thats what i said Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 Been seeing this guy for about 5 weeks now but I've also held off on going on any other dates with anyone else because I've just been unsure on whether it's wrong for me to do so. In a nutshell, a couple weeks ago, he was jokingly asking if I had a hot date over the weekend (I didn't). I then told him that right now I wasn't seeing anyone else. That I had stopped seeing other guys so I didn't have to divide my "affections". He appreciated that I told him that and also told me that he wasn't seeing anyone else right then either. Fast forward another week or so and after he drives me to my house after a date, I find that I left my keys in my house and no one is home. I ask if I can stay at his house... He seems a little hesitant and so I suggest that I can stay at another friends house. He immediately says not to worry about it. I can stay at his house... Anyway, he lives with mom and dad and he asked if it was okay if he introduced me as his "friend". Of course it was okay, it's only been a few weeks. However, since I've already told him I'm not seeing anyone else, will the "exclusivity talk" ever even come up? Plus, he said himself I was his "friend" to his parents. But as time goes on he seems to be more and more into me. So when does this officially become serious? Would it technically be wrong for me to see other people too at this point?
counterman Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 Serious is when both of you commit to this relationship and consider it serious, so, hence, it'll be exclusive. But, if you're considering dating other people, then it's obviously not serious.
Satisfaction Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 You could bring it up with him. See how it goes. If you think it could scare him off then you could wait a bit but don't wait too long cos if he is a commitmentphobe then best cut your losses before you waste anymore of your time on him.
ImaManDammit Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 There's really no timeframe. Its happens when it happens. The only thing I can recommend is, do not pressure it, but keep the lines of communication open. I have tried a different approach and said to the person, I have decided that I am going exclusive and not date anyone because I'd like to see where this goes. I'm not asking you to do the same, but I do ask that should some one spark an interest you be honest with me about that . That got mixed reactions and I don't use it anymore, so I think the first statement is still the best course. Good luck.
Author thats what i said Posted January 25, 2010 Author Posted January 25, 2010 Thanks for your replies! I think right now I'm a little confused myself about this relationship. I like him, but not sure if I want something long term with him. I'm sort of slowly figuring that out. He hasn't done or said anything that's ultimately swayed me one way or the other. The first few weeks I was a little infatuated I guess and thought that this was absolutely someone I really wanted something long term with. Now I'm a little confused.
threebyfate Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 There's no timeframe. But... There's a pace to every relationship. If a guy doesn't make the right moves at the right time, which tells you he's sincerely interested, rather than just passing time, he's not going to keep your interest. Think back to how he treats you in general. Are there any other tellers, like not acting on the exclusivity opening, you so kindly presented to him?
Author thats what i said Posted January 25, 2010 Author Posted January 25, 2010 There's no timeframe. But... There's a pace to every relationship. If a guy doesn't make the right moves at the right time, which tells you he's sincerely interested, rather than just passing time, he's not going to keep your interest. Think back to how he treats you in general. Are there any other tellers, like not acting on the exclusivity opening, you so kindly presented to him? I highly doubt he's seeing anyone else. He's just not that type of guy... unless I don't know him all, lol. Probably my biggest issue with him right now is his pace at opening up about himself. I know everyone goes at different paces but that's really all that's concerning me right now about him... I'm the kind of person that's only satisfied talking about regular small talk types of things for a little while. Then it bores me to tears. "So how are you?" "Good, how are you?" "How's work?" "Boring, how's yours?" Hahaha
threebyfate Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 A guy who's not into committing, isn't necessarily dating around. But it's interesting to see how you mention him not opening up to you but at the same time, feel that you know him well enough to gauge that he's not dating anyone else. How is this possible? Anyways, he does sound like he's maintaining distance to a degree. Why he's doing it, you'll have to figure out, whether he's a slow mover, previously burned and dragging baggage or pretty much any possibility. Are you sure you're into him that much, since your interest is starting to fade? I would focus more on this aspect, rather than his actions, since you can only control yourself.
Author thats what i said Posted January 25, 2010 Author Posted January 25, 2010 A guy who's not into committing, isn't necessarily dating around. But it's interesting to see how you mention him not opening up to you but at the same time, feel that you know him well enough to gauge that he's not dating anyone else. How is this possible? Anyways, he does sound like he's maintaining distance to a degree. Why he's doing it, you'll have to figure out, whether he's a slow mover, previously burned and dragging baggage or pretty much any possibility. Are you sure you're into him that much, since your interest is starting to fade? I would focus more on this aspect, rather than his actions, since you can only control yourself. Hmm, that's interesting. Well I guess I think he's not seeing anyone else just by comparing him to other guys I've dated. He just doesn't seem like that kind of guy. Plus, after we go out, he almost always follows up with "do you want to do such and such with me next week, I mean, only if you want to..." which tells me he's incredibly insecure about whether I want to be with him. Maybe the pace it's going at is my fault ? And I'm not so sure whether I'm into him that much. That's why I've been thinking about seeing other people. I want to be really into him though. He's probably the best thing that's happened to me in a while. Sounds funny though, huh?
threebyfate Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 Hmm, that's interesting. Well I guess I think he's not seeing anyone else just by comparing him to other guys I've dated. He just doesn't seem like that kind of guy. Plus, after we go out, he almost always follows up with "do you want to do such and such with me next week, I mean, only if you want to..." which tells me he's incredibly insecure about whether I want to be with him. Maybe the pace it's going at is my fault ?It's not about fault. It's about what you view as attractive in a man. Insecurity rarely fuels attraction. And I'm not so sure whether I'm into him that much. That's why I've been thinking about seeing other people. I want to be really into him though. He's probably the best thing that's happened to me in a while. Sounds funny though, huh?Okay, now that's a slippery slope, "wanting" to be into him. Either you are or you're not into him. If he's not the cat's meow for you, I don't know if it's advisable to continue moving forward, particularly at a snail's pace.
conehead Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 I think when you found out you left your keys, you should not have asked him if you can stay over at his place since you've only known him for a few weeks, and it probably came off a bit forward to him. You should have just told him that you left your keys and see if he offers you his place for the night but if he does not, then you should just tell him you will stay at your other friends' place. Until you two are exclusive, it is still the initial dating stage and you should keep the line drawn until then. He was hesitant I think mainly becuase he lives with mom and dad and wasn't sure how to go about it since you are not yet his gf. 5 wks by the way is still very early for him to make you his gf. I say next time don't be so forward in staying at his place and also don't bring up the talk yet as it is still somewhat early. Give it at least antoher 2 months before you start worrying that you havent had the talk yet.
Author thats what i said Posted January 25, 2010 Author Posted January 25, 2010 I think when you found out you left your keys, you should not have asked him if you can stay over at his place since you've only known him for a few weeks, and it probably came off a bit forward to him. You should have just told him that you left your keys and see if he offers you his place for the night but if he does not, then you should just tell him you will stay at your other friends' place. Until you two are exclusive, it is still the initial dating stage and you should keep the line drawn until then. He was hesitant I think mainly becuase he lives with mom and dad and wasn't sure how to go about it since you are not yet his gf. 5 wks by the way is still very early for him to make you his gf. I say next time don't be so forward in staying at his place and also don't bring up the talk yet as it is still somewhat early. Give it at least antoher 2 months before you start worrying that you havent had the talk yet. What do you mean by keeping a line drawn? By the way, what happened was I said "I would ask you if I could stay at your place but I don't want you to have to drive me all the way back in the morning..." then I started trying to figure out ways to break into my house. After that he suggested I stay over at his house. However, now he suggests fairly often that I come over to his house to hang out or that he comes over to mine...
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