Author Happygrl10 Posted January 24, 2010 Author Posted January 24, 2010 She is just as guilty of not addressing her concerns directly so perhaps they belong together. She is reading everything and listening to everybody but him. I don't see why he will come back around even if he wants to because he believes she is not interested in him. Pride may leave one very lonely. This may be true.. I may have ruined what could have been a good thing by not listening to him and what he wants. I don't want to call him because I don't want to come off as sounding crazy by saying "ok, totally agree " in minute" and then a few hours later, asking to talk to work things out.
txsilkysmoothe Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 So just now, I get a text from him that said he's definitely interested but maybe it's best that we just do our own thing. WTF?! I don't get it. (Her true reaction to him saying it's over) I replied and said, "ok, if you feel that way". (but this is how she replied: below she says she was not okay with ending it - she was not being direct with him) I read all these dating tips and advice about not being too needy and giving the other person space but it seems to have the opposite affect for some people. My thoughts exactly.. His "maybe" was just to see if I would agree but when I did, he took that as a sign that I was ok with it too. I don't want to be the first to reach out because I've been reading other threads that says guys like to do the chasing and to just give them space until they are ready. This may be true.. I may have ruined what could have been a good thing by not listening to him and what he wants. I don't want to call him because I don't want to come off as sounding crazy by saying "ok, totally agree " in minute" and then a few hours later, asking to talk to work things out. Her concern is that it's over and she doesn't want it to be over. She wants to talk to him about it but won't because she doesn't want to appear needy, read men want to do the chasing, and doesn't want to sound crazy. These are examples of her not addressing her concerns directly.
LadyRLD Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 Well, we weren't discussing plans to be together because he specifically told me that he was hanging out with his friend (who he hadn't seen in over a month). He simply asked what I was doing later and I said I was hanging out with the girls. If he made it clear to me that he wanted to meet up later, I wouldn't have waited so long to text him. I think it's just miscommunication. Also, I have tried calling him in the past, to which he never picks up. He always ends up calling me back. That kind of made me wonder at times but didn't think anymore more of it, which is why I decided to text him more instead. Sorry if someone already said this but I am surprise no one picked up on this. He sounds like he's seeing others or possibly has a girlfriend.....JMHO If he really wanted to meet up, he would have contacted her when he didn't hear from her. When a man is interested, he will make it very clear. When he's just stringing you along, he will act like this guy.
Author Happygrl10 Posted January 26, 2010 Author Posted January 26, 2010 Sorry if someone already said this but I am surprise no one picked up on this. He sounds like he's seeing others or possibly has a girlfriend.....JMHO If he really wanted to meet up, he would have contacted her when he didn't hear from her. When a man is interested, he will make it very clear. When he's just stringing you along, he will act like this guy. He could be seeing others but it doesn't matter because we weren't exclusive. Also, very seldom does he pick up the phone when I call but he usually calls back within minutes. Since I don't normally initiate calls, this only happened twice. :/ And not to make excuses for him but we didn't have plans that night, it was very clear that we were doing our own thing so he wasn't stringing me along just because he didn't call.
LadyRLD Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 This may be true.. I may have ruined what could have been a good thing by not listening to him and what he wants. I don't want to call him because I don't want to come off as sounding crazy by saying "ok, totally agree " in minute" and then a few hours later, asking to talk to work things out. You didn't ruin anything Happygrl10. This guy is sending you mixed signals. This is probably why you never felt comfortable expressing yourself to him. Maybe you should call him and tell him how you feel.......but only if you can take hearing the truth. I had a guy treat me like this once and it was because he didn't want to feel like he was in a relationship or that he had to answer to anyone so he kept everything vague in hopes that I would figure it out. Which I did and moved on. Your feelings count too. It's not all about him and making him not feel pressured. All you are doing by keeping your distance is prolonging moving on from this guy who is not as interested in you as you are in him. So either call him and get everything out in the open so you can heal and move on or just move on because he's not treating you right. But don't keep sitting here waiting on him to dictate your life. Who knows, he may even come around after you tell him what you want or how you are feeling. But you never know if you never take the risk.
LadyRLD Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 He could be seeing others but it doesn't matter because we weren't exclusive. Also, very seldom does he pick up the phone when I call but he usually calls back within minutes. Since I don't normally initiate calls, this only happened twice. :/ And not to make excuses for him but we didn't have plans that night, it was very clear that we were doing our own thing so he wasn't stringing me along just because he didn't call. Oh OK. Well I am not sure what you are saying but again it's all about him. What do YOU want from this guy? If this relationship is not exclusive and you don't care if he's seeing others then everything should be fine right?
Author Happygrl10 Posted January 26, 2010 Author Posted January 26, 2010 You didn't ruin anything Happygrl10. This guy is sending you mixed signals. This is probably why you never felt comfortable expressing yourself to him. Maybe you should call him and tell him how you feel.......but only if you can take hearing the truth. I had a guy treat me like this once and it was because he didn't want to feel like he was in a relationship or that he had to answer to anyone so he kept everything vague in hopes that I would figure it out. Which I did and moved on. Your feelings count too. It's not all about him and making him not feel pressured. All you are doing by keeping your distance is prolonging moving on from this guy who is not as interested in you as you are in him. So either call him and get everything out in the open so you can heal and move on or just move on because he's not treating you right. But don't keep sitting here waiting on him to dictate your life. Who knows, he may even come around after you tell him what you want or how you are feeling. But you never know if you never take the risk. Thanks for your advice. I think I'll just leave this one alone. If he's still interested, he will in touch. In the meantime, I am still going to do as I please but leave a small window open for him. If he doesn't get back to me within that window of time, there will be no second chances.
LadyRLD Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 Thanks for your advice. I think I'll just leave this one alone. If he's still interested, he will in touch. In the meantime, I am still going to do as I please but leave a small window open for him. If he doesn't get back to me within that window of time, there will be no second chances. Good idea!! But if he does text you or call, you should respond if you still like him. No more games.
Author Happygrl10 Posted January 28, 2010 Author Posted January 28, 2010 txsilkysmoothe and all-- I've re-read what you said and you are absolutely right.. Maybe I was playing too hard to get and he thought I wasn't interested enough. It's been going on 5 days and I haven't talked to him. I want to call him but I'm afraid to reach out and get rejected. What should I do? I don't want him to stop talking to me just like that. I'm worried that if I reach out, he will ignore me. NC seems to work for people who were already together over a period of time.. but it's only been a month for us so I feel like NC will only make him forget about me and move on faster. Thoughts?
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