Bf broke up with me because he needs to sort his life out?

[Ann Karenina]

This is a little bit of a complicated story, I hope I can explain it well enough for people to give me some advice as I really need it. I am so heartbroken and dont know what to do.

 

My boyfriend and I met at uni abroad in the UK and fell immediately for each other. He is my best friend and I love him very much. We have been dating for about 2 years.We talked about marriage and kids and so on...He promised me to marry one day and even gave me a promise ring.

 

After 1 1/2 years of dating we both finished our degrees and had to go back to our home countries. He is from Canada, I am from Europe. We decided to date long distance again and that I would try to do my postgraduate degree in Canada to be with him in the future.

 

 

Now to his problems:

He is 29 years old a nd took a 2nd degree (in Law) in the UK which won't be accepted in Canada unless he sits another 5 exams. He has a whole lot of debt and had to move back to his parents while he prepares himself for his transfer exams. There is a lot of pressure on him to pass those and he is also not able to work while studying. Therefore he has no money and is very isolated.

 

All his friends are working, engaged/married, buy houses and so on while he sits and home and has still not sorted his life out. He is very unhappy and sad most of the time and doesn't to anything but study. He doesn't meet up with people and seems seriously depressed. Moreover he is realising that he hates law and doesn't want to become a lawyer but it's what his family expects of him.

 

He is sitting his first part of exams this week and was supposed to visit me afterwards for three weeks in Germany for the first time. I have already visited him for a month in the summer where I met his family and so on. I was already very excited for his visit, even though I was fighting with my parents a lot because of him as they don't like him. My dad thinks that my bf is a loser as he still hasn't sorted his life out at the age of nearly 30 and that I deserve better.

 

Anyways, what happened was that three weeks before my bf's visit he called me up to tell me that he is breaking up with me because he doesn't have the same feelings for me anymore (that being said he hasn't seen me for 4 months now due to our long distance relationship). He cried a little and said that he cannot do this anymore as it hurts him too much to be apart from me all the time and he feels like we will never be together as we both are not in the position to settle yet (his uncertainty of ever being able to practice law and earn money and so on). He also doesn't want to stay in touch even though it hurts him but he needs to sort his life out now.

 

I thought I was dyeing as this came totally out of the blue. We hadn't been arguing, he had told me that he loves me everyday we spoke on the phone and said how much he is looking forward to see me again just the the day before he broke up with me. There hadn't been any signs that he was unhappy with our relationship. I knew that he was unhappy with his life but I never thought he would break up with me because of that.

 

He says that he still has feelings for me but has to get his life back on track, get a job and so on and doesn't want me to wait for him. He also said that I deserve better and that I put much more into the relationship than he does. Moreover he believes that its best for him to cut me out of his life. I don't understand, in the same conversation he also said that I am his best friend? How can you treat someone you call your best friend like that?

 

I am so hurt! I love him so much and I feel like he is not willing to fight for our relationship. I dont care what job he has and if he has money or not. I love him for the person he is and I would do anything for him. I have always been supportive and understanding when things didn't go well with him. I always tried to cheer him up when he was unhappy and tried to make sure that he is doing okay. I feel so bad that I didn't see this coming and I feel so helpless.

 

I told him that I am going to fly to Canada to see him but he said that he wouldn't meet up with me then and that he doesn't want me to come. I just think that it would be okay again then maybe if he would see me again in person...I am so confused. He also said that he would let me know if he changes his mind again but that I shouldn't wait for him as he wants to get his life fixed first before being in a relationship again.

 

Does anyone knows what that means? Is there a chance that he will come back to me and realises that he made a mistake? I think that he only broke up with me because of his situation right now, because he is so unhappy with his life and worried about responsibility but then again I don't know....Moreover he is turning 30 next week, he always said that he is dreading this birthday as it means that he is old then....

 

Please help! I am so confused...

 

PS: I am 22 years old, 8 years younger than my boyfriend and I am his first serious steady girfriend which he introduced to his family.

[RedDevil66]

Hi, I'm so sorry you're going through this.

 

Listen, having a relationship where you see each other all the time is tough, never mind a long distance one.

 

And maybe he does feel like a loser in that he is depressed, still lives with his parents and is not getting his act together.

Having a relationship that is growing too slow probably also makes him feel like he's not growing.

 

I think unless you're willing to move to Canada soon, there is little chance to solve this issue.

[Ann Karenina]

I told him that I would apply for visa and move to Canada ( not only for him but because I fell in love with the country too and could imagine myself living there easily ) and also applied to universities near him. He told me not to move though because we couldn't be living together as he has no money and so much debt.

[RedDevil66]

I told him that I would apply for visa and move to Canada ( not only for him but because I fell in love with the country too and could imagine myself living there easily ) and also applied to universities near him. He told me not to move though because we couldn't be living together as he has no money and so much debt.

 

Well it sounds like he just needs to work on getting himself out of his debt and depression.

He's probably ashmed of himself and in front of you.

 

Give him some time, let him know you still love him and maybe he just needs some time to work it out.

 

Don't beg, or plead and keep contact to a minimum.

 

he may come around

[Silver_star]

Speaking from some experience (having dated a guy in a similar predicament in the same city tho) I know that its not just the distance..if u were in Canada there would be no difference in his mind set. He would still leave u because he feels like u do more then he does for u. If he cared enough he would do more, you can always do more, he just is wanting to be free from another pressing commitment in his life, especially when it seems he cant get his **** together. Point is...he doesnt care about the relationship enough to fight for you, enough to never hurt you like this. Especially because he says hes coming back..you will never recover or have a normal relationship WITH HIM after this incident. You will always think he may just pack it up and leave again, or just completely drop the relationship YOU have built with him because your not fitting into his lifestyle right now.

 

It is confusing for a guy to say he loves you, and that you are the best thing in their life and then they say they need space from u. Just doesnt sound logical. If he is 29, he is already set in his ways, he is not going to change until he is ready or maybe he wont change at all.

 

Having told u that "he may come back" shows that he doesnt care if he has to hurt you while hes going through his little "rough patch"...Dont wait for him. Start the process of moving on. You will know when you find love when you get reciprocation for all that you do for eachother. When you fight to stay together and help eachother through problems instead of running away from them. hes a running away kind of guy, and he will come back when hes lonely, and then run away again.