ImaManDammit Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 Just sit back and you'll hear a tale, a tale of a clueless twit, it started with this one first date, and now has become a real life skit. I've been with this woman for a few months now. We were friends for a long time and decided to hook up and its been great, and I do mean great. We've started talking about buying something and living together. Even though we were friends, there are some things you never share until you're in a relationship. One night during some pillow talk, she tells me she likes and has been with women as well. She did say that she only has relationships with men and when in a relationship believes in complete monogomy. She went on to say that the women have been more of a one night stand, and never occurred during a relationship with someone. The first question I have is, why even tell me then? However, she goes on to say that if I were ever interested in bringing in a woman just as an experience for us, she would do that, if I was ok with it. So based on the first thing, how do I now interpret the second thing? I know that this is a big fantasy thing with some guys, even for me. But as I suspected, I knew that if I ever came across this situation for myself, I'd be apprehensive and uncomfortable. I don't have any issues and support people who want and have same sex partners. That being said, I prefer the opposite sex, and just assumed the person I would be with would want the same. The complication is that the majority of her friends are people who have or seek same sex partners, she also spends her social evenings when we are on our own time at establishments that primarly cater to same sex interests. I never found issue with this before, but obviously based on what I now know, it really makes me feel uncomfortable. Is it wrong to be jealous or even paranoid now? I'm not normally this type of person with the exeception of what everyone generally feels from time time. With the exception of some adjustments every relationship goes through, this has been fantastic, but now I just find it eating away at me and slowly I'm withdrawing and I'm afraid to tell her why. Am I making to much of this? Do I have cause for concern? Not sure if any of you have any advice.
Agoraphobianebula Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 so you're saying because of the friends she keeps and the places she hangs out, you think she may cheat on you with another woman? Or you think she's really a lesbian and she's leading you on? I don't understand
betamanlet Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 Nothing kills confidence more than a woman leaving you for another woman... Even if she's actually bisexual, that gives her that many more options. If you have no problem sharing her, then more powre to you, but I would not have a serious relationship with someone who is bisexual.
Clep Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 I believe that true intimacy is created by revealing of ourselves to another Maybe she was doing that with you or she was trying to break the ice to bring another into the bedroom. Do you have a problem with a bi partner? Do you think she is going to cheat on you with a women? I am a little confused as to what is driving your concerns here.
2sure Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 It doesnt sound like she is so much bisexual as sexually open minded. In addition to telling you she has had sex with women, she also told you that her relationships were exclusively with men, that she was monogamous, didnt cheat. Basically, she said if it was something you wanted to do, she was up for it. If you dont, it sounds like she could take it or leave it. I wouldnt jump to any conclusions regarding fidelity, but you might want to ask yourself if you are as sexually openminded as this woman. Even if the two of you never have a threesome, she still may require more than vanilla.
Author ImaManDammit Posted January 25, 2010 Author Posted January 25, 2010 so you're saying because of the friends she keeps and the places she hangs out, you think she may cheat on you with another woman? Or you think she's really a lesbian and she's leading you on? I don't understand Well that's the thing. I'm not sure how to feel about this stituation. Do I think she would cheat on me with a man? No. A woman? Maybe. Do I think she's a Lesbian? No. BI? Maybe. Do I think she's leading me on? No. I know that ultimately the decision lies with me. If I don't trust her, then leave, if I do, stay, and stop worrying about. This is something I was just not prepared to think about and I'm trying to get other's perspectives if they were in my shoes.
Zeegagge Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 If you weren't able to go out with her one night and then find out she had made out with a woman in a bar would you consider it cheating?
Agoraphobianebula Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 It's ok if you are not comfortable with her bisexuality, or experimentation. If it falls out too much out of your comfort zone then so be it. Like you said, you ultimately have to go with your gut here. But I think you may be viewing it wrong to think that she is more likely to cheat on you with a woman than a man, you could easily get blindsided. It's either you trust her or you don't, I don't know if her sexual orientation has much to do with it. I personally would probably not date a bisexual man. Not because I'm afraid he'll run off with another man, it's just because I'm not that open-minded.
Author ImaManDammit Posted January 25, 2010 Author Posted January 25, 2010 I believe that true intimacy is created by revealing of ourselves to another Maybe she was doing that with you or she was trying to break the ice to bring another into the bedroom. Do you have a problem with a bi partner? Do you think she is going to cheat on you with a women? I am a little confused as to what is driving your concerns here. I'm just feeling out of my comfort zone. This is my first experience with a bi partner and just trying to sort out my feeling. I have nothing I can refer back to, to help me through it. I do know that a threesome is something left best in the fantasy world with me. What I am working out now, is now what, and is there anything that I really need to do? I think that there is a potential that she could cheat with another woman, because no matter what I do, I can't fulfill that aspect of her life.
Author ImaManDammit Posted January 25, 2010 Author Posted January 25, 2010 I wouldnt jump to any conclusions regarding fidelity, but you might want to ask yourself if you are as sexually openminded as this woman. Even if the two of you never have a threesome, she still may require more than vanilla. You raise a good point. As I think this through, I am concerned about meeting her needs. No matter what I do for her, I can't meet that need (assuming that it is actually a need). If all else is grand and that's the one need I can't meet, will she fulfill that need elsewhere? I am a very open minded person. I have no problem exploring things with her, with the exception of a threesome. I guess I'll just have to either trust that she is fulfilled, or if I feel that as good as the intentions are, belive she needs more than I can provide and let her go. Thanks for the input.
Author ImaManDammit Posted January 25, 2010 Author Posted January 25, 2010 If you weren't able to go out with her one night and then find out she had made out with a woman in a bar would you consider it cheating? Yes, yes I would.
2sure Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 I have always enjoyed both men and women ...but like your gf only had relationships with men. The threesomes were just fun. I dont need them, havent done it in a very long time, dont miss them....I have never cheated. It was something fun for my male partner & I to do once in a while, but if he isnt interested ...then I'm not.
Author ImaManDammit Posted January 25, 2010 Author Posted January 25, 2010 I have always enjoyed both men and women ...but like your gf only had relationships with men. The threesomes were just fun. I dont need them, havent done it in a very long time, dont miss them....I have never cheated. It was something fun for my male partner & I to do once in a while, but if he isnt interested ...then I'm not. Thanks for sharing that. Knowing that this situation does exist and has been successful, then I think I can work this through with her much more confidently. Thanks again.
meerkat stew Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 If it's only been a "few months" and she is already hinting at bringing other women into the relationship bed, the relationship is in deep trouble sexually. IMO, there's at least a 50% chance she is gay and closeted. If a man said he was open to having other men in the bed after only a few months, the universal reaction here would be that he is actually gay. IMO, you are right to be very concerned by this.
DiscoChick Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 If it's only been a "few months" and she is already hinting at bringing other women into the relationship bed, the relationship is in deep trouble sexually. IMO, there's at least a 50% chance she is gay and closeted. If a man said he was open to having other men in the bed after only a few months, the universal reaction here would be that he is actually gay. IMO, you are right to be very concerned by this. Totally in agreement with this guy/gal.
Awesome Username Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 Is she from A. California B. Texas C. New York or D. New Jersey?
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