Hazyhead Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 (edited) I have a date tonight, my first one since the affair. I'm looking forward to it (the guy is hot!) but also wary because xMM still keeps popping into my head. I do think it's too soon for me, and that may well be something I say tonight, but I really want to try, even if it's a bit of a rebound fling. I do worry that I'll call him xMM's name at some point, or look hurt if I mention it, and I'll compare him in my head too much. How did others feel moving on after MM? Is it natural to have him still in my thoughts like this? Did you have to wait a while before dating? I'm scared and excited at once. This guy seems great and it seems daft to waste a possibility. Does the confusion ever end?!? Edited January 23, 2010 by Hazyhead
jj33 Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 Wow Hazy that is great! I hope you had a great time. Nothing is a waste. If hes the right guy for you, it will work itself out. Yes sometimes the timing is off, but my personal belief is that if it is meant to be, it will be. More importantly, you are sending yourself an important signal - I am single now, I am open to dating and meeting other men.
Author Hazyhead Posted January 23, 2010 Author Posted January 23, 2010 Wow Hazy that is great! I hope you had a great time. Nothing is a waste. If hes the right guy for you, it will work itself out. Yes sometimes the timing is off, but my personal belief is that if it is meant to be, it will be. More importantly, you are sending yourself an important signal - I am single now, I am open to dating and meeting other men. Thank you JJ. It's a funny one because I can't ask my friends' advice over it, as I would always do over dating (except for that MM blip), so I feel like I'm floundering a bit. I really want to do that, as you say, feel good about being single, which, over the last few days I can certainly feel a change about. Even if it doesn't work out, I want to move my thoughts away from xMM and have fun.
Samantha0905 Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 I have a date tonight, my first one since the affair. I'm looking forward to it (the guy is hot!) but also wary because xMM still keeps popping into my head. I do think it's too soon for me, and that may well be something I say tonight, but I really want to try, even if it's a bit of a rebound fling. I do worry that I'll call him xMM's name at some point, or look hurt if I mention it, and I'll compare him in my head too much. How did others feel moving on after MM? Is it natural to have him still in my thoughts like this? Did you have to wait a while before dating? I'm scared and excited at once. This guy seems great and it seems daft to waste a possibility. Does the confusion ever end?!? I'm happy for you and a bit envious! If he's hot, that's great! How'd you meet him? Hopefully, he will be nice also and you'll have a very good time. I think it's normal for xMM to be in your head somewhat. It's absolutely fantastic you are moving forward!! I don't think waiting would be good -- just move on -- it will help you take steps in the right direction.
jolenejolene Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 Hazy- I think this is great. Don't put any pressure on yourself, just enjoy the new company and no worries about anything beyond what the evening holds. Bonus that he is easy on the eyes! Will you make comparisons? Definitely, I think everything you described is so natural. I'm right there with you, dear...ugh, it is not even what I want to be doing but I am making myself get out there, too. I think what I am most afraid of is having a date with someone and having it actually "click" only to realize I'm not totally ready- yikes! Personally, I've got a loooong way to go. My feelings for MM are deep and nowhere near over (notice I cannot call him xMM)...but, where is that going to go? We have to keep trying to move on, I believe. I feel like the confusion never ends, but I sure hope it will one day! JJ
Author Hazyhead Posted January 23, 2010 Author Posted January 23, 2010 I'm happy for you and a bit envious! If he's hot, that's great! How'd you meet him? Hopefully, he will be nice also and you'll have a very good time. I think it's normal for xMM to be in your head somewhat. It's absolutely fantastic you are moving forward!! I don't think waiting would be good -- just move on -- it will help you take steps in the right direction. He comes into my work sometimes. He asked me sometime ago, but I was a wreck and couldn't even contemplate it. He told me he'd be back... guess he was true to his word (something I'm not used to ) He is nice, cute, makes me laugh and, well... has quite the bod! It makes me feel better reading that you think it'd be natural to still have xMM in my mind, less cautious really. And, it makes me more eager to go Thanks
