cogent_love Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 So my boyfriend of 3 years recently told me if I am waiting around for marriage, that I shouldn't. I am 18 and he is 21. I understand this concept, we are pretty young. But the way he said it just sounded cold. Do you think it's directed at me personally? Or the situation? People always ask me if we are getting married and I tell him and laugh. I'm not pressuring him. This is normal guy stuff right? I can't expect him to commit to me now, but I don't want to feel like a stopgap til something better comes along. He doesn't make it seem that way... I just want to hear what you all think.
norajane Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 That's an interesting question. At your age, marriage should be the last thing you're thinking about. You have soooooo much living to do before you even consider committing to any one person. So being in a relationship means what? That you like each other for now but it's not going to last long enough to get to the point you should even think about marriage? You're offended that you may be his stopgap, but I think all relationships at your age are just starter relationships that will eventually end. What do you want out of this relationship at this point in your life? How do you see your future?
OnlyJake Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 When I was 18 I dumped the boyfriend who mentioned the "M" word. Your boyfriend is weird, I think there must be more to this, or why would he say that? Maybe he's taking your comments as pressure....and who, exactly, is making those stupid comments to you? Adults or your friends?
Author cogent_love Posted January 25, 2010 Author Posted January 25, 2010 Well, it's been a lot of adults asking surprisingly, and some people my age. They made me think about it more than I would have on my own. So now I'M wondering. : p Also, in his culture, they think someone who are together like us, dating, spending time together, should get married. So maybe that annoys him. He sees marriage as not very positive right now. "So being in a relationship means what? That you like each other for now but it's not going to last long enough to get to the point you should even think about marriage?" See maybe that bothers me!! Haha. But I guess it's just reality.
Match Factor Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 If he doesn't see you as marriage material now, he won't grow into it if you keep the status quo. I have interviewed hundreds of guys on this issue. Guys either think you have the potential to be the one, or you don't. He sees something in you (whether it is reasonable or not) that has told him that you are not marriage material. The only way you can hope to marry this guy (and I don't think you should) is to leave him and have him realize, on his own how stupid he was for letting you go.
BG1985 Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 What is this guy's culture? Also, do you plan on going to college? If you do, don't pick your school based on this guy's location. Any big, life-altering decisions you make right now should be made based off of what's best for you, not necessarily what's best for the relationship. You're too young to worry about marriage right now. I feel like my friends who are talking about marriage at 23 or 24 are too young.
Author cogent_love Posted January 26, 2010 Author Posted January 26, 2010 I am going to college, and haha no I don't base it on him... Although it would be really hard if I wanted to move away for college, but I don't see having the funds so it's kind of a non issue for now. He is Middle Eastern. His family is Christian, but they still hold many of the same social values as other Middle Eastern families. Thanks for responding.
Author cogent_love Posted January 26, 2010 Author Posted January 26, 2010 Also I straight up asked him last night! What a concept haha. (If he thought I wasn't marriage material) He said no you're loyal, sweet, blah blah but he's dealing with his life and figuring out who he wants to be. ta-da.
phineas Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 I've found that a lot of married people just can't stand to see single happy people. They all want you to be married & miserable like them. He's probably getting a lot of "when you getting married" stuff from family & it's freaking him out. You asking him stuff like that probably is compounding it.
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