Jersey Shortie Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 I seem to have a bit of a different expectations for men paying for dates when I date someone more my age compared to when I date someone older. I have more of an expectation that the older man should pay. I guess it's because most of the older guys I dated would NEVER let me. Even when I offered and because he is older after all. If he gets the perk of dating someone younger, I should get the perk of dating someone older and more established no? I have higher expectations for someone that is older. I don't think that's unresonable. Ladies, would you agree or disagree? Men, do you think it's resonable to expect more from older men when a younger woman is dating them?
carhill Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 1. How much older? That's relevant, IMO. For example, there's a nice lady I'm taking to lunch today. I'm 50; she's 47. I'm 'older'. What, for you, does 'older' mean? 2. Is age in itself a 'perk'? IOW, younger is better for women and older better for men? I don't quite understand that philosophy, but I'm guessing it has to do with beauty and money. I kind of prefer older women myself. How does that fit into the dynamic? Men, do you think it's reasonable to expect more from older men when a younger woman is dating them? If, by more, you mean them 'taking care' of you, then, for me, I see all women as equals. Today, I will pay for my 'younger' lady's nice sushi lunch because I asked her out to lunch. Right now, with circumstances as they are, she probably makes more money than I do and is in better financial shape to 'afford' to date than I am. That matters not to me. I just press forward with my individual style. Other men will be necessarily different. Hope you find the answers you seek.
OnlyJake Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 I seem to have a bit of a different expectations for men paying for dates when I date someone more my age compared to when I date someone older. I have more of an expectation that the older man should pay. I guess it's because most of the older guys I dated would NEVER let me. Even when I offered and because he is older after all. If he gets the perk of dating someone younger, I should get the perk of dating someone older and more established no? I have higher expectations for someone that is older. I don't think that's unresonable. Ladies, would you agree or disagree? Men, do you think it's resonable to expect more from older men when a younger woman is dating them? IME, if you're a college student or just out, and dating a college student or someone just out of school you'll probably both be paying your half of the bill. If you're in college or just out of college and dating someone a few to several years older, they tend to pay. I don't know that I go into scenario #2 expecting the guy to pay, but IME they do tend to insist. What I'm saying is that my expectations aren't necessarily influenced by what has occurred in the past. I see each new situation on its own. Especially these days it's unreasonable to expect a guy to pick up the entire tab, just given current social trends (and the economy). Having lower expectations I think is also a good thing - then when the guy picks up the tab it's appreciated and not just expected. (Yes, I do think if it's not expected it's more appreciated than if it is expected.)
ella23 Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 IME, if you're a college student or just out, and dating a college student or someone just out of school you'll probably both be paying your half of the bill. If you're in college or just out of college and dating someone a few to several years older, they tend to pay. I don't know that I go into scenario #2 expecting the guy to pay, but IME they do tend to insist. What I'm saying is that my expectations aren't necessarily influenced by what has occurred in the past. I see each new situation on its own. Especially these days it's unreasonable to expect a guy to pick up the entire tab, just given current social trends (and the economy). Having lower expectations I think is also a good thing - then when the guy picks up the tab it's appreciated and not just expected. (Yes, I do think if it's not expected it's more appreciated than if it is expected.) I agree with this, the same goes for me.
Woggle Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 Older men have not gotten the brunt of misandrist rage the way younger men have. It is really hard for a man to feel chivalrous towards somebody that probably hates him because he has a penis.
