JoJola Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 ok..i have been dating this guy for about 7 months; the last couple of months have been rocky. Last week i sent him an IM about some of the issues and apparently his dautgher read them; now he mad at me and jst said "not kool". I have been through a lot with this man! So the problem is that whenever something like this happens he completely will ignore me; this happened once before. Now, since things have not been that good and he started ignoring me i simply sent him a message asking him to speak to me please..also i commented that if he no longer wanted to talk to me or see me jst come and say so...i will be gone. I mean there is not sense in me hanging around while he ignres me, right! Now he can text me, im me, email me..use any form of communication to say..no I dont want to see you and am fine with that, i have made that clear. So since you dont have to face a person I would think that it would not be that hard, right? Jst tell me so i can move on and not hang on! Now one more thing, last time i was at his house i left my bracelet and jacket there; everytime i ask for my items back he does not repsond..i even told him if he didnt want to see me he can leave them in a bag on the porch and i can pick them up when he is not there so we do have any confrontation, if tht is what he prefers...i even offered to send him the postage and he can mail them back, mostly the bracelet cause it has sentimental value. so my question is .... i am giving him the easiet way out possible, but he does know i care about him very much! Why cant he jst say "yes" or "no". he knows im not the stalking type or crying type...so why? And why will he not respond to me about getting my things back? Guys..........i dont understand and have never had this type of thing happen...most men are quick to say yes i leave it by the road and you can come get it when im at work, or to send a message back saynig no i done wnat to continue to communicate....not jst ignore the direct question.
GAchasen Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 ok..i have been dating this guy for about 7 months; the last couple of months have been rocky. Last week i sent him an IM about some of the issues and apparently his dautgher read them; now he mad at me and jst said "not kool". I have been through a lot with this man! So the problem is that whenever something like this happens he completely will ignore me; this happened once before. Now, since things have not been that good and he started ignoring me i simply sent him a message asking him to speak to me please..also i commented that if he no longer wanted to talk to me or see me jst come and say so...i will be gone. I mean there is not sense in me hanging around while he ignres me, right! Now he can text me, im me, email me..use any form of communication to say..no I dont want to see you and am fine with that, i have made that clear. So since you dont have to face a person I would think that it would not be that hard, right? Jst tell me so i can move on and not hang on! Now one more thing, last time i was at his house i left my bracelet and jacket there; everytime i ask for my items back he does not repsond..i even told him if he didnt want to see me he can leave them in a bag on the porch and i can pick them up when he is not there so we do have any confrontation, if tht is what he prefers...i even offered to send him the postage and he can mail them back, mostly the bracelet cause it has sentimental value. so my question is .... i am giving him the easiet way out possible, but he does know i care about him very much! Why cant he jst say "yes" or "no". he knows im not the stalking type or crying type...so why? And why will he not respond to me about getting my things back? Guys..........i dont understand and have never had this type of thing happen...most men are quick to say yes i leave it by the road and you can come get it when im at work, or to send a message back saynig no i done wnat to continue to communicate....not jst ignore the direct question. I find that most men are afraid to confront a woman about any issues that they are having. I have no idea why this is the case. But I think communication is essential for any relationship to sustain. Some men will go two weeks before getting up the nerve to break up with someone. There are no magic answers, for his behavior. I personally would not waste my time on waiting for him to be a MAN....Sometimes no answers are the answers..... From reading your post, it sounds like he is trying to cut all contact with you. Move on....
Patient Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 i agree..I am dealing with the same thing right now...we are dealing with issues too...but he never avoids or ignores me no matter how mad Ive made him..although sometimes I can sense hes still upset with me he still responds..I say drop him and find a new man..but watch how quickly he'll be back...men never forget...
