Johnny M Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 Wanted to amend: However, my bf hangs out one night a week with a female friend, alone, in her apartment. I have no issue with this. Spidey sense says it's cool, therefore, it's cool in my book People can be proud of many different things, but naivette usually isn't one of them...
carhill Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 There is always an ulterior motive. You will always die. Everything else is situational. Sorry
BG1985 Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 If y'all want a compelling case as to why people shouldn't hang out with the opposite sex, check the thread titled: "My Boyfriend's Best Friend" or something like that.
You'reasian Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 I'm still in the produce isle!! I ran into 9 more guys over by the squash!!! I told them we were just going to be friends, and here we are naked......AGAIN! Oh, I am so naive and clueless!! OH YES OH YES OH YES Would you like to squash? lol
BG1985 Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 The thread is on the cheating board by the way.
threebyfate Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 My basic philosophy is that we are biological organisms with a strong urge to mate and procreate with whoever happens to be available. It's rather silly to disregard this very basic fact of human existence. A woman and man in a committed, exclusive relationship have absolutely no reason to have one-on-one "friendships" with members of the opposite sex that do not include the significant other. There is always an ulterior motive.No, there isn't always an ulterior motive unless same gender friendships can be construed that way too. People are people, regardless of gender. I sincerely find it strange that people cannot view the opposite gender as people. They're not an alien race. They're human beings who don't necessarily want to hump everything that moves.
Johnny M Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 I sincerely find it strange that people cannot view the opposite gender as people. They're not an alien race. They're human beings who don't necessarily want to hump everything that moves. Child molesters are also not an alien race. They are human beings who do not necessarily want to hump every single child out there. Still, wouldn't you be at least a little weary of leaving your kid alone with one of these folks?
ecco51 Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 No, there isn't always an ulterior motive unless same gender friendships can be construed that way too. People are people, regardless of gender. I sincerely find it strange that people cannot view the opposite gender as people. They're not an alien race. They're human beings who don't necessarily want to hump everything that moves. I agree man, I never understood the rationality of the way some people think. Just because I'm friends with someone with a vagina does not mean I immediately am pressured to bend them over a bench and vise versa for women. If you're not a monkey there's this thing called self control and some people know how to use it. If a girl wants to cheat on u she will and she'll always find a way, despite whatever you demand her do. I don't understand why you got to feel like you have to stand tall in order to keep her on a leash. If she has any class at all she'll know the respectful boundries. And hell, if she decides to cheat, she's not worth it anyway, that's at least how I look at it
Crazy Magnet Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 No, there isn't always an ulterior motive unless same gender friendships can be construed that way too. People are people, regardless of gender. I sincerely find it strange that people cannot view the opposite gender as people. They're not an alien race. They're human beings who don't necessarily want to hump everything that moves. I know! My boyfriend hangs out with a female friend whom he has known for close to 20 years, for two hours, one night a week, and who is a part of a larger circle of friends that I am now very much a part of.....yet clearly I am being cheated on? This weekly routine has been going on for the last, five years or so....who am I to step in and say that he suddenly has to change his entire life for me? Sounds very selfish and immature IMO. The entire world doesn't cheat. Good grief! Really people.....it's a friend, not an alien purple cow with 5 eyeballs, X-ray vision, and the ability to bend men to its will. I guess if I was more insecure of myself or the relationship I would have an issue with it, but as it stands. I do not.
BG1985 Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 Right before a lot of people cheat, they think to themselves, "I would never cheat." Next thing you know, this person has a new neighbor, co-worker, classmate, etc. who really makes him/her feel things. As Johnny M said, this attraction is so strong that it can make people forget about their current partner. It'd be nice if everyone was able to fight it, but sometimes it just doesn't happen.
carhill Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 (edited) Carhill, this doesn't really make any sense. However, your general approach to handling women in your own life has evidently been nothing short of disastrous. Green is right. Meerkat is right. You are wrong. The failure of your marriage is proof of that. You're a master baiter. And, daresay, a recycled member. Ignore you from now on. Best wishes and good night! At least I learned from my failures and own up to them. More than I can say for you. Edited January 27, 2010 by carhill
BG1985 Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 What is this weekly routine, if you don't mind my asking. And on top of that, I make it a point to move out of the way when my female friends are in a relationship. Quite honestly, I'd feel a bit weird if one of my female friends wanted to meet up for one-on-one time while she was dating another guy. I would wonder if something was going wrong in their relationship.
