lovebubble Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 (edited) Here's the situation. During Christmas we got into a petty argument that escalated. It resulted in me asking him to leave for a few days so that we both could cool off. He left, and we had no contact for about 4 days. He came back home on my birthday (Dec 29th) and we resumed the relationship on good terms, with no grudges. I asked him where he had stayed during those days.. and he told me that a friend of his had gone out of town for the holidays and let him crash at his place while he was gone. So, supposidly.. he had been by himself at a friends house. It didn't sound right to me but, I chose to let it go. Fast forward, everything is fine.. and he deploys to Afghanistan Jan 9th. While he's gone, he tells me to go ahead and open his mail and let him know if anything important comes through. I told him about a letter from his bank and he told me to go ahead and open it. It's a list of his debit card transactions. To make a long story short, I found out that during the days that we were cooling down.. He went to Tampa, Fl which is a 10 hr drive from where we live. I see a lot of gas station transactions, one in Walmart, one in Toys R Us, and one for a hotel.. all in Tampa, Fl and surrounding areas. I confronted him about this. He completely lied to me.. claiming that someone must have stolen his credit card. I told him that unfortunately I wasn't falling for that excuse this time, and I would not talk to him until he wanted to be truthful. The next day he admitted to me that he went to fl.. '' because it was the holidays and i was depressed and wanted to see the water ''.. but, why not go to a beach 2 hrs away? Why specifically Tampa? And the Toys R Us transaction is throwing me off as well. Apparently, he brought a child for a gift. He claims that he bought it.. and brought it to a childhood friends family that lives in our state.. but, I don't believe anything he says. I'm really confused. I didn't see any transactions that would lead me to believe that he was with a woman.. i.e resturants, movies, outtings, ect.. but, that dosen't mean that it's impossible. The hotel and the fact that he lied, alone, makes me suspicious. Woman or no woman, the extent that he went through to lie about it really hurts. I don't know how to take this or react to it. Am I causing him to lie to me? I do tend to blow things out of proportion.. and if he would have told me that he wanted to go to FL, I would have more than likely flipped out reguardless.. Am I making him keep things from me? Should I seperate myself from him? He lies a lot.. about minute things. Is it divorce worthy? I can't really gauge how big of a deal this is.. I'm extremely emotional about it and feel betrayed. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Edited January 24, 2010 by lovebubble
silverfish Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 Just realised that you two were apart right over Christmas. It must have been a big deal and not petty at all if you didn't spend it together. What started the argument? Maybe he started it with you as an excuse to leave and get out of the house to do whatever he was doing in Florida. If I was you I'd investigate a little further and try and find out what he was doing. It goes sound very suspicious that he lied straight off and then changed his story. Can you contact the 'friend' whos child he gave the toy to to confirm all this?
LucreziaBorgia Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 Consider hiring a PI. There really is no way you can find out the truth now on your own. He knows who to ask to cover his tracks should you decide to start asking questions.
atlnay Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 Now clearly, you definitely must have had a reason to want to get rid of your hubby for a few days. Did you have a nice time? What in the world? How is this relevant to OP's topic?
RedDevil66 Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 If there is anything I learned about men in all my years, is that they do sporadic things when hurt. You told him to leave, he felt hurt, he drove to FL, didn't tell you because it seems silly and desperate so he lied about it. If he was hiding anthing, he would not have told you to open his mail. Ask him what he bought at toysrus and for which kid this was for.
xpaperxcutx Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 Since he is your husband, you could have just kicked him out to sleep in the living room. I would have driven off myself if I was kicked out of the house on Xmas.
Lizzie60 Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 I think he lied because he cheated... He didn't drive all that distance just to cool down.. he could have done the same thing much closer.. This just doesn't make sense.. all this lying.. I really just don't get it sometimes... men lie through their teeth.. women know that .. and still are convinced he's lying ... and even think it's their fault (blowing it out of proportion)... Reeallllllly! I know this woman who just kicked her H out because he was cheating and lying.. and she could never 'catch' him... now that they're separated.. he's on every single dating sites out there.. trying to meet women for sex... he's a successful businessman... not very attractive.. but can have many women as he is quite wealthy... now she wants my BFF to get a profile and help her catch him... WHAT FOR????? what more does she needs to know that he's a cheater.. and get a freaken divorce.. he will never ever stop.. gosh women sometimes... Come on... your H is cheating.. and lying about it..what are you going to do about it??
atlnay Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 The only thing I can think of that fits those facts is that she has a boyfriend. Um. Ok. Backing out of this thread slowly...lol
Author lovebubble Posted January 25, 2010 Author Posted January 25, 2010 The fact of him driving 10 hrs away, I could have dealt with. The lying is what really hurts and is messing with my mind, as far as*trusting him. Why lie extensively if you just went to cool down. Why not just say that? This is what leads me to believe that there's more to the story. Only thing that I can say is that if there was a woman involved, I feel bad for her because he didn't spend any money pertaining to a mistress. He ordered Papa Johns pizza that night. He didn't go anywhere besides the hotel and fast food resturants.. and the last time that we got into an argument, he drove to Virginia and got a ticket there.. so, I know that it's somewhat in character for him to drive long distances when he wants to clear his mind. I'm also guessing that maybe I should stop kicking my husband out of our home if I want to be filled in on his whereabouts.. BUT STILL.. he shouldn't have lied, I would have never done that to him.
Samantha0905 Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 That's difficult. It does all sound suspicious, but you did kick him out (not blaming you -- just saying he was out and about with nowhere to go.) It's hard to tell what he was up to. I'd go with my intuition and keep an eye/ear out if you suspect he's up to something. Why would he have lied about his credit card being stolen if it wasn't? If he wasn't up to anything, he would have just been honest about it all. It definitely sounds like he's hiding something.
2sure Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 I dont your ages or how long you have been married....but your style of communicating and disputing is going to lead to nothing good. Too much drama, on both sides. Obviously, one cannot be throwing one's H out of the house on XMas over an argument you admitted was petty. The escalation I'm sure was caused by both of you. He also shouldnt have left. So, its not all on you but the two of you together. I'm sure the fact that he is in the military and serving brings about a whole other bag of issues. Everything has more of a sense of urgency...which leads to anxious reactions. or something. But this entire load of a "story" of his...even if it isnt an other woman...this kind of blatant fabrication, the extent of it...its concerning. Maybe you are too dramatic and angry for tossing him out...but at least you are right out there with your wants and thoughts. This story is crazy making. The truth is never as complicated and rarely requires as much explanation as lies. Harmless or not - you cannot forget this or accept it until he tells you the entire story and you verify it. Otherwise, you will not be able to put it behind you, he will not be able to realize that the truth is always required.
Recommended Posts