eXtremeMan Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 Just f*ck other women behind her back. Or divorce her. Do you know why divorces are so expensive? Because they're WORTH IT!
kevinconner Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 Giotto you are the man. Back on post : You both may have internal issues that need to be addressed before moving forward. You on one side, may have an issue with being abandoned. I can't explain it any other way. The more she pulls away and lives in her own bubble, the more you are facintated with it. How else can you explain living with a woman, on purpose, when the mutal and loving act of sex pops up only 1x per three months? She on the opposite side has issues with feeling controlled. This fear of control has stunted her own sense of self and now is causing there to be a strong distaste from her regarding intamcy in the relationship. If you both stay together, the two of you will be in this constant state of push and pull. Also, don't ever cheat on her with a woman who is your sexual equal. If you stray, make sure the woman hates sex just as much as she does. If you find your match, you will feel like an idiot for staying so long and will wonder what the hell you were thinking.
Angel1111 Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 Just f*ck other women behind her back. Or divorce her. Do you know why divorces are so expensive? Because they're WORTH IT! Amen. OP, you actually DO have a right to be angry because she's withholding sex from you. Sex is the most significant thing - along with sharing a life together - that connects a couple and separates them from just being friends or roommates. And contrary to what your wife may think, we're not animals who go into 'season' every so often just to procreate. But, as long as you're willing to put up with this nonsense, then it'll continue. I see her feminism career as a huge red flag, also. What I'm wondering is, if she has such huge trust issues, what the heck was she doing getting married to a total stranger after only one month??? I can't imagine that a person like her would even think of doing something like that. Sounds to me that she just enjoys playing these games with you and, conveniently, didn't divulge this little piece of information about how she doesn't really enjoy sex because of her 'trust issues'. I call that misrepresentation and grounds for divorce. I don't care how sexy or attractive someone is to me, once they lie or deceive me, they lose their attraction really, really fast. You were tricked and now she's just smiling away as you do this little 'I'm so attracted to you that I wouldn't leave no matter how badly you treat me' dance. Good luck with that.
Author CloudyJack Posted January 25, 2010 Author Posted January 25, 2010 Thanks everyone again for all the comments. I think it's true, there really is some good advise here, & some life experience that is great to hear. BettyBoop (missed your note last time): I'm pretty sure she isn't faking it.. but I guess I could be wrong. if she was, it would be to end the sex b/c she is almost always the one to start orgasm first -- & she lets me know she's started & I should stop holding back & finish. BB07: We both went to an expensive 'natropathic' or some kind of alternative 'wholistic' doctor or somesuch about a year ago. for me -- I had some mystery bug from travel in India, after getting malaria -- for her, she had trouble with energy levels. I think she ended up taking cortisol, iron, & maybe other stuff. basically the doctor just evened out all her chemical 'levels.' who knows if it made any difference. at the time, I think my wife believed it was making a big difference, but now she blames oddness in her energy levels on the 'unnatural' booting of her cortisol. I'll mention also that we're both vegetarian, although I sneak meat at lunch sometimes, and am veggie more b/c it's way cheaper and supposedly better for the environment -- instead of health reasons. I pretty much always feel fine. anyway, off topic. I don't know if the doc checked for hormone levels/thyroid issues. I'll put it on my list of things to check up on.. or bring up in conversation with her. it might make her a little upset to think it's a chemical thing and not 'her true self' etc ..although she blames low energy etc on junk food etc all the time, so dunno why this would be different.. Cuppa: Thanks again for the great advise! I will def try to "remove the anxiety" from her side -- tell her during kissing or whatever that it def wont lead to sex.. & maybe set a two month goal. we've done that in the past actually. I set a three month time limit b/c I was so exhausted thinking "maybe tonight will be it." it didn't seem to help anything though in the long run. I just got kind of sad and we almost split by the end (on my side). she doesn't like oral -- says she never has & gets squirmy. I'm not fantastic at it anyway, but I think I know what I'm doing. before her, I had a gf who was very specific in her instruction & got me to the point where I could give her an orgasm every time. so I have a routine .. as for me: my wife