cdt76 Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 It’s difficult to embrace your surroundings when you are filled with love so intense that it pounds at your every pore to escape. But it has to be contained because there is no one for it to fall upon, no special someone to accept it for what it is. If I look back on my life, I see a life of struggle and yet a will to overcome. I have reached many goals and I sit here today satisfied with my employment and financial situation. My personal situation, though, is more difficult to accept. I’ve been cheated on and betrayed by people close to me and it has taken its’ toll on my heart and my desire to be as sociable and open as I once was and now, there is no special someone to love. It’s easy to say, focus on your family and good friends and do not think about the past or what was. Focus on yourself and become fit and take up new hobbies and interact with different people and someday soon a new spark will arise. But in the mean time we are left with all the love that was inside us, left over from the previous relationship, it festers and boils and there is no valve we can open to drain it and start anew. It is there as a constant reminder of what we had, irrelevant of the fact that the other party was not in the same place emotionally or mentally. The love inside us was real and intense and passionate and it strives to survive because it felt so good. It felt so good to have complete trust and LOVE in another person and it felt so good to give them everything you are. It felt so good to get it in return up until that day when they shut it off. So we are here, fighting to contain it, fighting to shut it off, fighting to distract ourselves from the burning inside, hoping to find someone soon that we can unleash it on and maybe next time it will be true, maybe next time it will be given to a person willing to fight for it, save it and cherish it. But the most difficult thing of all is the waiting. We either wait for the feelings and hurt to go away or we wait for a new love to enter our lives. Either way the wait is the killer and right now, the wait is killing me.
counterman Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 Beautiful post. It really shows your capacity to love. I agree the waiting does bother me sometimes and I want things to move forward faster that because I know what love feels like and it is a great feeling. However, I am happy with how things are going currently and I'm content on going on at this speed until I am ready to open my heart to another.
curiousnycgirl Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 (edited) I understand and agree. Before I met my ex I had a very full life. I was active in several charities, and had many single friends to share lots of stuff with, and a friend with benefits for the more intimate moments. 5.5 years later I continued to write checks but have not been as involved in the charities because quite frankly I couldn't afford $2K a plate for 2 of us - so I went without. And during those 5.5 years my friends got married, moved away, kept themselves busy without me - they're just not as available for me now as they were. Who can blame them? I am the one who had less time for them first. I thought I had found my one and only. He was my best friend, who needed the others? So now I am alone (oh and haven't had those "benefits' in nearly 2 years). I adopted a dog to focus all that love and attention on, but it's not the same. We should have been selecting and training this dog together. Yup it's hard. Edited January 25, 2010 by curiousnycgirl
gaudi Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 cdt you are quite right about the love inside. The love that you once had with an EX did come from inside you. And is therefore still inside you as you say. But I do not agree that it has to be contained. I know what you mean about having someone for your love to fall upon, and to have that person is a wonderful thing. BUt if that person is no longer there to recieve your love well it is their loss. The love that comes from within should be spread just as equally with your friends, family, and anyone you come into contact with. There are so many different ways of giving out your love. I don't think we should look at it as having to be released through a little valve that releases the pressure. Love is a gift that we can give to anyone we choose, everyone around us, and the more love we give, the more there is in the world for everyone else to share. I agree totally that it is very easy to say, you've got "friends, family who care" and "take up a hobby, get fit, and focus on yourself", it is great advice but because of this we just roll out the same advice a little too often, and it becomes a kind of standard answer to a billion year old question. But I don't think it's the love left over that festers and boils. It is the sense of loss that needs to be let go, not the love, the love is the one thing you want to keep hold of. The love is the one thing worth keeping. The love is the one thing you want to bestow upon everyone around you. Take heart cdt, keep the love, let go of the pain.
sedgwick Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 This is why my cats get 90 billion kisses a day.
Author cdt76 Posted January 25, 2010 Author Posted January 25, 2010 Let go....I've heard that a lot. Let go of her, let go of the anger, let go of the pain. Move on. It's all easy to say and truth be told, I don't know how to do it. The love that I have inside is for that special someone. The ideal, the one, the woman of my dreams, the one I thought I had finally found and that love for her sits inside me. You can't love family and friends that way. You can't even love your children that way. It's just not how it works. To be IN LOVE is completely different then to love. I was IN LOVE, completely and totally for the first time in my life with a woman who I believed I would die loving and it was wrecked because she was not in the same place mentally or emotionally that I was and for that, I will remain full of the love for her, even though she was able to shut it off like a faucet and focus on another. It's those feelings inside us that bring us back to the idea of who we are waiting for, that person of our dreams that we thought we had and stopping those feelings, displacing them, ignoring them, or even diverting them, is the hardest thing in the world to do because in order to do so, we much break our own selves. We must break our own hearts with the truth that for whatever reason we are no longer loved and it will not be coming back in the near future because we are neither ready for it, nor do we just allow ourselves to fall for anyone (even though the other seemed to have done just that). So in the end, the love inside us is for us and that special person and it hurts like hell when the person you want to give it to doesn't want it. Coming to grips with that takes a lot of time and effort and unfortunately for me, it takes a lot longer than most people. I'm just not good at it.
gaudi Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 So in the end, the love inside us is for us and that special person and it hurts like hell when the person you want to give it to doesn't want it. Coming to grips with that takes a lot of time and effort and unfortunately for me, it takes a lot longer than most people. I'm just not good at it. No one is good at it, that's just the thing. That is why it hurts so much. The love inside us is for us, and whoever we choose to share it with. I know we have to love different people in different ways. But thats what I mean about not holding it inside. For obvious reasons, no-one ever fells this pain when they are still able to hold that person in their arms. It is not until the person you once loved has gone, that you end up feeling this way. It is a killer, I agree. But the only way is forward, whatever way you choose to do it. When you think about what you had before, it hurts right ?? That is why it must remain your past. Past is gone. All that matters is right now, I, right now cannot have the woman I love in my life, and I hate that. BUt I also accept it, and I know this will not stop me from showing love, to whoever I choose, however long it takes.
nobmagnet Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 i can vouch for gudi !!!!!!!!!! he has big affection and kindness. I would like him to drive the 200+ miles to show me his love!! hahah. In all honesty the origional post was probably one of the best written threads i have ever read. Yes its the left over WTF?? moments and the " what the heck happened???" The love is there maybe not directed at the person who has gone but yes our love and where do we direct it?? I beleive most people on this dating/separation/second chances/coping...........hell we have big hearts and it hurts. you are an eliquent chap. I would like to thank you for shareing you thoughts. wounderfully true and not sad nobby xx
Recommended Posts