nobody08 Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 ok so i have along term boyfriend. whom i love with all of my heart. hes the best thing that has happend to me. but...im so insecure...i think this is the first time ive admitted this.....so heres the story...he texts and talks to his friends whom are girls...i know he talks to them he never hides anything from me..he doesnt even get mad when i look through his phone. but i get mad and say things to him like why are u talking to her. i hate it when u do that...and before he never said anything i mean hed reassure me but he stoppped doing that now...now he just gets mad at me not for doing the things i do like going through his phone...but he gets mad that i dont trust him..its been for years and this problem just started about 6+ months ago.. and so when we argue i know its my fault and i apologize but i go and do the same thing again. we got close to breaking things off but he gave me a chance agian...and im really trying my hardest because we really love eachother....and today he wanted to go out with his friends to a club and i said yes but he knew i was having second thoughts and it made him upset...i dont want to be like this i want to not be jealous....why do i feel like i have to always be better than anything he does...i have to be better than his friends...i dont even know how to explain how i feel...i love him i trust him...but its just me....
Match Factor Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 In order for you to trust someone, they must be trustworthy. Has he altered his behavior in any way to try to alleviate your fears? You should be the #1 thing in his life like you are in his. Follow your gut.
Author nobody08 Posted January 26, 2010 Author Posted January 26, 2010 well..he Very trustworthy hes never hurt me..never cheated on me...or anything like that....its just i get so jealous....just over nothing really...like if he wants to go out with his friends...ill get mad..and i dont want to cus of course i want him to have his fun...and hes told me that he feels like i just want him to myslef and thats it...he feels like i dont want him to have any friends and thats not the case...i do want all that for him...shyt he has a life....but i just dont get whats wrong with me
Match Factor Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 You are so in love that it hurts to be away. I get it... we've all been there. You are going to have to get up the courage to suggest that he go out with his friends. Maybe you should even set it up. Why can't you go out with you friends at the same time (different location of course). It is very important that each of you have healthy social lives with your friends apart form the relationship as well. A little time apart really can make the relationship better. It helps you appreciate each other more.
Author nobody08 Posted January 26, 2010 Author Posted January 26, 2010 i think your right...omg you are right...its like we spend alot of time together that he gets flustered....thers no room to miss eachother....it makes sense...its not that i think hes gonna be unfaithful...i knw hes not...we just need OUR space....matchfactor...you think u can help me further with this problem?
Author nobody08 Posted January 28, 2010 Author Posted January 28, 2010 thank you...so today was a little better...i mean i didnt call or text him out of no where like i use to...i mean i use to do it alot...and he textd me on his own to see what i was doing...it felt good to finnally hear from him and not me bug him...and when a girl textd him today i just smiled and didnt even ask him who it was and why....i hope im doing this right...i wanna make it work so bad...and this is actually helping...getting my feelings out and getting some good advice.
lordWilhelm Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 So often you get in a relationship and your SO is the only thing on your mind; then it becomes hard not to become overly attached, and, yes, clingy. It would be a lot easier to give him space if you find something to preoccupy yourself. Go to the gym, read a book, just find your own thing to do and soon you won't be worrying all the time who he's talking to when you're not around.
Author nobody08 Posted January 29, 2010 Author Posted January 29, 2010 i have another problem to take care of tomorrow hopefully someone helps me before hand...my bf wants to talk to bout us...he saying hes confused...and he doesnt knw if he wants to leave me or not...i love him alot...and i knw we had a rough ride but still...its been 4 years.....i...idk wat to do...or say
Match Factor Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 Relationship problems problems are supposed to be difficult. That's a good sign... It means you're in love. I am interested to know what he says to you. You can't be afraid of losing him. If he wants a break, let it happen.
Author nobody08 Posted February 1, 2010 Author Posted February 1, 2010 ok...so we talked...and it wasnt at all how i thought it wwould be...i expected us to argue...to yell but nothing like that happened...we sat in our car..parked at the park...and he held me...and just said babe im confused...and i asked him about what...and he said he doesnt know...he says that he sees me trying...you know with the whole trust issue about letting him have his own time....so he says he sees me trying but still hes confused...and i told him that im not going to get mad at him for how he feels and that he should be open...so we just talked and i told him why i get jealous...about what happened in my past...how i was betrayed...and he says he understands...and then he told me that...he doesnt get why he gets mad at me for any little thing i say or do...he just gets irrated but he doesnt want to and he knows he shouldnt...he told me he knows he loves me and he knows he wants to be with me but he just needs some time...and i told him that that was fine with me..and i sugested a break..and he said that would not work because it would be hard for him to go without talking to me....so basically he needs space...i get it...but one thing that really bugs me is...he said something about the guys he lives with now...he said something along the lines of him being influenced...hes never had that before you know...hanging out with the guys and drinking....i really dont get it...i mean i just left it at that...so now im really just trying to figure out what i need to do...i mean i know he wants space.....well this ever get better...
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