Jump to content

GF felt compelled to tell me she slept with someone when we first started talking

AloneinTexas

By AloneinTexas
in General Relationship Discussion

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

AloneinTexas Member

AloneinTexas

Posted
Posted

Cutting to the chase:

 

Have been talking/dating my gf for 2 months, and we have been exclusive for 1 month. Last night, she basically comes out and tells me that during the first week of our talking, she went on a road trip and had a one night stand with her friends' brother. My immediate response was "uhhh ok, well I think that is one of those things I would rather not know." She felt bad for telling me, but she said she had it on her chest for a while and wanted to feel clean about us, as she absolutely hates secrets. I just told her I didn't see the reason/need for her to tell me, as we weren't exclusive at the time, but it did honestly make me feel disappointed etc. Granted I hope this goes away, but still...

 

I have to add though a possible reason why she told me. 2 nights ago, we were out at the bars. A girl I am friends with texted me a few times because she was drunk and so we went back and forth a couple of times. This same girl, yesterday, wrote on my FB wall about our texting, saying "just a reminder I own you in drunk texting."

 

So last night, BEFORE my gf brought up her one night stand thing, she did question who my little friend was.

 

Now it seems she was trying to get some power back by trying to make me feel poopy.

 

As a sidenote, she just accepted FB friendship with her one ex of 3 years who basically used her that entire time. Her stance with ex's is she can't hold hatred with her for anyone, so by default, it means she becomes their friend.

 

Thoughts?

Woggle Established Member

Woggle

Posted
Posted

Dump her now.

  • Author
AloneinTexas Member

AloneinTexas

Posted
  • Author
Posted

why? explain your thought process

Woggle Established Member

Woggle

Posted
Posted
why? explain your thought process

 

The fact that she cheated on you early on the relationship.

 

The fact that she is so controlling that she feels the need to one up you after the text.

 

The fact that she is reconnecting with an ex you used her and treated her like crap which means she still has feelings for him.

 

Get out of this trainwreck while you can.

  • Author
AloneinTexas Member

AloneinTexas

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Well she didnt "technically" cheat. We only started "talking" a week prior to this event she shared.

 

Also, it may not be neccesarily true she still has feelings for the ex. He added her on FB, she accepted his friendship. I am trusting she is over him however. I told her if the tables were turned and I reconnected with my ex like that, she would probably be feeling jealous too, but it doesn't imply feelings are there.

 

Just playing devils advocate

Woggle Established Member

Woggle

Posted
Posted
Well she didnt "technically" cheat. We only started "talking" a week prior to this event she shared.

 

Also, it may not be neccesarily true she still has feelings for the ex. He added her on FB, she accepted his friendship. I am trusting she is over him however. I told her if the tables were turned and I reconnected with my ex like that, she would probably be feeling jealous too, but it doesn't imply feelings are there.

 

Just playing devils advocate

 

You seriously do not understand women. Most women have that one ex who treated them like complete garbage but they are still very much in love with. Here she has a boring nice guy like you who will never hurt but her heart pounds for the bad boy in her past who used her and abused her. Read some threads on this forum to see where this will lead.

  • Author
AloneinTexas Member

AloneinTexas

Posted
  • Author
Posted

I wouldn't consider myself the "nice" guy. I think she trusts me more than any other guy she's been with though. I do get the whole a55hole versus nice guy thing, but I m not that nice and I am far from boring to her.

 

How do u suppose I ask her if she still has feelings for her ex?

Woggle Established Member

Woggle

Posted
Posted
I wouldn't consider myself the "nice" guy. I think she trusts me more than any other guy she's been with though. I do get the whole a55hole versus nice guy thing, but I m not that nice and I am far from boring to her.

 

How do u suppose I ask her if she still has feelings for her ex?

 

You are a nice guy if you are willing to put up with this behavior. Yes she trusts you because you are good old reliable AloneinTexas which means you are boring to her.

 

I would just get rid of her and tell her to go play with her ex but if you feel the need to just come right out and ask her.

Green Established Member

Green

Posted
Posted

First off it is upsetting to find out your gf slept with anyone before you let alone in the time you knew her. It was not cheating though so you shouldn't hold it against her and I agree she shouldn't have told you.