jolenejolene Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 I just wanted to apologize to jj33 and to jennie-jennie and anyone else- I did not mean to be yet another "JJ"!!! LOL! Jolene
Author Hazyhead Posted January 23, 2010 Author Posted January 23, 2010 Hazy- I think this is great. Don't put any pressure on yourself, just enjoy the new company and no worries about anything beyond what the evening holds. Bonus that he is easy on the eyes! Will you make comparisons? Definitely, I think everything you described is so natural. I'm right there with you, dear...ugh, it is not even what I want to be doing but I am making myself get out there, too. I think what I am most afraid of is having a date with someone and having it actually "click" only to realize I'm not totally ready- yikes! Personally, I've got a loooong way to go. My feelings for MM are deep and nowhere near over (notice I cannot call him xMM)...but, where is that going to go? We have to keep trying to move on, I believe. I feel like the confusion never ends, but I sure hope it will one day! JJ I still feel like that JJ, almost guilty about calling him 'x'MM, which is insane! I don't feel completely ready, I have so many pangs for him still, but I really want them to fade and thought maybe the attention of another would help that along. The confusion will end I'm sure JJ. I hope you keep moving forwards and focus on yourself. It's hard to put yourself first in the affair situation, but it's the only thing that can save us in the end.
Fallen Angel Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 Hazy hun, I am glad to see that you are going to give this 'hot guy' a chance. I would say, just go out on this date with the attitude of being 'friends' with this guy instead of putting romantic presure on yourself. If you think of it as just hanging out with a friend (who just happens to be hot ) then you will likely be more open to having fun without feeling guilty or comparing him to x(?)MM. I think it is perfectly okay to say to this guy that you have recently gotten out of a relationship, and you want to take things slowly and casually for awhile. If he is Mr. Right, he will certainly understand, and be willing to take it slow. If he is not Mr. right and gets offended, then you can chalk it up to "one down, sh*t-tons more to go"... Anyway, i hope you have a wonderful time, and look forward to seeing an update from you dishing all the details for us!!!
Author Hazyhead Posted January 23, 2010 Author Posted January 23, 2010 Hazy hun, I am glad to see that you are going to give this 'hot guy' a chance. I would say, just go out on this date with the attitude of being 'friends' with this guy instead of putting romantic presure on yourself. If you think of it as just hanging out with a friend (who just happens to be hot ) then you will likely be more open to having fun without feeling guilty or comparing him to x(?)MM. I think it is perfectly okay to say to this guy that you have recently gotten out of a relationship, and you want to take things slowly and casually for awhile. If he is Mr. Right, he will certainly understand, and be willing to take it slow. If he is not Mr. right and gets offended, then you can chalk it up to "one down, sh*t-tons more to go"... Anyway, i hope you have a wonderful time, and look forward to seeing an update from you dishing all the details for us!!! I did think about the 'friends' idea. It's me I worry about more though, that I might unsuspectingly lick his face or something! I had also thought that I would say that, about just getting out of a traumatic relationship (to be honest, last time he saw me I think that's what he would have guessed). He seems sweet, so I hope it will work ok like that. But yes, like you say, if it doesn't I have to think about all those other fish in the sea. Thanks FA
Fallen Angel Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 I did think about the 'friends' idea. It's me I worry about more though, that I might unsuspectingly lick his face or something! I had also thought that I would say that, about just getting out of a traumatic relationship (to be honest, last time he saw me I think that's what he would have guessed). He seems sweet, so I hope it will work ok like that. But yes, like you say, if it doesn't I have to think about all those other fish in the sea. Thanks FA LMAO! A good lick is always how I greet my friends.. lmaoooooooo... just relax, you will be fine.. you are a smart, friendly, fun, warm soul with much to offer... if he doesn't see that, and think you are worth the time for taking it slowly, then he is just a fool who doesn't deserve you anyway! P.S. If you lick him, lick him a second time for me... it has been a long time since I have licked a hot SINGLE guy!!
