ladyjane83 Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 So I met a guy online back in November and he is sooo hard to figure out. We have been out 4 times, first time in December for first meet, we went for coffee. 5 days later we went out for dinner. Then nothing for a few weeks because of the holidays and then really bad snow for 2 weeks prevented us from meeting up (he lives about 40 mins away) but we still kept in touch everyday through texts and the occasional phonecall. So friday I finally saw him again...I went over to his place and we got a chinese and watched tv. stayed for about 4 hours. Converstation was good and we laughed alot. text eachother on saturday and he asked if I wanted to go over to spend the day there and then get ready and go out for dinner later. I said I didnt want to get ready at his place but would come over later and we would go for dinner. In the end he came to my city and we went out..had a really nice night again talked and laughed alot. I live with my parents at the mo (temporarily) and so at the end of the night I said he could come in for a drink but it might mean meeting the parents and I joked that I wouldnt want to inflict that on him yet but he was like "its fine, I'll happily meet them". Turns out they had gone to bed, so he didnt have to. I have told my parents I met him through friends not online (they wouldnt be happy) so he was saying "you will have to brief me on what you have told them for when I do meet them". He stayed for a couple of hours then left. I text him when he had got home saying thanks for a lovely night, I enjoyed it. He replied with me too night x But since then he hasnt given much away. No mention of meeting again. replying to texts, but not texting first. But he is like this after everydate I think, his texts are often quite blunt...I have told him before he is difficult to read and he has said that people always say that about him. I just come back from each date thinking that I have no idea if he likes me or if he wants to see me again. But then he asks me out and it surprises me! its so confusing. Plus...4 dates and no kiss yet. hmm. He hugs me after each date, but thats it. BUT form what I know of him he likes to take his time and have a feeling he wont kiss me untill we know we want to become an item. I dont know. maybe he is just into playing it cool. I just want to know if he is interested. Plus signs: Talking about meeting my parents. said "me too" when I said I enjoyed it. Good converstaion and lots of laughing. Seeing me twice in 2 days. Talked about going to a bar after meal and I said it wont be fun for him because he cant drink (he was driving)..he said he doesnt mind when the company is good. Bad signs: No mention of meeting again (although he never does..but then asks me out). a bit cool in texts yesterday and today. No kiss. Maybe being in my parents house a bit off putting? I know that he is always a bit guarded and doesnt give much away but I hate not knowing if he is interested or not and trying to guess. He is so difficult to read. Am I worrying too much?
DiscoChick Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 I swear if you lived in Mississippi, I'd think you were talking about my ex. It's so disturbing. To be honest, I couldn't tell you anything about this situation. He may just be pretending to be happy to meet your parents to make you more comfortable, or he may genuinely be interested. People are just confusing and analyzing them is exhausting. Stick it out a little longer, and his true intentions and feelings will show up. Some guys are just shy. Or he may not like kissing. *shrugs*
Author ladyjane83 Posted January 25, 2010 Author Posted January 25, 2010 He's definitly not shy. He is very confident. But he doesnt like to rush into things when it comes to relationships so the no kiss yet doesnt really surprise me too much.. Its the rest. He really doesnt give much away. The dates are great...no silences, good converstation. But after each one I spend the next day thinking that I have NO idea if he is interested or when I will next see him. Its exhausting. I spend the next day wondering if I said or did something wrong. But then he will ask me out again and so its ok. he is very difficult.
Crazy Magnet Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 Hmmmmm........I never have much patience for the hard to read type. In my experience, if a guy wants me, and wants to be with me, then he will make that very clear. When the guy starts sending mixed signals, I always get the sense that while he's interested, he's either a.) still interested in other people, b.) looking to play me, c.) doesn't know what he wants, in which case, I don't want to mess with that. Have you thought about asking him how he feels about you and dating you?
meerkat stew Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 I'm -exactly- the same way in early dating as the man you are seeing. Must ask you this, would you rather have a man gush all over you right from the start? or a man who takes his time to get to know you really and truly before his attraction increases? Isn't the latter so much more real and indicative of an adult man as opposed to a schoolboy? Sometimes I think women just want the "into me" part whether or not it's honest, and don't see a real, experienced, discerning man as a prize. I've made the same mistake in life myself, going for the woman who seems so into me right from the start over the woman who is a cooler customer and takes her time. Appreciate how he is conducting himself, and know that whether or not something more develops, if it does develop, it will be real and have a much greater chance of lasting. Isn't that what we all want in the end? something that is real and lasts? Now after ten or more dates, and a couple more months under the bridge, if he doesn't start warming up, you have a point, but it is still very early in your relationship.