 

As far as you drunk txting with a girl and her writing on your wall not very cool. As a sign of respect I would delete flirtatious wall posts from your wall if I were you and consider not having a wall for exactly these reasons.

 

I'm sure she has no sinister plan with her ex bf becoming a facebook friend... But if I were you I would ask that she break contact and remove him as a friend. Truthly even if girls object or argue in my mind they like it when you tell them not to talk to other guys. And dude its like russian roulette nothing good can come of her staying in contact with this guy, not for her, and definetly not for you!

 

So don't break up with her, but cut your crap with girls flirting on your wall, and do not let it be ok for her to have contact with an ex.

Crazy Magnet Established Member

Crazy Magnet

Posted
Posted

I don't think you can hold her ONS against her, although, I have no idea why on earth she would tell you that. It's just.....stupid.

 

As far as facebook goes, you two need to sit down and define what is acceptable on FB and what is not. It doesn't really matter what all of us LS posters think should or shouldn't be on your wall (although, as a female, I'd be ticked about the flirty messages). What matters is what works for you and your gf.

SincereOnlineGuy Established Member

SincereOnlineGuy

Posted
Posted
Cutting to the chase:

 

Have been talking/dating my gf for 2 months, and we have been exclusive for 1 month. Last night, she basically comes out and tells me that during the first week of our talking, she went on a road trip and had a one night stand with her friends' brother. My immediate response was "uhhh ok, well I think that is one of those things I would rather not know." She felt bad for telling me, but she said she had it on her chest for a while and wanted to feel clean about us, as she absolutely hates secrets. I just told her I didn't see the reason/need for her to tell me, as we weren't exclusive at the time, but it did honestly make me feel disappointed etc. Granted I hope this goes away, but still...

 

I have to add though a possible reason why she told me. 2 nights ago, we were out at the bars. A girl I am friends with texted me a few times because she was drunk and so we went back and forth a couple of times. This same girl, yesterday, wrote on my FB wall about our texting, saying "just a reminder I own you in drunk texting."

 

So last night, BEFORE my gf brought up her one night stand thing, she did question who my little friend was.

 

Now it seems she was trying to get some power back by trying to make me feel poopy.

 

As a sidenote, she just accepted FB friendship with her one ex of 3 years who basically used her that entire time. Her stance with ex's is she can't hold hatred with her for anyone, so by default, it means she becomes their friend.

 

Thoughts?

 

 

 

NO, she didn't technically "cheat"... but you are supposed to see something in the fact that she told you needlessly.

 

This isn't about her actions. This is about her motives with regard to telling you something like this.

 

She's just not as into you as you would like her to be, and the fact that she spewed this pointless information clarifies that.

D-Lish Established Member

D-Lish

Posted
Posted

I'd never tell a guy I was dating what your gf told you- it's not at all classy. I suspect she was trying to "one up" you because of the drunk texting you were engaging in. You have to stop with that btw! As someone else mentioned, remove posts like that from your wall- it's a one way ticket to the doghouse.

 

Doesn't sound like either of you have too much respect for the others feelings.

clueless haha Member

clueless haha

Posted
Posted
Dump her now.

 

why? explain your thought process

 

The fact that she cheated on you early on the relationship.

 

The fact that she is so controlling that she feels the need to one up you after the text.

 

The fact that she is reconnecting with an ex you used her and treated her like crap which means she still has feelings for him.

 

Get out of this trainwreck while you can.

 

my thoughts exactly Woggle, i was in a relationship for two years with the same kind of girl and stupid me stuck around..

 

i ended it last summer and am happy i did!

RedBunny New Member

RedBunny

Posted
Posted

Woah....how do you know she isn't just being really honest with you? Maybe she felt bad for what she did, and realized that honesty is important? Maybe not, but at least take that into consideration before you run off and dump her for something so silly.

 

I've been with my boyfriend two years. We were kinda friends with bennies but not exclusive in the beginning, and both of us had slept with other people during that time. However, we were open and honest about it. No gory details mind you, but no hiding it either. Made us both feel better knowing we could trust eachother with that kinda info. But then, we are both very tolerant people.

 

Why don't you just ask her why she told you?

 

btw, I have an ex who treated me like trash. Just cause he added me on freakin facebook doesn't mean I still have feelings for him. C'mon.

 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...