Author Hazyhead Posted January 23, 2010 Author Posted January 23, 2010 LMAO! A good lick is always how I greet my friends.. lmaoooooooo... just relax, you will be fine.. you are a smart, friendly, fun, warm soul with much to offer... if he doesn't see that, and think you are worth the time for taking it slowly, then he is just a fool who doesn't deserve you anyway! P.S. If you lick him, lick him a second time for me... it has been a long time since I have licked a hot SINGLE guy!! Hell, I might as well, if he doesn't think I'm crazy enough after the first one! Thanks FA Here I go!!!
norajane Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 I do think it's too soon for me, and that may well be something I say tonight, but I really want to try, even if it's a bit of a rebound fling. I hope that you will be sensitive to this guy's feelings. You said he comes into your office sometimes and has asked you out before. So, he likes you. He may actually be be interested in a relationship with you and would not want to be used as just your rebound fling to get over MM.
jennie-jennie Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 I just wanted to apologize to jj33 and to jennie-jennie and anyone else- I did not mean to be yet another "JJ"!!! LOL! Jolene I just listened to Jolene with Dolly Parton. Great song! I love your username. :bunny:
fooled once Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 I have a date tonight, my first one since the affair. I'm looking forward to it (the guy is hot!) but also wary because xMM still keeps popping into my head. I do think it's too soon for me, and that may well be something I say tonight, but I really want to try, even if it's a bit of a rebound fling. I do worry that I'll call him xMM's name at some point, or look hurt if I mention it, and I'll compare him in my head too much. How did others feel moving on after MM? Is it natural to have him still in my thoughts like this? Did you have to wait a while before dating? I'm scared and excited at once. This guy seems great and it seems daft to waste a possibility. Does the confusion ever end?!? Hazy, enjoy the date. Don't try to make it more than just a date. Relax, have fun and enjoy the attention. Only you can decide if it is too soon, but as long as you go into not thinking about 'the future' with you, I think you will have fun. When I started dating after the affair I was in ended, it was hard at first. I was looking for validation that I was wanted, that I was attractive, etc. I made some blunders along the way, but at least I went OUT and started living again. I started dating a few weeks after the A ended. It ended in the April-June time frame and I met my H in late July; had our first date in early August. We got engaged in January and married in April that was almost 12 years ago.
whichwayisup Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 It's me I worry about more though, that I might unsuspectingly lick his face or something! This just made me LOL for real! And it totally reminds me of something my bestfriend would do to ME, just for the heck of it. She just does things on the spur of the moment, freaky but funny.. Anyway..Just go and have fun. Keep conversations light hearted and FUN. Maybe this guy will turn out to be a funny guy, and make you feel comfortable.
Fallen Angel Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 Waiting patiently for the juicy details... **drums fingers on computer**
Luckyluss Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 I broke up 2 months ago and started dating right away. At the beginning, no one compares to your lost love but keep moving nontheless! No need to roll into a ball and cry. I'm sure you've done enough of that! I don;t believe in rebounds in the absolute sense, eg, all relationships after a break up are rebounds. Only you will be able to determine if the new guy is someone you'd like to continue with. Even if you are still hurt, give love a chance!
Author Hazyhead Posted January 26, 2010 Author Posted January 26, 2010 Hey So... the date went so well that I have spent the last two days at his place! Hence not being here! Just Kidding I had a lovely night thanks and he was charming and funny but, you know, don't really 'feel it'. We had dinner and talked and a drink at the end, then he caught a taxi with me back to mine, but I didn't ask him in or anything. We shared a kinda perfunctory kiss but nothing more. He called me the next evening and we talked. I was honest with him and thanked him for a pleasant time and... well, I guess that's it! I'd be lying if I said I didn't think about xMM, but it wasn't in a wistful 'Oh my God, I wish this were him' way. Thanks so much to everyone for your 'spurring me on' messages. It gave me extra oomph I'll keep my mind open because I enjoyed that bit of male attention, you know? I feel good that I did it.
