mothertheresa Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 Ok...so my boyfriend of one year (exactly one year when this particular indicent happend)...was invited to a Christmas party thrown by a construction company he's hauled gravel for twice. Didn't really know the owners that well, but told me that they were having drinks and poker at the shop at 5 p.m. I told him to have fun (almost ticked that I wasn't asked to go with him)...and accepted an invite from him afterwards to go for supper. He said he would be there for a few hours and would swing by my house when he was done. When he came over, we went for supper and on our way home, I asked him how the party was. He sounded disappointed and said "oh it was alright. I only knew two guys there." Well two weeks later, I asked him if there was anything on his phone that I should know about. This stemmed from an email from a woman he had emails from on itouch. I had his phone in my hand and he said "you might as well go ahead and look, since you already have". Now I should mention, I have never looked in his phone, wallet or otherwise. Trust is a HUGE thing for me, but one broken, hard for me to let go. At any rate, I took the phone and looked at his text messages. I saw one to a buddy, with an attached pic of my bf holding a pair of g-string panties and a message that said "I got her gstring from that night." My bf does not go to strip clubs so I was a bit taken aback. I showed him the message and he started to laugh and said "Oh, that was from the xxx company's Christmas party. They had strippers there but those panties are not from them." Well at this point, I'm livid. He went on to explain that the company had promotional merchandise to give out and he took a pair of gstring panties for me (yet never gave them to me). I didn't really care about the underwear but was ticked off about the strippers that he failed to mention. I then found, on his phone, about 10-15 pictures of two girls, naked, on the floor, playing with a...uh...how can I say this without it getting edited?....a replica male private part. The pictures on his phone showed the two women pleasuring each other...and a stripper pole in the background. Plus a whole crowd of men standing around taking the same pics as my bf. He started to get scarcastic and said there were strippers running around naked all over the place and they were doing lap dances and hooter shooters but he didn't partake. Then there was another text message to the same buddy that said "Did you get the email pics from last week?" Apparently the owner of the construction company, who had this very unclassy party, took pictures of the event and emailed them to whoever. My bf then emailed the pics to all his buddies (TONS of guys!). I have yet to see them but the trust is broken. I cannot stop thinking of it and I dont' know how to move on. He apologized (only because there was nothing more he could do). But it wasn't heartfelt and he had no respect for me that night, knowing my opinion on strippers. He didn't have to go, yet he did because he knew from the owner what kind of party it was going to be and what was going to be going on there. I know from now on, he'll delete what's on his phone (pictures and text messages) to ensure he doesn't get caught. I need advice. I need to move on but don't know how to get it out of my head. When we are intimate, I'll take off my clothes and he'll say things that make me think of that night and those strippers. Help - before I lose my mind. Thank you
Boos Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 Oh man that sucks. I don't know how you can move on if he doesn't respect your feelings on this. Because then how will you know he's not doing it again every time he goes out with the guys? It sounds like you've only had one, possibly heated, discussion about this. I think you two should talk more about your feelings (guys love that). I would think you need to come to some kind of agreement before you can just move on.
BlueeyedJonesy Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 strippers are so ****ing nasty! I don't know why we can't call them what they really are...PROSTITUTES! leave your bf before this happens down the road when you have children, and while your at home changing diapers cleaning house, and taking care of things hes out getting lapdances...run run run....
AAlike Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 My question: Let's say hypothetically that he would have told you "hey, I've been invited to this party, there's probably going to be strippers there - it's not a normal thing for me but I'd like to go." What would your reaction have been? Would you have forbade him to go?
sally4sara Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 If the girls at the party were licking each others sex parts and having sex with each other with a strap on, they were breaking the law and are in fact - prostitues. Those are sex acts and they involved errogenous zones sooooo, illegal! Which also means they likely performed other not girl on girl acts for the guests. The fac that your BF lied by not telling you prior means he really, really, really..............really wanted to go and didn't want to risk you flipping out and trying to stop him. I wonder why? You KNOW why. Don't get duped; you KNOW. Strippers are not prostitues and these two girls were no strippers.
