bethykins Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 I have been in a serious and committed relationship with a man that I have known since 1999, we've been together and live-in partners for 5 years now. He is acting stepdad to my daughter, and he and I have a son together. We've had many ups and downs, including him cheating once and some drama while I was pregnant, but we're still together despite all that. I love him unconditionally. Enter problem. Just a short while ago, his best friend came back into the picture. Let me just inform you that best friend and I have a history that goes back before my current boyfriend. He was my very first boyfriend, first kiss, took my virginity. He completely broke my heart when I was 16, but I moved on. He seemed okay with us being together 5 years ago, but over the last year when my boyfriend and best friend hung out, he seemed a little regretful. I ignored this because best friend wasn't even really coming to our house. He only just recently started coming back around. And all the little things about his personality are getting to me again. He's great with my kids, funny, attractive, and motivated. My boyfriend is extremely paranoid, even though I have never cheated and do NOT plan to. But I cannot help but develop a stupid crush on my ex. It's so pathetic. I still want to marry my boyfriend (we made very tentative plans but can't afford the big shebang), but I'm seriously worried that this will become a problem. I know I can't just not be around him, because my boyfriend really REALLY wants to reconnect with him after so long. They've been through a lot to support one another through hard times, so their dynamic is great. I totally noticed a major change in my boyfriend's moodiness when his buddy started to come around again. I want him to be happy, but I do not want to sit back and crush over him. I feel insanely guilty. What should I do???
SincereOnlineGuy Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 I have a crush on my ex. One of those phrases we seldom hear in life.
sagetalk Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 I am honestly horrified by this post. You should stop being pathetic (your word) and be faithful to your man. If him having cheated on you bothers you, then get rid of him, but do not do it back in return. Are you committed or aren't you? It should make no difference who this best friend guy is if you're committed to your man. Any girl that would get with her man's best friend is a traitor. That is so horrifyingly wrong I don't even want to think about it anymore. The fury that I would feel if my best friend stabbed me in the back like that, unimaginable.
cogent_love Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 Why did you and the first guy break up in the first place? And what does he lack that your current man has? How do you think your relationship would go if you got back with him? (Realistically!!) I would have the same problem I think if my man's ex bff came around. We dated and it was a huge mess. This kind of thing is really hard, so try to be grateful for the wonderful man who has supported you and loved you for the better part of 5 years. He is the one that deserves your attention and crush Go on a date with him!! Cuddle.
Author bethykins Posted January 27, 2010 Author Posted January 27, 2010 It has a lot to do with trust. I pushed him to cheating in the first year of our relationship, supposedly. He was always hanging out with girls, even if I stated I was uncomfortable with that. He ended up having sex with one of them when he was supposed to be babysitting my daughter while I was at work. We were separated for a few months, worked things out. However, he's never really trusted me though I have never done anything remotely unfaithful. I make it a point to avoid hanging out with male friends unless my boyfriend is with me. I still feel like I'm always treading a thin line of him trusting me or accusing me of cheating despite the fact that I am always home, I always tell him where I go when I leave, I always answer his calls, etc. He cheated but I pay the price? I feel like he's shoving me away emotionally, won't marry me, and now his buddy is coming around and it kind of ignited a spark of interest. I think I misunderstood it, and now feel like it was just excitement of having a friend around that I haven't seen in a long time. I think the bigger issue is why I felt like I had a crush in the first place.
sagetalk Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 #1 It has a lot to do with trust. I pushed him to cheating in the first year of our relationship, supposedly. 2. However, he's never really trusted me though I have never done anything remotely unfaithful. 3. I always tell him where I go when I leave, I always answer his calls, etc. He cheated but I pay the price? I figured there was more to this than you posted. #1 Don't ever say him cheating on you was your fault. That is a total lie that he cooked up to make you feel the guilt that he should feel. #2 He doesn't trust you because he doesn't trust himself. #3 He's just trying to control you, it's as simple as that. This guy sounds like bad news to me. I wish you well, and hope that you find true happiness.
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