WIDESTI Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 First off I want to say how much this forum helps and thanks for everyone that has posted their advice/comments/thoughts/suggestions because it really does help. So my ex and I have been broken broken up since last Oct. we were together for 2+ years, lived together when we went to school for about 9 months. We did everthing together. The reasons we broke up were small to me but a big thing to her. I kept checking on my exs facebook/myspace and she thought I still had feelings. I told her nothing it meant nothing but I just care about the ppl that have had an impact on my life. So she checked my hist a few times and she saw I still checked it. I guess in the end she just got fed up with it saying I kept hurting her. It sucks that something so "little" could ruin what we had. To be real I thought I was ready to settle down and that she as the one. I know I'm young at 23 but all the other girls I've been with don't even compare to her. I've done no contact but haven't actually successfully kept it. She won't answer my calls but would text me back sometimes. She heard I hung out with my ex a week ago recently and she told me she was hurt. Any advice would help. I'm okay but finding out I miss her here and there.
gaudi Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 You say at the end you miss your current EX "here and there". Forgive me, but this sounds like a little bit of a throwaway comment. Are you absolutely sure that you're totally over your previous EX ?? There are certain things in your post that make it seem like you may not be. If it really was something so "little" then why did you feel the need to keep checking it ?? And was hanging out with her a good idea, when you know if current EX found out it probably wasn't going to help. I know you may well have stayed good friends with previous EX, but could she not have been put to one side for a little while. If she is indeed a good friend, surely she would have understood.
HandleYourHeartbreak Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 The reasons we broke up were small to me but a big thing to her. I kept checking on my exs facebook/myspace and she thought I still had feelings. Checking up or keeping up-to-date with an ex whilst in a new relationship is a no no. There is no two ways about this. You may think its a little thing, but as you've recently discovered, it is a big thing for your new partner. I am sure you would feel a little uncomfortable if your girlfriend kept in touch with her ex-boyfriend. I do understand your point of view, as I've been in the same situation myself many times. You may percieve your ex as 'just a friend' and think its harmless, but it doesn't work like that. I believe its all about about commitment and sincerity to your partner. It is also respect. You are with her now, and all of your ex's are in the past so leave them there. The good thing is this situation has taught you a lesson. You are realising now how your actions may have affected the relationship you had, and next time I'm sure you won't make the same mistake again. Give all of yourself in your next relationship, focus on your partner and leave your past where it is. I'm sure you'll be fine, you're only young and you've got a lot to look forward to!
D-Lish Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 You know, if I was dating a guy and discovered he was continually checking his ex's facebook- I'd be gone too. You may frame it as a small thing- but for many people it would be a deal breaker.
Upgrayedd Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 Upgrayedd said "Small things impact big things. For want of a nail the battle was lost. Is this big deal? Upgrayedd thinks it would be if the situation were reversed. Upgrayedd would try to put himself in the shoes of his ex. Upgrayedd would try to look at things from the other persons perspective. Being able to understand what the significant other is feeling and why and being able to express it in a non-judgemental way has saved many of Upgrayedd's relationships. Upgrayedd knows people are far more apt to listen to what you have to say once they know you have listened and internalized what they have to say"
Author WIDESTI Posted January 26, 2010 Author Posted January 26, 2010 yeah i am completely over my previous ex. but right now im having such a hard time moving on. i always jump back to square one. ive been reading so much advice and at first i had hope that we would get back together but now i just want to let it go. ive been pushing her away by not giving her space and going off and on NC. but now i have to just really let it go. its the early mornings and late nights that are the worst. again thank you for everyone on this forum that has contributed to not just mine but everyone's post because it helps so much
Author WIDESTI Posted January 26, 2010 Author Posted January 26, 2010 i know i was wrong with seeing what was up with my ex and it is a hard lesson learned that will stick with me for a long time to come. but it sucks to know that i honestly had no bad intentions of hurting her and i should have focused on what my current ex was saying.
Zeegagge Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 Upgrayedd said "Small things impact big things. For want of a nail the battle was lost. Is this big deal? Upgrayedd thinks it would be if the situation were reversed. Upgrayedd would try to put himself in the shoes of his ex. Upgrayedd would try to look at things from the other persons perspective. Being able to understand what the significant other is feeling and why and being able to express it in a non-judgemental way has saved many of Upgrayedd's relationships. Upgrayedd knows people are far more apt to listen to what you have to say once they know you have listened and internalized what they have to say" Upgrayedd! with yo double dose of that pimpin', I asked you in another thread but you never got back to me. You get yo money yet? I heard that ho was in the future, paintin' pictures of people and fruit and ****.
LostLamb Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 My ex contacted me with nasty messages a year after we broke but I still don't understand why a person would look up an ex online if they were in a new , happy relationship. I wouldn't be bothered what an ex was doing if I had new partner as it's in the past.
Upgrayedd Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 Upgrayedd! with yo double dose of that pimpin', I asked you in another thread but you never got back to me. You get yo money yet? I heard that ho was in the future, paintin' pictures of people and fruit and ****. Ha! I replied. I didn't get any ca$h but I did score a sweet time machine. Really, though, I'm not a pimp or anything. I just really thought that the name was utterly hilarious.
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