LDR Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 My other thread disappeared, so I am posting again: My boyfriend and I have been together long distance for 1.5 years and are planning to move together this year. We've never have any big problems, no infidelity (that I know of), nor any trust issues or doubts. I've had an account on Facebook for 3 years or so (before we met) and I only add people that I know. . . no random men or anything like that. Well, lately each time I add a male person, he asks me who that person is. I feel like he is keeping tabs on my account. The other day he tells me: "I saw you added x. Who is he?" He also makes comments about having a certain number of friends on FB (I have 200, not 1000 or anything like that). I told him that I am feeling that he doesn't trust me. . . he said that he trusts me. He has never shown to be a jealous person, until now. He also has female friends on his account and I never ask him about them. Is it me, or would this annoy you too?
OceanTropic Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 My ex was like this. Drove me NUTS. He may be curious, or he may be crazy jealous. You won't know until you spend much more time with him. A word of advice, his jealousy might seem innocent now, but once you're in a serious relationship, it will get worse and become a huge issue. People told me this too, and I never believed them. Until it happened to me. Be careful. Love him and enjoy him, but keep your guard up just a little bit, don't let this go.
Author LDR Posted January 24, 2010 Author Posted January 24, 2010 Yes, I agree with you. I should definitely keep an eye on things. I always thought I was lucky in not having a jealous bf. . . I just find it strange how he suddenly started acting this way since we have been in a relationship for 1.5 years:confused:
OnlyJake Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 Mostly I agree with OceanTropic. I agree with you, it's very annoying behavior. I know you tried to talk to him about it already, but he obviously is feeling insecure in the relationship right now, for some reason. I would be very curious why that was the case. I think you should try talking to him about it again. I also think that you need to establish some very firm boundaries with him. Of course you have nothing to hide, and of course you want him to be comfortable, but his behavior is not acceptable (assuming you're doing nothing wrong, which appears to be the case), and should not be tolerated.
OnlyJake Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 Yes, I agree with you. I should definitely keep an eye on things. I always thought I was lucky in not having a jealous bf. . . I just find it strange how he suddenly started acting this way since we have been in a relationship for 1.5 years:confused: It's possible he's cheated and is projecting onto you. I'm sure that's not the only possibility, but something to consider.
Author LDR Posted January 24, 2010 Author Posted January 24, 2010 I did think about the projecting part. That is a good point. I have never doubted about him (he is shy and doesn't seem that type). We had a visit less than a month ago which went great. . . but you can never be 100% sure.
frenchgirl Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 I think it would depend on his tone. I've had a boyfriend who was just curious, made jokes and comments about my good looking (and not so good looking) friends, etc. I've also had a boyfriend who had trust issues and I could tell from the tone of his questions.
OnlyJake Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 I did think about the projecting part. That is a good point. I have never doubted about him (he is shy and doesn't seem that type). We had a visit less than a month ago which went great. . . but you can never be 100% sure. Still waters run deep I know what you mean, but even if you don't think he's physically cheated on you, maybe it's emotional, or maybe he's got a crush on someone else or is flirting...who knows. I really think the best thing you can do is try to talk about it again, but more importantly, establish healthy boundaries. I was in a situation similar to yours once, and would've played it differently knowing what I know now.
Clep Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 My other thread disappeared, so I am posting again: My boyfriend and I have been together long distance for 1.5 years and are planning to move together this year. We've never have any big problems, no infidelity (that I know of), nor any trust issues or doubts. I've had an account on Facebook for 3 years or so (before we met) and I only add people that I know. . . no random men or anything like that. Well, lately each time I add a male person, he asks me who that person is. I feel like he is keeping tabs on my account. The other day he tells me: "I saw you added x. Who is he?" He also makes comments about having a certain number of friends on FB (I have 200, not 1000 or anything like that). I told him that I am feeling that he doesn't trust me. . . he said that he trusts me. He has never shown to be a jealous person, until now. He also has female friends on his account and I never ask him about them. Is it me, or would this annoy you too? I think I would want to have a relationship that is not long distance before moving in together. I am unsure if you have always been long distance or not. This would bother me as it would appear he does not trust you. That could be due to him being untrustworthy and projecting that on to you or due to him having self worth issues and feeling like you are going to find another guy that is better than him. Either way I would be watching both things in the future and would discuss the concerns openly with him. I would also let him know if he continues to use your fb friends as a tool to put you under a microscope, you will be putting your friends list on a privacy setting that does not allow him access.
Author LDR Posted January 25, 2010 Author Posted January 25, 2010 (edited) Yes, we have always been long distance. It is difficult for us to have a not long distance before moving in together as he lives in Europe and I live in America. We have spent a lot of time together in real but I know that there are sides of us that we still do not know. This has taken me by surprise and I will have to talk to him again, and keep an eye on things. I don't want to end up with someone watching my every move as I am very independent, and enjoy having a life outside of my relationship. Edited January 25, 2010 by LDR
Author LDR Posted January 26, 2010 Author Posted January 26, 2010 I talked to him today and he said that he has always felt jealous but he has never told me anything. I tried to reassure him, and let him know that I love him. Ooh well. . .
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