Thoughts/comments on my relationship and my indecisiveness

[verbatim350]

I'm 24, my girlfriend is 21, and we have been together for a little over 1.5 years. We moved in together at about a year and she is my first real girlfriend. Things had been ok, but recently I've been making myself distant and critical of her for some reason. I try to hide it most of the time because my mind constantly changes on many things and I know I'll usually come back around. Well I've come back around a few times on this before, but my thoughts are becoming much more frequent.

Here is the bad stuff:

 

-I'm not a genius, but every time she says something dumb or "...oh I didn't think about that" it makes me less attracted to her. I've found nothing turns me off more than not thinking.

-My sexual interest in her has been on the decline, but I don't want it to be and nothing has really changed about her.

-I can't stand her family, they are hardcore right wing, live on a farm, and value cows and Sarah Palin more than intelligence... and I'm agnostic. I literally dread spending time with them, and my gf knows this now.

-I often fear she will turn out like her mother, who is at least 350 lbs, slurred speech (not drunk), makes bad decisions, and just not smart. Her father is also overweight, and I think her brother has a slight undiagnosed mental retardation. I know this makes me an *******, but I can't help but think genetics will get the better of her and if we had kids they would be idiots and she will get fat. That said she is healthy now, but I sometimes see eating habits and self control patterns that remind me of her mother... but she is definitely smarter than her mother.

-I want to move back to the area I came from, it's where my family is, she says she is ok with going with me but her family of course won't take it well. Also I don't want her to sacrifice that much and follow me along when I'm so unsure about everything.

 

I've also been having a lot of flip flopping about what I want to do for a career, it can get pretty stressful and also makes me realize I don't really know what I want yet. She is really supportive of me about the career stuff, loving, my family likes her, can be goofy/funny, and weird in a good way.

 

I don't really like posting bad things like this about her on a forum, but my negative thoughts about the relationship are becoming overwhelming and I want to see different perspectives or advice. I hope its just me being a pessimist again, but that almost sounds like denial. Gotta go for now, I'll clarify more later if needed.

[OnlyJake]

Just do both of you a favor and break up with her.

[verbatim350]

I'm probably being unrealistic and might be prolonging the inevitable, but I'm hoping it doesn't come to that. I feel like I'd really regret it and miss her once she was gone because she is doing everything right, but my mind tells me otherwise sometimes. I appreciate your input, and even though I expected people to say what you did, it's unexpectedly hard to take.

[Lauriebell82]

I'm probably being unrealistic and might be prolonging the inevitable, but I'm hoping it doesn't come to that. I feel like I'd really regret it and miss her once she was gone because she is doing everything right, but my mind tells me otherwise sometimes. I appreciate your input, and even though I expected people to say what you did, it's unexpectedly hard to take.

 

I agree that you should break up with her. It sounds like you have lost interest and that's why you are being hypercritical of her. Let her find someone who can really love her for who she is.

 

Just a thought but, being as she is your first real gf, do you think you may be having some "I wonder what else is out there..." types of feelings?

[verbatim350]

Just a thought but, being as she is your first real gf, do you think you may be having some "I wonder what else is out there..." types of feelings?

 

Sometimes I've felt like that, but I never really thought much into it because I guess I think that could still happen even with my 100th girlfriend.

[Boundary Problem]

She's not the one for you.

 

 

If she was - you wouldn't be indecisive.

 

 

Just my 2 cents

[doushenka]

Things had been ok, but recently I've been making myself distant and critical of her for some reason.

 

I was expecting a shallow list -- sue me, I'm a pessimist -- but none of this stuff strikes me as shallow. Nothing turns me off more than not thinking, either, and if you're never going to get along with her family, how does this bode well for your future together? Remember, most women want marriage. If you stick with her, they will be your in-laws, and do you truly want to set yourself up for that hell?

 

I realize there's great stuff about her too, but honey-child, you can only go so far on good feelings.