Lucky555 Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 guy and i agreed to not sleep with anyone else. Problem: I have spent a couple weekends at his place and we have a great time...except in the morning it seems like he "wants" me to leave. He will act like he has something going on later in the day...when he doesn't. It is his way to gently get me to leave. It has been a month and we have only seen each other those two weekends. He did mention about me going to his place this weekend. So he does want to see me. The other weekends we did not see each other is because I had other things going on. During the weekdays it is hard because of conflicting schedules. Problem 2: He called him and I a "situation". WHAT? He is not sure where it is going to go and does not want to promise anything. ok........WHAT does this mean? He told me he understands what I want and he cares about me. He said he does not want things to go wrong and does not want to hurt me. Ok and why is it called a "situation"? IS this a good plan of action? Next time he contacts me I will tell him I am concerned with what he is looking for and that he is not being clear. I understand he thinks of it as a situation and that is concerning. It seems like he is hesitant to say he and i are in a relationship. Its like he doesn't want to say it yet but will agree to not sleep with anyone else. He does act like he cares but like i said it seems like he pushes me to leave when i stay at his place.
Awesome Username Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 I would certainly boldly bring it up to him, just like that. Keep us updated!
DiscoChick Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 He either is ready for sex or too much of a pansy to say you're in a relationship. Give him sex??? Stay with a guy that's afraid to have you around when you're not half naked? No relationship should be a situation. You deserve better...and at least a clearer answer.
cogent_love Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 I believe that he is getting away with what he can. Remember that there are plenty of guys out there. If he doesn't want to treat you right, no matter how much you care about him, he is not the man for you! Let him know clearly what you want - and if he disagrees can you compromise? If you both don't want to change your expectations, I would say move on. Hope this helps.
Author Lucky555 Posted January 25, 2010 Author Posted January 25, 2010 I think his definition as him and I being a "situation" is very hurtful now. I enjoyed my time with him but I had just been thinking because things are getting more serious. Another thing, he doesn't call me. He only uses online as a method of contact. He could ask to call me during his lunch break. I personally don't think he should be getting anything more from me since he calls it a situation, he doesn't call me, is not showing signs of "relationship" behavior.
Lizzie60 Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 Here is what I think... I think he's not really interested to have a 'serious' relationship with you... I suppose you already had sex.. therefore that's why he wants you around.. but once the night is over...out you go... he has other things to do... It's been only a month.. and he's not all over you... time to move on... trust me.. you won't go anywhere with this guy .. He reminds me of me a little.. when someone sleeps over.. I can't wait to see them leave ASAP in the morning.. and when there is such a 'deal' (no sex with others) with a guy who is not really interested ... that means YOU can't have sex with others.. but it's OK with him... there is no way you can tell if there is no other women around.. methink there are..
Author Lucky555 Posted January 25, 2010 Author Posted January 25, 2010 we have not had sex. this is why i am asking advise before things get more serious. I want a relationship and he knew this before we had even started to agree to just see each other. But his behavior is giving me signs of "hesitance". I told him on our last evening together that if he doesn't want the same thing as me then I can find someone else. His response was to (hug me). HE DIDNT say a word. Here is a list i have come up with for my piece of mind: 1. I feel like he wants me to leave ASAP in the morning. (this being the second time we see each other and he acts like this) 2. He calls it a situation 3. He is not calling my phone. 4. He says "he can't make promises" 5. He says he "cares" about me but as you can see his actions are not saying he is "there for me". 6. Not making future plans 7. Not introduced to family. 8. His actions appear to be saying come over for some intimate moments then get out. I thought things would be different with this guy. He has a good job, nice place to live, and can take care of himself. I know i need to have a talk and if it ends i am fine with it.
Match Factor Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 What guys do is that they come after you if they want you. Sleeping with this guy would make him MORE distant in the morning. He knows you are really into him, and he want s to sleep with you (he's a guy). But that distance you feel is a red flag. He is ensuring that there is no permanence in you relationship. Run...
Author Lucky555 Posted January 25, 2010 Author Posted January 25, 2010 What guys do is that they come after you if they want you. Sleeping with this guy would make him MORE distant in the morning. He knows you are really into him, and he want s to sleep with you (he's a guy). But that distance you feel is a red flag. He is ensuring that there is no permanence in you relationship. Run... The fact is we have been friends for a couple years now. I was upfront with what i wanted and then all of a sudden he calls it a "situation". After our talk of exclusivity i thought things would change but they didn't. It seems like he is just wanting to sleep with me. I will tell him what is going on when and if he decides to talk to me. As I see it he just is seeing what he can get even though he said he cares. its pretty evident that he isn't trying to become emotionally involved. Thanks for this advise
OnlyJake Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 I don't know how old you are, OP, but I'm certainly too old to deal with bull****, and I would definitely tell it to him like it is, ask for (and expect and demand) a straight, honest answer, and act accordingly. That's assuming I was still even talking to this guy, and to be honest, based on your last few posts, I wouldn't be. I can't stand that ambiguous, noncommittal, indecisive ****.
Author Lucky555 Posted January 26, 2010 Author Posted January 26, 2010 I don't know how old you are, OP, but I'm certainly too old to deal with bull****, and I would definitely tell it to him like it is, ask for (and expect and demand) a straight, honest answer, and act accordingly. That's assuming I was still even talking to this guy, and to be honest, based on your last few posts, I wouldn't be. I can't stand that ambiguous, noncommittal, indecisive ****. your expression is exactly how i feel. I was honest and i expect honesty back. I am ready for relationship and if its not with this guy Its ok i know there are other men. The fact is this is exactly what it is BULL**** because I CLEARLY stated what i wanted. the fact he still continued on with contacting me is beyond me. I am so glad others are seeing this and I am not just over reacting. I am glad I can have a piece of mind.
