sally4sara Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 This forum is full of real life examples of why it's a bad idea to let your GF hang out with other men. Here's but one example: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t175077/ This girl in particular is not happy in her relationship and needs to leave her BF to find better suited options other than her unsatisfied butt no matter what she ends up doing or not doing with her new friend. This can happen without cheating. Its called a break up and it is anyone's right to leave a relationship that isn't working for them. What, you don't want them to ever be around other people because you're THAT sure you're not enough compared to any other? Wouldn't it just save both people wasted time and heartache if there could be a more compatible person for each of them? Look, I see and meet attractive people all the time. Often, I can tell they find me to be attractive too. But I am very happy in my relationship. Happier than I have been with anyone else. And I didn't even cheat on the folks who didn't make me as happy. Perhaps it is people who are forbidden from hanging out with opposite gender friends who don't end a relationship before they start their next? Their relationships are so restrictive, the moment they meet someone - they are instantly attracted to the novelty of them?
Woggle Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 If it's not male friends it's manhating friends encouraging them to leave you or cheat on you. The point is that women simply can't be trusted. If you are in a relationship with a woman you just have to come to terms with the fact that she is a snake who will betray if given the chance. I have found often the ones who whine the most about a man being controlling are also the first to cheat.
Pyro Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 I have a thing called trust when I am in a relationship. I am not going to tell her what to do. I trust her enogh that she wouldn't purposely get involved in a situation where being alone with a guy would be hazardous, but if it were to happen I would have all the faith in the world in her. Isn't it difficult and stressful to go each day worrying that your So might or will cheat on you? I find it rather pleasant, and relaxing to have the maturity and mental strength to be able to trust.
Author Green Posted January 26, 2010 Author Posted January 26, 2010 FryFish you are pretty spot on you even got TheGreatMoose to say the reason he doesn't hit on them is because he doesn't have a chance... so what if xyz variable changed? Woggle you can't trust manny people period, but yes it is trouble when a woman starts saying you are controling her when making simple relationship requests RED FLAG. Pyro I think you missed the boat on the thread, the point is many people are naive especialy women and even if you trust them unless you says something they will be in risky situations especialy if you Date a really super sexy young women like I do. Point is I read posts with the same problem, ex's coming back into peoples lives, friends that are a little to close, I saw one this morning so made this thread. I have zero tollerance for crap like that and it has worked for me. I would lose my mind if I let my gf have guys over to visit at her place, guys from out of town spending the night and what ever other sillyness would go on if I didn't say anything. If I didn't trust her I wouldn't date her becuase even with all the rules in the world she could just lie (going to a family reunion be back in a week) and cheat.
BG1985 Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 I think the thread would be more appropriately titled, "Don't Date Girls with Needy Girl and/or Guy Friends." My ex-girlfriend had needy friends who couldn't stand the fact that she had found somebody to spend time with other than them. They tacitly sabotaged the relationship. My ex-girlfriend and one of her other less-needy friends even commented that they believed the other friends were working against our relationship. In the end, my ex-girlfriend allowed this to happen, and I believe it wasn't meant to workout. What do you think about the girl with the jealous guy friend who then decides to feed her malicious lies about you, hoping that she will begin to think twice about you and eventually ruin the relationship? I have no problem with opposite-sex friends on either side. However, it is really annoying when a potential girlfriend has friends who feel entitled to have her at their beck and call. If one of my lady friends starts dating a new guy, I have absolutely no problem. I accept the fact that I'll see her less, and it doesn't bother me at all. I'll even step out of the way to avoid causing any problems.
Hot Carl Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 If I were seeing a woman who had a great need to hang out with guys other than me, I'd question her judgment and probably her honesty with herself, the other guys, and/or me, depending on the circumstances.
meerkat stew Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 I think the thread would be more appropriately titled, "Don't Date Girls with Needy Girl and/or Guy Friends." My ex-girlfriend had needy friends who couldn't stand the fact that she had found somebody to spend time with other than them. They tacitly sabotaged the relationship. My ex-girlfriend and one of her other less-needy friends even commented that they believed the other friends were working against our relationship. In the end, my ex-girlfriend allowed this to happen, and I believe it wasn't meant to workout. What do you think about the girl with the jealous guy friend who then decides to feed her malicious lies about you, hoping that she will begin to think twice about you and eventually ruin the relationship? I have no problem with opposite-sex friends on either side. However, it is really annoying when a potential girlfriend has friends who feel entitled to have her at their beck and call. If one of my lady friends starts dating a new guy, I have absolutely no problem. I accept the fact that I'll see her less, and it doesn't bother me at all. I'll even step out of the way to avoid causing any problems. Great post, sums up the reason for firm boundaries very nicely, and sometimes even their real "friends" have to go to if they are sabotageurs. IMO, nipping that in the bud is just managing and leading the relationship, showing that you value the relationship and will protect it. They like it when you take charge anyway as long as it's fair and when they realize the boundary works in their favor too.