meerkat stew Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 (edited) Men, do you think it's resonable to expect more from older men when a younger woman is dating them? Only if it's reasonable for an older man to expect more BJs when dating a younger woman. Seriously, age shouldn't be a factor either way, nor should varying economic status. There is no "who should pay more" calculus that is useful as a norm. -Attitude- is useful though, if a traditional man who wants a traditional gender arrangement (man works, woman raises kids and keeps house) meets a woman who feels likewise and expects a traditional courtship from her suitors (and demonstrates by her actions that she does), then the "man should pay for dates" rule is valid, as the woman has a reasonable expectation that if she is not earning income, the man can provide. Otherwise, with two income earners, it's outmoded, just an unreasonable money transfer between two presumably otherwise equal parties. The problems arise when women expect to behave any way they want while courting, sleep with exes, keep FWBs, hook up with guys who never take them out, compete with men for jobs, flake out rudely and ignore prospective suitors, yet expect the benefits of the old traditional courtship and dating arrangement to continue to flow their way with none of the restrictions, and that though the man is expected to act as a "chivalrous, gentlemanly" traditional suitor who pays for dates, the woman suffers no equivalent detriment and can behave any old way she pleases and still expect free money to come her way just because of her sex. Oh, and "all these" threads was really only 1-2 threads, right? Edited January 23, 2010 by meerkat stew
hoping2heal Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 (edited) I seem to have a bit of a different expectations for men paying for dates when I date someone more my age compared to when I date someone older. I have more of an expectation that the older man should pay. I guess it's because most of the older guys I dated would NEVER let me. Even when I offered and because he is older after all. If he gets the perk of dating someone younger, I should get the perk of dating someone older and more established no? I have higher expectations for someone that is older. I don't think that's unresonable. Ladies, would you agree or disagree? Men, do you think it's resonable to expect more from older men when a younger woman is dating them? The only type of man who thinks it is some kind of special "privellage" to take out a "younger woman" is one who is with her for her looks. That's not a compliment to you, by any means. So, you champion about men surfing porn, but you're cool with going out with men who are into you for shallow and superficial purposes? Hmm I am a "younger" woman myself, and I have to say I find this atitude ridiculous. Most women my age are a train wreck. They very much lack wisdom and maturity for one, their priorities are all a mess, and they aren't as good at honest communication and being a supportive partner as being manipulative and playing games. Edited January 23, 2010 by hoping2heal
melodymatters Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 I'm a total socialist when it comes to who pays on dates ! Whoever has more money usually picks up the majority of the tabs in my experience. It DOES seem to be age related in that our earing capacity tends to increase with age to an extent. For someone who comes off as having feminist leanings, I'm a little surprised that you are prizing your age as a factor. I prob DID pay more with my two younger men relationships, but NOT because I felt "so lucky" to be with them, it was quite the opposite !
Author Jersey Shortie Posted January 24, 2010 Author Posted January 24, 2010 For someone who comes off as having feminist leanings, I'm a little surprised that you are prizing your age as a factor. I prob DID pay more with my two younger men relationships, but NOT because I felt "so lucky" to be with them, it was quite the opposite ! I'm not prizing my age as a factor. But I do have higher expectations for older men that I do not for men my age. And I didn't even realize it until recently. I do think that's fair, to have more expectations for someone older, then younger. And I guess that's more of what's going on here, not that I am prizing my age and selling it but that my expectations for someone at a ceratin point in their life is higher then for someone closer to my age. 1. How much older? That's relevant, IMO. For example, there's a nice lady I'm taking to lunch today. I'm 50; she's 47. I'm 'older'. What, for you, does 'older' mean 8 years + 2. Is age in itself a 'perk'? IOW, younger is better for women and older better for men? I don't quite understand that philosophy, but I'm guessing it has to do with beauty and money. I kind of prefer older women myself. How does that fit into the d I think many men think age in women is a perk.
Golfilla Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 I think anyone who obsesses over who pays for the first date probably isn't relationship material anyway.
carhill Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 8 years + I think many men think age in women is a perk. OK, I think, at your age, that's reasonable. So, a man in his mid 30's would see your age as a perk. I remember dating a young lady who was about 12 years younger than myself when in my late 30's. I don't recall feeling her age as a perk as I felt we were contemporaries but can see how her perspective might have been different. I think, strictly from a fertility standpoint, I guess it's reasonable to ascribe more 'value' to a younger woman who potentially is more fertile. So, now, if I dated a woman in her mid 30's because I wanted to have children, I think I would definitely value her age more than when younger. BTW, lunch went great. I paid and was happy to do so.
