chloe1408 Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 i've met someone new who seems really decent and genuine, he knows the whole story with me and my ex aswell (thought i had to be upfront, basically after a year and a half my ex left me for someone else out of the blue 6 weeks ago and has been throwing insults at me ever since) i still miss my ex dearly and think he is in a rebound relationship. i love him so much that i dont want to give up on him which sounds really sad, I'm not saying i'd get back with him but i know what we had and think it deserves to at least be discussed. So with this in mind, is it fair to get with someone else? i mean i know my ex has done it and claims to be completly over me but i dont really want to follow suit. any advice?
Author chloe1408 Posted January 25, 2010 Author Posted January 25, 2010 i think im going to go for it. ive had six weeks to process all my hurt and altho im nowhere near over my ex, i think that this guy is too nice to let slip. it may be a rebound and i may end up being a hypocrite, but i cant sit around waiting for my ex he made his choice and for all intents and purposes he seems happy. i sent him this "im sorry for the way things turnt out but i'm at a place where i can see why you did what you did. we're both in new relationships (well sort of on my part lol) and i can see that while what we had was lovely, it was never going to last, you were always looking for something more. and i genuinly hope youve found what youre looking for. it took me six weeks to say this! i dont think we should talk anymore because clearly youre girlfriend has issues with me and um clearly you do. but just for the record, i never cheated on you, but by saying all that stuff to me you did me a favour, i would never have dreamed of being with anyone else but you but i can see that you never felt the same about me and i ws holding on to something that wasnt there but i guess now we're both in a good place. i've unblocked you on facebook in the hope that one day we can be friends. all the best, always x x" good or bad?
bananaboat11 Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 Bad! To rebound is gross for yourself... totally irresponsible and degrading to your rebound.. (and unfair) and disrespectful to your ex. Use this time to better yourself... don't subject this NICE guy to something he shouldn't endure... that's SELFISH of YOU. the only thing is.. you were 100% upfront with everything? And he's still around? ... hm... ****. If he's ok with it 100% and gets hurt.. I guess it's only his fault... as long as you're 100% upfront!
Author chloe1408 Posted January 26, 2010 Author Posted January 26, 2010 Bad! To rebound is gross for yourself... totally irresponsible and degrading to your rebound.. (and unfair) and disrespectful to your ex. Use this time to better yourself... don't subject this NICE guy to something he shouldn't endure... that's SELFISH of YOU. the only thing is.. you were 100% upfront with everything? And he's still around? ... hm... ****. If he's ok with it 100% and gets hurt.. I guess it's only his fault... as long as you're 100% upfront! to be honest i dont care about being direspectful to my ex he left me for someone else and has insulted me ever since. and i told this guy exactly what happened, i told him that i wasnt over my ex but it was my goal, i said to him that my ex was out of my life but not out of my thoughts and he said that as long as we take it slow, he's willing to accept it.
EricaH329 Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 Bad, bad, bad idea. I did this same thing. Got into a relationship with a wonderful man, because I didn't want him to 'slip' away, all the while knowing that I wasn't fully over my ex. That was a disaster. In the end, I wasn't able to give myself emotionally to him the way that he deserves. It wasn't fair to him. I still had feelings for someone else, while I was in this relationship. I understand your need for comfort, and the fact that this great guy is right there in front of you. But the fact of the matter remains, you are not in any position to be even attempting an emotional relationship of any sorts. Regardless of what your ex is doing, that should be of no issue. You need to be focusing on yourself right now, and what's best for you. Please, do not put this man through what you are about to put him through. It will not work in the end, and you will feel terrible about hurting such a great guy. Trust me, I know. I just did this.
