dmb05 Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 Hey guys. Went through a break up this weekend that I didn't even see coming. Been friends with this girl since early last year. She's 18 and I'm 22. We began liking each other and "talking" since October. We both wanted to be in a relationship, but took it slow and I finally asked her out on December 24. Things were going great and I loved the relationship. She then started asking me about engagement. I told her it was a little early to be discussing that. She said she didn't want to be 23 or 24 and just being engaged. She kept talking about it and talking about it and finally got me to thinking about it. I just graduated college and thought it may be a good time. I thought about it seriously for a couple of days and told her I may would consider it at the end of this year if things were still going good between us. Couple weeks later, things got to going fast and I told her I loved her. It just slipped out. She was immediately happy and told me she had never felt this way this fast, but she knew we had something special and wanted us to last, and she loved me too. I get to see her usually twice per week. Those days being Fri and Sat. Friday nights she doesn't get off work until 9. By the time she gets to my house, everything around us is closed and there's not much to do besides play cards, watch movies, go riding around, or grab some fast food. Whenever we watch movies, she usually ends up falling asleep then waking up later and us just talking. Ever since we started dating, every Saturday she always has to schedule me and her to hang out with her best friend and her boyfriend. I love hanging with them, but every weekend has been getting to me because I hardly have any time to her for myself. I asked her over to watch the premiere of American Idol a couple of weeks ago. She said yes and came over. When she got there, she said her best friend and her boyfriend were on their way because she invited them. I intended on she and I watching it together and just having "us" time. Anyways, last Saturday we all hung out together as usual. My gf started her period and she was very ill and grouchy the entire night. She told me about it afterwards and told me not to pay attention to her this week because she gets very moody. Tuesday, she was very happy, her normal lovey dovey self. Wednesday, I get a HUGE email on facebook asking why I've changed since we started dating, how when I'm around her best friend and her boyfriend, I don't act the same and I act like I'm scared to be myself. Well, with this being the first time I'd seen her in this grouchy of a mood, I didn't know how to act, and I can't fully be myself around them ya know? There's some things you can't really talk about with your gf with other people around like that. So, I told her we would talk about it, just not over facebook. Our basic means of communication is by text, which I hate. So Friday night, I went with my parents to eat where she works. She didn't even acknowledge that I was there. She usually comes and says hi at the least, but turned her head everytime she saw me. She ended up texting me saying she didn't feel good and wasn't coming over to talk. So I asked her if she wanted to just talk over the phone. She said no, she wanted to talk over IM. So I said fine. We end up talking and she says that I've changed since we've been dating. I honestly haven't changed anything I did before we dated. It's just that we're always with her best friend and her boyfriend and I can't get any time to her myself, so sometimes it's hard to know how to take things. First off I told her that I agreed we needed to slow this relationship down with engagement talk and I love yous this early. Then I asked her if it would be okay if some Saturdays, she and I just take a day to ourselves. She said no, that she wasn't about to give her time with her friends up and that she's sorry she could only have Fridays with me. I told her if that's what it took to help our relationship, I'd deal with it. I then told her we should talk on the phone more and less texting, because it's so much less personal. She just kept saying we needed to go back to being friends because we acted better together when we were friends. I told her I couldn't go back from being in a relationship with a girl I truly cared about, to being friends overnight. She told me that was stupid, that I liked her before and we were just friends. I told her that it was different. We both wanted to be in this relationship and we were just taking time to get to know each other. She said all we did was rush into it and she wanted to just be friends. I asked her if that's what she really wanted, and her reply was: ......... She said she felt sick and just logged off. Next morning I called her and she didn't answer. She texted me asking what I needed. I told her I either wanted to fix this relationship, or we were just needing to end it. Her reply was: ?????? I finally asked her to take her time to think about what she wants, and let me know when she decides. She immediately texted back saying she wanted to be friends. I said okay fine, if that's what you want and I didn't text her anymore. She asked me if I was mad and I didn't reply. So last night, I"m hanging out with some friends and she texts me asking if I would want to hang out with her, her best friend, and her best friend's boyfriend like usual. I of course said no, and she got mad telling me that was dumb. She later texted me again asking if I was home because she needed to give my class ring back that she took, and give me my birthday gift. That's all I've heard from her. I just don't understand what went wrong from a good relationship Tuesday, to wanting to break up overnight Wednesday. We both agreed we wanted to slow the relationship down and just take it slow, but when we talked, all she wanted was to be friends because that's what we were better off as according to her. I'm going NC and I'll have to see her next week to get my things from her. I don't know why, but I really want to still work things out because I think all of this was a huge misunderstanding. But at the same time, I think something else is going on. Any thoughts or opinions? I hate break ups, and I really like this girl We spent all of Christmas, Thanksgiving, and New year's together and everything was going so great.
TheMastaPlan Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 she has no idea what she wants. shes being immature my man, im 22 about to be 23 and my ex is 21 about to be 22 she broke up with me cuz well its a long story you can see my posts, i miss her terribly and want her back badly and you are doing all the steps i should have....anyways she seems very immature, she invited those people over without consulting you are you kidding me? haha i mean what the hell not even my boys do that to me...you need to keep doing what ur doing, ignore her but not intirely. do not respond back rigth away, give it half hour/hour or even over night to think about it and then respond, show her your busy, SHE broke up with you, youre doing the right thing by letting her contact you, although you dont want her to think youre completely over her either, otherwise shell say whatever and move on, so keep small contact but short and simple. let her figure out what she wants, do not hang out with her her best friend and best friends bf the first time, you wanna get her to where she misses what you gusy had alone...why the hell do you need to always hang out with her and her best friend and best friends bf thats weird, i mean every weekend...what the heck...just keep doing what ur doing and let her figure out what she wants, but if you ask me she seems very immature..ps i like the short and simple responses you gave her...when girls say 'i hate you i enver wanna talk to you' or anything along that lines and you say just 'ok' you drive thme INSANE and their brains start to tick and wonder, what hte hell just ok? does he not care, whats going on...let her sweat it out and see if she misses you, continue to let her contact you
LostInLimbo Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 Let her decide what she wants and have her contact you, I think you have taken the right aproach to not catering to her, as themasterplan said, Very Immature, I am 39 and if you read my post, I dated a girl who is in her 30s and acted the exact same way, unfortunate 2 kids had to see the break ups between us. Good Luck, Be Strong LiL
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