OnlyJake Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 Was just reading in the sex forum and it looks like there's lots of opinions and experiences with threesomes, so decided to post this and see what others think of this. I went out on a few dates with a guy who is a casual friend (the guy who brought a girl on our second date, for anyone who read and recalls any of my other threads). Really liked him for a lot of reasons, was attracted to him, etc. I think I'm going to stop seeing him, though. We were talking recently, and I won't go into details, but in an accidental and completely idiotic turn of events I ended up finding out more about his sexual history than I would ever have wanted to know. It was definitely too early in this relationship to know these things (IMO), and even if we'd been together for awhile I'm not sure I would have ever wanted to know this (I'm not a girl who asks for numbers of partners, I don't want to know those details). Anyways, there's actually two pieces of information that I wish I didn't know; I just feel weird about knowing them for different reasons. The first is he told me about a girl he used to hook up with that would squirt - a lot - like totally gush a gallon of liquid everywhere. He actually told me about how his bedding and mattress would be completely soaked (um, he still has the same mattress ). The second thing is that he used to have threesomes with one of his friends (a guy I've met; I kind of got the sense that this info started out as a warning about this other guy), passing the girl back and forth. Honestly, it wasn't really the fact that he's had threesomes that bothers me, as that "type" of threesome, as described by him, seems kind of disrespectful toward women. I did ask for more details about that and he wouldn't give them, except to say that it was only with women he didn't care about (I think he mentioned this because I knew he'd had threesomes with another girlfriend). Thoughts? Am I ridiculous for being kind of turned off by this?
Angel1111 Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 Whether anyone here thinks you're being ridiculous for feeling turned off or not doesn't matter. It is always a bad idea to go against your instincts. Personally, I'm with you. This would turn me off big-time and I wouldn't see him again.
Author OnlyJake Posted January 24, 2010 Author Posted January 24, 2010 Whether anyone here thinks you're being ridiculous for feeling turned off or not doesn't matter. It is always a bad idea to go against your instincts. Personally, I'm with you. This would turn me off big-time and I wouldn't see him again. I think partly I'm looking for validation Those things, mostly the second thing, were turn offs for me, but since I was so into him I have a tiny bit of the "don't give up yet it's still early" thing going on
alphamale Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 Thoughts? Am I ridiculous for being kind of turned off by this? no. not really
Angel1111 Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 I think partly I'm looking for validation Those things, mostly the second thing, were turn offs for me, but since I was so into him I have a tiny bit of the "don't give up yet it's still early" thing going on It's good that it's still early into the relationship and you found this out. These are red flags that you shouldn't ignore.
H1N1 Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 Every time you go out on a date with him, you'd have the visual of a bucket of fluid being dropped all over his head. Not a good visual. Next.
Author OnlyJake Posted January 24, 2010 Author Posted January 24, 2010 (edited) Every time you go out on a date with him, you'd have the visual of a bucket of fluid being dropped all over his head. Not a good visual. Next. Actually the image that has been running through my head is various scenarios of the slutty trashy threesomes he partook in. Ironically I'm judging the nameless, faceless girls as much as I'm judging him. Of course, now that you've mentioned the bucket/head scenario, I'll have that lovely image to contemplate further....I was focusing on the mattress thinking I'm never freaking touching that thing! I'm a little curious how people would feel if they found out information like this after they'd been dating for awhile? Edited January 24, 2010 by OnlyJake
amymarieca Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 I really don't get why people see having a sexual history as a red flag. I am pretty sure that if any male had the chance to do those sorts of things, they would be on it. A MMF threesome is not disrespectful. The girl obviously consented to it and enjoyed it. If you don't want to know things about his sexual past, then communicate that with him for future reference, but this is definitely not a dump-worthy move.
Jersey Shortie Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 No, you're not ridiculous. I would be turned off too. I did ask for more details about that and he wouldn't give them, except to say that it was only with women he didn't care about (I think he mentioned this because I knew he'd had threesomes with another girlfriend). Or because he really didn't care about the woman and hence, it was okay to treat them like they were worthless while still thinking he maintained the power and respect he deserved. Which is totally launchable. I always find this attitude towards women from guys hideous. It's okay to treat women "they don't care about" anyway they please but hey, he cares about you so you're worth his respect!
OndaChin Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 You're not being silly at all. If his past and preference doesnt make you feel comfortable then the answer is simply to avoid all of it and move on. Nothing wrong with going on your instincts.
