Happygrl10 Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 Have you ever dated someone in the past that you were completely attracted to, had great chemistry with, and everything felt right but for some reason decided to call it off because of some minor annoyances. Such minor annoyances could be constant lagging in response to texts/calls, canceling and rescheduling dates, or if she fussed (singular) over something minorl. If a certain time had passed and you still think about her, would you think to call her and give it another shot? After all, it wasn't anything major that made you leave, it was your frustration for her lack response time or something similar.
OnlyJake Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 I'm a girl, but I can tell you from experience that if I stopped talking to a guy/"broke up" with him over something minor that was an annoyance it was because your entire first paragraph was false. Are you assuming this guy feels the same way you do or did he specifically say those things? If he specifically said those things and then dumped you some, possible explanations include that he was full of ****, it was more than an "annoyance" or there is something more going on. Oh, and lag time in texts/calls and constant rescheduling translates to lack of interest. For tips on successful, good game playing, check out The Art of Seduction. Sounds like you either weren't that interested in him or you were unsuccessfully playing games.
meerkat stew Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 I've never dumped a woman before telling her what was annoying me and giving time for her to correct it. It's usually futile, as they act like they are listening, and then repeat the exact behavior almost immediately. Sometimes I wish I had a bullhorn in relationships. "STOP FEEDING THE BEAR; LEAVE THE BEAR ALONE; THE BEAR IS NOT TAME; BACK AWAY SLOWLY FROM THE BEAR!"
carhill Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 I tend to sense/inquire about people's intent/intentions, so minor stuff doesn't bother me too much. If I get a strong sense/feeling that a person does not want me in their life (this goes far beyond what you shared in your other thread), I will oblige them. Life is too short to waste it in fruitless relationships. That was a hard-learned lesson. BTW, OP, it's OK to divert/change the topic direction in your other thread as relevant. IMO, it's better to keep everything in one place so people can read the backstory. As I said over there, this is where communication style differences, if not resolved, can destroy a perfectly good potential relationship. They can destroy a marriage too. Ask me how I know.... If he's attracted to you and likes you, he'll contact you, IMO.
Author Happygrl10 Posted January 24, 2010 Author Posted January 24, 2010 Thanks for you comment! Actually, I wasn't playing any games...However, I am guilty of the delayed text/calls. I was simply using those minor annoyances as examples of something that could turn a guy off and never make him look back. It was actually more of a question of would a guy who had his space, eventually come back for a second chance if things weren't entirely too bad to begin with. Maybe this belongs in another forum.
Author Happygrl10 Posted January 24, 2010 Author Posted January 24, 2010 Thank you sooooo much for your input, all. Carhill- I guess I should have continued on with that thread but figured, it's sort of a different topic, but still related. Oh well. I know now for the future.
betamanlet Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 I've never dumped a woman before telling her what was annoying me and giving time for her to correct it. It's usually futile, as they act like they are listening, and then repeat the exact behavior almost immediately. Sometimes I wish I had a bullhorn in relationships. "STOP FEEDING THE BEAR; LEAVE THE BEAR ALONE; THE BEAR IS NOT TAME; BACK AWAY SLOWLY FROM THE BEAR!" has there ever been a guy who was actually told the problem a woman had with him and given him time to correct it, instead of just being dumped?
carhill Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 Told? Sure. Told in a language which makes sense to him? That's another matter
Golfilla Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 has there ever been a guy who was actually told the problem a woman had with him and given him time to correct it, instead of just being dumped? Why should they be "told"? If someone's over the age of 25, chances are they're not going to change, no matter how many times they're "told". Personally, I'd rather a woman just leave me if she has a problem with something I do, instead of hitting me with endless nagging in the hope that I'll "correct" the problem.
