to even consider the others in her league will seem ridiculous.

 

Those beautiful blue eyes. Those soft lips. That wide smile. The brown hair (decidedly so at our age :D ). And on and on.

 

I think I could keep writing and writing and yet never quite explain why it is not a chore or even difficult to "keep her beautiful in my eyes."

 

BTW, the question for me is and always will be....how can she consider me better looking than all of the other obviously better looking men?

Enema Established Member

Enema

Posted
Posted

You get older and kinkier.

 

You don't see many 20 year olds into scat.

NowhereToHide Established Member

NowhereToHide

Posted
Posted
:lmao:

 

Seriously, it is not a chore, and that comes from a guy who has a low sex marriage.

 

Of course, we look around and see beautiful women. And we work with women who look good. There are even some who seem more attractive than our wives. And yes, we can look at porn and be turned on. We can be at the beach and see women who are almost naked and say "Wow!"

 

But there is a difference between all women and our wives if we love them. I think most men would have a hard time defining what that is...as I am having a difficult time deciding what makes her different.

 

My wife may not be classified by all other men as the most beautiful. And honestly, I see other women who if I didn't know my wife, could be considered more beautiful than her. While I cannot truthfully say that they are, I can see why others could.

 

What makes her special in all ways is not just her looks. It is her personality, the memories we created, the good times we have, and most of all....it is the light in her eyes.

 

When I first met her, she caught my attention. But I was not enthralled by her...just attracted. A few months later we met, and to this day, I can never forget the feeling I had and the dress she was wearing. As I type this, I can picture her. A light blue dress that complimented her blue eyes. A tanned body that was fit and sexy. To me from that day on, she was the most beautiful woman.

 

Every day is an experience with her. The more I learn of her, the more I love her. The more I see how capable she is, the more I see how beautiful she is. The more I see her struggle with troubles, pains and difficulties...the more I want to take it all way and make her life perfect as it never has been nor ever shall be. (And yes, all of this makes it more difficult when every day I want her all over again).

 

Now the odd part is....when I look back at those pictures of her as a young twenty five year old, I do think she is beautiful, but without a doubt, I look at her now and even consider her more beautiful...yet we have been together for twenty some years and she has aged obviously just as much. She is not as thin. She is not as youthful. Yet she is prettier. I remember about ten years ago, she had a glamor shot done, and I was stunned at how beautiful she looked. I thought, "THIS is how I will remember her and this is the moment that I will say she was at her peak." Oddly, that is not true. Now when I see that picture, I do see her as beautiful, yet I look at her all dressed up, and think, "No, THIS is the time she is at her peak." Yet now I know that in time, this will change, too.

 

Answering your question is not easy.

 

Today, I will have the privilege of having lunch with her. It is one of the happiest moments of my week when we have our lunch date.

 

When I walk in that restaurant where we meet, my guess is that she will be sitting at the table already. She will have ordered our meals, and she will have our drinks waiting. I will look around the room to find her. At first, it will be difficult. There will be a crowded room. There will be many women. Some will be looking at me...maybe even with a smile. Some may even catch my eye as I admire them.

 

Then I will spot HER. Those beautiful blue eyes and her bright smile will be looking at me with love, and I can honestly say that at that moment, I will lighten up inside as I see her. All other women in that room pale when compared to her. Then when I look at the others, there is no comparison. And to even consider the others in her league will seem ridiculous.

 

Those beautiful blue eyes. Those soft lips. That wide smile. The brown hair (decidedly so at our age :D ). And on and on.

 

I think I could keep writing and writing and yet never quite explain why it is not a chore or even difficult to "keep her beautiful in my eyes."

 

BTW, the question for me is and always will be....how can she consider me better looking than all of the other obviously better looking men?

 

James, this is beautiful. And I got tears in my eyes as I read it.

 

My H stopped seeing me this way YEARS ago (and to be fair, I too, stopped seeing him). I'm not sure why exactly. Physically, I look better than I ever have. I suppose the years of not focusing on each other means that we've lost sight (BOTH of us) of those things that we fell in love with in the beginning.

 

So, I suppose the question is more directed for those men that maybe have to work "harder" to keep their wives beautiful in their eyes? It sounds like it comes quite natural for you.

 

And I can tell you from experience... one of the reasons why she finds you more attractive than all those other men is because of what you have written above. Having someone see you like that, be attracted to you like that, to see that look in their eyes when they look at you.... THAT is incredibly attractive.

 

I know that you have issues in your marriage, but you sound incredibly in love... even after so many years. You are, indeed, a lucky man.

BlueeyedJonesy Established Member

BlueeyedJonesy

Posted
Posted

What a great post! You guys are all so sweet and your wives are very lucky! My H and I talk about this all the time...

  • Author
hummingbird Member

hummingbird

Posted
  • Author
Posted
It depends on which yardstick one uses.

 

If objective visual aesthetic is the yardstick, everyone is flawed. And if someone appears unflawed, that's photoshop. Even if someone does come closer to that mythical "ideal", I remind myself that she may be like my neighbor--a real beotch to spend any time with.

 

But that's not what you are asking. You want to know whether you continue to rock our world, that our breath catches when you wear something suggestive, that when you strut, we are enchanted. That you are as beautiful to us today as the day you walked down the aisle that we would be head-over-heel in our continued pursuit to woo and impress.

 

For me, that's only 90% of the time true. There are times when objectively, my wife looks like she's not well (like after she's been in bed for two days running a fever and coughing and hacking from the flu). But that's human. But for that 10%, I practice kindness. For the other 90%, I am just reflecting how I feel about her beauty.

 

But here are the answers you really are asking for.

