IceIceBaby Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 I'm 27 years old and back in August I started dating a guy who is 24. We've known each other for about five years because we worked together. We've kept in touch via email and IM through the years. We dated for about two months. We both really clicked and it was really easy conversation. He said alot of things that led me to believe he was really into me. Telling me what a great catch I was and how he didn't want to mess things up with me and that he doesn't understand why a girl like me would like a guy like him. He even talked about wanting his friends and family to meet me. So it was a shock to me when he randomly tells me he doesn't think he's ready for a relationship when he was the one who took it in that direction. Friday night he was texting me telling me how excited he was to see me Saturday. Saturday he went to work for a few hours and cancelled our plans. And then Sunday he tells me he had a long talk with his boss and thinks he needs to focus on work. This was literally an overnight thing. So we went our separate ways and just the other day he randomly IMs me asking me how I am and saying we should meet up for lunch. I agree but I'm thinking it's probably not going to even really happen. Then today he IMs me again, more small talk. And asks if this week works for lunch. And then during other conversation about gambling/casinos says that we should take a trip out to the casino sometime together. Part of me can't help but be excited because I really liked this guy. But what the heck is his deal? I highly doubt in five months he's suddenly now ready for a relationship. I know for a fact that he hasn't dated anyone else and he's not the sleep around type. He's more of the nerdy type and is a bit awkward around girls. Is he just looking to be friends? I just don't get this guy. Any thoughts here?
tami-chan Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 I'm 27 years old and back in August I started dating a guy who is 24. We've known each other for about five years because we worked together. We've kept in touch via email and IM through the years. We dated for about two months. We both really clicked and it was really easy conversation. He said alot of things that led me to believe he was really into me. Telling me what a great catch I was and how he didn't want to mess things up with me and that he doesn't understand why a girl like me would like a guy like him. He even talked about wanting his friends and family to meet me. So it was a shock to me when he randomly tells me he doesn't think he's ready for a relationship when he was the one who took it in that direction. Friday night he was texting me telling me how excited he was to see me Saturday. Saturday he went to work for a few hours and cancelled our plans. And then Sunday he tells me he had a long talk with his boss and thinks he needs to focus on work. This was literally an overnight thing. So we went our separate ways and just the other day he randomly IMs me asking me how I am and saying we should meet up for lunch. I agree but I'm thinking it's probably not going to even really happen. Then today he IMs me again, more small talk. And asks if this week works for lunch. And then during other conversation about gambling/casinos says that we should take a trip out to the casino sometime together. Part of me can't help but be excited because I really liked this guy. But what the heck is his deal? I highly doubt in five months he's suddenly now ready for a relationship. I know for a fact that he hasn't dated anyone else and he's not the sleep around type. He's more of the nerdy type and is a bit awkward around girls. Is he just looking to be friends? I just don't get this guy. Any thoughts here? Who knows what is his deal.... but you are right, he is not ready for a relationship and the fact that he believes you are available anytime, gives him carte blanche to do whatever he wants to do, whenever. So, ask yourself this....are you at this guy's whim?
Coach_Katherine Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 It sounds to me that this guy is afraid of commitment. He may really like you but that doesn't mean he is willing to be in a relationship with you as his fears of intimacy may be greater. To me he seems like a typical emotionally unavailable guy and those types are best to stay away from, especially if you have a romantic interest in them. He will give you mixed messages and confuse you about his intentions. The best solution is to just give him room and let him know you're not willing to be jerked around.
norajane Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 It sounds to me that this guy is afraid of commitment. He may really like you but that doesn't mean he is willing to be in a relationship with you as his fears of intimacy may be greater. To me he seems like a typical emotionally unavailable guy and those types are best to stay away from, especially if you have a romantic interest in them. He will give you mixed messages and confuse you about his intentions. The best solution is to just give him room and let him know you're not willing to be jerked around. Completely agree. He's the wrong guy to be excited about. Friends, maybe. But nothing more. He will disappoint you every time, every single time.
Aedra Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 Afraid I have to agree with previous posters, I am no dating expert but the signs are there, seems like he has a fear of intimacy. If you really like him, maybe give it a shot. But if he plays up again be upfront and ask him why he's so random to you and if it doesn't clear things up time to move on, that's what I'd do anyway.
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