Author Jersey Shortie Posted January 24, 2010 Author Posted January 24, 2010 Glad lunch went well Carhill.
alphamale Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 Men, do you think it's resonable to expect more from older men when a younger woman is dating them? yes its reasonable
Jake Barnes Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 I seem to have a bit of a different expectations for men paying for dates when I date someone more my age compared to when I date someone older. I have more of an expectation that the older man should pay. I guess it's because most of the older guys I dated would NEVER let me. Even when I offered and because he is older after all. If he gets the perk of dating someone younger, I should get the perk of dating someone older and more established no? I have higher expectations for someone that is older. I don't think that's unresonable. Ladies, would you agree or disagree? Men, do you think it's resonable to expect more from older men when a younger woman is dating them?What makes you think that dating a younger woman is a perk? Early dates shuld be light affairs like coffee or a few drinks where people go "dutch" As it gets heavier it depends on the dynamics of the situation Though Im somewhat conservative in some ways Im a bit leary of the position men are put in to have to take charge and impress from the very outset instead of people just connecting. It sets the stage for the man either being entirely dominant or conversely being totally taken advantage of and theres too much pressure
bac Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 (edited) I guess it is fair for a girl to pay for date if a man younger than her (more than 15 yrs) or if a man is her real friend with whom she has emotional/intellectual connection and possibly sex. I have no idea why a girl would want to pay for a date with a guy who is looking for ONSs or NSA or FWBs. In these situations, a man sees her as a sexual object to use and then dispose. He really wants these types of relationships and he is going to enjoy it. On the other hand, there are many reasons why girls are involved in these NSA relationships, but all these reasons have nothing to do with what girls really enjoy. In these relationships girls do not get any respect, value, and they are just used as sexual objects. Moreover, they have to fake sex drive, an orgasm, do many unpleasant sexual things to please a man, and, after all, they have to say that the guy is the best and sex was wonderful. I guess it is fair that a man should pay for dinner if he is not going to invest emotionally into relationship. Edited January 24, 2010 by bac
D-Lish Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 I just had a first date from POF- he asked me, we each had a pint, and he grabbed the cheque and didn't even consider the possibility of allowing me to pay. I went to grab my wallet and he said no way. Anyway- I appreciated it. I normally try to go dutch. Anyway, I chalk it up to a fee for 2 hours of therapy:p
Chicago_Guy Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 I seem to have a bit of a different expectations for men paying for dates when I date someone more my age compared to when I date someone older. I have more of an expectation that the older man should pay. I guess it's because most of the older guys I dated would NEVER let me. Even when I offered and because he is older after all. If he gets the perk of dating someone younger, I should get the perk of dating someone older and more established no? I have higher expectations for someone that is older. I don't think that's unresonable. Ladies, would you agree or disagree? Men, do you think it's resonable to expect more from older men when a younger woman is dating them? So you think that younger women are doing older men a favor by going out on a date with them? How old are these guys you are dating?
brock25 Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 (edited) Men, do you think it's resonable to expect more from older men when a younger woman is dating them? No. Being older doesn't always mean that that a man will have more money or is more mature. Edited January 25, 2010 by brock25
Awesome Username Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 Generally, men that are older date younger women not only because they are usually in their prime looks-wise, but because they want the women to be impressed with how wise, secure, and worldly he is. This is why the older men will rarely let you pay for dates. I have an older guy who I see every once in a while, when he's in town. It's great because he has never tried to cross that physical boundary with me (I'm sure he knows that I would not sleep with someone who lives very far away, we're just friends, etc.) but I think that it pleases him that I'm impressed when he takes me out. The cool thing is that it's rarely even his money - he is a big-whig kind of guy and puts it on the company tab, which is pretty much the hottest thing ever. Anyways, it depends on the age gap among many other things. Are you getting all pretty and dressed up for him, spending good money on cute dresses and doing your hair? Pay up mister. Are you asking him to meet you at a coffee shop and lunch, while you're being casual and taking planing initiative? Maybe you could spring for that one. If he's willing to pay for expensive dates, I certainly wouldn't question it. If you feel cheated and you feel as though you're not getting the happiness that you could elsewhere, ditch ship!
DiscoChick Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 I never want to date a man younger than I am. Men my age are crazy enough! Also, guys my age and younger expect women to cover the whoooole bill. Didn't he ask me on the date? I don't mind splitting the bill. A guy buying me things makes me feel awkward. I can't help it. I prefer splitting. I pay for this; he pays for that. The end.
