Always A Lesson Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 I want to be sure of this, it's going to sound very elementary, but I need clarity. Question: You meet a man and he tells you he's separated 6 months he moved out of his home and lives away from the W. He then goes on to have a 7 month Affair/Relationship with you. Is he a "cheater"? The ending is......he threw me under the bus and reconciled with the W, but couldn't face telling me he reconciled, so I have to drive by at night to see if his car is at W's house.
Zeegagge Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 What's important here is quit with the driving by the house!! Now!!!!
Author Always A Lesson Posted January 24, 2010 Author Posted January 24, 2010 It's my only way of knowing if he went back to the W.
ty1987 Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 Well, in my opinion, being on a break means you're single. However, in his case, he was married and probably shouldn't have been looking for another relationship. It's a fine line here, and whether or not he was cheating is a matter of opinion.
D-Lish Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 As someone who dated freely after leaving my exH- I considered myself single. I had no moral dilemma with regard to doing this. In my experience, most separated persons are still raw and often conflicted. That included myself. I had no intention of getting back with my ex, but my life was still in turmoil because of the separation. I think you have to date separated people with caution.
FreeNow Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 Is he a "cheater"? Yes. I'm old school so... when people can't control themselves for a few months or even years what does that say about us as a society? As individuals? People won't die without sexual contact or romantic involvement.
carhill Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 Question: You meet a man and he tells you he's separated 6 months he moved out of his home and lives away from the W. He then goes on to have a 7 month Affair/Relationship with you. Is he a "cheater"? Answer: Trust with verification. Example: I've lived apart from my stbx for about one year. Our divorce will be final in a few months. I can show you the quit claim deed to her new house, my divorce papers and you can see where I live as well as where she lives. Could she and I reconcile? Absolutely. We could reconcile tomorrow, next week or ten years from now after the divorce is long since final. Trust with verification. His actions probably showed you his true self all along but you listened to his words. If so, that's good information for the future I went out of my first 'date' today. Did I 'cheat'? My perspective is *no*. I was also up front with the lady about my marital (and divorce) status. At our ages, we know how life works. It's imperfect. Sorry you got thrown under the bus. That sucks....
twinklecat Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 I want to be sure of this, it's going to sound very elementary, but I need clarity. Question: You meet a man and he tells you he's separated 6 months he moved out of his home and lives away from the W. He then goes on to have a 7 month Affair/Relationship with you. Is he a "cheater"? The ending is......he threw me under the bus and reconciled with the W, but couldn't face telling me he reconciled, so I have to drive by at night to see if his car is at W's house. Really sorry to hear of your situation, it does indeed suck I personally wouldn't see that as cheating, unfair to you, yes, as that's quite quick after a marriage seperation to move onto someone else. I landed myself in a similar situation, about the same time frame got with a guy (my most recent ex) who was married but separated. His Wife never took him back, but if she had have I'd have been thrown under a bus too, most likely saving me this heartbreak in the process, but like carhill said, I'd never have learned this lesson. Actions really do speak lounder than words! Hope you're okay. x
Angel1111 Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 I don't think it's cheating, but the person they're dating needs to be very cautious because a lot of the time, the separated person goes back to their spouse. As you've experienced. When I separated from my husband, I met someone 3 wks later and started dating him. We dated for over a year. I never had any intentions of going back to my husband but I do remember dealing with a LOT of issues pertaining to the divorce during those first 2 yrs of separation and divorce. So, in retrospect, it wasn't a good idea on my part to date anyone because it just added stress in many ways that I wasn't prepared to deal with. If I met a man who was separated, I'd probably pass on dating him just because I know that men are more likely to go back because they don't like change, and they can be 'guilted' back into the relationship. Also, people just need time after a separation to get their heads back together again before they can pick up with another relationship.
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