Book recommendations for social dorks

[PlumPrincess]

I'm a social dork. I don't get people. I find it quite difficult to make friends, but when you ask people around me, they will probably tell you that I'm attractive, smart, fun, many positive things... They will tell me, I shouldn't worry, that people would like me, because I'm a nice person. Nevertheless, I get constantly stood up, people don't reply to messages or suggestions, and well, I have the feeling, it's always me who has to make an extra effort to get to know people. I have a problem with connecting and bonding.

 

I remember a comment a guy once made about me, he said I was unusual or different, something like that, which he considered was good, because you stick out from the mass. I guess, he meant it as a compliment, but to be honest, I'm constantly single. It's not as if the interesting, unusual guys are standing in line in front of my door. I think, despite my positive attributes, I exude some weirdness that is not attractive to people. The big picture is ok, but it's small things that put people off unconsciously.

 

Book recommendations are appreciated or if you just want to comment, go ahead.

Thanks!

[LucreziaBorgia]

The Art of Seduction and/or The 48 Laws of Power by Robert Greene

 

The Satanic Witch by Anton LaVey (some of it hokey, but the insight to attraction and how/why people attract or repel is dead on - if the hokey stuff were dropped and the insights preserved you'd have a top selling relationship/dating book)

 

Be Honest--You're Not That Into Him Either by Ian Kerner

 

On Love by Alain DeBotton

[betamanlet]

I'm a social dork. I don't get people. I find it quite difficult to make friends, but when you ask people around me, they will probably tell you that I'm attractive, smart, fun, many positive things... They will tell me, I shouldn't worry, that people would like me, because I'm a nice person. Nevertheless, I get constantly stood up, people don't reply to messages or suggestions, and well, I have the feeling, it's always me who has to make an extra effort to get to know people. I have a problem with connecting and bonding.

 

I remember a comment a guy once made about me, he said I was unusual or different, something like that, which he considered was good, because you stick out from the mass. I guess, he meant it as a compliment, but to be honest, I'm constantly single. It's not as if the interesting, unusual guys are standing in line in front of my door. I think, despite my positive attributes, I exude some weirdness that is not attractive to people. The big picture is ok, but it's small things that put people off unconsciously.

 

Book recommendations are appreciated or if you just want to comment, go ahead.

Thanks!

 

 

you into beta males and are in dc?

 

 

i hear dale carnegie books are good

[PlumPrincess]

you into beta males and are in dc?

 

 

i hear dale carnegie books are good

Beta males? I don't know. I'm not quite sure what I'm into. I think, the guy I'm currently interested in is somewhat of an Alpha male, but I'm not sure if they are really my object of my desire. I think they're often a bit too conventional and boring. I also strongly doubt that I fit their idea of Alpha woman.

 

Sorry, I'm not in DC.

 

I read Dale Carnegie's books when I was younger and I tried it for a while. It kind of works, but it always seems that it's me who has to put in the effort and frankly, I just don't find people are worth that much effort. I like to have company and friends, but without too much drama.

[PlumPrincess]

The Art of Seduction and/or The 48 Laws of Power by Robert Greene

 

The Satanic Witch by Anton LaVey (some of it hokey, but the insight to attraction and how/why people attract or repel is dead on - if the hokey stuff were dropped and the insights preserved you'd have a top selling relationship/dating book)

 

Be Honest--You're Not That Into Him Either by Ian Kerner

 

On Love by Alain DeBotton

Thank you! I will get those!

[PlumPrincess]

The Satanic Witch by Anton LaVey (some of it hokey, but the insight to attraction and how/why people attract or repel is dead on - if the hokey stuff were dropped and the insights preserved you'd have a top selling relationship/dating book)

Does this have anything to do with Satan and cults? I'm not really much into such stuff...

[LucreziaBorgia]

Does this have anything to do with Satan and cults? I'm not really much into such stuff...

 

It was written by someone who was, but there are some very sound ideas there about how/why men are attracted to women and what you can do to attract them. Most of it (the 'fluff' as I like to call it - the hokey 'witch' stuff) isn't worth a damn, but the male/female attraction and how different types of people attract or repel other types is truly dead on. He was way ahead of his time with this one and there have been many, many, many relationship/seduction books written based on this one. They basically took out the hokey crap and concentrated on the basics. If you do a google search for the basics behind the book you'll see what I mean. He equated female sexuality with witchery, basically. I really wish he had just written his theories without all the 'witch' crap. It really is fascinating at the core, and dead on in many ways.

