amilyah Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 Just when im starting to move on and after 2 months nc he calls.I was doing so good and now this!! He left me for another woman(midlife crises) he told me he would help me with bills,but never saw a penny.Couldnt understand how someone would walk out after 20 years.First 2 weeks i did all the things i shouldnt have done.I would call him up crying and begging,drive past his house,call his family.Then i found this site and started hearing about nc so decided to try it.And guess what it worked. Well today he called me and said he was worried about me and asked me why i dont call him.I know i was stupid for even answering the phone.I told him im great.I said i love my new life.We only talked for a few miniutes.Thought that was the end of it and wouldnt hear from him for a while.But then he shows up here. why the hell would he do this.He told me how awsome i looked(i lost a lot of weight).He told me hes glad that im happy.He said hes not happy.I asked him to take the rest of his stuff and he did.He hugged me and told me he loves me.I didnt tell him i love him still.I dont think i could ever trust him again.What do you guys think.Do you think he wants me back?Im back to being confused.
cyabye Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 Twenty years? Wow. No he does not want you back like you think. You were not his first choice when he left. Remember this. He sees you moving on and that is bothering him. It's 1 of 2 things here (maybe both): 1. The other woman ended it. 2. He just wants to keep you #2 incase his other relationship fails. Congrats on the new you. You did well with the confrontation. After 20 years, you deserve so much better than this abuse. I don't care what people call it (midlife crisis etc.). We are ADULTS (at least supposed to be) and totally responsible for our decisions in life. Don't alow this type of behavior to confuse you. Best of luck to you. cya
Author amilyah Posted January 24, 2010 Author Posted January 24, 2010 Thank you cyabye.I know everything you say is true.I wish i wouldnt have answered the phone.He hates that im finally moving on.Dont know how hes even knows about stuff going on in my life.but he knew alot.So now i have to start nc all over again,but i know he will just end up showing up here.
cyabye Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 Thank you cyabye.I know everything you say is true.I wish i wouldnt have answered the phone.He hates that im finally moving on.Dont know how hes even knows about stuff going on in my life.but he knew alot.So now i have to start nc all over again,but i know he will just end up showing up here. Having contact with them brings back emotions etc. and you don't need that. Where are you with divorce proceedings etc.? What do you want? Or are you still in limbo? Tell him to stop coming around if you don't want him to. Threaten to call the police or actually do it next time and the "showing up" will stop. cya
whichwayisup Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 You know what? You handled it great! Honestly, whatever his motives are don't matter. Whether or not he is or isn't with OW doesn't matter either. Fact is, he left, he treated you so poorly and with such disrespect, he promised you he'd help with bills, then didn't. He's an assclown! Continue to focus on you, and heal. He *may* be fishing to see how you'd react.. As of now, he is still the guy who left, he's just feeling reality..Maybe the fog has lifted abit, things aren't as peachy as he thought they'd be.. But so what? CONSQUENCES... HE needs to go through some changes, some pain and suffering before you even CONSIDER taking him back, or even allowing him to be a 'friend' in your life. He isn't the man you once loved, he ruined that with his selfish choices, his cruelness. Don't let this bump ruin all the progress you've done! Keep going and smile.
Aksion Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 I'm gonna be brutally honest with you here as I'm currently dealing with a hopefully stbxw that has been doing the same thing yet for about six months. People here talk of "backslides" and what not -- but one that person doesn't seem to want to let you out completely, you don't ever come out of that state. I like you, tried all the "normal" things at first, to no avail obviously, and then followed the same suit as you -- NC, which lasted until she decided otherwise. Gave me false hope @ first thinking we could reconcile, quickly realizing thst she simply wasnt willing to let me move on. Now I do have problems of my own -- they are related to her/the situation, nonetheless, my problems, but the situation remains the same. You begin to "get better" so to speak, and they come snatch that away from you to keep you there, hoping, wanting, all under false pretenses. Here I am, been a while since any contact, and I go to file my taxes today and realize if I don't file jointly with her, I'm going to owe the IRS 710$ -- meaning I once again have to have contact with the bitch that shattered my life and hope she'll at least give ke this one decency after all the years I took care of her.
wowlifeiscrazy Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 Ok so if you have ever read "he's just not that into you", then you will understand what advice i'm going to give you. If he wants you back, then he would be at your house begging you for a second chance and going to counseling and trying everything. I know you prolly dont think he wants you back, or i dunno if you do but I know that when guys do the kinds of things your ex is doing to you, that we get a false hope that he wants to come back. If he hasn't done any of the things I mentioned above, then he's not that into you. And if you get some free time, read that book. It's awesome! Anyway good luck to you. My husband left me for another woman so I know the pain you are probably feeling and I'm sorry. Keep your head up!
Author amilyah Posted January 27, 2010 Author Posted January 27, 2010 Thank you wow. I have a new update,he came by last night and told me he loved me and misses me but i think its because he knows ive been going out meeting guys.Then he asked me if i was gonna divorce him and i told him i dont know yet.When he left he kissed me and held me(not gonna lie i didnt want to let him go).So as he was getting in his car he told me to call him,but i havent yet......I dont know what to do. Do i call or let him call me again? If i dont he might think i dont love him(when he tells me he loves me i dont tell him back). If i do he might think he can get away with this **** again. I hate being back to this confused point again...I was doing so well.
Gunny376 Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 Quite simple, plain and stupid! "You want me back?" Your going to have to work your way back to loving and having me! You've got to earn it and want it! Your going to have to earn your way back to me! Its not going to be easy, its not going to be simple, its not going to be cheap! You've got to want it! You've got to work for it!
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