ponzi Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 Hi everyone. I was hoping I might be able to get some advice. My boyfriend is going to a music concert next month and he goes with "the boys" usually when they do this they go to the strippers and get lap dance's aswell. Now the thing is I dont mind the strippers as this is a guy thing so Im good with this but Im not keen at all on the whole lap dance thing. I dont consider it as cheating unless they touched them but it does hurt to know that my boyfriend still wants to get a lap dance even though we are together. Now I know that he doesnt think he is doing the wrong thing cause he has told me and says that this is something that the boys do when they go out which is not very often at all. What I cant seem to get past is the fact that we are together now and he still is getting a lap dance. He has assured me that he doesnt and has never touched them and I believe this but it still hurts that he wants to do this. I admit Im very insecure about my body and always feel that a guy will find someone better than me with the perfect body but this hurts. I have told him that I dont understand why a guy still feels like he is wanting to do this when he is in a relationship but I havent told him that it is hurting me alot. I dont know what to do and its eating at me. I dont want to lose him and we are moving in with eachother in a few months. Am I being silly and over paranoid if he has told me that he is doing this and has told me of previous ones aswell? He doesnt hide anything and does tell me. He honestly is a great guy and I feel lucky to have him, it just hurts that he is still going to do this. I think Im just lost and dont know what to do.
snoopy girl Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 tell your boyfriend that you do not like for him to go, if he goes anyways then all he is thinking about is himself and the fun he has with him and his friends... if he loves you and cares for your feelings then he will not go.. the only thing that will happen now is..... he will go and not tell you. he will go and tell you that he will not touch. he will make you feel bad about him not going. he will get mad at you and go, then say sorry for going. this is something that you can not control, only your boyfriend can stop going, the only thing that will come out of this is lies from him, if he does not want to stop.. or you can go with him to see just what goes on in a strip club, and yes they can touch the girls if its okay with the girls. they also have a vip room for $$$ and its behind closed doors just one on one, you need to know just what goes on in these strip clubs, some of them can get pretty nasty. just let your boyfriend know what you want and if he cant respect your feeling and goes anyways then you will alway have issues with this. good luck
disgracian Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 Now I know that he doesnt think he is doing the wrong thing cause he has told me and says that this is something that the boys do when they go out which is not very often at all. It's not so much a matter of right and wrong as it is a warning signal. "It's something we do" is just such a feeble justification on all levels. What it almost certainly comes down to is peer pressure. If he declines the lap dance, "the boys" will taunt him mercilessly about being under your thumb, and he'll feel like he's not really part of the group. The mentality shared by this group will make it difficult for any of them to "grow up" as such, because nobody wants to be the first one to break from such silly, adolescent behaviour. So, sadly, it's not likely to stop any time soon. If you can't square this away, you may have to re-evaluate. Cheers, D.
Author ponzi Posted January 25, 2010 Author Posted January 25, 2010 It's not so much a matter of right and wrong as it is a warning signal. "It's something we do" is just such a feeble justification on all levels. What it almost certainly comes down to is peer pressure. If he declines the lap dance, "the boys" will taunt him mercilessly about being under your thumb, and he'll feel like he's not really part of the group. The mentality shared by this group will make it difficult for any of them to "grow up" as such, because nobody wants to be the first one to break from such silly, adolescent behaviour. So, sadly, it's not likely to stop any time soon. If you can't square this away, you may have to re-evaluate. Cheers, D. Hi D. This is another thing I was thinking about and the whole peer pressure thing. I put this question in another area where I got alot more responses than in here. But I think its right what you said, if he doesnt do it then yeah he will get picked on by his mates and saying I have control over him. Thing is I am not that type of person and he knows that aswell.In some ways this is hard because it can go both ways but in the end it does hurt that he wants to do this. I guess Ill just see how our conversation goes tonight when we talk. Thank you for your advice to the members that responded in here. I appreciate it.
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