Clep Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 ok..i have been dating this guy for about 7 months; the last couple of months have been rocky. Last week i sent him an IM about some of the issues and apparently his dautgher read them; now he mad at me and jst said "not kool". I have been through a lot with this man! So the problem is that whenever something like this happens he completely will ignore me; this happened once before. Now, since things have not been that good and he started ignoring me i simply sent him a message asking him to speak to me please..also i commented that if he no longer wanted to talk to me or see me jst come and say so...i will be gone. I mean there is not sense in me hanging around while he ignres me, right! Now he can text me, im me, email me..use any form of communication to say..no I dont want to see you and am fine with that, i have made that clear. So since you dont have to face a person I would think that it would not be that hard, right? Jst tell me so i can move on and not hang on! Now one more thing, last time i was at his house i left my bracelet and jacket there; everytime i ask for my items back he does not repsond..i even told him if he didnt want to see me he can leave them in a bag on the porch and i can pick them up when he is not there so we do have any confrontation, if tht is what he prefers...i even offered to send him the postage and he can mail them back, mostly the bracelet cause it has sentimental value. so my question is .... i am giving him the easiet way out possible, but he does know i care about him very much! Why cant he jst say "yes" or "no". he knows im not the stalking type or crying type...so why? And why will he not respond to me about getting my things back? Guys..........i dont understand and have never had this type of thing happen...most men are quick to say yes i leave it by the road and you can come get it when im at work, or to send a message back saynig no i done wnat to continue to communicate....not jst ignore the direct question. I don't think this has to do with him being a man but a person. I have seen both sexes use this undesirable tactic. It seems to me that he isn't going to give you anything back or speak to you again. I would just move on and try my best in the future not to leave anything behind again.
Johnny M Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 Sounds like you did something to REALLY piss him off.
norajane Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 You seem to send him lots of messages. Why wouldn't you have conversations about your issues in person? Why haven't you picked up the phone and called him to speak to him? In the same way you avoid being direct, he is avoiding altogether. Texting and IM's is not the best way to communicate with anyone. If that's where your relationship has been all this time - communicating about important issues when you aren't even in the same room - it's not surprising to me that he is choosing the easy way out and not responding. Guys hate confrontation of any kind. Give them the easy way and they'll take it.
Satisfaction Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 He seems like he is making communication as difficult as possible. I would harass him for your stuff a little bit more but i'd say get ready to let go. Even if he is angry or having problems with the ex or so he should have told you by now what he is feeling. You have been going out for 7 months he should be able to trust you with his feelings. Not being able to communicate with you will cause massive problems if you stayed together anyway.
boogieboy Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 Stop pestering him. Watch how quick he calls you when he sees youre not chasing him anymore. Then you can ignore all the texts or emails, and make him call so he can tell you what you want to hear. Or wait till he shows up in person. But it sounds like he moved on and youre helping him do this. Forget about your stuff, youre not getting that back...he wants nothing to do with you. You dont need him to tell you hes done with you, the ignoring is enough. Just back away and detach yourself emotionally.
SoulSearch_CO Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 I found that sharing: this article with the guy I'm dating nipped that in the bud. We talk it out, now. He did it a couple of times, but after reading that, he hasn't done it since. I think some people just don't realize how destructive it can be. In your case, I don't see how his daughter reading IMs that were meant for HIM is your fault. I'd drop him like a bad habit.
Author JoJola Posted January 25, 2010 Author Posted January 25, 2010 Stop pestering him. Watch how quick he calls you when he sees youre not chasing him anymore. Then you can ignore all the texts or emails, and make him call so he can tell you what you want to hear. Or wait till he shows up in person. But it sounds like he moved on and youre helping him do this. Forget about your stuff, youre not getting that back...he wants nothing to do with you. You dont need him to tell you hes done with you, the ignoring is enough. Just back away and detach yourself emotionally. Ok, BoogieBoy... So if he does not want anything to do with me; why would he be quick to call me when I back off? I have backed off completely....done with him at this point. But I do see alot of men use this awful tactic..why when you dont even have to face the person? He has done this once before; then all of sudden starting communicating again, like out of the blue? He wanted to carry on like nothing ever happened, I guess this is how it all started.
LadyRLD Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 They do it to keep you on the backburner. They do not want to cut all ties just in case. Usually they are seeing someone else and when that person is not acting right, they have you to go back to. These kind of men do not let women go, they string them along. Your best bet is to move on and never look back. This is the reason he won't break up with you. He only cares about himself. Stop trying to make him do the breaking up and just decide for yourself that you are done. You can always replace your material items. Let it all go.