GAchasen Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 we have not had sex. this is why i am asking advise before things get more serious. I want a relationship and he knew this before we had even started to agree to just see each other. But his behavior is giving me signs of "hesitance". I told him on our last evening together that if he doesn't want the same thing as me then I can find someone else. His response was to (hug me). HE DIDNT say a word. Here is a list i have come up with for my piece of mind: 1. I feel like he wants me to leave ASAP in the morning. (this being the second time we see each other and he acts like this) 2. He calls it a situation 3. He is not calling my phone. 4. He says "he can't make promises" 5. He says he "cares" about me but as you can see his actions are not saying he is "there for me". 6. Not making future plans 7. Not introduced to family. 8. His actions appear to be saying come over for some intimate moments then get out. I thought things would be different with this guy. He has a good job, nice place to live, and can take care of himself. I know i need to have a talk and if it ends i am fine with it. So, why are you asking for advice....It seems like you already have this figured out.
Author Lucky555 Posted January 26, 2010 Author Posted January 26, 2010 So, why are you asking for advice....It seems like you already have this figured out. it was from advise i developed my "list" because Its hard for me to see clearly when my emotions are involved. Its pretty obvious now to me.
GAchasen Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 it was from advise i developed my "list" because Its hard for me to see clearly when my emotions are involved. Its pretty obvious now to me. Yeah, there were tons of negatives and only a few positives:) Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
paleblue Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 your expression is exactly how i feel. I was honest and i expect honesty back. I am ready for relationship and if its not with this guy Its ok i know there are other men. The fact is this is exactly what it is BULL**** because I CLEARLY stated what i wanted. the fact he still continued on with contacting me is beyond me. I am so glad others are seeing this and I am not just over reacting. I am glad I can have a piece of mind. i don't think you're over reacting. making you feel rushed out the door in the morning says a lot. and it's not good in my opinion. id suggest just staying friends with him. you have known each other for a couple years, if you get into something its going to get ruined. find the guy who wants you around -morning, noon & night.
Author Lucky555 Posted January 26, 2010 Author Posted January 26, 2010 i don't think you're over reacting. making you feel rushed out the door in the morning says a lot. and it's not good in my opinion. id suggest just staying friends with him. you have known each other for a couple years, if you get into something its going to get ruined. find the guy who wants you around -morning, noon & night. i agree. the fact i felt rushed both times was unbelievable and i am glad i have not had sex with him that would have totally hurt worse than now.
meerkat stew Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 It's been less than a month, right? Other than that you and he started off sleeping together it's no different than any other month old thing, right? And you have spent only two weekends together? IMO you are going to overthink this prematurely and it won't have a chance. As you chose to start it the way you did, the only chance of a relationship is if you ride it out for awhile, maybe another couple months, before trying to bring him in further. If you make a deal of this this early, he may think you are too high maintenance or insecure. So the key is are you having fun? do you enjoy him and his company? If so, why not just enjoy things and have fun during these first couple of months. If you are not having fun, back off and tell him so. But the best way you can make him more attracted to you is to be fun and cool, not worried and pressing.
Author Lucky555 Posted January 26, 2010 Author Posted January 26, 2010 It's been less than a month, right? Other than that you and he started off sleeping together it's no different than any other month old thing, right? And you have spent only two weekends together? IMO you are going to overthink this prematurely and it won't have a chance. As you chose to start it the way you did, the only chance of a relationship is if you ride it out for awhile, maybe another couple months, before trying to bring him in further. If you make a deal of this this early, he may think you are too high maintenance or insecure. So the key is are you having fun? do you enjoy him and his company? If so, why not just enjoy things and have fun during these first couple of months. If you are not having fun, back off and tell him so. But the best way you can make him more attracted to you is to be fun and cool, not worried and pressing. Well i am concerned where it is all leading because I don't want to have sex with him if there is no relationship. I also have career decisions to make and I'm not sure if i am staying in the area. If he wants to work on a relationship i will be making choices based on the area here. However, if not then I am leaving. Also have you seen the list I made? I can't believe he called it a situation. Also we have been on dates before and then stopped seeing each other. So i guess we started off very comfortable around each other. Yes i enjoy his company Yes I enjoy his personality I need more from him to continue. Its only been a month yes but I think another talk is needed. I talked to him last time and got "situation" out of him. He told me his concerns and i assured him and then evidently he did not want me to find someone else and proceeded to be with me. But the whole rushing me out of his place....wow that was weird and it makes me think he is trying to use me even though he says he doesn't want to hurt me. It shouldn't be this complicated.
meerkat stew Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 At least he is saying "situation," many guys would think of you as "this chick I'm banging" after only a month if things started sexually from day one and you had only been together twice.
JaqueDark Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 Sounds like you've both got mixed signals about what this is. For him it sounds like friends with benefits and to you it sounds like a relationship. You need to clear the air and find out which is which. JD
Author Lucky555 Posted January 26, 2010 Author Posted January 26, 2010 Sounds like you've both got mixed signals about what this is. For him it sounds like friends with benefits and to you it sounds like a relationship. You need to clear the air and find out which is which. JD haha this is funny because i made it very clear to him. Last time i saw him I told him this and he said for me to not worry. However, he called it a situation instead of relationship. I don't think he thinks things are serious right now. yes, he and i have fun but I'm looking for a partner in life not a playmate. I have had enough of guys to have "just fun" with. been there done that. I'm looking for someone who wants me to stay the next day..I can't imagine if we had been sexually involved. wow i would have felt really hurt.
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