hopelesschica Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 My question is simple..actually it`s not a question..more of an sos post.. I`m trying to break up with my boyfriend of 2 years, we started as friends with benefits and moved into something more serious, apparently not serious enough for me. I`m in love with him, he knows that and acts really nice almost all the time. I said almost because when i`m angry or we have a problem he start shouting and saying things like "you`re crazy", "i don`t like you and you just manipulated me" and so on. I`m only asking for advice on how to be woman enough to break up with him. Our relationship is unhealthy, I`m codependent or something, I`m always seeking his approval and I made his life a priority for me and it`s freaking me out. I`m young, I know I should date and have fun but I`ve been in long-term relationships since I was 15 and in the last 7 years i was sigle...6 months tops. It`s breaking my heart but he`s been abusive, physically and emotionally and I feel like I`lm going crazy. How can i get the strength to leave him when all I think about is how to make him happy? He`s my best friend and knows me so so well but I don`t get it why he feels the need to hurt me...
gaudi Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 NEVER MIND HOW TO DO IT, JUST DO IT. Dump this loser now. No matter what he say, no matter how he tries to craawl back into your life forget him and never look back If you're too scared about telling him to his face which from what you've posted is understandable, then tell him on the phone, whatever, just be doen with him and never look back !!!
Author hopelesschica Posted January 23, 2010 Author Posted January 23, 2010 Thanks for the advice gaudi. One little detail: he`s my best friend`s brother...
gaudi Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 Gonna need to keep that friendship on the lowdown for a bit then aint ya ?? Does your best friend Know how her brother treats you ??
Author hopelesschica Posted January 23, 2010 Author Posted January 23, 2010 She`s my best friend since we were 11 so keeping it low for a while will be very hard for me. Unfortunately she knows, she was there when he hit me once so... she`s pissed because I let him treat me this way, I never accepted to be treated like ***** by a man..ever. I was actually pretty bitchy and intolerant regarding that kind of treatment. I actually feel like he has this strange power over me, if he leaves me I will never find another man that would want me and I know that`s not true. I know I`m young and pretty and fun but I`m a wreck right now.. I`m doing my best to start falling out of love for him..
sunrae Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 Im with Gaudi on this one... Talk to your bestfriend and explain his actions. Tell her your not putting her in the middle but you value your friendhip with her and wanted to let her know what was about to go down and why. Heck she may already know how he is.. Then I would call him and do it over the phone. Normally I wouldnt say do it over the phone, but he is verbally and physically abusive and you dont need to put yourself in harms way anymore than you already have.. If you feel you dont have the strength to be by yourself, then go talk to someone to help get yourself esteem back... (i had to after I ended my marriage and there is nothing wrong with that)
Author hopelesschica Posted January 24, 2010 Author Posted January 24, 2010 Thank you both for your replies. I know that leaving him is the right ting to do but it`s so hard.. He broke up with me a year ago and left for Germany after 5 days. He stayed there for a month and came back..I was devasted, my friends did the best to cheer me up and when he came back I was feeling much better. I was actually going to go on a date with a mutual friend, but I waited for him to come back and tell him I`ll date that guy personally because we have history of "stories" told from one friend to another. We met, I told him I`ll go out with that guy and goodbye. After 4-5 hours he texted me saying :" I thought you wanted to meet to solve our problems and make up. Instead you were fooling around when I wasnt home". I know it`s cheesy but...I took him back.. So I know how good it feels to be free, without him..but I still love him so I`m just trying to understand how can i fall out of love...
sedgwick Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 but I still love him so I`m just trying to understand how can i fall out of love... Worry about that AFTER you get away from this man who's HITTING you!!!
Author hopelesschica Posted January 27, 2010 Author Posted January 27, 2010 I know I`m trying to defend him..he did that twice in 2 years. I feel things are so complicated, I`m so emotional right now, I`m on birthcontrol pills and my hormones are going crazy.. I`m becoming so much more emotional when I`m PMS-ing and I just cant stand little things he does that usually dont bother me at all. I know he`s a good guy but I`m so afraid of being single, I dont know how to handle not having a boyfriend...and I do love him, I feel so good when he holds me. I`m not immature nor willing to settle for less, I`m simply afraid to handle this the way I know I should so I`m trying to see what steps would make me feel stronger and with a little more self-esteem and strength.
sunrae Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 Go talk to a counseler if you feel you cant do this on your own.. If you feel you cant be by yourself maybe you need to address some co-dependacy issues, or go to adddress yourself esteem issues... I didnt think I could live without my ex husband, but boy was I wrong. I never knew how strong I could be until I took that leap of faith and left him... Thought I could take on the world.
sedgwick Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 I know I`m trying to defend him..he did that twice in 2 years. Once, ever, is too much. HE HIT YOU. I`m becoming so much more emotional when I`m PMS-ing and I just cant stand little things he does that usually dont bother me at all. Like hitting you? I know he`s a good guy No he's not. HE HIT YOU.
DiscoChick Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 I had/have a friend just like this. Her boyfriend was very abusive. She always made him sound sooo great.I happened to be crashing at their apartment (it was four bedroom for four roommates). When we heard cursing and yelling.He hit her and one of my other friends got involved and ended up getting hit as well. You see, the one that got hurt was her best friend. The one staring at me with round eyes is my best friend. We are all friends. I told her if she ever let a man hit her I will beat her after I am done beating him. She expected me to go help> To be honest, I felt my friend enjoyed it. She screwed him later! He ended up hitting her again and they broke up and and just became sex buddies. I have no idea why she is still hung up over him. She still talks about him. The good thing is that she FINALLY saw the real person that he was and broke up with him. Believe me, no innocent woman deserves to be hit, and you can do way better. I hope you get out of that horrible relationship and give yourself time to do some soul searching. Don't let a man put you in such a low position. No one deserves that. I wish you nothing but the best.
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