Ruby Slippers Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 I really don't get why people see having a sexual history as a red flag. I am pretty sure that if any male had the chance to do those sorts of things, they would be on it. A MMF threesome is not disrespectful. The girl obviously consented to it and enjoyed it. If you don't want to know things about his sexual past, then communicate that with him for future reference, but this is definitely not a dump-worthy move. I agree. My last boyfriend and I talked about our sexual histories, and he told me that he'd had one MMF threesome when he was 21. It didn't threaten me or scare me or turn me off at all. All three of them used to hang out at this coffee shop a lot. I think he and his friend played chess there, and she was a barista or something. She was a little older (late 20s), and propositioned him and his friend (also early 20s), and they went for it. I mean, duh, right? He said she seemed to be having a blast, and though the guys both thought it was a little weird, they did it to see what it was like. He told me that he realized that one-on-one sex with a person you actually care about is much more enjoyable, all things considered, and he never felt the need to do a threesome again. In fact, I brought up the idea as a discussion point, and he said our sex was so great he wouldn't want anyone intruding on that. I thought it was good that he'd experimented and satisfied any curiosities he may have had, rather than feel that nagging pull to try out that kind of thing while with me or later in life. What is it about it exactly that turns you off?
H1N1 Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 No, you're not ridiculous. I would be turned off too. Oh Christ, you're turned off if the guy has a penis.
mortensorchid Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 I've learned over the years that as long as you have a very strait forward attitude towards your past or the future, it's not such a big deal. Quite honestly I find that those who like to boast or try to get you to tell you tales about your past are really insecure. I would imagine that we have all had a past, some more than others, as well as some things we'd rather forget (and I'm not just talking about sex matters), but it's not a big deal really. In light of this situation, if he's making you uncomfortable or whatnot then you shouldn't do something you're not comfortable with. You could actually TELL him (as I have in the past) that this concerns you, as you feel that he doesn't treat you with much respect because of the way he talks to you, but it doesn't make a difference to the truly clueless / sociopathic.
meerkat stew Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 Having poor boundaries and being dull seem to be this guy's problem, not the activity itself. A "squirter?" well golly gee no one has ever heard of that before! nor a threesome. If she squirts bubble bath, or the threesome involves an alien, then we're talkin!
frenchgirl Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 I don't think people choose what they are turned off by. However I disagree with perceptions that a guy who sleeps with a woman who squirts is "weird". I also disagree that a threesome is disrespectful to the woman. As long as all three are having fun, there's nothing wrong with that IMO. Several friends of mine would feel uncomfortable with this. I disagree with them but still respect their opinion.
OceanTropic Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 Not ridiculous at all!!! If a guy has a threesome, okay, fine. He tried it out, sexually curious/adventurous. You can forgive it. But pass a girl back and forth? By the sounds of it he doesn't have that much respect for woman. He may be genuine to you, but if he speaks in detail about other sexual experiences with other women, how do you know he won't talk about you when you guys are through? He might be as elaborate explaining your orgasms to another stranger. Again, signs of disrespect. I think you have every reason to be turned off, I would be too.
dazzle22 Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 We all have our own dealbreakers and we do need to be true to ourselves. Some of my girlfriend's husbands, I find myself thinking "God, that would be a dealbreaker for me" and they may say that about my husband (although I doubt very many would turn him down for eating crackers in bed.. but I digress..) If this kind of a past is a dealbreaker for you, and makes you uncomfortable, it likely will continue to bother you and you should find someone with a past that does not disturb you as much. Gut feelings are important, and you may be cuing in to other things you "can't quite put your finger on" also. And this is a free country. If you want to stop dating someone because you don't like it that he listens to country music, or doesn't floss enough, that is your right!
Author OnlyJake Posted January 24, 2010 Author Posted January 24, 2010 I don't think people choose what they are turned off by. However I disagree with perceptions that a guy who sleeps with a woman who squirts is "weird". I also disagree that a threesome is disrespectful to the woman. As long as all three are having fun, there's nothing wrong with that IMO. Several friends of mine would feel uncomfortable with this. I disagree with them but still respect their opinion. Unfortunately several posts to this thread were lost today. Possibly if I stop feeling so lazy I'll summarize mine later. Thanks for your input frenchgirl. I don't think squirting is weird, nor do I think a guy who sleeps with a girl who squirts is weird. The reason that information is a turn off is because 1. It's TMI and 2. (the biggest reason I think it's disgusting) is he still has the same mattress he told me about getting completely soaked with gallons of some girl's spunk. That doesn't make his bedroom seem particularly enticing. I also don't think threesomes in and of themselves are disrespectful toward women. The turn off was how he described his threesomes of this type, with this guy. He has had other threesomes that I didn't think twice about.