Author chloe1408 Posted January 26, 2010 Author Posted January 26, 2010 Bad, bad, bad idea. I did this same thing. Got into a relationship with a wonderful man, because I didn't want him to 'slip' away, all the while knowing that I wasn't fully over my ex. That was a disaster. In the end, I wasn't able to give myself emotionally to him the way that he deserves. It wasn't fair to him. I still had feelings for someone else, while I was in this relationship. I understand your need for comfort, and the fact that this great guy is right there in front of you. But the fact of the matter remains, you are not in any position to be even attempting an emotional relationship of any sorts. Regardless of what your ex is doing, that should be of no issue. You need to be focusing on yourself right now, and what's best for you. Please, do not put this man through what you are about to put him through. It will not work in the end, and you will feel terrible about hurting such a great guy. Trust me, I know. I just did this. i really dont want to hurt him i really dont, maybe i shouldnt commit to him and tell him that i really like him, but that if he does want anything between us, he'll have to wait i put my hand up and admit that im still hoping my ex will come back. ah i think you guys are right.
EricaH329 Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 i really dont want to hurt him i really dont, maybe i shouldnt commit to him and tell him that i really like him, but that if he does want anything between us, he'll have to wait i put my hand up and admit that im still hoping my ex will come back. ah i think you guys are right. Hoping that someone will come back that treated you like absolute crap is another issue. As far as this guy goes, though, you can't work on your own problems and issues with another person that's there to distract you. You need to do this on your own. On your own time. It sucks knowing that the timing for this is all wrong, but if he cares about you, then he will be there when you are fully ready to commit to someone. And if not, then hey... at least you sorted through your issues and will be ready for another great guy to come along. Without hurting anyone in the process too!
prayingshecomesback Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 Erica... You seem to have a beat on this. What about the dumper who immediately jumps into a new relationship right after they broke up with you. Are they emotionally ready?
EricaH329 Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 Erica... You seem to have a beat on this. What about the dumper who immediately jumps into a new relationship right after they broke up with you. Are they emotionally ready? That's an even worse situation. That person is extremely unstable. What ends up happening, is a snowball effect. Which can seriously damage someone emotionally and mentally. That raises a few questions, though. Did they ever really love the person they were with prior? Are they using this other person to get over whatever feelings they had for their ex? Anyway you look at it, it's extremely unhealthy. All the dumper is doing, is masking their main problem. Rebounds never work.
bananaboat11 Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 That's an even worse situation. That person is extremely unstable. What ends up happening, is a snowball effect. Which can seriously damage someone emotionally and mentally. That raises a few questions, though. Did they ever really love the person they were with prior? Are they using this other person to get over whatever feelings they had for their ex? Anyway you look at it, it's extremely unhealthy. All the dumper is doing, is masking their main problem. Rebounds never work. I'd be your rebound any day
USMCHokie Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 I'd be your rebound any day I'd be your rebound any day... Heh... Heh... Ok, this got awkward...
bananaboat11 Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 I'd be your rebound any day... Heh... Heh... Ok, this got awkward... Oh baby, that was hot. Do it again.
USMCHokie Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 But seriously though, I agree with Erica on this one...if you are just keeping him around to bide your time lying in wait for your ex to come to his sense or in hopes that you'll "eventually" fall for this new guy and magically get over your ex is bad, one or both of you will end up getting hurt in the end... And making the new guy wait for you to get over your ex is EXTREMELY SELFISH on your part...and any man in his right mind would launch you without second thought... Letting him go now won't hurt him as much as letting him go a year from now...
bananaboat11 Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 But seriously though, I agree with Erica on this one...if you are just keeping him around to bide your time lying in wait for your ex to come to his sense or in hopes that you'll "eventually" fall for this new guy and magically get over your ex is bad, one or both of you will end up getting hurt in the end... And making the new guy wait for you to get over your ex is EXTREMELY SELFISH on your part...and any man in his right mind would launch you without second thought... Letting him go now won't hurt him as much as letting him go a year from now... I smell me 8-9 months ago I agree with Hokie & Erica. (They're smart... one day, I will too! )
USMCHokie Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 Oh baby, that was hot. Do it again. Giggity giggity goo.
EricaH329 Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 I'd be your rebound any day Aww, i'll keep that in mind!
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