OnlyJake Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 I used to do this: has there ever been a guy who was actually told the problem a woman had with him and given him time to correct it, instead of just being dumped? Until I realized that I was wasting my time (as well as his) because this is actually true: Why should they be "told"? If someone's over the age of 25, chances are they're not going to change, no matter how many times they're "told". Personally, I'd rather a woman just leave me if she has a problem with something I do, instead of hitting me with endless nagging in the hope that I'll "correct" the problem. OP, do you have a clear idea of why this guy broke it off with you? If someone's annoyed by things very early on in a relationship it's usually a bad sign, IME.
Author Happygrl10 Posted January 24, 2010 Author Posted January 24, 2010 I don't. I am only guessing what it could be at this point because we didn't actually talk. And sad as it is, I can't call him because I simply don't want to seem wishy washy. Say I'm ok with it and then change my mind and want to talk it over. I don't want to seem wishy washy in his eyes... even though I'm pouring my heart out on LS and dying hear from him.
meerkat stew Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 Was just recollecting, I can't remember the last time a woman has actually broken up with me, in fact, I don't think I've ever been expressly dumped. Cheated on, yes, disrespected to the point I broke up with them, yes, had them take a tiny fight and claim I was breaking up with them yes, OK there was one in college that made a mountain out of a molehill and yelled "It's Over!" (We were at colleges cross state and she wanted to start screwing a guy she had met on her campus, correction, -keep- screwing a guy on her campus without feeling so guilty about it). So IME, women never dump, but push me to the dumping point so that they don't have the stigma of being the dumper. This allows them to go around and sop up sympathy. Crafty... Don't know what to make of this, but it's interesting. Anyone else never get dumped but always being forced into the dumper role?
OnlyJake Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 Don't know what to make of this, but it's interesting. Anyone else never get dumped but always being forced into the dumper role? *Waves hand* I've always said they were mutual breakups though - anyone that behaves a certain way should expect to get dumped.
meerkat stew Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 *Waves hand* I've always said they were mutual breakups though - anyone that behaves a certain way should expect to get dumped. Good lord imagine if our exes ever got together, the truly hideous things they would do to each other trying to one up each other into being the dumper. There's a script in there somewhere.
OnlyJake Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 Good lord imagine if our exes ever got together, the truly hideous things they would do to each other trying to one up each other into being the dumper. There's a script in there somewhere. I think I might take all the time I spend on my computer on LS and start doing something productive like writing that script, or writing a dating book, instead.
OnlyJake Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 I don't. I am only guessing what it could be at this point because we didn't actually talk. And sad as it is, I can't call him because I simply don't want to seem wishy washy. Say I'm ok with it and then change my mind and want to talk it over. I don't want to seem wishy washy in his eyes... even though I'm pouring my heart out on LS and dying hear from him. I'm doubtful that everything was as fantastic as you say it was, and he broke up with you over a small annoyance. If he did, would you really want to date him anyways? That seems a little neurotic. I think you should just suck it up and call him and ask him for a straight answer.
tami-chan Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 Told? Sure. Told in a language which makes sense to him? That's another matter LOL...funny....but probably true.
Orchid8 Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 I have sometimes wondered if there are second chances in dating. We hear stories all the time about second chances for exes but what about for someone who isn't an ex, just someone you dated?
OnlyJake Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 I have sometimes wondered if there are second chances in dating. We hear stories all the time about second chances for exes but what about for someone who isn't an ex, just someone you dated? I think 9/10, if a second chance occurs in dating, the two people realize why they stopped dating/didn't take things further to begin with. I also think that 9/10 people are aware of my previous statement, and therefore just don't go there.
meerkat stew Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 I have sometimes wondered if there are second chances in dating. We hear stories all the time about second chances for exes but what about for someone who isn't an ex, just someone you dated? In 30 years of dating, I have dated the same woman at different times with years intervening exactly once, so IME, exes stay that way fo-eva.
OndaChin Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 *Caveat- Was the sex any good? If like you said: Chemistry was there and the sex was great then my answer is a resounding YES!!!! I would be calling her AGAIN. And AGAIN, and AGAIN... I think you get the point.
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