DenverBachelor Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 ... lo' and behold I have receipts in my pocket. So I take them out to see what they are and they're all 1-2 days before the breakup. About 3 1/2 months has passed but I looked at the receipts and suddenly remembered the moments vividly. It was a sharp kick in the ass for me but, all in all, it was interesting to suddenly get a flash back of the 48 hours before the major life altering event. Weird. For some reason, I suddenly miss her. Geesh ...
EricaH329 Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 I did that recently myself. While cleaning out an old purse, I found tons of reciepts from the time that my ex and I were happy together. Puts things into perspective, doesn't it? Sort of like, 'If I had known then what I know now...' type of deal. I also felt it was healthy in some ways to feel nostalgic after seeing them. At least I know that I can separate the good feelings that I had with those memories, from the feelings that I have now. If that makes sense. It always feels like a punch to the stomach after finding something like that, I know. You can easily feel like all of a sudden you miss her, but please don't confuse that with missing her as a person. You simply miss the good times.
USMCHokie Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 I was unsure of whether to start a thread about my own little foibles, but I guess this would be just as good a place to put them... Had dreams about my ex the past three nights...woke up in pain...couldn't go back to sleep...I'm not sure if there was anything causing it...it just happened... 6 months out, I'm not sure whether it's missing the person or missing the good times or the relationship...
teanoranges Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 I notice a lot of us on LS go through the same emotions around the same time. I'm visiting mutual friends for the first time (been a couple of months.) I'm so terrified of the lose/lose situation but I've been keeping my thoughts straight. If I allow them, I will certainly break down. Its willpower, keep it up.
bananaboat11 Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 Interesting... even though i've been 'up & down'... i've had more 'ups' than 'downs' more recently... mostly because of LS. I forgot who it was that gave me advice for a 'burial'... To get rid of my sadistic ex... I had a 'faux-burial'.. I wrote her name on a piece of paper... dug a hole... cried and put it in. I tried to make the love work... it failed. We all long for that companionship our exes gave us at one point, but they're gone... they may come back, but it'll NEVER be the SAME as it once was. You could get back together... yes, but it'll take extra effort on BOTH ends. I had a dream that very night I laid my ex to rest... there we were arm in arm, slow dancing to the silence of the night. I whispered, "I love you" in her ear. She looked up to me and smiled... but it was like I couldn't see into her eyes... they were glossy ... she whispered something, but I couldn't make it out... and the room began to burn. She held onto me tighter... and ever tighter as the floor began to give way. She lost her footing, but I would not hold on any longer... ...let me tell you, best cry I ever had when I woke up at 3:30am that morning. Didn't get back to sleep. Showered at 5am and just sat in my living room on my couch looking up to the sky.. I had a GREAT day. I was smiling again.
Metal_Muffin Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 I do feel for you...its been about 4 months since i broke up with my ex and we have not spoken. Saturday just gone we were meant to go to a gig together i brought him tickets for part of his bday pres and i gave them to him when we split! So obviously sat i felt like i had gone back a few paces because it came flooding back but i went out with my friends and ended up having a blinding night...you just need to let yourself have a cry and hurt but then distract yourself and carry on...it is hard though!!
Author DenverBachelor Posted January 25, 2010 Author Posted January 25, 2010 You can easily feel like all of a sudden you miss her, but please don't confuse that with missing her as a person. You simply miss the good times. So true. It reminded me of the possibilities and also of the image of who she was before I found out who she really was. The hardest part of healing from everything was realizing that I was in love with an image or possibility and not in love with the true person. What I mean is that I didn't know the "real" her but gave her the benefit of the doubt because I loved her. So as the months stretch on, part of the healing process for me has been making a distinction between fact and fiction. No matter how wrong I was, I do know there is a piece of goodness deep down within her that is buried under layers of insecurity, low self-esteem and confusion. I knew her so well that I fell in love with that diamond buried beneath the layers of hard carbon. Sigh ... Life does go on.
EricaH329 Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 The hardest part of healing from everything was realizing that I was in love with an image or possibility and not in love with the true person. In the end, this is usually always the case. We fell in love with their good qualities. And once their bad qualities began to shine through, we didn't want to believe that this person isn't who we thought they were. So we are forever giving them the benefit of the doubt. Until we come to our senses. It most certainly is the hardest part of moving on. Accepting that we were loving someone based on an image we had of them. That's why they say that time is the greatest healer. Over time, as our love weakens, we begin to see them for the person they truly are.
madrugada Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 God Erica, you are absolutely a beautiful genius. Denver, I know where you are coming from. Last spring my ex fiancee went through a stage where she would stash little slips of paper here and there telling me how much she loved me. So last week I put on a shirt I haven't worn in 8 months and there it is, a note in my pocket from her saying "i love you and I love the look on your face when you're thinking of things to write about" And it brought me to my knees. I cried in the bathroom.
Art_Critic Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 If you think putting on an old coat and finding a receipt makes you buckle to your knees then you ought to think of the couple that gets married then they have a few kids and divorce. They both for the rest of their lives get to see the other in their children and are reminded of the other each time they look at their children. DB..You miss her going to a judge and filing RO papers on you and then making you deal with it in court ? I personally wouldn't miss her one day.. as soon as she made up all the stories about me breaking into her apartment and the guy she is seeing backs her while she gets the RO she would have been total history man.. I get that memories come back.. and you get a chance to remember the good times.. but you really should learn to start demonizing this woman for your own mental health. Cheers
EricaH329 Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 God Erica, you are absolutely a beautiful genius. Awwww, thank youu!!! I know what you're going through is tough right now, but try to be easy on yourself.
Dream Brother Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 In the end, this is usually always the case. We fell in love with their good qualities. And once their bad qualities began to shine through, we didn't want to believe that this person isn't who we thought they were. So we are forever giving them the benefit of the doubt. Until we come to our senses. It most certainly is the hardest part of moving on. Accepting that we were loving someone based on an image we had of them. That's why they say that time is the greatest healer. Over time, as our love weakens, we begin to see them for the person they truly are. Nice seemingly simple post but this says so much, thank you Erica.
Author DenverBachelor Posted January 26, 2010 Author Posted January 26, 2010 If you think putting on an old coat and finding a receipt makes you buckle to your knees then you ought to think of the couple that gets married then they have a few kids and divorce. They both for the rest of their lives get to see the other in their children and are reminded of the other each time they look at their children. DB..You miss her going to a judge and filing RO papers on you and then making you deal with it in court ? I personally wouldn't miss her one day.. as soon as she made up all the stories about me breaking into her apartment and the guy she is seeing backs her while she gets the RO she would have been total history man.. I get that memories come back.. and you get a chance to remember the good times.. but you really should learn to start demonizing this woman for your own mental health. Cheers I can't argue with that type of logic. You're absolutely right.
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