BG1985 Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 Oh by the way, these needy friends were girls. One was in a long-distance engagement and the other was an ex-girlfriend of one of my really good friends. The problem is that they didn't really have many friends outside of my girlfriend at the time. In fact, the one who used to date my friend told me that she resented our relationship. This was because she wouldn't be able to hang out with my girlfriend due to the fact that she hated her ex so much that she would have a breakdown every time she was around him. Ironically she was the one working so hard to get my ex-girlfriend and me together in the first place because she is one of those girls that likes to have her friends dating her boyfriend's friends. Once her relationship went south, she had to ruin it for everyone else.
JaqueDark Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 haha, right on Littlebittle!. Because she's a dog that you need keep a leash on at all times, lest she strays. I think Littlebittle was being sarcastic. Women shouldn't be referred to as dogs and if that's how you're treating your woman (if you have one) it's a miracle she puts up with it. JD
DiscoChick Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 JD OMG!!! I love Dr. Who!!!!! Your avatar just made my day! Ont topic: None of my male friends are needy. I see them...maybe once or twice a week. We text a hello everyday. Sometimes, I go weeks without seeing a couple of them. They have the most amazing stories to tell when I do see them again.
sagetalk Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 Sagetalk Rule #1: Never, never, never, never, never, never, ever, never, ever, ever, never, never, never, ever date a girl who's best friend is a guy (unless the guy's gay). Follow rule number 1 grasshoppers to minimize the times you are treated like a tool.
JaqueDark Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 OMG!!! I love Dr. Who!!!!! Your avatar just made my day! Ont topic: None of my male friends are needy. I see them...maybe once or twice a week. We text a hello everyday. Sometimes, I go weeks without seeing a couple of them. They have the most amazing stories to tell when I do see them again. Hehe glad you like it. Fan of Torchwood too by any chance? Back to topic... I generally prefer the company of men to women and I have more male friends than female. I always feel I'm in competition with women most of the time (for men). That's been kinda thrown since I've realised I'm 'greedy'
DiscoChick Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 Hehe glad you like it. Fan of Torchwood too by any chance? YES!!! I am a Captain Jack fangirl. I know. I know.
JaqueDark Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 YES!!! I am a Captain Jack fangirl. I know. I know. I'm being off topic I know but I haven't quite figured out this board enough to PM you. I prefer Ianto but as always like them together! Are you on the TW forum by any chance? JD
DiscoChick Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 I'm being off topic I know but I haven't quite figured out this board enough to PM you. I prefer Ianto but as always like them together! Are you on the TW forum by any chance? JD No...but you can add me on Facebook[if you have it]. The name is Tarneca. I think I'm the only person alive with such a random name.
zebracolors Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 YES!!! I am a Captain Jack fangirl. I know. I know. Sorry to be offtopic, but I have to chime in, I'm a Torchwood fan as well! Except it may be unusual but I think the character Rhys (Kai Owen) on the show is kind of good looking. especially when he smiles. So to stay on topic, I actually have friends who are guys, one of them is an ex who I am still friends with. My LDR knows this but is fine with me having other guys as just friends. Because he trusts me. Just my thoughts really.
JaqueDark Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 Sorry to be offtopic, but I have to chime in, I'm a Torchwood fan as well! Except it may be unusual but I think the character Rhys (Kai Owen) on the show is kind of good looking. especially when he smiles. So to stay on topic, I actually have friends who are guys, one of them is an ex who I am still friends with. My LDR knows this but is fine with me having other guys as just friends. Because he trusts me. Just my thoughts really. It's all about trust in the end. Trust and communication. As for off-topic, Rhys was nice. Kai Owen is a very funny guy! But still prefer Ianto
DiscoChick Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 Sorry to be offtopic, but I have to chime in, I'm a Torchwood fan as well! Except it may be unusual but I think the character Rhys (Kai Owen) on the show is kind of good looking. especially when he smiles. Well, it's obvious I prefer Jack... I just love when he and Ianto kiss, and I usually hate err relationships like that, but gosh. *fans* On topic: Never let your girl hang out with a guy to watch Torchwood. I joke.