hoping2heal Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 Was just reading in the sex forum and it looks like there's lots of opinions and experiences with threesomes, so decided to post this and see what others think of this. I went out on a few dates with a guy who is a casual friend (the guy who brought a girl on our second date, for anyone who read and recalls any of my other threads). Really liked him for a lot of reasons, was attracted to him, etc. I think I'm going to stop seeing him, though. We were talking recently, and I won't go into details, but in an accidental and completely idiotic turn of events I ended up finding out more about his sexual history than I would ever have wanted to know. It was definitely too early in this relationship to know these things (IMO), and even if we'd been together for awhile I'm not sure I would have ever wanted to know this (I'm not a girl who asks for numbers of partners, I don't want to know those details). Anyways, there's actually two pieces of information that I wish I didn't know; I just feel weird about knowing them for different reasons. The first is he told me about a girl he used to hook up with that would squirt - a lot - like totally gush a gallon of liquid everywhere. He actually told me about how his bedding and mattress would be completely soaked (um, he still has the same mattress ). The second thing is that he used to have threesomes with one of his friends (a guy I've met; I kind of got the sense that this info started out as a warning about this other guy), passing the girl back and forth. Honestly, it wasn't really the fact that he's had threesomes that bothers me, as that "type" of threesome, as described by him, seems kind of disrespectful toward women. I did ask for more details about that and he wouldn't give them, except to say that it was only with women he didn't care about (I think he mentioned this because I knew he'd had threesomes with another girlfriend). Thoughts? Am I ridiculous for being kind of turned off by this? Well, every person is different, the first thing you mentioned (okay the mattress not being changed is gross- he could of gotten a mattress cover come on now) didn't strike me as that big of a deal (again, aside from the same mattres) but I couldn't see him again after hearing about the woman swapping. Now, I may have a different set of sensitivity to it than you depending on your history but I have a history of sexual abuse, and anything suggesting that kind of thing I could NEVER date because I would view them as an offender. Now, I realise that view may seem "extreme" but that's how I would end up looking at the guy and I'd want nothing to do with him. However, I can still relate to your point about being disrespectful and I think that would get to me and turn me off REGARDLESS of my past.
txsilkysmoothe Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 I would be turned off by the threesome information, not because it was a threesome but because of the way "he" seemed to think and feel about it.
frenchgirl Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 A lot of women become very wet during intercourse (definitely gets to the mattress) but yet guys don't change their mattress every time they change sex partners. Not information I like to discuss but nothing to gross me out either. About the partner swapping, again if no one was forced into it, I see nothing wrong with it as long as my partner treats me respectfully. It certainly isn't common behaviour but if they were all happy with the deal, fine with me. How did you start discussing all of this anyway? Did he volunteer all of these details or were you curious and asked questions?
Author OnlyJake Posted January 24, 2010 Author Posted January 24, 2010 A lot of women become very wet during intercourse (definitely gets to the mattress) but yet guys don't change their mattress every time they change sex partners. Not information I like to discuss but nothing to gross me out either. About the partner swapping, again if no one was forced into it, I see nothing wrong with it as long as my partner treats me respectfully. It certainly isn't common behaviour but if they were all happy with the deal, fine with me. How did you start discussing all of this anyway? Did he volunteer all of these details or were you curious and asked questions? I realize that's the case (about women getting wet), the problem is that he gave me a pretty graphic visual that won't go away. It's definitely not something I'd like to think about. I bet a lot of guys would be grossed out if you told them in detail about other guys' jizz being all over your mattress. Anyways, the way these things all came up was one of the posts that got deleted, probably later tonight I'll write it up again.
Navis Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 Was just reading in the sex forum and it looks like there's lots of opinions and experiences with threesomes, so decided to post this and see what others think of this. I went out on a few dates with a guy who is a casual friend (the guy who brought a girl on our second date, for anyone who read and recalls any of my other threads). Really liked him for a lot of reasons, was attracted to him, etc. I think I'm going to stop seeing him, though. We were talking recently, and I won't go into details, but in an accidental and completely idiotic turn of events I ended up finding out more about his sexual history than I would ever have wanted to know. It was definitely too early in this relationship to know these things (IMO), and even if we'd been together for awhile I'm not sure I would have ever wanted to know this (I'm not a girl who asks for numbers of partners, I don't want to know those details). Anyways, there's actually two pieces of information that I wish I didn't know; I just feel weird about knowing them for different reasons. The first is he told me about a girl he used to hook up with that would squirt - a lot - like totally gush a gallon of liquid everywhere. He actually told me about how his bedding and mattress would be completely soaked (um, he still has the same mattress ). The second thing is that he used to have threesomes with one of his friends (a guy I've met; I kind of got the sense that this info started out as a warning about this other guy), passing the girl back and forth. Honestly, it wasn't really the fact that he's had threesomes that bothers me, as that "type" of threesome, as described by him, seems kind of disrespectful toward women. I did ask for more details about that and he wouldn't give them, except to say that it was only with women he didn't care about (I think he mentioned this because I knew he'd had threesomes with another girlfriend). Thoughts? Am I ridiculous for being kind of turned off by this? wat is "gush" is it urine or something else?
txsilkysmoothe Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 wat is "gush" is it urine or something else? It is watery but not urine; has a totally different smell; Some people call it a g-spot orgasm. I had not heard of squirting until about 3 years ago and didn't believe it was real until about a year ago.
frenchgirl Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 It is watery but not urine; has a totally different smell; Some people call it a g-spot orgasm. I had not heard of squirting until about 3 years ago and didn't believe it was real until about a year ago. +1 It is very clear, virtually odorless (at least in my experience). The cleanest body fluid I've ever witnessed.
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