 

When it comes down to it: Find out what your man's 'type' is - all types fit on something like a clock face, and find where he fits. Then, present yourself as the opposite of that. They say that opposites attract, because we are all looking for things in someone else that is missing in ourselves. Even deeper, we are all narcissists - so while you are busy being his opposite, you also have to mirror him at the same time. Sounds complicated, but it is really pretty simple.

 

I think you can find excerpts on Google books. Here it is in a nutshell, from Wikipedia:

 

One of the most important concepts LaVey introduced in The Satanic Witch was the LaVey Synthesizer Clock, an improved form of somatotyping incorporating a fourth basic type to the three already in common use (by addition of the "pure feminine" type, opposite to the "pure masculine" or mesomorphic type). The LaVey Synthesizer Clock postulates that all persons occupy a set body and personality type, placed along varying degrees of the four types proposed ("clock position"), and that ideal friends and lovers will represent the opposite personality/body type by position on the LaVey Synthesizer Clock.

 

I'd love to see someone expand on this idea, while eliminating all the 'witch' stuff. I'm surprised someone hasn't already.

[PlumPrincess]

It was written by someone who was, but there are some very sound ideas there about how/why men are attracted to women and what you can do to attract them. Most of it (the 'fluff' as I like to call it - the hokey 'witch' stuff) isn't worth a damn, but the male/female attraction and how different types of people attract or repel other types is truly dead on. He was way ahead of his time with this one and there have been many, many, many relationship/seduction books written based on this one. They basically took out the hokey crap and concentrated on the basics. If you do a google search for the basics behind the book you'll see what I mean. He equated female sexuality with witchery, basically. I really wish he had just written his theories without all the 'witch' crap. It really is fascinating at the core, and dead on in many ways.

 

When it comes down to it: Find out what your man's 'type' is - all types fit on something like a clock face, and find where he fits. Then, present yourself as the opposite of that. They say that opposites attract, because we are all looking for things in someone else that is missing in ourselves. Even deeper, we are all narcissists - so while you are busy being his opposite, you also have to mirror him at the same time. Sounds complicated, but it is really pretty simple.

 

I think you can find excerpts on Google books. Here it is in a nutshell, from Wikipedia:

 

 

 

I'd love to see someone expand on this idea, while eliminating all the 'witch' stuff. I'm surprised someone hasn't already.

Ok, I'll get this book, too.

 

What if I dig a guy who is into the kind of woman that I just don't want to be/just can't be? Like lots of make up, high heels, a vamp?

[freestyle]

Ok, I'll get this book, too.

 

What if I dig a guy who is into the kind of woman that I just don't want to be/just can't be? Like lots of make up, high heels, a vamp?

 

 

 

Don't bother with anyone who doesn't accept you for you. You don't want to spend your energy maintaining a facade, do you??

 

It took me awhile to figure it out, but I eventually realized that I only want to be with a man who loves me---from the neck up,first.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Ok, I'll get this book, too.

 

What if I dig a guy who is into the kind of woman that I just don't want to be/just can't be? Like lots of make up, high heels, a vamp?

 

That is part of the book that is way outdated. Fashionwise I think being yourself is just fine - you just have to do what you would do when learning any new skill (in this case learning a person) - be adaptable, open to ideas, etc. I think a certain amount of femininity is necessary - not a dress and heels and makeup, but if you wear cargo pants and teeshirts, for instance you'll want to wear them in a way that shows you are female and not try to go overbaggy and hide the fact that you are female. 'Being who you are' is a must, but when you are interested in someone and want to generate interest between you, you have to tweak here and there to show that you are interested in attracting attention and not repelling it.

[PlumPrincess]

That is part of the book that is way outdated. Fashionwise I think being yourself is just fine - you just have to do what you would do when learning any new skill (in this case learning a person) - be adaptable, open to ideas, etc. I think a certain amount of femininity is necessary - not a dress and heels and makeup, but if you wear cargo pants and teeshirts, for instance you'll want to wear them in a way that shows you are female and not try to go overbaggy and hide the fact that you are female. 'Being who you are' is a must, but when you are interested in someone and want to generate interest between you, you have to tweak here and there to show that you are interested in attracting attention and not repelling it.

Ok, I will read the book and then let's see.

[PlumPrincess]

Don't bother with anyone who doesn't accept you for you. You don't want to spend your energy maintaining a facade, do you??

 

It took me awhile to figure it out, but I eventually realized that I only want to be with a man who loves me---from the neck up,first.

Well, I just seem to be unable to attract the guys I want. There was just one time in my life where I was in love with a guy who I really wanted and who really wanted me. Didn't last very long and it turned into a very really ugly story for many reasons, but still...

