confusedmuch Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 I've been seeing this guy for about a month now. He's 22 for the record (I'm 24). Here's the positive points I've noticed about him: 1) He's really considerate and remembers little trivial things I've told him. Like, "I really like that one kind of chocolate with that purple wrapping over it" (yes, that's pretty much exactly what I said). Next time he saw me he had that one kind of chocolate with that purple wrapping over it. 2) He picks me up from my house even though it's 30 minutes out of his way when we go out 3) He pays for most of our dates and has a decent stable job. Plus he's going to school 4) He does always make an effort to keep the date fun by finding something new and creative to do. Negative points: 1) He never seems to make an effort in what he wears when we go out. We ran into some of my friends the other day and while they were very nice to him, I was a little embarrassed with how he was dressed. (backward hat, super saggy jeans, t-shirt 2) After a month I feel like I still have no idea who he is. I mean, I know what kinds of food he likes, some of the places he's traveled to, where he's from, etc. But I don't know why he does what he does or what inspires him or in a nutshell, what makes him tick. I even tried to ask him different questions that would have (if he answered them properly) answered some of my questions but it just seems like he only wants a superficial relationship. And vice versa, he never asks me much of anything about my history. He only asks me about, well, now. 3) It doesn't bother me if I don't hear from him for several days at a time. I thought that was a good thing, but now I'm not so sure... 4) He refers to our dates as "hanging out". Not sure if that's a bad thing though... Its kind of building up from a friendship but these last few days I've just been doubting it for some reason. Any opinions?
BobSacamento Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 Wait so it's been a month, has he even kissed you?
squeaky Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 He sounds a lot like this guy I was dating for a little while. He was handsome, interesting, intelligent, funny, really sweet to me. The thing that did really bother me, though, was after over a month of dating, I felt like I didn't really know him. I had tried asking him some deeper questions, but he didn't have any in depth answers. In a way, it made him seem shallow. He wouldn't ask me any really personal questions about myself. Some people take a long time to open up. I'm one of them, and I need to be with someone who is willing to be open and communicative with me. I don't know whether he was closed off or if it was just a case of "what you see is what you get." But ultimately, that was a dealbreaker for me.
sagetalk Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 Ultimately, it's your call. Don't string him along until you find someone else though. That is cruel. Be with the one you want, don't string a guy along until you find someone else, then tell him you just want to be friends.
OnlyJake Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 It's hard for me to give you advice, since I think all of these positive characteristics that you've listed count for a lot more than the negative ones you've listed. This probably won't help you, but just in case it gives you something to think about, I'm going to break down your negatives from my POV. 1) He never seems to make an effort in what he wears when we go out. We ran into some of my friends the other day and while they were very nice to him, I was a little embarrassed with how he was dressed. (backward hat, super saggy jeans, t-shirt To me this is not a big deal at all. I've definitely dated guys how's style of dress differed greatly from what I found appropriate or attractive or whatever. Clothes don't make the man. 2) After a month I feel like I still have no idea who he is. I mean, I know what kinds of food he likes, some of the places he's traveled to, where he's from, etc. But I don't know why he does what he does or what inspires him or in a nutshell, what makes him tick. I even tried to ask him different questions that would have (if he answered them properly) answered some of my questions but it just seems like he only wants a superficial relationship. And vice versa, he never asks me much of anything about my history. He only asks me about, well, now. I personally don't expect to know these kinds of things about someone until we've been dating waaaaaay longer than 4 weeks. I think it takes a lot longer to figure those things out about someone, and that it can even take a year or more to really know someone. Usually it takes 2+ years, after all the "infatuation chemicals" have run their course and you can see someone clearly, and have much more information (actions as well as words) as evidence to support your view of someone. 3) It doesn't bother me if I don't hear from him for several days at a time. I thought that was a good thing, but now I'm not so sure... A good sign neither of you is "in love" or whatever, but it's a bit early for that, IMO. I suppose maybe I just take things a lot slower than you and other people do. 4) He refers to our dates as "hanging out". Not sure if that's a bad thing though... He is only 22...and a lot of people do that. Only you can decide how important those things are to you, but it seems to me that you're kind of rushing things and expecting way too much for only having been dating for a month. If you're not feeling it, then that's fine.
Pizzaman81 Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 ... 1) He never seems to make an effort in what he wears when we go out. We ran into some of my friends the other day and while they were very nice to him, I was a little embarrassed with how he was dressed. (backward hat, super saggy jeans, t-shirt Wow thank you! I thought I was the only one who thinks dressing nicely and presentable is super important. People tell me, NO you shouldn't consider that in a person... you should see beyond that. I can't! You just need to be dressed nicely when we go out. Or else I will be offended.
Peter Attis Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 Sugar, you need to dump that zero and get you a hero!
Author confusedmuch Posted January 23, 2010 Author Posted January 23, 2010 Ultimately, it's your call. Don't string him along until you find someone else though. That is cruel. Be with the one you want, don't string a guy along until you find someone else, then tell him you just want to be friends. No, I have no intention of stringing him along. I'm just still figuring things out with him I guess. But if I knew for sure it wouldn't work, I would let him know. Thank you for your opinion though.
Author confusedmuch Posted January 23, 2010 Author Posted January 23, 2010 I personally don't expect to know these kinds of things about someone until we've been dating waaaaaay longer than 4 weeks. I think it takes a lot longer to figure those things out about someone, and that it can even take a year or more to really know someone. Usually it takes 2+ years, after all the "infatuation chemicals" have run their course and you can see someone clearly, and have much more information (actions as well as words) as evidence to support your view of someone. Only you can decide how important those things are to you, but it seems to me that you're kind of rushing things and expecting way too much for only having been dating for a month. If you're not feeling it, then that's fine. Thinking about it, I suppose it really hasn't been long at all and maybe it is too early to already know very much about him. I guess the guys I dated before him opened up so much that I felt like I knew more than I ever wanted to know about them within just a couple weeks. But maybe there's a reason I'm seeing someone totally different this time around...
Author confusedmuch Posted January 23, 2010 Author Posted January 23, 2010 Wow thank you! I thought I was the only one who thinks dressing nicely and presentable is super important. People tell me, NO you shouldn't consider that in a person... you should see beyond that. I can't! You just need to be dressed nicely when we go out. Or else I will be offended. I always make an effort to look nice when I go out. It's when I start to lose interest that I make less of an effort, haha
monkey00 Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 4) He refers to our dates as "hanging out". Not sure if that's a bad thing though... Its kind of building up from a friendship but these last few days I've just been doubting it for some reason. Any opinions? There are many people who call it that and I've called it that on many occasions while dating someone. I wouldn't worry about it too much. It takes a lot longer than a month to truly know someone. It also depends on how communicative and inquisitive you two are about each other. Just go with the flow and enjoy the moment - good things come to those who wait.
Author confusedmuch Posted January 23, 2010 Author Posted January 23, 2010 lol, never looked at it that way
Zeegagge Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 Don't nitpick this poor guy to pieces. He seems like an alright guy and he's definitely into you or he wouldn't keep coming around. As your relationship progresses naturally more and more lines of communication will (should) open up. That's when you'll get to know him. After a while (not right away) when you're at his house one day take a peek in his closet, see if he's got anything nice in there and tell him you'd like it if he wore that. If there's nothing then buy him clothes as presents next time there's an occasion (V Day?). Want to make it even more interesting, let him do the same in your closet sometime ;-) My ex used to hate the way I dressed so she would always be buying my clothes. Now when I go out I get compliments on my clothes all the time. Hmmm, may have to remain friends with her so she can help me pick out some clothes in the future...
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