Awesome Username Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 I never want to date a man younger than I am. Men my age are crazy enough! Also, guys my age and younger expect women to cover the whoooole bill. Didn't he ask me on the date? I don't mind splitting the bill. A guy buying me things makes me feel awkward. I can't help it. I prefer splitting. I pay for this; he pays for that. The end. If a guy ASKS YOU to go somewhere, he should pay. If he's not going to pay, he should explain ahead of time that it's dutch. If he expects you to pay for both when he asks you out, ditch him. He knows what the Hell he's doing.
phineas Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 The problems arise when women expect to behave any way they want while courting, sleep with exes, keep FWBs, hook up with guys who never take them out, compete with men for jobs, flake out rudely and ignore prospective suitors, yet expect the benefits of the old traditional courtship and dating arrangement to continue to flow their way with none of the restrictions, and that though the man is expected to act as a "chivalrous, gentlemanly" traditional suitor who pays for dates, the woman suffers no equivalent detriment and can behave any old way she pleases and still expect free money to come her way just because of her sex. I had the misfortune of drawing the attention of a woman like this at work in my late 20's. She chased me down, asked me to go out then showed up with her friend to dinner. So I called up my friend to meet us out. WE paid. She decided she liked my "friend" better & blew me off. I told him she was all his. She chased him. Followed him out to a bar, he chugged draft beers because when the waitress told him how much the bottled beer was he said "bring me the cheap stuff" She followed him home & he sent her out the door when he was done with her. Wanted nothing more to do with her. we hadn't talked for a few week's So i had no idea. She started chasing me hard again. Giving me the "i've been thinking about you a lot" lines & I miss you. Ect. Like a fool I agreed to take her out. It was an expensive date for me. I wouldn't of minded if she hadn't blown me off again & started working another guy at work. Oh and the thinking my friend wouldn't tell me he hooked up with her next time I saw him really showed the type of person she was. The thing that really pissed me off is she told people at work I was really cheap then claimed I made her real uncomfortable & that I was stalking her & she only went out with me because I kept bugging her. Basically anything to avoid exposing the POS she was. Luckily I knew her manager & letting her listen to the umpteen "I like you so much, & I miss you so much" messages on my VM plus the call log on my cell phone bill clearly showing she was calling me & not the other way around (I didn't have a home phone at the time either) knocked her credability into the toilet. I've gotten real good at spotting these women since then. They all have a lot of similarities.
Jaytb Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 I seem to have a bit of a different expectations for men paying for dates when I date someone more my age compared to when I date someone older. I have more of an expectation that the older man should pay. I guess it's because most of the older guys I dated would NEVER let me. Even when I offered and because he is older after all. If he gets the perk of dating someone younger, I should get the perk of dating someone older and more established no? I have higher expectations for someone that is older. I don't think that's unresonable. Ladies, would you agree or disagree? Men, do you think it's resonable to expect more from older men when a younger woman is dating them? I don't think that's a problem at all, but I thought you hate dating older men like it's some kind of disease.
meerkat stew Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 I've gotten real good at spotting these women since then. They all have a lot of similarities. Oh yeah, could tell some truly horrific tales like yours, sorry you had to go through that. Those who think the tradition should continue have a misplaced sense of where the tradition originates. It's not so much a male and female thing as a social contract thing. If a man is expected to be a gentleman and chivalrous on one side, there is supposedly something resembling a "lady" on the other side. And for those who want to argue the term "lady" has negative connotations for equality, you are correct, and just goes to show what faulty ground the tradition rests on today. But actually, the most likely response is "there is nothing wrong with being treated like a lady," and I will agree where matters of physical weakness are concerned. But a "lady" neither goes out unescorted, nor engages in FWB type deals, nor ever drinks to excess, nor etc. etc. Like other double standards, women want the special treatment without the restrictions and obligations that treatment entailed in the past. You can't have it all. Life is full of choices and some choices necessarily preclude other possibilities. If you want to be treated like a lady, you need to truly act as one, and that is more restrictive than it sounds.
DiscoChick Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 If a guy ASKS YOU to go somewhere, he should pay. If he's not going to pay, he should explain ahead of time that it's dutch. If he expects you to pay for both when he asks you out, ditch him. He knows what the Hell he's doing. Exactly. I told my friend this when she called me from the theater while she was on a date. Somehow, the guy magically forgot his wallet and doesn't carry loose money in his pockets. I would have politely told him that he can wait outside while I go watch the movie. I may be nice, but no one would get over on me so easily.
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