says she has to be turned on to give me a bj. those come faaar between. I got one on Dec 17 2007, and then on Nov 11th 2009 & that's about it. big day on my calendar. we tried hj a couple times, but I don't really like it -- I'm better at getting myself off. re your ps > thanks for the 15 min 'make it shorter' tip.. I'll try that. I'm pretty sure she's fine in the lub department -- when she's turned on, she gets really melty all over. plus we have lub by the bed but she never uses it. bright shadow: sorry for knocking the standard .. I'm just not sure how I would pull it off.. hmm.. or I think maybe I've tried in the past.. or maybe it started off that way. for example, at the beginning, I would usually initiate and sort of guide the situation & it was good. but eventually, after we had talks, she let me know that she didn't like certain things & started turning me down. I asked her to initiate more & she has a couple times, but I don't think it's natural for her. yeah, it's a weird problem b/c I'm waiting for her to be in the mood, but when she is she doesn't initiate & I have to GUESS that it's the right time. many times, I'll wake up in the morning and she'll say "I wanted to have sex last night." and I'll be like WWHHHhhahhahhaAATttt!! gooood lord woman, you HAVE to TELL me holy moly." and then I'll just lie in bed staring at the ceiling astounded at the unfairness of the universe. one terrible thing that happened was: she sent me to a feminist course on lovemaking at the local university. it was truly designed to F up relationships FOREVER. basically they were saying that ever act of sex was actually rape, and that permission needed to be granted for absolutely everything. as in: "Can I touch your best now? Can I kiss your ear now?" etc.. & I'm usually resilient to bs*it but I'd really tried to open myself up to whatever the message was -- b/c it seems so important to my wife. anyway, we had long talks about it after, both sort of agreeing that it wasn't the most helpful course ever. but I think the damage was done, and I started to worry about all sorts of stuff. I think it was more like a class on how to have sex with a over-sensitive special needs input device than a human being. like that game operation where you have to very very very slowly pull out a bone and if you do something wrong the machine screams at you and you go to jail for terrible crimes you didn't commit. yes, sometimes I wish for the standard. I have a friend w/a gf who never tells him any of her problems. opposite extreme. she said something like "my father told me never to talk about my problems, because they're mine. to just work them out myself." so they never have any arguments about sex and he just goes on his merry way w/o knowing what her feelings are & they have lots of sex. maybe she's fine, maybe not. in any case, I've sort of signed up for the 'lets tell each other absolutely everything all the time' kind of relationship. it's the first time I'm doing it properly, so I'm just throwing all my trust at it. sort of like signing up for the stock market and when you're losing all your money you say, "well this is an experiment and I've got to see it through to really know." over-all it's worked so far -- arguing about general things usually ends in understanding, and resolved emotions (after some angry silences that eventually break).. except for this sex thing. but you have a really good point about being dominant -- I just might have lost track of how to do it, listening to all the feminist stuff all the time. even if it would be good for us, she would NEVER admit it or want to talk about it in that way. Yes, I know I can't change her -- I'm just hoping that she 'heals' or changes naturally over time. if not, then.. I would prob want to stay with her anyway -- but that's what I think now & wonder about the future.. thus the post .. well, I kind of disagree with your 'men can exist without sex, just masturbate more' thing. are you a guy? I haven't found it ever to work like that. I've tried & it just doesn't "go away" .. for me at least. I kind of have cycles where maybe I'll want sex all the time for a week or so.. & then a few weeks later I can go a few days w/o thinking about it much. but I think it's body-driven. I agree that the pattern is boring, & that it has established itself. I'm not sure how to break it.. already tried the 'sex break' thing, as I mentioned before crazycatlady: really interested stuff -- thanks! .. yes, I've wanted to suggest exactly that to her -- sex every day for a week. I think maybe I haven't yet b/c I'm pretty sure she would say no.. it would fall under the category of her "trying more." .. but also I imagine it might really upset her. I'll put it on the list of things to talk about her with. I wish that you're right! that we just have to "jump start" her sex drive.. or just confront her intimacy issues face on. dunno if it will work in her case, but .. yeah, at least worth talking about it with her. sounds like you're pretty generous w/your husband. I've never turned my wife down ever (not so hard), but yeah, I'll get turned down thirty times