Crazy Magnet Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 I'm -exactly- the same way in early dating as the man you are seeing. Must ask you this, would you rather have a man gush all over you right from the start? or a man who takes his time to get to know you really and truly before his attraction increases? Isn't the latter so much more real and indicative of an adult man as opposed to a schoolboy? Sometimes I think women just want the "into me" part whether or not it's honest, and don't see a real, experienced, discerning man as a prize. I've made the same mistake in life myself, going for the woman who seems so into me right from the start over the woman who is a cooler customer and takes her time. Appreciate how he is conducting himself, and know that whether or not something more develops, if it does develop, it will be real and have a much greater chance of lasting. Isn't that what we all want in the end? something that is real and lasts? Now after ten or more dates, and a couple more months under the bridge, if he doesn't start warming up, you have a point, but it is still very early in your relationship. I completely agree with you on this. Nothing freaks me out more than a man who is over the top into me at the beginning. However, I think there are definite and clear signals a man can give that he is interested, without being creepy or schoolboyish. I prefer something along the lines of "I really like spending time with you, and I'm looking forward to next time." I don't see how that's too much in the beginning. It seems pretty normal to me. But that's just me.
Author ladyjane83 Posted January 25, 2010 Author Posted January 25, 2010 I'm -exactly- the same way in early dating as the man you are seeing. Must ask you this, would you rather have a man gush all over you right from the start? or a man who takes his time to get to know you really and truly before his attraction increases? Isn't the latter so much more real and indicative of an adult man as opposed to a schoolboy? Sometimes I think women just want the "into me" part whether or not it's honest, and don't see a real, experienced, discerning man as a prize. I've made the same mistake in life myself, going for the woman who seems so into me right from the start over the woman who is a cooler customer and takes her time. Appreciate how he is conducting himself, and know that whether or not something more develops, if it does develop, it will be real and have a much greater chance of lasting. Isn't that what we all want in the end? something that is real and lasts? Now after ten or more dates, and a couple more months under the bridge, if he doesn't start warming up, you have a point, but it is still very early in your relationship. Thank you...Yeah I definitly agree. I was just saying to a friend today that its really nice to 'date' someone properly and get to know them before all the other stuff. So yeah, then if we do decide to become an item it will mean more. I dont want him to gush all over me...but just letting me know that he wants to see me again after the date would be nice so that I'm not worrying whether I have said/done something wrong.
Zeegagge Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 I don't know what's motivating him or not, could be any number of things. Either way, next time ya'll are hanging out you should definitely try and ask him and communicate with him a little bit about it. He's the only one who can really tell you what's going on. Don't make it too serious or anything, just get a few answers.
Author ladyjane83 Posted January 25, 2010 Author Posted January 25, 2010 I don't know what's motivating him or not, could be any number of things. Either way, next time ya'll are hanging out you should definitely try and ask him and communicate with him a little bit about it. He's the only one who can really tell you what's going on. Don't make it too serious or anything, just get a few answers. yeah, but ask what? ... "do you like me"?! I dont want to sound all clingy or like a teenager. I have told him before that I find him difficult to read. and again last night in a lighthearted way. Thought that enourage him to say something a bit reassuring...but nothing.
Author ladyjane83 Posted January 25, 2010 Author Posted January 25, 2010 . I prefer something along the lines of "I really like spending time with you, and I'm looking forward to next time." I don't see how that's too much in the beginning. It seems pretty normal to me. But that's just me. yeah thats all I need to hear! I dont want some declaration of love! just to let me know if he wants to see me again...I dont even need an exact day! just to know that its on the cards.
meerkat stew Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 There is a very popular net-based "Doc Love" dating system out among men right now, similar in popularity to "The Rules" back in the early 90s. It is a supposed system for ending up happily married, and is not a PUA technique. It counsels that how interested a man is doesn't matter, that it's all about the woman's interest level, and the way to keep a woman interested is to go very slow in dating, to only call to ask out, and to concentrate all your energy on treating her well and on having fun dates, that all else is just noise. To never tell her you want to see her again, but rather just wait a few days and ask her out. To let your actions do all the talking, not words. If your guy is following that, it seems to be working to grow your interest level to some extent, as it seems your interest level is high Lots of people throw rocks at that system, but at its core, it contains some real fundamental truths. Men tend to overheat early in a relationship, to make non-verbal and sometimes verbal promises to a woman that lead her to believe he is into her more than he is, when what he is really into is the chase and prospect of conquest. That system takes the "chase and conquest" part out of the equation by forcing him to slow down and date in a calculated fashion rather than moving in like a steamroller and executing a "sweep her off her feet" type maneuver to win or conquer her. Don't know it this is what your guy is doing, but it strikes me as very familiar based on what you type.
DiscoChick Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 Lots of people throw rocks at that system, Totally unrelated, but I got a hilarious image of people dressed in those dusty robes from biblical times throwing rocks at a 1977 Apple II. :lmao: On topic: Tell him you're enjoying yourself and just want to know if he is as well.
