snake501264 Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 In the past relationships, I had been insecure about myself. I often get jealous if the GF is around other guys. Right now I am currently single and I really want to fix myself so that I can get rid of this insecure feeling so that I can have a good relationship in the future. How can I do that?? Answers from male and female are both welcomed. Thank you in advance!
counterman Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 First of all, you're in the right frame of mind if you're looking to improve on yourself. That's right, just keep focusing on yourself. To build confidence, I suggests having interests and commitments, and these should be outside of work, studies and other domestic obligations. Although, definitely put in the effort for your studies or career, it will make you feel better about your achievements and when you know you've done a good job, allow yourself to feel proud on the inside and not so much modest, but stay humble on the outside. What really interests you? It would be a sport, martial arts, space, cars, etc. If you play in a team sport socially, it will benefit you being around a lot of people who have a common interest. It's heaps of fun and you meet a lot of people. Working out and having a regular exercise regime is always very beneficial. It helps release good chemicals which make you feel better about yourself and, not to mention, it also ensures that you are healthy. Eat well as well, eating a lot of junk will only make you feel sick and unhealthy. Hang around your friends and just enjoy your time with them. Do things that friends do, go to movies, shop, play sports, fishing, jogging, rock-climbing, etc. That really helps. And, have a good relationship with family members. Stay committed to all of this will definitely boost your confidence! Notice how I haven't said anything about looking to date a few times or whatever. It's because this is all about focusing on you.
boogieboy Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 WHen you get out of the habit of treating women like prized possessions that youre lucky to have stay with you, only then will you stop being jealous. They are with you because youre fun to be with, so no need to worry about her leaving you. You will then know that she isnt going anywhere and you have nothing to worry about. At this point, SHE will be jealous of what YOU do. If she does leave you, you can easily get another one.
cognac Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 WHen you get out of the habit of treating women like prized possessions that youre lucky to have stay with you, only then will you stop being jealous. They are with you because youre fun to be with, so no need to worry about her leaving you. You will then know that she isnt going anywhere and you have nothing to worry about. At this point, SHE will be jealous of what YOU do. If she does leave you, you can easily get another one. This would be good advice in an ideal world. But right now the dating game sucks for the majority of men. Getting a woman to go out with you and stay in a relationship is extremely challenging in and of itself this day and age, you need to be a little jealous and moderate the behavior of your woman because getting one is a lot of hard work!
Author snake501264 Posted January 28, 2010 Author Posted January 28, 2010 In the past I may or may not have a bad experience in dating. My friend was saying stuff about my ex-girlfriend and I never talked to her to find out about the truth. So, that experience kinda makes me not having any trust in girlfriends. It is really bad because it feels like I have a battle with my own concious. I just really want it to stop, because I am just hurting myself with this kind of mentality (not having trust).
txsilkysmoothe Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 In the past I may or may not have a bad experience in dating. My friend was saying stuff about my ex-girlfriend and I never talked to her to find out about the truth. So, that experience kinda makes me not having any trust in girlfriends. It is really bad because it feels like I have a battle with my own concious. I just really want it to stop, because I am just hurting myself with this kind of mentality (not having trust). You said you would get jealous when your GF was around other men. You need to learn to discern what should warrant your concern and what should not. I think you should make two lists. One for "Innocent" inter-actions between a girlfriend and other men and a second list for what you consider "Unacceptable." Memorize it and don't overreact.
Author snake501264 Posted January 28, 2010 Author Posted January 28, 2010 You said you would get jealous when your GF was around other men. You need to learn to discern what should warrant your concern and what should not. I think you should make two lists. One for "Innocent" inter-actions between a girlfriend and other men and a second list for what you consider "Unacceptable." Memorize it and don't overreact. are the lists for me only or for her to memorize as well?
txsilkysmoothe Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 are the lists for me only or for her to memorize as well? lol for you only! (I don't know if you're joking but don't give a woman a list) I'm assuming you have decided you have been jealous when there was no reason.... if that is the case you must have overreacted in the past. Putting it down on paper will force you to really think about what a GF could say or do with another man that you would/should find disrespectful and unacceptable. Of course, if she does cross the line that would be when you tell her that you don't think it's appropriate and feel it disrespects you and the relationship the two of you are building.
Author snake501264 Posted January 28, 2010 Author Posted January 28, 2010 lol for you only! (I don't know if you're joking but don't give a woman a list) I'm assuming you have decided you have been jealous when there was no reason.... if that is the case you must have overreacted in the past. Putting it down on paper will force you to really think about what a GF could say or do with another man that you would/should find disrespectful and unacceptable. Of course, if she does cross the line that would be when you tell her that you don't think it's appropriate and feel it disrespects you and the relationship the two of you are building. sorry, I wasn't kidding. So yeah I will keep the list to myself then! About your last line about telling her, she crosses the line when she does something that I don't find inappropriate, women almost always disagree and for some reason will start to complain about me with the guy that she did the inappropriate thing with, right??
txsilkysmoothe Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 I admire your willingness to self-evaluate. Your realization that this is a battle with your own conscience is very true. Because at the end of the day, you can't "make" a woman behave a certain way. You can only have your own set of standards from which you will not waiver and if a woman does not share those standards, drop her - she isn't good enough for you. Having standards builds confidence. Tolerating those things with which you don't agree, breeds insecurity. BUT, in determing your standards, be reasonable. You don't want to dump a woman for merely returning a "hello." This is why I suggest writing it down. It forces you to evaluate whether it seems silly or reasonable. Then commit it to memory. I would not tolerate someone who purposely tries to make me feel jealousy. I don't know if that has been your experience, but it can certainly lead to insecurity.
txsilkysmoothe Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 About your last line about telling her, she crosses the line when she does something that I don't find inappropriate, women almost always disagree and for some reason will start to complain about me with the guy that she did the inappropriate thing with, right? You should only discuss the issue when the two of you are alone and sober. Approach it with the assumption that she doesn't realize what she was doing was inappropriate or disrespectful. Speak calmly. If she has a sincere interest in you and wants the relationship to work, she will be open minded and willing to not repeat that behavior. But you may be dealing with the type of woman who is purposely making you jealous or playing games. That is the type of woman who would then complain to the other guy. She's the type you should dump. Dumping someone who isn't good for you will also build your confidence.
Author snake501264 Posted February 5, 2010 Author Posted February 5, 2010 txsilkysmoothe, thanks for the excellent tips. The last 2 GF that I had were in my opinion look much better than me; she probably could've done better with a richer and better looking guy. Being with better looking women (in my opinion) kinda makes me feel down a little bit. So, everytime I see the girls talk to her guy friends I feel that they will leave me with those dudes (I know that this is just my personal insecurity coming out). All of the girls that I dated also knew some of my friends or we share common friends. so I always felt somewhat embarassed if I say break up with them after only going out with them for a few months or a mere weeks (I always not sure what to say). But, since I have been with 2 women that I didn't really share the same standards with lately, I will try my hardest to just end things when I don't see things are not the way I want them to be.
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