hopeless4u Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 Hey So... the date went so well that I have spent the last two days at his place! Hence not being here! Just Kidding I had a lovely night thanks and he was charming and funny but, you know, don't really 'feel it'. We had dinner and talked and a drink at the end, then he caught a taxi with me back to mine, but I didn't ask him in or anything. We shared a kinda perfunctory kiss but nothing more. He called me the next evening and we talked. I was honest with him and thanked him for a pleasant time and... well, I guess that's it! I'd be lying if I said I didn't think about xMM, but it wasn't in a wistful 'Oh my God, I wish this were him' way. Thanks so much to everyone for your 'spurring me on' messages. It gave me extra oomph I'll keep my mind open because I enjoyed that bit of male attention, you know? I feel good that I did it. Hey, hey girl, I'm proud.....well done:) It's just the 1st step but its a step!! I know how you feel about it being nice having the attention but something just doesn't click, thats ok though, no huge breakthrough just little, baby steps xx
Fallen Angel Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 Good Job, Hazybabe!!! Even if it didn't click, might I say it may be nice if you ask HIM out for a second "date". Again, with no expectation of anything other than friendship. After all, it takes some time to really decide if you like someone. (Not all romantic relationships start out with instant "click")
jolenejolene Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 Oh, Hazy, you're my hero. We are living parallel lives except I'm several weeks behind you, and I don't really think I could keep it together for an actual date. Like Hopeless said, it's baby steps for all of us Well, I'm super happy for you. It's significant that you didn't feel overwhelmed by wishing it was MM the whole time (maybe if even occasionally that is what you have to push out of your mind and heart). Um, if you'll forgive me, slight t/j, but talking about meeting new guys...MM had the genius idea to push me toward dating, basically telling me there were opportunities all around me and I just wasn't doing an adequate job of noticing them . It was part of his big idea of what might keep me from moving away! So, I tried, immediately met someone (um, who I have yet to go on any date with) and he flipped out. I give up! Actually, seems it was him who gave up... So, yeah, baby steps all around. Let's keep up the good feelings and support- I know this gets better. Jolene
Fallen Angel Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 Oh, Hazy, you're my hero. We are living parallel lives except I'm several weeks behind you, and I don't really think I could keep it together for an actual date. Like Hopeless said, it's baby steps for all of us Well, I'm super happy for you. It's significant that you didn't feel overwhelmed by wishing it was MM the whole time (maybe if even occasionally that is what you have to push out of your mind and heart). Um, if you'll forgive me, slight t/j, but talking about meeting new guys...MM had the genius idea to push me toward dating, basically telling me there were opportunities all around me and I just wasn't doing an adequate job of noticing them . It was part of his big idea of what might keep me from moving away! So, I tried, immediately met someone (um, who I have yet to go on any date with) and he flipped out. I give up! Actually, seems it was him who gave up... So, yeah, baby steps all around. Let's keep up the good feelings and support- I know this gets better. Jolene Hazy dear, Excuse the temporary TJ as Miss Jolene doesn't have PM rights yet... Jolene, My MM has never 'pushed' me towards dating, but he has said that if I decided to, he would understand. Everytime I tell him that I may start dating though, he seems to try to 'over-compensate' for the time I am alone. ie he spends an extra night or two with me each week if he is not out of town, he shows up unexpectedly to take me to lunch, dinner etc.. he tries to give me less 'alone' time to try to fill with someone else filling my empty hours instead with more of him. *sigh* And even though he says he will understand, I feel that sadness in him when he says it.. but, he knows what to do if he doesn't want me to date someone else. *shrug* So while he is the only man in my bed, I will not make him the only man in my life unless/until I am his ONLY woman. I think that not living my life, was giving him too much power.. no one should have that kind of power over someone else. Also, meeting and being open to possibilities of other men, has shown me just how special My MM is in my life, and has helped me come to peace with the fact that he is THE man for me. But I won't close myself again to the possibility that someone else may be better... I have thought before that someone was THE ONE.. turned out, he wasn't.
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