D-Lish Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 Have you thought about asking him how he feels about you and dating you? ((shakes my head furiously back and forth)) Do NOT ask him anything at this point. IEither way, next time ya'll are hanging out you should definitely try and ask him and communicate with him a little bit about it. He's the only one who can really tell you what's going on. Don't make it too serious or anything, just get a few answers. Again, it's TOO SOON! What's wrong with enjoying the moment and the process of getting to know one another without injecting any pressure? It may seem like a normal, natural question- but it's putting pressure on the guy. yeah, but ask what? ... "do you like me"?! I dont want to sound all clingy or like a teenager. I have told him before that I find him difficult to read. and again last night in a lighthearted way. Thought that enourage him to say something a bit reassuring...but nothing. Exactly, and it could very well come across that way. If I've learned anything from dating- men don't like pressure, or anything that even seems remotely like it. It's only been 4 dates- and as much as you are questioning how he feels- I think your instincts are telling you something if you'd just listen to them. (he keeps asking you out, he responds positively, he has a genuine interest in getting to know you, he was up for meeting your parents). I know it is driving you a bit mad to figure out how he feels, but I think you have to trust in the positive signs he is giving you and just relax and get to know him better. Confidence is super attractive- and confident people don't ask these kind of questions. I'd also recommend not making a habit of being the first to text as much- let him do a bit of work in this area too!
Author ladyjane83 Posted January 26, 2010 Author Posted January 26, 2010 ((shakes my head furiously back and forth)) Do NOT ask him anything at this point. Again, it's TOO SOON! What's wrong with enjoying the moment and the process of getting to know one another without injecting any pressure? It may seem like a normal, natural question- but it's putting pressure on the guy. Exactly, and it could very well come across that way. If I've learned anything from dating- men don't like pressure, or anything that even seems remotely like it. It's only been 4 dates- and as much as you are questioning how he feels- I think your instincts are telling you something if you'd just listen to them. (he keeps asking you out, he responds positively, he has a genuine interest in getting to know you, he was up for meeting your parents). I know it is driving you a bit mad to figure out how he feels, but I think you have to trust in the positive signs he is giving you and just relax and get to know him better. Confidence is super attractive- and confident people don't ask these kind of questions. I'd also recommend not making a habit of being the first to text as much- let him do a bit of work in this area too! Yeah I know there are lots of positives when I see him on dates...its the in between bits that confuse me. He never says anything like might indicate that he is interested...ever!! Each date is good..but then afterwards I end up wondering if/what I did wrong because he is so blunt in texts. I never have any idea if he will ask me out again and I hate the ups and downs that I feel about him! like, we had a really good weekend seeing each other twice, I dais I enjoyed, he said me two....but he has gone SO quiet on me over the last couple of days since. and no mention of seeing me again.I hate being left to wonder. I dont want a declaration of love! just a mention of whether he stull wants to see me again!
boogieboy Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 Stop worrying about it. If he calls you, he calls you and he likes you. If he doesnt, his loss. Stop thinking about it. Theres nothing different you can do other than being more fun to make him like you. So, since you cant change anything, theres no need for you to wonder if he likes you or not. He should, thats it.
Author ladyjane83 Posted January 26, 2010 Author Posted January 26, 2010 yeah I know I cant do anything different...but you cant help wondering and worrying can you? Especially if you like them..which I do.
boogieboy Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 yeah I know I cant do anything different...but you cant help wondering and worrying can you? Especially if you like them..which I do. You CAN help worrying. By not enjoying it.
Author ladyjane83 Posted January 28, 2010 Author Posted January 28, 2010 You CAN help worrying. By not enjoying it. Why would anyone enjoy worrying?! I hate this part of the dating process!
Eeyore79 Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 4 dates and no kiss is extremely weird. I would also wonder if he was into me or not, if he hadn't even tried to kiss me after 4 dates. There's playing hard-to-get, and then there's being completely unavailable, which is what he is! If I'm dating a guy, he has to be pretty obvious about being interested in me or I'll assume he's not. I would certainly expect a kiss by the second date... he obviously took you out and liked you enough to see you again, so why hasn't he kissed you? Either he's extremely shy and backward when it comes to relationships (big red flag!) or he just doesn't like you that much. I think you might be flogging a dead horse here. If I were you I'd ask him what's going on, how he feels and if he likes me, and lacking a satisfactory response and some actual physical interest I would simply call it a day and move on.
Author ladyjane83 Posted January 30, 2010 Author Posted January 30, 2010 Yeah thats what confuses me...he must be interested otherwise he wouldnt ask me out or keep taxting me etc. But the no kiss thing??...after 4 dates?! Its strange though, because even though I am wondering why he hasnt kissed me yet..I dont really mind because I'm enjoying getting to know him. I dont know what I think about it really! I dont mind waiting for a kiss, if thats where its going to go. As in, I dont mind if he is just taking his time and getting to know me first, but if its just because he isnt interested then I would rather know!
sagetalk Posted January 30, 2010 Posted January 30, 2010 He's creating drama, building suspense and causing you to think about him alot. Sounds like he knows what he is doing. Had he said, "You're awesome, I'm crazy about you", you'd probably be blowing him off and be with another guy right now. Give him a chance, if you think guys are hard to read, you would have no chance if you were guy and tried to date women.
Author ladyjane83 Posted January 30, 2010 Author Posted January 30, 2010 Oh yeah Im difinitely giving him a chance. Like I said, Im quite enjoying taking the time and getting to know him properly. I just want to know if he is actually interested, then I dont mind waiting.
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