BG1985 Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 Where the hell did you come from, Plastic? You are writing some pretty good stuff here. From what my married sister told me, she either hangs out with her girl friends or she hangs out with her husband and his friends, most of whom are married. And from some of my friends who are married, it seems like they start trying to hang out with married couples. Friends in relationships tend to hang out with other friends who are in relationships. But yeah, I prefer to hang out with my single friends anyway since none of us have to worry about pissing off a girlfriend every night.
threebyfate Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 You're a master baiter. And, daresay, a recycled member. Ignore you from now on. Best wishes and good night! At least I learned from my failures and own up to them. More than I can say for you.Yup, he is. If you don't agree with him, he goes on the personal attack mission. His style is reminiscent of another member who shall remain unnamed.
Author Green Posted January 27, 2010 Author Posted January 27, 2010 (edited) Plastic899 you seriously do a better job at spotting and making the argument I didn’t but should have. Pointing out how Pinktoes refers to her significant other as the 3rd wheel in a situation said it all. Why would I ever want to date a girl that made me feel like a 3rd wheel for even a minute and does so unapologetically. You also mention Thegreatmoose and how he doesn’t hit on women he can’t have. He is very transparent to men, but the women on this board don’t see it. Carhill you attack Plastic899 for what he said and he could have said it without making it personal I agree. He had no right to put you in his example. The point is even if a relationship ends and you can’t point to why or you think it is something else the lack of boundaries probably played a role. Crazy Magnet you can stop a weekly routine that went on before you. Plastic899 hit it right on the head the fear of him picking the other women over you is what holds you back. I say to young men especially don’t be afraid of having a women pick her inappropriate life style over you. If you lay down a simple rule of don’t hang out with men and that is a problem, then who cares if she picks that lifestyle over you. I’m dating a girl now who had in the past spent alone time with men while dating her bf. I told her from the beginning that its fine if she is friends with men but I don’t want her having men over to her place or hanging out one on one with other men. I do the same for her. Seriously I couldn’t imagine the drama if we didn’t have this rule. The other night a girl who knew me just came up and hugged me at a club and my gf got so upset. Imagine the drama if we were so silly we wanted to have opposite sex friends we did private movie nights with or whatever. I made this thread for men mainly because they are often scared to set boundaries down for fear of losing a woman. Truth is a relationship takes constant work and trust and this simple rule will only make things easier on you. Women on this thread can come on all they want and say male friends are cool we’ve been this way for 20 years. What if I made a thread my gf doesn’t let me hang out with Jessica any more, why would she get mad if we have our private movie night at her apartment once a week. Look I could find a girl who would date me and be so afraid of losing me she would let me date other people, does that make it right? So seriously to any guys out there you want life to be drama free use this rule. I never said girls can’t be friends with guys when in a relationship, just not alone time friends the exception being for school or work purposes. If a girl starts telling you about how John is her best friend and she always spends a week once a year at his place and you are not invited… Oh well goodbye… or if she starts talking about how she wants to have all these private lunchs or dinners just to talk to Mike… oh well good bye. Who cares if they are cheating or not, it doesn’t even matter. They will not extend you the same courtesy with women they will pick it apart and even if they do extend you the same courtesy that’s like an open relationship. When you ask some single girl out to lunch or over to your place alone just to chat… cmon Well thank you to the posters who agreed, you said it clearer and better then I. And to all those who disagree I suggest you enter an open relationship of some sort if being alone with members of the opposite sex is that important. Also I find most of you are in denial and argue points I wasn’t even making. I agree with trust, I agree with not being paranoid, and I agree with not controlling some one. Edited January 27, 2010 by Green
Woggle Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 I wonder how all these women would react if the genders were reversed.