AAlike Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 leave your bf before this happens down the road when you have children, and while your at home changing diapers cleaning house, and taking care of things hes out getting lapdances...run run run.... yes ladies, if your BF has ever attended a bachelor party at some point in his life, you might as well throw in the towel now because that is a clear indicator that his sole aspiration for later in life is to go get lapdances while you change his kid's diaper. and you wonder why some BF's feel compelled to lie.
sally4sara Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 yes ladies, if your BF has ever attended a bachelor party at some point in his life, you might as well throw in the towel now because that is a clear indicator that his sole aspiration for later in life is to go get lapdances while you change his kid's diaper. and you wonder why some BF's feel compelled to lie. None of what the OP described ever happened at any bachelor party I danced at. Those were illegal acts. Lap dances are for folks who are not in committed relationships.
AAlike Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 If the girls at the party were licking each others sex parts and having sex with each other with a strap on, they were breaking the law and are in fact - prostitues. Those are sex acts and they involved errogenous zones sooooo, illegal! Which also means they likely performed other not girl on girl acts for the guests. The fac that your BF lied by not telling you prior means he really, really, really..............really wanted to go and didn't want to risk you flipping out and trying to stop him. I wonder why? You KNOW why. Don't get duped; you KNOW. Strippers are not prostitues and these two girls were no strippers. Really? I've never gone to a strip club of my own volition in my life but I've been to both a bachelor party and some frat rush event that involved girls that were licking whipped cream off of each other's "sex parts" (it was about the most lame, unerotic, forced thing I've ever been privy to). I don't have any clue about the laws on this stuff, but I'm pretty sure that any instance of "housecall" strippers that I've attended have been ummm...enlisted through use of the phonebook. but I don't know, my bachelor party consisted of poker playing, craft beers and bowling...hahaha... and while I agree that his lying is not cool, I don't know that it's necessarily driven by REALLY wanting to go, so much as by what he anticipates will be her reaction. I really think that in a lot of these situations, it's more the desire to not be told what to do that drives the BF's actions and not the fact that the party is such a can't miss event. again, I'm not condoning it - your BF definitely owes you a REAL apology for that, I'm just saying that it doesn't mean that he is automatically some huge stripper enthusiast.
hoping2heal Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 Ok...so my boyfriend of one year (exactly one year when this particular indicent happend)...was invited to a Christmas party thrown by a construction company he's hauled gravel for twice. Didn't really know the owners that well, but told me that they were having drinks and poker at the shop at 5 p.m. I told him to have fun (almost ticked that I wasn't asked to go with him)...and accepted an invite from him afterwards to go for supper. He said he would be there for a few hours and would swing by my house when he was done. When he came over, we went for supper and on our way home, I asked him how the party was. He sounded disappointed and said "oh it was alright. I only knew two guys there." Well two weeks later, I asked him if there was anything on his phone that I should know about. This stemmed from an email from a woman he had emails from on itouch. I had his phone in my hand and he said "you might as well go ahead and look, since you already have". Now I should mention, I have never looked in his phone, wallet or otherwise. Trust is a HUGE thing for me, but one broken, hard for me to let go. At any rate, I took the phone and looked at his text messages. I saw one to a buddy, with an attached pic of my bf holding a pair of g-string panties and a message that said "I got her gstring from that night." My bf does not go to strip clubs so I was a bit taken aback. I showed him the message and he started to laugh and said "Oh, that was from the xxx company's Christmas party. They had strippers there but those panties are not from them." Well at this point, I'm livid. He went on to explain that the company had promotional merchandise to give out and he took a pair of gstring panties for me (yet never gave them to me). I didn't really care about the underwear but was ticked off about the strippers that he failed to mention. I then found, on his phone, about 10-15 pictures of two girls, naked, on the floor, playing with a...uh...how can I say this without it getting edited?....a replica male private part. The pictures on his phone showed the two women pleasuring each other...and a stripper pole in the background. Plus a whole crowd of men standing around taking the same pics as my bf. He started to get scarcastic and said there were strippers running around naked all over the place and they were doing lap dances and hooter shooters but he didn't partake. Then there was another text message to the same buddy that said "Did you get