SleepingDog Posted February 1, 2010 Posted February 1, 2010 My wife had a 6 month affair 10 years ago. I too kept seeing the physical details before my eyes and every time she had lied to me played through my head. I decided I loved her, and also knew that I would need to recover personally with her or without her. I was certain I would bring in the pain and distrust into another relationship. I was also certain I would still see her as the love of my life, D or not. So I decided to give it ago. She was truly remorseful, did all the right things: NC, IC, MC. It went well in the beginning. It took me about 2-3 years to - seemingly - recover. I did stop thinking about OM, but started to become angry towards her. Our marriage still has big ups and downs. The affair is like a bugbear that keeps hanging around the house. Usually it is in the closet asleep, but at times it will come out to breathe down my neck, though never as much as just now, around the 10th anniversary. Looking back, I wonder whether I made the right choice, and whether perhaps I would have been better divorcing. But knowing myself ( I have a brooding personality and have suffered in the passed from depression), I think I can safely say it would have been an issue even in a relationship with another woman. The fact of the A will never, ever go away. You will have to make it part of your life somehow.
SleepingDog Posted February 1, 2010 Posted February 1, 2010 My wife had a 6 month affair 10 years ago. I too kept seeing the physical details before my eyes and every time she had lied to me played through my head. I decided I loved her, and also knew that I would need to recover personally with her or without her. I was certain I would bring in the pain and distrust into another relationship. I was also certain I would still see her as the love of my life, D or not. So I decided to give it ago. She was truly remorseful, did all the right things: NC, IC, MC. It went well in the beginning. It took me about 2-3 years to - seemingly - recover. I did stop thinking about OM, but started to become angry towards her. Our marriage still has big ups and downs. The affair is like a bugbear that keeps hanging around the house. Usually it is in the closet asleep, but at times it will come out to breathe down my neck, though never as much as just now, around the 10th anniversary. Looking back, I wonder whether I made the right choice, and whether perhaps I would have been better off divorcing. But knowing myself ( I have a brooding personality and have suffered in the passed from depression), I think I can safely say it would have been an issue even in a relationship with another woman. The fact of the A will never, ever go away. You will have to make it part of your life somehow. What is different on these boards compared to 10 years ago, is that back then there was generally a lot of people keeping their marriages together, a lot of help on how to do that. Now most responses encourage you to divorce.
jnj express Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 Your mge., will never be the same---the black cloud is there, and may drift away, but will always be triggered back----You have given it a year, and you can't trust her----she has allegedly done everything she could to keep the mge. going, why wouldn't she---she knows she screwed up and she doesn't want to be single---but guess what she wasn't thinking that way when she disrespected you, and completely ignored her child. Out of sight out of mind---you will get over your wife, and move on----Your child will be better off in 2 split happy homes, than in a mge. that has no trust, unhappiness, fear of the future. (Your wife's situation may not be so happy as she struggles with reality as a single in the future---but she made that decision, when she let another man take her, as she violated her vows.) Get your D., you will be the better off for it---your wife can now figure out how she is going to make it, working maybe even 2 jobs to keep her head above water, she will regret what she has done the rest of her life.
Skump Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 (edited) What do y’all think? Brother, run like the wind. You're still in the prime of your life, don't throw good time after bad. I'll be blunt: Your wife is a fundamentally immature human being. You can do better than her, and you have plenty of time to get better. Given GA's fault laws and your age, settling makes not an ounce of sense in your case. Run Forest, run! Edited February 3, 2010 by Skump
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