for every time she says yes. when she says yes, it's like winning the lotto. that's great advise about dif time of day too. correct, we don't match that way. she likes it in the morning, but I don't (fuzzy mouth & have to rush to get to work). I like it in the afternoon full of energy -- or at night, then you can sleep so deep after. .. so I'll try to focus more on the mornings ugh.. anyway: yes, I think she's generous and would 'bend' but I guess she feels like she's sacrificing too much to fill my 'need.' she'd do other things for me, like make breakfast or whatever. I almost asked for sex on my birthday, but knew that would be insensitive. Giotto: haha! thanks, wine! why didn't I think of that. I'll become a roaring happy limp drunk woohoo! Toodamn: good to hear all this & I sooo want to agree with you.. just don't know if I have that option at this point. there isn't much 'constant whining' -- we talk seriously about it ever couple weeks or month maybe.. a little more recently. honestly, it's not make-or-break for me at this point, so I can't pull that card (it would feel dishonest & manipulative). it might eventually get to that point & I'll take your advise then.. dunno if it will ever get there though. yes yes yes, I just WISH we could flop & trade places for a moment & she could see how I feel. Giotto: firm, okay.. maybe you guys are changing my mind a bit. maybe I should have a talk where I say something like, "I think you should respect the situation a little more & try harder etc b/c it's not fair at the moment." but, yes that's another big issue -- I never know when sex is coming. I would love something to look forward to.. like Friday! .. instead of "it'll happen when it happens." but that may be a unsolvable argument from everything I've hear about guys vs girls. the uncertainty is def part of what kills me. also, I love to have sex after a little wine or beer, but she will only have it 'cold.' Toodamn: haven't read the other post yet.. will get to it though.. mem: I'm hoping we have the love thing. I'd rather not have to deal with guilt and fear (of course they're happening now of course, w/me feeling guilty and afraid she's going to leave). I am def not in control of the situation.. but I don't want to be either. I want it to be fair. .. maybe I'm too idealistic. I haven't had kids yet & know that some people think guilt and fear are a large part of discipline. even if that's true, I wouldn't want that type of relationship w/my wife. yes, well.. I'm not sure what I'm getting is doubletalk -- her reasons are emotional reasons that are hard to find solutions to. she always tells me to "stop trying to fix things." so I don't, I just listen to her problems and try to relate to her. it works way better in terms of closeness, but of course I never get to suggest any solutions .. I think if our relationship does end, I may end up thinking along your lines for the next relationship, mem. my dad is always trying to tell me the same thing. he's in his 60s & says he's seen it too many times. of course he's a bachelor extremeMan: that's exactly what I want people to say -- what you're supposed to say to your friend at a bar -- you're awesome. raw simple fast solution, lets grab a pint and bitch about women and smash something! divorce would be cheap/easy in my case.. but.. sigh.. not an option here at the moment b/c I want to stay in it.. for now at least. I am going to continue to try & work on it. kevinconner: thanks for the advise. yes, I'm sure I have some issues too. not sure about abandonment. more like: my mom raised my brother & me & had a hard time, so I always worried about her. & besides sex, my wife isn't pulling away or living in a bubble. she tells me everything & we're close physically besides the sex. we spend every day together talking, don't have tv -- chat & laugh & cook dinner together each night. but I think you're right about her feeling controlled. that sounds right on. yes we are def push & pull around the sex stuff. I've def been with women who wanted more sex & were amazing in bed, so I know what I'm missing.. which def makes it harder. I wasn't in love w/those women though.. so sex was never as good. angel: thanks for the anger. as to the trust: I think getting married was a way of securing trust. she'd had a lot of one night stands & bad experiences w/guys 'using her' in the past -- so it was our way of saying that we were doing it b/c we actually liked each other and didn't see any reason not to get married (didn't know about the sex thing at the time of course -- I don't think she did either though.) again, thanks everyone -- even those posts that I don't agree with right away. it's good to have fresh emotional perspectives on it -- def helps in clarifying that my feelings are just as important and valid as hers.. even if I'm more easy going & don't seem to suffer from them or express them out loud with the same intensity that she does. I think my next step is to collate some of this advise & make a todo list plan of attack.. although I wont use the word attack, probably some other nicer word, like plan of friendly maneuvers.