Author Green Posted January 27, 2010 Author Posted January 27, 2010 I wonder how all these women would react if the genders were reversed. I don't think women have it easy but they are very blind to what I am talking about. If you could take one of these women and show it to them from our prospective the argument would be over.
Art_Critic Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 If you could take one of these women and show it to them from our prospective the argument would be over. Isn't that any single argument male or female ?.. that just means it is all how you look at it
Woggle Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 I think that manhating friends can damage a relationship more than male friends. Having platonic male friends that she is not romantic with shows she at least likes men as people.
Author Green Posted January 27, 2010 Author Posted January 27, 2010 I think that manhating friends can damage a relationship more than male friends. Having platonic male friends that she is not romantic with shows she at least likes men as people. I think manhating friends are poison also but chose to focus on this issue. Yeah and I think its cool if my gf likes guys as friends, its great to have my childhood friend over and we all get in the car and have a great day. What I don't want is her and male friends having alone time, thats all I meant by hanging out with guys.
JaqueDark Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 I think manhating friends are poison also but chose to focus on this issue. Yeah and I think its cool if my gf likes guys as friends, its great to have my childhood friend over and we all get in the car and have a great day. What I don't want is her and male friends having alone time, thats all I meant by hanging out with guys. I think I know what you mean. Like if your gf went over to stay at a male friends house over night. That does sound like a big opener for her to sleep with him regardless of how much you trusted her. But I think some people argued the different because your opening post was very general; if she went for a 'sleep over' then yeah it's being far to lenient and abusive with trust (on her part) but if she went for lunch with him alone in a public place then I don't see the problem with it. JD
BG1985 Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 I just don't see why people feel the need to go to lunch with a member of the opposite sex when they are in a relationship. If I know a girl is in a relationship, I wouldn't platonically ask her to go to lunch with me. It's inappropriate. If you want to see an old friend that badly, then just bring your bf/gf with you and they can meet. Would you want a boyfriend to exclude you from hanging out with him and his long-time "friend?" Would you want your boyfriend to block out two hours on one night per week so that he and his "friend" can do whatever it is they do?
JaqueDark Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 I just don't see why people feel the need to go to lunch with a member of the opposite sex when they are in a relationship. If I know a girl is in a relationship, I wouldn't platonically ask her to go to lunch with me. It's inappropriate. If you want to see an old friend that badly, then just bring your bf/gf with you and they can meet. Would you want a boyfriend to exclude you from hanging out with him and his long-time "friend?" Would you want your boyfriend to block out two hours on one night per week so that he and his "friend" can do whatever it is they do? Maybe because they don't associate anything sexual with sitting at a table and having food perchance? If I'm having lunch I am kinda focused on my surroundings and actually having lunch than pulling the guy I'm having lunch up from his chair and shagging him on the table (excuse my crudeness). I do have mild voyeuristic tendencies but doing it in the middle of a busy public place is just bad ettiquette.
Author Green Posted January 27, 2010 Author Posted January 27, 2010 I just don't see why people feel the need to go to lunch with a member of the opposite sex when they are in a relationship. If I know a girl is in a relationship, I wouldn't platonically ask her to go to lunch with me. It's inappropriate. If you want to see an old friend that badly, then just bring your bf/gf with you and they can meet. Would you want a boyfriend to exclude you from hanging out with him and his long-time "friend?" Would you want your boyfriend to block out two hours on one night per week so that he and his "friend" can do whatever it is they do? Seriously, I would never call up a friends wife or gf and ask her to a private lunch.
H1N1 Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 If she's out with a mixed group of people from, say, work at some sort of after work function, that's one thing; however, setting aside one-on-one time is asking for trouble. People bond socially when they're together, and when it's male-female there's always the chance it could go farther than just casual conversation. Biology never takes a break; it's always trying to hook people up even when the mind says it's not a good idea. Of course the danger isn't that anything would happen right there in broad daylight; the danger is that the social bonding might become so addictive that it might lead to more clandestine encounters.
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