carolinawanderer Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 ...since she left me, and I still feel so empty inside. All I want is to be excited about life again. Not dwell on my mistakes, on her words. I want to be happy to get out of bed again, and have something to look forward to again. I'm sick of sitting here agonizing over what went wrong, and trying to find a way out, trying to find a way to tell myself this was meant to happen, and it wasn't my fault, because it all still feels so wrong. I'm tired of only half-connecting with people, and wanting sex so badly all the time because I miss how it felt with her. I feel like I'm trapped in a prison without doors, walls, bars, or guards. Hardly anything excites me anymore. I just want my life back. I've been working out/dieting. I've been asking people on dates. I've been trying to reach out to the few friends I have in this small town I'm stuck in now (because of her). I'm going to law school in the fall (presumably)...I've been trying to move forward. But every day feels so meaningless, and life just isn't fun anymore. Part of me feels like I don't even deserve to get better and tell myself I didn't deserve this, because of a few mistakes I made with her. Every time I try to tell myself it's her problem and not mine, I think of some other dumb thing I did while we were together. I just want to find a way out.
counterman Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 We all think about stupid things we did back when we were together with our exs. Some things I wished I had done differently...but I usually end up accepting that it's done already and all I can do is learn from it. Keep doing the things you're doing i.e. working out, dieting, contact friends, etc. But, don't date if you're feeling this way. It's not fair for them. A relationship takes two people to make it work. Both you and her had issues which you both could have resolved together. Now, I don't know what has happened but don't blame your relationship ending on a stupid mistake that you've made. Mistakes aren't always intended and it's a shame they happen, but we have to live and learn from them. Keep soldiering on and try to stay positive.
cdt76 Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 I've found that in order to date you have to be in the right place with your mind and body. Depression takes it's toll on us but when we come out of it, we can take the time to be happy with being alone and being with ourselves. It's at these times when we are most able to meet someone and put effort into a relationship. The problem is finding someone who is also in that same place at the same time.
blinded Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 ...since she left me, and I still feel so empty inside. All I want is to be excited about life again. Not dwell on my mistakes, on her words. I want to be happy to get out of bed again, and have something to look forward to again. I'm sick of sitting here agonizing over what went wrong, and trying to find a way out, trying to find a way to tell myself this was meant to happen, and it wasn't my fault, because it all still feels so wrong. I'm tired of only half-connecting with people, and wanting sex so badly all the time because I miss how it felt with her. I feel like I'm trapped in a prison without doors, walls, bars, or guards. Hardly anything excites me anymore. I just want my life back. I've been working out/dieting. I've been asking people on dates. I've been trying to reach out to the few friends I have in this small town I'm stuck in now (because of her). I'm going to law school in the fall (presumably)...I've been trying to move forward. But every day feels so meaningless, and life just isn't fun anymore. Part of me feels like I don't even deserve to get better and tell myself I didn't deserve this, because of a few mistakes I made with her. Every time I try to tell myself it's her problem and not mine, I think of some other dumb thing I did while we were together. I just want to find a way out. It's been 2 months for me and I feel the exact same way. I keep telling myself that one day I'll be able to smile again and truly mean it deep down inside. BUT I do feel like I deserve better and so should you. Everyone makes mistakes. You are being too hard on yourself dwelling on the past. Sounds like you have a lot going for yourself so keep it up.
Howitzer Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 A sign of depression is a lack of interest in doing things that you used to be interested. Knowing that, I hope it makes you feel better in knowing that depression is not a normal state, and hence there will come a day when you no longer have depression. In the meantime, you just gotta ride it through, as tough as it is.
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