HeyThere Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 CloudyJack, I’ve been around chauvinist feminists for my entire life (sisters). They (my sisters) are very insecure, very controlling, lots of misplaced anger, very confused sexually and all this in the name of feminism? If I sound negative, it’s because they are emasculating to the men in their lives. Now if you think this won’t bother you down the road, then don’t concern yourself. They’ve not changed much over the years. I’m just giving you a heads up.
Bright Shadow Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 one terrible thing that happened was: she sent me to a feminist course on lovemaking at the local university. it was truly designed to F up relationships FOREVER. basically they were saying that ever act of sex was actually rape, and that permission needed to be granted for absolutely everything. as in: "Can I touch your best now? Can I kiss your ear now?" etc.. & I'm usually resilient to bs*it but I'd really tried to open myself up to whatever the message was -- b/c it seems so important to my wife. anyway, we had long talks about it after, both sort of agreeing that it wasn't the most helpful course ever. Possibly the least helpful course ever. I don't think I could have sat through a course like that without laughing - and possibly being kicked out. Political correctness running roughshod over human behavior. except for this sex thing. but you have a really good point about being dominant -- I just might have lost track of how to do it, listening to all the feminist stuff all the time. even if it would be good for us, she would NEVER admit it or want to talk about it in that way. It's possible that you need an antidote. Try reading Neil Strauss' "The Game". A lot of the stuff in there is about the PUA community and the techniques they use. A note here, many of these are, to my mind, manipulative and misleading. But it's well worth reading. well, I kind of disagree with your 'men can exist without sex, just masturbate more' thing. are you a guy? I haven't found it ever to work like that. I've tried & it just doesn't "go away" .. for me at least. I kind of have cycles where maybe I'll want sex all the time for a week or so.. & then a few weeks later I can go a few days w/o thinking about it much. but I think it's body-driven. I agree that the pattern is boring, & that it has established itself. I'm not sure how to break it.. already tried the 'sex break' thing, as I mentioned before I'm a guy. I didn't say masturbate more, I was just under the impression that for you, it's more often than once a week. Wrong, it appears. It can become an addiction. There are more helpful ways of channeling that sexual energy. I went through a sexless marriage myself. When I say sexless I mean it. But at the end I was able to divorce my ex knowing that I'd done all I could to try to improve my side of our relationship. At the end, my ex found me more attractive than at any time during our marriage. But I knew that even though she was offering to have sex, she would never be able to satisfy my needs. I'll repeat that I don't hold out much hope for your marriage. You have a right to a good sex life within marriage. The 'sex break' has to be used properly. It's not just sitting around and doing nothing. A part of it is to break the boring pattern by being sexual towards her, but not taking it completely to the sex act. Once the break is over, it's done occasionally, so that she's not completely able to predict what will happen. At the moment, from your description, she holds the power in the relationship. I don't think it's an equal relationship, I think you're getting the rough end of the stick. She's set the terms. I don't really hold with the idea of fair or unfair. You've accepted these terms. Maybe it's time to begin un-accepting. Schnarch in his book "Passionate Marriage", makes the point that this situation needs a risk to be taken.
Toodamnpragmatic Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 I missed the feminist sex class. If it was what you tell us...... I'd run as fast as I can. To be told sex is like that is demeaning. If that is what your wife thinks there is no chance to "fix" it. To be told that you go without for 2-3 months and the answer now is to go at least two more months with no pressure and no intimacy that could lead to sex!!!!! What the he%! does that mean? You are a male, you will/should get a hard on and she should be turned on too when you kiss, caress, sleep together.... I see you intently reading and thinking and responding but for once I agree with mem11363, grow a pair or start drinking and pill popping to dull the pain.... Most men responding here have a decade on you and have stories to tell and families..... You have nothing but your future ahead and sorry, but unless you say otherwise, your spouse is a "headcase", and you are letting her dictate and drag you down with you...... I just needed to be blunt and say it........
