Huge Fight/Trust Issues

[totheengravers]

So my girlfriend of a year and a half that I live with and was planning to propose to has had some serious trust issues with me. They stem back to me lying about a brief one night stand I had 7 years ago. I finally came clean because a friend found out somehow and told her. We worked through it and I was honest about past relationships from then on. I worked really hard to build back our trust, but she has a hard time forgiving people for lying.

 

Overall the relationship has been pretty good (minus her not helping with house work a which is a whole other issue I won't get into now), but it's been a pretty rocky road at times too as to be expected with any relationship. She's had issues since then with me knowing or being friends with other girls even if they were mutual friends, yet she is mostly friends with guys, who i don't know.

 

She would go through my facebook friends page every so often and be like who is this (insert girl, bitch, slut etc)? So I would explain or delete them if it bothered her. Most of them I've just met in person over the years and was never interested in them anyway I would just run into them in town once in a while. She seems to think I'm constantly cheating on her or is jealous that other girls are moving in on me when they are not. I'm always home and rarely go out or hang out with friends anymore.

 

This brings me to what happened to me today. A girl I know who's been engaged to a guy I know for 6 years posted something harmless on my facebook wall and she sent me both a text and e-mail while I was at work and said "who the f is this slut?" and then left said girl a nasty message.

 

So I emailed her back at work explaining to her who this person was and said to her and was trying to be mature and adult and standing up for myself; "I don't understand why you have to be nasty to all of these people? This girl is engaged to be married and she just left a harmless comment. Obviously you still have some trust issues with me and we really should work them out."

 

This let out a can of worms. I was expecting a little bit of back sass because she's a straight-forward don't take crap from anyone kind of girl, but I rarely ever stand up for myself and pretty much do anything she says and she even told me that I need to stand up for myself more. So I did, and she literally flipped out and started calling me names (ie. you're a piece of ****, worthless, coward etc) saying she hated me and how dare I say this and that, you always turn everything on me its never your fault, I'm gonna drive my car off the road tonight, we're done its over, you never loved me, I'm moving out etc" When I'm always the one who's wrong and has to admit my fault. So she was completely blowing this out of proportion, crossing numerous lines in my opinion. So my day at work was awesome because it was really busy and she sent me something like 20 e-mails and a double dozen text messages saying mean things or being like "why are ignoring me?".

 

So I think she is coming home tonight even though she's threatened to break up with me and move back in with her mom this weekend or live in her car or something. I don't really want to break up with her, I love her to death and compared to other girls I've dated she's been the best girlfriend ever, but lately she's been treating me poorly, but claiming that I treat her disrespectfully. My heart says yes my brain says no.

 

Any advice? Should this be a huge red flag that it's time to move on or what? Sorry for the long post.

[whichwayisup]

All this stems from the fact you cheated on her, didn't tell her. You ONLY TOLD HER because you had to..Because someone else beat you to it. SO, yeah, she has trust issues. Big ones.. If your friend hadn't told her, she would never have found out that you had a one night stand...Right? If yes, chances are she knows this too, and that is why she doesn't trust you with any females.

 

What have you done to regain her trust and faith in you? How does she know you will never cheat on her again?

 

Anyway, I suggest couples counselling, learn how to listen to one another, learn how to truly communicate, with respect. Maybe with some help, the two of you can sort out all these issues.. don't even think about getting married until counselling happens. That is, if it's what you both want.

[BettyBoop]

All this stems from the fact you cheated on her, didn't tell her.

 

He did not cheat on her. He said she has been his g/f for 1.5 years and he had a one night stand 7 years ago.

[D-Lish]

So what, you had a ONS 7 years ago you didn't want to tell her about. I don't blame you for wanting to keep it from her, because quite frankly, she sounds CRAZY. If you had have been up front about it- your troubles would be the same with her.

 

You didn't cheat on her. Her holding this over your head as an excuse for her inexcusable behaviour doesn't cut it. My gawd man, this girl is abusive and scary. Why do you put up with this? You actually want to marry this girl?

 

I am astounded that you'd let her behave the way she does and still try and engage her in a calm, unaffected manner. You should be telling her to get the "F" out of your life.

 

You described her as a "take no crap" kinda girl... That description is false, she's a mean, abusive, Bitch.

 

Seriously, you need to grow a pair and get yourself out of this relationship. You should never allow someone to treat you this way- it's horrible, she's horrible.

[LDR]

I don't get why she has trust issues for a one night stand you had before you met her. . .OMG

It is not as if you had cheated on her!

I am sorry but that is not a healthy relationship. I would run as she sounds crazy.

 

And no offense OP, but I get the impression that she "dominates" you.

 

I finally came clean because a friend found out somehow and told her. We worked through it and I was honest about past relationships from then on. I worked really hard to build back our trust, but she has a hard time forgiving people for lying.

 

I don't find a need to "come clean" or rebuild trust about something that happened before you were in a relationship with her! You are free to have all the friends you want as long as you establish boundaries and it is just a pure friendship. What she is doing is very disrespectful and you are letting her step all over you.

[D-Lish]

I don't get why she has trust issues for a one night stand you had before you met her. . .OMG

It is not as if you had cheated on her!

I am sorry but that is not a healthy relationship. I would run as she sounds crazy.

 

And no offense OP, but I get the impression that she "dominates" you.

 

 

 

I don't find a need to "come clean" or rebuild trust about something that happened before you were in a relationship with her! You are free to have all the friends you want as long as you establish boundaries and it is just a pure friendship. What she is doing is very disrespectful and you are letting her step all over you.

 

You're being too nice. What she is doing is abusing him.

She's a total psycho. I wish the OP would grow a pair and chuck this woman to the curb.

[LDR]

Oh I agree. It is a very dysfunctional and abusive relationship. It will get worse with time.

[Jeff1962]

He did not cheat on her. He said she has been his g/f for 1.5 years and he had a one night stand 7 years ago.

 

I agree.

 

To the OP. Your girl does not sound like a mature self confident woman who whom expects respect. She sounds like an abuser period.

 

You do not owe her any explination of your past sexual relationships unless you have a disease.

 

If I were you, I would break it off because I would assume that there is always going to be this problem with her.

 

A person in a healthy relationship understands that there may have been sexual pertners before them.

 

People do have friends.

 

We don't call names to people that we care about.

 

We don't physically, mentally or verbally abouse people.

 

You are in an abusive relationship.

 

Dude, I'd run my ass off. You'd better get out before you get her pregnant. Then you are totally screwed.

[mark982]

the best thing you can do,is run your azz off away from her. she's already wearing your balls,as you very seldom stand up to her. i can't even imagine the life you'd have if you married her.