hopeless4u Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 Yes I know staying in LC isn't good but xMM and I work together so it worked out better for both of us, less questions asked as everyone knew about us. I thought(& still do) knowing what was happening with him & his W was a good thing for me, it did help me realise that they, as xMM had always said, maybe they did still have 'something'(I will never come between them). It breaks my heart to admit that he could love his W like he loves me but.....He is with his W not me....my heart is breaking so much and it has been since DDay but I'm trying so hard to do the right thing. So anyway, the reason for this thread is that my heart is totally breaking and I need to get it out before I burst...xMM is off on holiday next week with his W(he told me today) I kept the brave face up when we spoke as we was at work but my heart knows this is truly the end for us.
whichwayisup Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 I hope you do accept it's over and begin your grieving process. You are right, he does love his wife, enough to stay with her, go on holidays with her. Sorry you're hurting.
Luckyluss Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 I'm so sorry for you, I know how much this hurts. Just been there. I think it's best if YOU end it, at least in a world where you can't control much (HIS feelings, HIS wife, HIS decisions), you can control what YOU do. And then even if you burst out crying afterwards, it's probably best for you to end it, and then, one day at a time... Take advantage that's he's gone on holiday to take care of yourself. Hugs.
Author hopeless4u Posted January 25, 2010 Author Posted January 25, 2010 I hope you do accept it's over and begin your grieving process. You are right, he does love his wife, enough to stay with her, go on holidays with her. Sorry you're hurting. Hey WWIU, I accepted it was over from DDay and I've done well but the holiday kind of kicked me in the face TBH. He has told me that he is 'trying', not that its 'happy, ever, after'. He has told me he's told her he 'is still' in love with me, oh and told me the same.... Beginning to wonder, thats why my head is all over the place I guess. Not looking to have a go at anyone, just want to get it all out that all.
Author hopeless4u Posted January 25, 2010 Author Posted January 25, 2010 I'm so sorry for you, I know how much this hurts. Just been there. I think it's best if YOU end it, at least in a world where you can't control much (HIS feelings, HIS wife, HIS decisions), you can control what YOU do. And then even if you burst out crying afterwards, it's probably best for you to end it, and then, one day at a time... Take advantage that's he's gone on holiday to take care of yourself. Hugs. Thanks for the hugs hunny, yes it has all ended but 2 yrs is a lot to let go of and he still says he's not sure. I know I need to let him go and i'm getting there but every now and then things hold me back. Thats what LS is about, I didn't ring him, I posted here....all good I think:confused: Yeah?
Ellin Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 Hi Hopeless4u, I just want to hug you, I feel your pain so much. Wish I could say something that would really make a difference. I'll just tell you this: you will not feel as bad next week, and even better next month.. not to mention next year. Be sure of that.
fooled once Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 Thanks for the hugs hunny, yes it has all ended but 2 yrs is a lot to let go of and he still says he's not sure. I know I need to let him go and i'm getting there but every now and then things hold me back. Thats what LS is about, I didn't ring him, I posted here....all good I think:confused: Yeah? He is keeping you hanging by giving you false hope with the "he's not sure". I hope while they are off on vacation, you can really, TRULY grieve this and when he returns, you don't ask him questions, try to gauge his feelings for you, etc.
Author hopeless4u Posted January 26, 2010 Author Posted January 26, 2010 He is keeping you hanging by giving you false hope with the "he's not sure". I hope while they are off on vacation, you can really, TRULY grieve this and when he returns, you don't ask him questions, try to gauge his feelings for you, etc. Yeah FO, I hope this too and I do think it will be better when he is away and I'm not waiting to see if he walks into the office. I understand what you mean about him keeping me hanging with the 'he's not sure' and I do see this when he is talking to me.
Samantha0905 Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 Thanks for the hugs hunny, yes it has all ended but 2 yrs is a lot to let go of and he still says he's not sure. I know I need to let him go and i'm getting there but every now and then things hold me back. Thats what LS is about, I didn't ring him, I posted here....all good I think:confused: Yeah? I'm so sorry for your pain. I think it must make it so much more difficult to have any contact with him at all. It does seem he's moving on, yet hanging on also to be safe (for him.) It's not very nice of him, but it's probably difficult for him also to let go of a two year relationship -- but you don't have to worry about that. I wish for you that you could find another job away from him. Healing would be so much quicker that way. You will feel better eventually -- hopefully soon or later.
Devil Inside Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 Ouch. I don't know how those of you that have to see your xAPs on a regular basis do it. It would have killed me to see mine go on holiday with her SO. All I can say is that I'm sorry you are in so much pain..I know it must really be difficult. Love yourself and try to surround yourself with people and activities that you like. It will get better...I promise.
Ellin Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 Ouch. I don't know how those of you that have to see your xAPs on a regular basis do it. It would have killed me to see mine go on holiday with her SO. Hi Devil... So what would you say about my situation, I have to see him around regularly, and not only him but also her or them together? There is no going outside my door without seeing at least something that is a reminder of the whole thing.. I can't get away from that unless I move out of this flat. Sorry Hopeless4u, don't mean to hijack your thread but I couldn't help myself cause it's soooo hard the way things are.
Devil Inside Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 Hi Devil... So what would you say about my situation, I have to see him around regularly, and not only him but also her or them together? There is no going outside my door without seeing at least something that is a reminder of the whole thing.. I can't get away from that unless I move out of this flat. Sorry Hopeless4u, don't mean to hijack your thread but I couldn't help myself cause it's soooo hard the way things are. I would say that it must be so very painful...I can only imagine. The other thing I would say is what is involved in you moving out of the flat? Whatever it is...isn't it worth getting out of this horrible situation?
BlueeyedJonesy Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 Sorry your hurting. You don't even need to be thinking about him and his W. Think about yourself right now, and healing. Surround yourself with happiness.
MizzBlue72 Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 Take the time to heal for you and grieve. Cry, yell, get moving. Move on with YOU. I am so sorry for you. I think if I had seen MM everyday or even every other day I would have lost it a LONG time ago. Good luck - keep your chin up
jj33 Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 Hopeless my heart goes out to you. I dealt with that same behavior for almost 2 years and then I cut him off because it just doesnt matter. Whether he loves you, whether he misses you.... none of it matters so long as he is married. You need to cut him off and let him deal with the loss of you. So long as you are still there for him listening to him you are hurting yourself and you are feeding him he still knows you are there, knows you love him and knows that you are an "option". Cut it all off. Either you will move forward and end up with someone else or eventually he will figure out that you are not an option sitting on the shelf waiting for him to make up his mind and DO something. Either way you are looking after you because you are moving forward. Big hugs
pureinheart Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 Thanks for the hugs hunny, yes it has all ended but 2 yrs is a lot to let go of and he still says he's not sure. I know I need to let him go and i'm getting there but every now and then things hold me back. Thats what LS is about, I didn't ring him, I posted here....all good I think:confused: Yeah? Hey hopeless....your doing great, all of this stuff is confusing and hard. You've heard mixed messages mostlikely during the entire A and many carrots may have been dangled. Not to bash him, although the "bold" says it all. He may not be sure, and may live the rest of his life unsure, although YOU can be sure. Living in a place where there is great lack of consistancy causes insecurity. Your life can get wrapped up in their world and one can loose sight of themselves. Take you back...if you can envision yourself unwrapping yourself from around his world, at the same time seeing your world becoming quite large, until he no longer exists in your fascinating, wonderful life. While he is on vacation break all ties, just let the pain pour out, and if you don't mind or if it is not against your feelings I'll be saying prayers for the breaking of all emotional and physical ties.
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