Angel1111 Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 one terrible thing that happened was: she sent me to a feminist course on lovemaking at the local university. it was truly designed to F up relationships FOREVER. basically they were saying that ever act of sex was actually rape, and that permission needed to be granted for absolutely everything. as in: "Can I touch your best now? Can I kiss your ear now?" etc.. & I'm usually resilient to bs*it but I'd really tried to open myself up to whatever the message was -- b/c it seems so important to my wife. anyway, we had long talks about it after, both sort of agreeing that it wasn't the most helpful course ever. but I think the damage was done, and I started to worry about all sorts of stuff. I think it was more like a class on how to have sex with a over-sensitive special needs input device than a human being. I think getting married was a way of securing trust. she'd had a lot of one night stands & bad experiences w/guys 'using her' in the past -- so it was our way of saying that we were doing it b/c we actually liked each other and didn't see any reason not to get married (didn't know about the sex thing at the time of course -- I don't think she did either though.) Ok, so she secured trust by marrying you, but she can't have sex with you now that the two of you are married because she has trust issues...? I'm already confused. Uh, people with trust issues don't have a lot of one-night stands. She sure does send out a lot of mixed messages. And you sit around waiting for permission to have sex with her, suspecting that she thinks it's a form of rape, and that you should ask permission to touch her. Gee, the privilege of being with her must be awesome. You know, if it weren't so sick, it would be laughable. The chances of this marriage working is somewhere in the ballpark of that proverbial snowball in hell. And, btw, that feminist course that she sent you to, I'm guessing that she actually does agree with it - which is why it was so important to her. But she agreed with you that it wasn't 'helpful' because you didn't buy into it. Saying that sex is rape is the craziest and most demented thing I've heard in a long time. These women aren't feminists, they're man-haters. Feminists just want equal rights - you know, voting, salary, credit, etc. Man-haters just hang on the skirts of feminism and expand upon the definition in order to use it as an excuse to serve their own purposes and exorcise their personal demons. The fact that your wife even halfway listens to them should tell you everything you need to know. I wouldn't let myself be caught in the same room as them, much less attend a course like that - and invite my husband. I didn't even know people like that existed. I hate to say it, but you stepped into a huge landmine by marrying this person so quickly. If she had a lot of one-night stands and guys left her, I think I can see why.
Angel1111 Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 Btw, Cloudy, I think it's highly possible that your wife was either raped or sexually abused when she was a child. Has she ever mentioned this?
HeyThere Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 Btw, Cloudy, I think it's highly possible that your wife was either raped or sexually abused when she was a child. Has she ever mentioned this? Or her father was so weak and being emotionally dominated by the female was/is the norm.
mem11363 Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 CJ, Let me come back to fear. IMO - in a marriage BOTH spouses occasionally wish to do things/not do things that would harm their partner. That is just life. In my world - mostly I do/don't do as I should because I love my wife. BUT there are times when I have a strong desire to do something and don't because it WILL upset her and she WILL hammer me. And yes I do FEAR that outcome. I don't walk on eggshells all/most of the time. In fact I never do. I simply understand that certain behaviors will produce a swift and painful outcome. YOUR problem is you are afraid even when you are the victim. And that attitude is exactly why your mating privileges have been revoked. I have never cheated on my wife - but if she acted like she didn't want to have sex with me anymore I would give her the choice of zero marital sex and me getting a lover. And then I would start going on dates until I found someone suitable. So YES my wife - who I love very much is AFRAID to even try to make me celibate and that is as it should be. You are pure beta - and that will cause most women to lose desire/shut you down in bed. Go find some posts on alpha behavior and step up. How can you love someone who treats you this badly. Possibly the least helpful course ever. I don't think I could have sat through a course like that without laughing - and possibly being kicked out. Political correctness running roughshod over human behavior. It's possible that you need an antidote. Try reading Neil Strauss' "The Game". A lot of the stuff in there is about the PUA community and the techniques they use. A note here, many of these are, to my mind, manipulative and misleading. But it's well worth reading. I'm a guy. I didn't say masturbate more, I was just under the impression that for you, it's more often than once a week. Wrong, it appears. It can become an addiction. There are more helpful ways of channeling that sexual energy. I went through a sexless marriage myself. When I say sexless I mean it. But at the end I was able to divorce my ex knowing that I'd done all I could to try to improve my side of our relationship. At the end, my ex found me more attractive than at any time during our marriage. But I knew that even though she was offering to have sex, she would never be able to satisfy my needs. I'll repeat that I don't hold out much hope for your marriage. You have a right to a good sex life within marriage. The 'sex break' has to be used properly. It's not just sitting around and doing nothing. A part of it is to break the boring pattern by being sexual towards her, but not taking it completely to the sex act. Once the break is over, it's done occasionally, so that she's not completely able to predict what will happen. At the moment, from your description, she holds the power in the relationship. I don't think it's an equal relationship, I think you're getting the rough end of the stick. She's set the terms. I don't really hold with the idea of fair or unfair. You've accepted these terms. Maybe it's time to begin un-accepting. Schnarch in his book "Passionate Marriage", makes the point that this situation needs a risk to be taken.
