Hilda Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 (edited) Let me start off my saying that I am seriously confused – or I wouldn’t be here. I'm married with two great kids. My marriage isn’t perfect. My husband has cheated on me several times over the years – the last time being about 2 ½ years ago (that I know of). I have chosen to stay in the marriage, and things seem to be going ok – until a month ago. Back in November, an old friend and I reconnected. We have known each other since we were 5 and basically grew up together. We lost touch over the years, and seem to reconnect every few years. We “dated” when we were younger –but it was nothing but puppy love. He is now married, and at the time, was very unhappy. We seemed to have fallen for each other. It came out of no where. We see each other as often as possible – no sex, but lots of kissing. We tell each other that we love one another. We talk about the future. It actually seemed so real. Then, during an argument with his wife, he told his wife that he’s been hanging out with an old friend. He didn’t tell her he loved me, just that we talk. I understand why he didn’t tell her everything – who wants to hurt anyone…. But the next day, she called him at work and broke down because she wants to work on their marriage. I told him we could end this and he needed to work on his life at home – I don’t want to be a reason for him not to try to work things out. He told me no, he didn’t want to lose me again, he loves me, yadda yadda yadda. Ya, I fell for it. I really do love him. I can’t believe how much I do care for this man. We have planned a day to be with one another this Friday, and he says he still wants to get together. However, he’s been avoiding me like crazy over the last 3 days. He doesn’t want to meet up because “he’s under a microscope”, and the texting and calls have slowed down. This all leads me to believe it truly is over, but he’s afraid to tell me. What do you all think? I was planning on seeing him tomorrow for lunch – and seeing where his head is – and then ending it all. I just don’t think it’s fair to me or his wife – or to my husband. I know this is all so crazy – but if he told me he was going to end it with his wife, I would leave my husband to be with him. Or at least I think I can. I just don’t know what to do…this all really sucks. Suggestions? Edited January 25, 2010 by Hilda weird spacing
RedDevil66 Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 you made the best suggestion; ending it all
Fallen Angel Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 Let me start off my saying that I am seriously confused – or I wouldn’t be here. I'm married with two great kids. My marriage isn’t perfect. My husband has cheated on me several times over the years – the last time being about 2 ½ years ago (that I know of). I have chosen to stay in the marriage, and things seem to be going ok – until a month ago. Back in November, an old friend and I reconnected. We have known each other since we were 5 and basically grew up together. We lost touch over the years, and seem to reconnect every few years. We “dated” when we were younger –but it was nothing but puppy love. He is now married, and at the time, was very unhappy. We seemed to have fallen for each other. It came out of no where. We see each other as often as possible – no sex, but lots of kissing. We tell each other that we love one another. We talk about the future. It actually seemed so real. Then, during an argument with his wife, he told his wife that he’s been hanging out with an old friend. He didn’t tell her he loved me, just that we talk. I understand why he didn’t tell her everything – who wants to hurt anyone…. But the next day, she called him at work and broke down because she wants to work on their marriage. I told him we could end this and he needed to work on his life at home – I don’t want to be a reason for him not to try to work things out. He told me no, he didn’t want to lose me again, he loves me, yadda yadda yadda. Ya, I fell for it. I really do love him. I can’t believe how much I do care for this man. We have planned a day to be with one another this Friday, and he says he still wants to get together. However, he’s been avoiding me like crazy over the last 3 days. He doesn’t want to meet up because “he’s under a microscope”, and the texting and calls have slowed down. This all leads me to believe it truly is over, but he’s afraid to tell me. What do you all think? I was planning on seeing him tomorrow for lunch – and seeing where his head is – and then ending it all. I just don’t think it’s fair to me or his wife – or to my husband. I know this is all so crazy – but if he told me he was going to end it with his wife, I would leave my husband to be with him. Or at least I think I can. I just don’t know what to do…this all really sucks. Suggestions? But if you do not have this MM out there waiting for you, you will stay in your sham of a marriage? How is that fair to your husband? Why don't you let him go so that he can find someone that will love him and only him, afterall, isn't that what you want? Someone who will love you and only you?
Author Hilda Posted January 25, 2010 Author Posted January 25, 2010 But if you do not have this MM out there waiting for you, you will stay in your sham of a marriage? How is that fair to your husband? Why don't you let him go so that he can find someone that will love him and only him, afterall, isn't that what you want? Someone who will love you and only you? Oh yes - you are so right about that. Just like my DH thought about me all the times he cheated on me. I was always too weak to leave.
Fallen Angel Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 Oh yes - you are so right about that. Just like my DH thought about me all the times he cheated on me. I was always too weak to leave. But if you are that unhappy in your marriage, and you harbour that much animosity towards your husband, why stay married? You do not need anyone out there waiting for you, you just need to know that divorce will free you to all the possibilities that the world has to offer. Why wait for some MM to be waiting? Besides, his cheating doesn't make your cheating okay... (I am an OW myself, I am just trying to get you to see that you do not NEED any man, you can do this FOR YOURSELF because it is THE BEST THING FOR YOU!!)
Passion4Life Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 Let me start off my saying that I am seriously confused – or I wouldn’t be here. I'm married with two great kids. My marriage isn’t perfect. My husband has cheated on me several times over the years – the last time being about 2 ½ years ago (that I know of). I have chosen to stay in the marriage, and things seem to be going ok – until a month ago. Back in November, an old friend and I reconnected. We have known each other since we were 5 and basically grew up together. We lost touch over the years, and seem to reconnect every few years. We “dated” when we were younger –but it was nothing but puppy love. He is now married, and at the time, was very unhappy. We seemed to have fallen for each other. It came out of no where. We see each other as often as possible – no sex, but lots of kissing. We tell each other that we love one another. We talk about the future. It actually seemed so real. Then, during an argument with his wife, he told his wife that he’s been hanging out with an old friend. He didn’t tell her he loved me, just that we talk. I understand why he didn’t tell her everything – who wants to hurt anyone…. But the next day, she called him at work and broke down because she wants to work on their marriage. I told him we could end this and he needed to work on his life at home – I don’t want to be a reason for him not to try to work things out. He told me no, he didn’t want to lose me again, he loves me, yadda yadda yadda. Ya, I fell for it. I really do love him. I can’t believe how much I do care for this man. We have planned a day to be with one another this Friday, and he says he still wants to get together. However, he’s been avoiding me like crazy over the last 3 days. He doesn’t want to meet up because “he’s under a microscope”, and the texting and calls have slowed down. This all leads me to believe it truly is over, but he’s afraid to tell me. What do you all think? I was planning on seeing him tomorrow for lunch – and seeing where his head is – and then ending it all. I just don’t think it’s fair to me or his wife – or to my husband. I know this is all so crazy – but if he told me he was going to end it with his wife, I would leave my husband to be with him. Or at least I think I can. I just don’t know what to do…this all really sucks. Suggestions? so if he ends it with his wife u will leave ur husband to be with him if he does not then u will stay with ur husband . sounds like u r using husband as a doormat .
Author Hilda Posted January 25, 2010 Author Posted January 25, 2010 You are all so right. Like I said, my mind wasn't clear. I think I'm better today. Thanks for all the hard love.
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