the email pics from last week?" Apparently the owner of the construction company, who had this very unclassy party, took pictures of the event and emailed them to whoever. My bf then emailed the pics to all his buddies (TONS of guys!). I have yet to see them but the trust is broken. I cannot stop thinking of it and I dont' know how to move on. He apologized (only because there was nothing more he could do). But it wasn't heartfelt and he had no respect for me that night, knowing my opinion on strippers. He didn't have to go, yet he did because he knew from the owner what kind of party it was going to be and what was going to be going on there. I know from now on, he'll delete what's on his phone (pictures and text messages) to ensure he doesn't get caught. I need advice. I need to move on but don't know how to get it out of my head. When we are intimate, I'll take off my clothes and he'll say things that make me think of that night and those strippers. Help - before I lose my mind. Thank you Your boyfriend lied, then lied some more, then lied again. So, after an entire year together your boyfriend not only has no problem partaking in BIG no-no's that are a slap in the face to you and your Rs, he also has no problem lying again and again to cover them up. Personally, I'm more angry for you that he even got involved in something like that and then wanted to show off to people than the fact that he lied. Yes, the lying is bad of course but he shouldn't of even CHOSE TO DO THAT kind of crap to need to lie about to begin with. Now, every person is different YOU need to make the choices you can live with
bethykins Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 My boyfriend and his buddy want to go to strip clubs. You know what I said (since they know how I feel about strippers), you want to go? I'm going too. They thought it was great, and suddenly became excited to take me. If you were willing to do that, you could know what is going on at the club and your guy can experience you in a different light.
AAlike Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 None of what the OP described ever happened at any bachelor party I danced at. Those were illegal acts. well, as I wrote above, you (and most people) would know that better than me, but I really don't think that the "magnitude" of the acts has a whole lot of bearing on the situation. Had the girls in question only done "legal" activities I highly doubt that would change the OP's feelings, or those of the person that I responded to that equated strippers to prostitutes. Lap dances are for folks who are not in committed relationships. 1) Your opinion (I would agree, actually, but it's still your/our opinion) 2) Where does it say that the BF got a lapdance? Look, don't get me wrong, I completely agree that the BF acted insensitive - but that is a personal issue between him and her...I'm just saying that she should stick up for herself and focus more on the lying than comparing herself unfavorably to a couple of strippers.
sally4sara Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 Really? I've never gone to a strip club of my own volition in my life but I've been to both a bachelor party and some frat rush event that involved girls that were licking whipped cream off of each other's "sex parts" (it was about the most lame, unerotic, forced thing I've ever been privy to). I don't have any clue about the laws on this stuff, but I'm pretty sure that any instance of "housecall" strippers that I've attended have been ummm...enlisted through use of the phonebook. but I don't know, my bachelor party consisted of poker playing, craft beers and bowling...hahaha... and while I agree that his lying is not cool, I don't know that it's necessarily driven by REALLY wanting to go, so much as by what he anticipates will be her reaction. I really think that in a lot of these situations, it's more the desire to not be told what to do that drives the BF's actions and not the fact that the party is such a can't miss event. again, I'm not condoning it - your BF definitely owes you a REAL apology for that, I'm just saying that it doesn't mean that he is automatically some huge stripper enthusiast. A stripper will either work with an entertainment agency (like I did) that drives her to the venue and provides security during her performance based on the number of attendees, OR Work at a club with a set standard of conduct and a permanent staff that gets lazy and doesn't care so long as they don't have to get off their usually fat duff to bounce a grabby guy out the door. Some of the girls who washed out of the agency I worked for ended up at clubs and it is usually a bit more seedy, but it depends on the area and economic climate of the clientel. The girls who show up at your buddies poker night through the newspaper are escorts or prostitutes. They do whatever they can get away with. They likely don't WANT to sleep with anyone there but they probably do want/need the money so they will if offered whatever makes it worth it to them. They usually cannot actually dance or put on a show and only wear cheap store bought lingerie instead of custom made outfits. They often have no one working security or one of the previously mentioned fat asses moonlighting from one of the clubs. Laws may vary from state to state as to what is actually prostitution in regards to breasts, but a sex act is a sex act.
Recommended Posts