Toodamnpragmatic Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 (edited) CJ, Let me come back to fear. IMO - in a marriage BOTH spouses occasionally wish to do things/not do things that would harm their partner. That is just life. In my world - mostly I do/don't do as I should because I love my wife. BUT there are times when I have a strong desire to do something and don't because it WILL upset her and she WILL hammer me. And yes I do FEAR that outcome. I don't walk on eggshells all/most of the time. In fact I never do. I simply understand that certain behaviors will produce a swift and painful outcome. YOUR problem is you are afraid even when you are the victim. And that attitude is exactly why your mating privileges have been revoked. I have never cheated on my wife - but if she acted like she didn't want to have sex with me anymore I would give her the choice of zero marital sex and me getting a lover. And then I would start going on dates until I found someone suitable. So YES my wife - who I love very much is AFRAID to even try to make me celibate and that is as it should be. You are pure beta - and that will cause most women to lose desire/shut you down in bed. Go find some posts on alpha behavior and step up. How can you love someone who treats you this badly. and too caught up in the alpha/beta..... But you are right in your comments though. This has nothing to with alpha/beta, then just telling her this is a 100% unacceptable situation..... You need to see a councilor to discuss what you want from your marriage and whether there is a true sharing dynamic. CJ you are very bright and aware, but seem more interested in the advise that is non-confrontational and mostly are easy on her (i.e. 2 months of no sex, after going 3 months without). Even I have to say "grow a pair".... You have no children, which provides the greatest impediment to intimacy between couples or breaking up. Have to ask is much of your issues in all areas a result of your "hippy/bohemian" lifestyle? Shall I bet she is the vegetarian and you just have adopted it (since you will sneak meat when she is not around)? You have no TV???? Sorry I do not think TV is the be all and end all, but no TV thus losing a connection to the outside world/information, sports and entertainment tells me you are ensconsed in this lifestyle and wonder if this is your choice. Do you have many friends to talk to? Are they of similar backgrounds. Does she have many friends from this magazine? Edited January 26, 2010 by Toodamnpragmatic
Author CloudyJack Posted January 26, 2010 Author Posted January 26, 2010 Wow, this thread has become totally unhelpful and upsetting. This will be my last post.
whichwayisup Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 Don't leave.. Just focus on the posts which are helping you. And, keep posting yourself. Sometimes folks put their 3 cents in and it goes slightly offtopic.. Sorry about that..
HeyThere Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 I believe this thread is “on-topic” and way to painful to comprehend. The “off-topic” part that was the breaking point was telling him that his marriage is doomed to failure, even if true, that was way to harsh.
mem11363 Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 TDP, What is nasty about my post? and too caught up in the alpha/beta..... But you are right in your comments though. This has nothing to with alpha/beta, then just telling her this is a 100% unacceptable situation..... You need to see a councilor to discuss what you want from your marriage and whether there is a true sharing dynamic. CJ you are very bright and aware, but seem more interested in the advise that is non-confrontational and mostly are easy on her (i.e. 2 months of no sex, after going 3 months without). Even I have to say "grow a pair".... You have no children, which provides the greatest impediment to intimacy between couples or breaking up. Have to ask is much of your issues in all areas a result of your "hippy/bohemian" lifestyle? Shall I bet she is the vegetarian and you just have adopted it (since you will sneak meat when she is not around)? You have no TV???? Sorry I do not think TV is the be all and end all, but no TV thus losing a connection to the outside world/information, sports and entertainment tells me you are ensconsed in this lifestyle and wonder if this is your choice. Do you have many friends to talk to? Are they of similar backgrounds. Does she have many friends from this magazine?
nddb Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 I don't see a happy ending here. Best wishes to you but I would bail.
Angel1111 Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 I believe this thread is “on-topic” and way to painful to comprehend. The “off-topic” part that was the breaking point was telling him that his marriage is doomed to failure, even if true, that was way to harsh. He probably thought it was unhelpful and upsetting because no one was telling him what he wanted to hear.