Boundary Problem Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 Sagetalk Rule #1: Never, never, never, never, never, never, ever, never, ever, ever, never, never, never, ever date a girl who's best friend is a guy (unless the guy's gay). Follow rule number 1 grasshoppers to minimize the times you are treated like a tool. This is true. Unless they want to be treated like a tool.
JaqueDark Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 Well, it's obvious I prefer Jack... I just love when he and Ianto kiss, and I usually hate err relationships like that, but gosh. *fans* On topic: Never let your girl hang out with a guy to watch Torchwood. I joke. Hehehe, yeah :laugh:
D-Lish Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 I have a big social group that includes a lot of guys I have known for almost 20 years. I've gone on vacations with these guys, shared a house with them in Uni, been to their weddings, baby showers- and have been there through some of their divorces as they have been for mine. To think that some guy is going to come along and tell me I can't be friends with any of those guys, or forbid me to meet them alone for coffee, drinks, etc, is laughable. I have never wanted to hook up with them, and even though some of them tried in the early days- I wasn't interested, and I never got on that train. I say- either trust me, or don't trust me, but don't dictate who my friends are, or when/how I can see them. The guy I am dating will always be welcome to come along, but if I want to go to my friend Mike's house to watch the hockey game and have a couple beers- I am going. It's so silly, if I was interested in any of my guy friends- I'd be with one of them.
JaqueDark Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 I have a big social group that includes a lot of guys I have known for almost 20 years. I've gone on vacations with these guys, shared a house with them in Uni, been to their weddings, baby showers- and have been there through some of their divorces as they have been for mine. To think that some guy is going to come along and tell me I can't be friends with any of those guys, or forbid me to meet them alone for coffee, drinks, etc, is laughable. I have never wanted to hook up with them, and even though some of them tried in the early days- I wasn't interested, and I never got on that train. I say- either trust me, or don't trust me, but don't dictate who my friends are, or when/how I can see them. The guy I am dating will always be welcome to come along, but if I want to go to my friend Mike's house to watch the hockey game and have a couple beers- I am going. It's so silly, if I was interested in any of my guy friends- I'd be with one of them. Yeah. Things have been similar for me... we do have some restraint. As for naive... it's rather presumption we're considered so unfaithful and 'female' enough to not set or see boundaries. A lot of women today are intelligent and clued up with what's going on; if they want to have male friends then there's nothing wrong with that. We're wise enough to know what we want and what we don't and dictating who we're allowed to be friends with is definitely going to burn bridges. If I wanted to have a bf (or gf) I'd have one, if I wanted a friend who was male I'd have one. If I wanted a friend with benefits I'd have one but set the boundaries that it wasn't a relationship. I've been called greedy in the past for my views and orientation but who cares?! If I was with someone then I'd be solely with that person; I'd have enough respect for them not to cheat and I hope they'd have enough respect for me not to do the same. JD
D-Lish Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 If I was with someone then I'd be solely with that person; I'd have enough respect for them not to cheat and I hope they'd have enough respect for me not to do the same. JD ..Good call. And that's what it comes down to- trust. If someone is going to cheat, they are going to do so regardless of whether or not you put restrictions on them. I have been in relationships with guys that have tried to dictate my friendships, demanded I don't continue a friendship with guys I have known for 20 years... That will never happen.
BG1985 Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 I certainly respect what you're saying, JaqueDark. However, I think a lot of girls have trouble keeping true to that attitude. I think what Green is saying is that he thinks it's inappropriate for a girl he dates to actively see these guys. Let me speak from my point of view. Let's say I have friends who are girls, which I do. Let's say one of these lady friends and I go out for lunch one day. Additionally, let's say that a friend of my girlfriend's, either a female friend of hers or a jealous guy friend, sees us and "misinterprets" what is happening. This friend then tells my girlfriend that I am seeing other people, leading to an interrogation. Even if my girlfriend "believes" me, things won't be the same, as there will always be doubt in the back of her mind as to whether I was cheating or not. I think when a girl or guy gets into a relationship, their opposite-sex friends need to take a back seat.
Hot Carl Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 ..Good call. And that's what it comes down to- trust. If someone is going to cheat, they are going to do so regardless of whether or not you put restrictions on them. I have been in relationships with guys that have tried to dictate my friendships, demanded I don't continue a friendship with guys I have known for 20 years... That will never happen. Oh I would so ban you from seeing those guys. I'd tie you to the bed and force you to think only of me. You'd forget any other guys even existed. At least for a little while.
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