Author JoJola Posted January 26, 2010 Author Posted January 26, 2010 They do it to keep you on the backburner. They do not want to cut all ties just in case. Usually they are seeing someone else and when that person is not acting right, they have you to go back to. These kind of men do not let women go, they string them along. Your best bet is to move on and never look back. This is the reason he won't break up with you. He only cares about himself. Stop trying to make him do the breaking up and just decide for yourself that you are done. You can always replace your material items. Let it all go. So in a weeks time he started seeing someone else? I guess, maybe so? Or has he been? Hmmmm..so basicallywhen he is bored or whatever with whomever he comes knocking back on my door; I mean we did spend 6 months together ... before this all started. And it all started when I questioned our relationship...but he claimed he misunderstood me when he came back..I so wish this type of thing is not the case...it truly hurts a person and the trust level we have in others.
LadyRLD Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 So in a weeks time he started seeing someone else? I guess, maybe so? Or has he been? Hmmmm..so basicallywhen he is bored or whatever with whomever he comes knocking back on my door; I mean we did spend 6 months together ... before this all started. And it all started when I questioned our relationship...but he claimed he misunderstood me when he came back..I so wish this type of thing is not the case...it truly hurts a person and the trust level we have in others. I mean it could be, not necessarily saying it's true. You have to investigate if you think it's worth it. But from my own experience, a man who does the push and pull is emotionally abusive and not worth it. That in itself is hurtful to feel you are walking on eggshells....it's up to you JoJola and how you want a man to treat you. If you feel this is acceptable then just accept that he will keep doing this to you from time to time. You can't change any man unless he wants to change. Either you keep taking his sh*t or take control of the situation by moving on and never looking back. You can only change yourself and how you respond to disrespect.
Author JoJola Posted January 26, 2010 Author Posted January 26, 2010 I still done quite understand the avoidance game; I guess I have faith in people escpecially someone I have spent the last six months with. How can men jst walk away like that without dying inside. I mean this is man who did not sleep well when i was not with him; wore shirts of his i used to have my perfume on them....i guess he was either a good player or jst plain lied to me. If I am upset with him I certainly did not do this. All I know is that, yes I may have made a mistake; but what about forgiveness; i have forgiven him for things he has done in the past to hurt me.
LadyRLD Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 Six months is not a long time. Actually six months is exactly when a man or woman will show his or her true colors. The first six months he is just dating you. After he knows he's got you hook then he will start to be himself because he knows that you will hang on no matter what. Some people are like this. Not all men are like this. Just keep going out with him til you reach your breaking point. Just because you forgive for everything doesn't mean he's going to. JoJola, all I have to say is this.....respect yourself first. If others can not show you the same respect that you deserve and show to yourself then to the curb they shall go. Just because you are who you are doesn't mean he is going to be the way you want him to be. The ignoring is a game.....he figures if he ignores you long enough you will react how he wants you to. The oldest trick in the book. This is not someone who is in love. That's for sure. So keep playing along with his agenda until you don't want to play any longer.
boogieboy Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 I still done quite understand the avoidance game; I guess I have faith in people escpecially someone I have spent the last six months with. How can men jst walk away like that without dying inside. I mean this is man who did not sleep well when i was not with him; wore shirts of his i used to have my perfume on them....i guess he was either a good player or jst plain lied to me. If I am upset with him I certainly did not do this. All I know is that, yes I may have made a mistake; but what about forgiveness; i have forgiven him for things he has done in the past to hurt me. People can walk away when they emotionally detached themselves under your nose. 3 months in you could have done something to turn him off from you, but he stayed with you anyway. Then everything you do turns him off, so that when he leaves you its a burden lifted, while he moves on with someone else. You mean to tell me youve never done this to someone in your past?
Author JoJola Posted February 1, 2010 Author Posted February 1, 2010 boogieboy, Well, maybe I have to some degree however i try to be as honest as I can with the men I date..also I can forgive for mistakes as long as they are not huge..like abusive, cheating, etc... or on-going All I can say is back in Oct. I stopped talking to him and he freaked out asking me why...I was kind and polite to him explainnig my reasons and I forgave him for the mistake he made. I dont think that because I got irrational one time I should be held at the stake. if you know what i mean. Im not trying to be rude here; He is just quit a verbal guy; if he dont like something he has no problem stating it out loud so with that in mnd I jst dont understand why it is so hard for him to just send me a text telling me not to contact him, but hey I probably never will eh? Well, we are in 10 days now NC!
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