 

I absolutely want to be loved for who I am, but nevertheless, it does not always work like that. I already do a lot of things I don't really want to do, because there are other things I want more. I'm more of a shy and quiet person, but that makes it hard to meet people. So, I try to be more extroverted and active. I can also be a very critical person. Sometimes it's better though to keep your mouth shut and to keep whatever you want to say to yourself. Many people would not feel comfortable with an overly critical person and I understand, because I wouldn't either. I think you need to find a balance, between who you are and what it is that you want. I'm clearly not made for someone who is looking for an extrovert, but I also don't want to attract the guys with Samaritan syndrome who want to rescue the shy girl and regulate her life. Not sure if I'm very clear now, but I need to go to bed!

[PlumPrincess]

"Be Honest--You're Not That Into Him Either" is ok. He essentially tells you not to lower your standard, even when you're a woman and getting old. Personally, of course this is what I want to hear, but I'm not sure if this like really sound advice.

 

I love the epilog though in which his wife tells how she also had gone completely bonkers for a guy. That made me feel a lot better.

 

"The Art of Seduction" provides a quite thorough compendium of information on how to manipulate people, which you can use to indeed manipulate people or to gain deeper understand of your own feelings.

 

"The Satanic Witch" surprisingly is not about worshipping Satan, learning magic and evil stuff, but it's written by someone who actually seems to like people and has this feminist goal of empowering women. I think I would like him if I met him.

 

I still don't know where to place myself or anybody I'm interested in on the Synthesizer Clock though. I find people way to complex to really be able to categorize them that easily. All the characteristics he has established so neatly for certain types, I see people possess them in wild combinations.

 

And I'm also not so sure about the general success of the theory that opposites attract. With some couples it works and with others it doesn't. If love was so simple, LS wouldn't be so full with people who have heartaches.

[threebyfate]

And I'm also not so sure about the general success of the theory that opposites attract. With some couples it works and with others it doesn't.

I also agree that opposites attracting doesn't make for a viable long-term relationship. What it does is create relationship drama, right out the gate. Perhaps people confuse the drama-coaster ride and love.

If love was so simple, LS wouldn't be so full with people who have heartaches.

Love and relationships are simple. People make it complex.

[MrsPeaSoup]

You enjoy Fantasy or Scifi?

 

Try reading

- Dune, by Frank Herbert

- Building Harlequin's Moon by Larry Niven and Brenda Cooper

- The Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett

- All the books from Robin Hobb

 

Btw, I know exactly what you mean with everything you said in your first post.

Books are nice, though. Keeps you wondering about ever finding true love again.

 

xx MrsPeaSoup

[threebyfate]

- Dune, by Frank Herbert

The Dune series is awesome and only gets better. It strongly draws from the history of Christianity, beginning with a prophecy of the messiah.

[shadowplay]

I'm a social dork. I don't get people. I find it quite difficult to make friends, but when you ask people around me, they will probably tell you that I'm attractive, smart, fun, many positive things... They will tell me, I shouldn't worry, that people would like me, because I'm a nice person. Nevertheless, I get constantly stood up, people don't reply to messages or suggestions, and well, I have the feeling, it's always me who has to make an extra effort to get to know people. I have a problem with connecting and bonding.

 

I remember a comment a guy once made about me, he said I was unusual or different, something like that, which he considered was good, because you stick out from the mass. I guess, he meant it as a compliment, but to be honest, I'm constantly single. It's not as if the interesting, unusual guys are standing in line in front of my door. I think, despite my positive attributes, I exude some weirdness that is not attractive to people. The big picture is ok, but it's small things that put people off unconsciously.

 

Book recommendations are appreciated or if you just want to comment, go ahead.

Thanks!

 

Wow, I could have written this!

[PlumPrincess]

You enjoy Fantasy or Scifi?

 

Try reading

- Dune, by Frank Herbert

- Building Harlequin's Moon by Larry Niven and Brenda Cooper

- The Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett

- All the books from Robin Hobb

 

Btw, I know exactly what you mean with everything you said in your first post.

Books are nice, though. Keeps you wondering about ever finding true love again.

 

xx MrsPeaSoup

I loved Dune, but I think after the third book the story started to weird me out (what with all the creation of superhumans...). On my list of science-fiction authors is Robert Heinlein. Honestly, sometimes I just hate reading all the relationship/psychology books. Life would be easier and more entertaining if I didn't have to try to understand people and myself.

Edited April 2, 2010 by PlumPrincess