 

1) I view it as my part of the bargain to protect her emotionally. Telling her she's beautiful is an important part of that protection. This is what I always keep in mind. This culture (US) is cruel to women, and humiliates and destroys women's self-esteem to sell goods. Women are bombarded daily with messages that she's not good enough, that there's something she can do, she can buy that improves whatever imaginary flaw they are flogging to make her insecure. A six-year-old girl wants daddy to tell her that's she's pretty. My wife, in my opinion, never outgrows that little girl's needs, except that she now wants to know whether she still rocks my world. She may be very analytical and organized and high achieving at work. But I understand that need in my wife. It shores up her confidence, and I, as the husband, am the only one in the world with the power to give it to her. That makes me pretty powerful, don't you think?

 

2) It's rather easy to tell my wife of nearly 50 years old that she's beautiful--because she is. She's constantly being mistaken for being 30's or even 20's. Her being asian helps, and having good genes and good diet helps. But she IS radiant and just exudes positivity and happiness that makes people drawn to her.

 

3) How often? Daily a few times at the right time. Always always immediately after she spends time "dolling up" for my benefit if we go out, etc. She worked hard for that attention, and I'm not stingy with it. The key is not to do it by rote or use the same phrase. Nobody would find that sincere or exciting very long. Find something particular and comment on it with sincerity that you've noticed the details. Shoes, blouse, lower lip, eyes, skin, hair, anything. She likes it when I requests that she wears a particular skirt or blouse or lingerie. She likes it when I take time out and watch her model new clothes that she bought. It shows I pay attention and like something. Nonverbal is also important. Women, my wife included, can tell when a man (or her husband) is checking her out. A moment of speechlessness, a caught breath, a stare, etc., I don't need to hide those when she's my wife and she's hot. And she appreciates it that I appreciate her beauty.

 

4) Magazines, TV, movie, hot chicks walking by, etc. I don't pay attention, and if asked, I will never admit that I pay attention. I think it's destructive to her self-esteem if I ogle other women and I end up paying the price when she's peeved or when she turns cold. If she presses, I either don't remember what the girl looks like, or if the girl is right there, I'd say something like "she may look cute, but you are beautiful to me and more importantly, you are mine." If it's on TV or movie or print, I'll shrug and say something like give me a good photoshop guy and even I, a guy, will look ravishing. That always makes her laugh.

 

5) Porn: Don't go there. I watch it alone, and very rarely. It's boring to me, more like watching a train wreck. I think no matter how liberated a woman is, it's hurtful and painful to know that her man watches and lusts other women. Beauty and desired to be loved are so important for women, I don't f$ck with that aspect of their psyches.

 

6) Does it matter to her? yes, I think it's as important to her confidence and self-esteem as her admiring my ability at work or in bed. She needs to know that I think she's beautiful and she needs to hear it from me constantly. Forget the independent strong women crap on this issue. She just needs it and it's cruel and a breach of my husband duties not to provide it.

 

6) Does it matter to me? Yes, having a happy and content wife makes the home so much more pleasant. And she feels hot and sexy, which means she likes to jump my bones more. She's also happier. I also like to think that I treat my wife better than the other guy treats his wife. And it pays good dividends--she is more confident which makes her more sexy, which brings more compliments from me so it's a good feedback loop.

 

I think men don't know sometimes how powerful they are in their women's lives. My words and actions matter a great deal. They can bring happiness and boost her confidence sky-high, or can bring her despair and frustration. Now that's power, and I exercise it carefully.

 

:Dwow Nddb--

KUDOS to you.....

you are genuine, honest, giving and loving in a way that often has been dismissed by partners in any relationship these days.

90% is rockin' in my opinion....

it is refreshing to read that a man understands the nuances of what our society throws at women ( and the corruption it causes) and how destructive that is to their esteem and confidence.

 

The fact that your wife exudes happiness and a lust for life IS BEAUTIFUL !!! in and of itself

It is so touching to read how you not only support her by encouraging her playfulness with you but how you subtly understand her needs of you --THE MAN in her life and world and just how important that is for her....

IT IS..... can't express just how important that is... ( it is in my world too)

 

the media is chock a block full.....

giving that attention truly ends up being distracting and empty anyway..

the lack of importance given them is certainly obviously better well served with the value you place on your wife and how you respect her....:)

as well, noticing a lovely woman is noticing...

but the turn of the head, the back glance, the lingering eyes ...those are the ones that disrespect;as some others do touch on here in their posts and are caring enough not to do in their wife/SO's presence.

 

"I think no matter how liberated a woman is, it's hurtful and painful to know that her man watches and lusts other women. Beauty and desired to be loved are so important for women, I don't f$ck with that aspect of their psyches."

 

I just couldn't agree with you more .......

 

The power you feel and know to hold with your wife holds much truth and in this you understand how you value not just her but yourself and your marriage.....

so cliche this is....but you reap what you sow......

in your love, endearment, eyes, and deep consideration of her....you are truly rewarded with a woman and a wife that responds, likely reciprocates and rewards you and your lives together with not just how she exudes positive and happiness but likely how that filters through every aspect of your lives together and as a couple..

 

got to tell you..................... along with James M and another poster here... it is soooooo refreshing to read and see that there are men and then there are MEN....

you gentlemen, are the class acts and the ones women reading your posts are dropping a tear over, wishing, wanting, hoping or even likely saying....

that is who I want in my life.... or maybe are blessed to have already.

 

I think every man going into a serious relationship or a marriage should have a print out of this and read it over every once in a while...

 

I'll bet that your lucky wives reciprocate and love you back in turn...

 

gotta run for now, but would love to see some more responses..

and would like to share some more comments..( i feel I owe JamesM a response for such honest, sweet, considerate words about his wife... awwww)

 

Woo hoo .... some of these guys ROCK!:D

 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...