Toodamnpragmatic Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 (edited) TDP, What is nasty about my post? I was having fun mem11363, but you did say the following.... And that attitude is exactly why your mating privileges have been revoked You are pure beta - and that will cause most women to lose desire/shut you down in bed. How can you love someone who treats you this badly. I'd say that is pretty harsh..... but true in this case.... As for CJ leaving, that is sad, but this thread has remained significantly on point..... He just does not like where it was going and the fact many were appalled at his lack of backbone..... I'm sure his "wife" is happy he left LS too....... Can you imagine him being subverted by us 'Free-thinking" people...... Back to the feminist agenda I say..... Edited January 28, 2010 by Toodamnpragmatic
mem11363 Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 Deep sigh. TDP - I wish we actually lived in the same neighborhood. That way you could see what I am really like. I guess I never put it this bluntly but I actually way - way prefer to think and to banter then to frighten/intimidate/fight. I am actually pure beta unless someone is insistent on not seeing the sweet light of reason. And I have a pretty wide comfort zone so you need to get pretty far out of your swim lane for me to say anything about it. And you have to be all the way out of the pool for me to go into "pure alpha" mode. But I look at that as you are now forcing me to do something I really don't want to do. And YES that includes my wife forcing a certain amount of conflict. I think we both know why you find me tiresome - but it doesn't change the fact that one of our wives has a healthy fear of her spouse and the other doesn't. I am NOT ashamed of that in the slightest and never will be. If your wife feared you as much as you fear her, you would have a much different physical/sexual relationship and likely an overall happier marriage for BOTH of you. I was having fun mem11363, but you did say the following.... And that attitude is exactly why your mating privileges have been revoked You are pure beta - and that will cause most women to lose desire/shut you down in bed. How can you love someone who treats you this badly. I'd say that is pretty harsh..... but true in this case.... As for CJ leaving, that is sad, but this thread has remained significantly on point..... He just does not like where it was going and the fact many were appalled at his lack of backbone..... I'm sure his "wife" is happy he left LS too....... Can you imagine him being subverted by us 'Free-thinking" people...... Back to the feminist agenda I say.....
Toodamnpragmatic Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 Deep sigh. TDP - I wish we actually lived in the same neighborhood. That way you could see what I am really like. I guess I never put it this bluntly but I actually way - way prefer to think and to banter then to frighten/intimidate/fight. I am actually pure beta unless someone is insistent on not seeing the sweet light of reason. And I have a pretty wide comfort zone so you need to get pretty far out of your swim lane for me to say anything about it. And you have to be all the way out of the pool for me to go into "pure alpha" mode. But I look at that as you are now forcing me to do something I really don't want to do. And YES that includes my wife forcing a certain amount of conflict. I think we both know why you find me tiresome - but it doesn't change the fact that one of our wives has a healthy fear of her spouse and the other doesn't. I am NOT ashamed of that in the slightest and never will be. If your wife feared you as much as you fear her, you would have a much different physical/sexual relationship and likely an overall happier marriage for BOTH of you. and you certainly have many good, strong important advice. There are many hear who do need to listen and implement some of what you say. I am sure the OP here definitely needed a kick in the butt. He has what he considered a great wife, very open communication about sex and has had the tap turned off very early in his life and then when confronted with advice, most of which questioned his "wifes" indifference got mad and ran. In this case I agreed with you that he certainly had to take a more "alpha" role and not accept it. Apologies if you took my "fun jab" the wrong way.
HeyThere Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 I like reading this banter, it’s a stimulating discussion on what areas in the emotional realm connect and resonate in the sexual one. I for one never gave this info one second of thought before I got to this forum. CloudyJack has a lot of fear of his wife in his relationship, so getting him to see that aspect and then turn it around would be a spectacular feet. Alpha man to the rescue. Da, da, da……da, da, da, da da, dahhhhhh:p
Toodamnpragmatic Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 I just re-read a few posts and realised how many words we spelled and thus used incorrectly..... How sad that CJ ran..... I am no alpha, but his story made me sad and his reaction really pissed me off.....
HeyThere Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 (edited) TDP, I couldn’t agree more and next time I’ll use my right feat. Edited January 29, 2010 by HeyThere
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