longonsd Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 So I just met this girl maybe a month ago and there is clear interest from both our sides. Both dates have gone extremely well for the most part and we clearly think along the same wavelength and have great chemistry. We've both indicated a physical attraction to eachother as well. Here's my problem. We're both quiet/reserved types, but she is way more extreme than I am, and thats saying something. I think this is the first girl I've ever dated where I feel like I have to make every major decision/advance etc. This girl is so difficult to read and shys away from any serious discussion about our relationship when we're in person. She will flirt with me online, but when we get together she gets so bashful at any complement or advance I try to throw at her. Its ok with me though because I'm really into her to the point where its forcing me to do things i dont normally do so some of it is a learning experience. So we're at the end of the date which was almost a perfect night. It's getting late so I ask her if she wants me to walk her home. She sheepishly says ok. I go to get my keys and she's still sitting down starring at me. So I figure what the hell. I go back over and sit down next to her and ask her if she had a good time. She says yes. I tell her that i had a great time too, and it gets silent again. She keeps casting these looks at me so I assume she wants me to kiss her. I move closer and go for a kiss only for her to get really tense and say "I don't know". So embarassing. Needless to say the walk back to her place was weird. I don't know what to think really. I mean, i feel that put a stain on what was such a great night. She texted me later and told me I didn't do anything wrong but its just "all new to her". Maybe it's still a little early and shes not totally comfortable with me yet. From experience though, Ive been too timid in the past and its cost me a few times. Any advice on what to do now? I really like this girl. And aside from that moment she has indicated that she really likes me too. I'm thinking that I should just forget about it and treat it as if it never happened. I'm not really sure what shes thinking.
Author longonsd Posted January 23, 2010 Author Posted January 23, 2010 If she won't even kiss you at the end of a date, she probably doesn't like you. Move on. Its a possibility, but i really think she's just really shy. I dont think shes ever kissed anyone before. I mean when we chat online she will complement me and tell me she feels good about us, but in person she just shuts down when it comes to anything intimate. I'm open to your advice, but i really think it would be stupid of me to just give up on her because of that one moment. I've met alot of women, but I feel a connection with her that I've never felt before and before that moment all signs pointed to it being mutual.
someotherguy Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 Talk to her about it. You need to communicate directly and openly with her. If she's so shy that she can't even talk about 'real relationship' stuff, then I hate to say it, but cut bait and move on. Extremely shy people tend to be that way for a reason, and sometimes those reasons can be overcome, and sometimes they require serious professional help, which you are not.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 I sense the O.P. to be quite realistic in his assessments. But why not play to your strengths: You and she are interacting fairly well, and both content to be there, but why don't you retreat to the comforts of online (with one another) and let the conversation get deeper, and more detailed about what you want from one another, and what each is comfortable offering? It is perfectly OK if two authentic people are both hesitant about going through the motions even after each has declared independently that they are interested and fairly content. Use the internet to continue to draw her out in greater detail. Keep trying...
Author longonsd Posted January 24, 2010 Author Posted January 24, 2010 I sense the O.P. to be quite realistic in his assessments. But why not play to your strengths: You and she are interacting fairly well, and both content to be there, but why don't you retreat to the comforts of online (with one another) and let the conversation get deeper, and more detailed about what you want from one another, and what each is comfortable offering? It is perfectly OK if two authentic people are both hesitant about going through the motions even after each has declared independently that they are interested and fairly content. Use the internet to continue to draw her out in greater detail. Keep trying... This is the exact step that I have taken and its working out beautifully. The incident is a distant memory and im meeting up with her tomorrow. I just need to stay patient and focus on our strengths like you said. Thanks!
SincereOnlineGuy Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 The incident is a distant memory Way to make me feel hesitant about my having responded... (roughly sixteen hours since your original post) But seriously, IF you can assure me/everyone/the world that both of you are entirely sincere and interested, behind the hesitation and the shyness, then I can promise you both that the slow, let-the-internet-hold-your-hand process, will be a very valuable experience for each of you. What if your hearts and emotions were bruised or wounded, and you could get 'therapy' for that, which would help you along, and offer you a hand rail to hold as you repaired your hearts/confidence/wounds? Well think of the internet as that hand rail. It works that way for a whole lot of people. (the horror stories are the result of some of them not being "entirely sincere")
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