Puzzled79 Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 I am really one confused girl at the moment and I'd really appreciate some help from the lovely people on here. About a year ago I met a guy online and we started dating. Everything was going great for a couple of weeks and then one day out of the blue he rings me and tells me that he can't see me anymore as he is not totally over his ex. I was pretty hurt, I thought he was a nice guy and enjoyed spending time with him. We had pretty amazing chemistry, similar interests and laughed a lot together. Anyway, I tried to forget about him and get on with my life, but I never really forgot him altogether. We never kept in contact or anything. Anyway about 3 months ago he emails me to say hello and asked if I'd like to see him again. He told me he was well and truly over his ex and that he thought we had great chemistry together and I had a great personality and he'd like to see me again. I really was in two minds whether to give him a second chance, I had been dating since with not much success and thought that time would have made him move on. To cut a long story short, we started a relationship and it was wonderful, he was everything I remembered and more. He rang me almost everyday, was very affectionate, told me he was in it for the long haul, how beautiful I was and how lucky he was to have me in his life. I met his family, we shared the same interests, we went on a camping trip together, I was well and truly falling for this guy. I never really thought I could feel love again after having my heart shattered by my ex a few years earlier, but here was this guy who was so special to me. Last week we didn't see each other very much, which I thought was a little off, he seemed busy with his friends most nights. Then two days ago he invited me out to lunch, he seemed quiet. We had just ordered the drinks and then the bomb hit. He told me he had no feelings for me at all and could we be friends? I sat there in shock, I was speechless and actually felt sick to my stomach. I couldn't get out of there quick enough. Please someone tell me why was I so so stupid to give this guy a second chance? Why would he tell me all the lovely things I wanted to hear and then it all turn out to be lies? How can people be so very cruel? He knew my past and I even told him in the beginning to be honest with me....and then this. Please help me, I am so crushed right now, I feel like I can never believe anything that a guy tells me ever again. It took me a good 18 months to get the courage to even start dating again after my ex smashed my heart to pieces, and now I feel like I am right back at that dark and depressing place all over again. How could he look me in the eyes and tell me he was never going anywhere and he wanted to be with me and only me? I just don't know what to believe anymore and I feel like locking my heart away in a vault so nobody can ever touch it again
gaudi Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 What did you wrong ?? Absolutely nothing by the sound of it. I feel for you Puzzled I really do. This guy sounds like a bit of a jerk to be honest. Not that me saying that will make it any easier on you. When you said he came back and you gave him a second chance, well there's nothing wrong with that. Somtimes people are worth a second chance and sometimes it works out. But this fella sounds like he just wanted to come back and make sure you will still going to be there for him, unfortunately, you were. He may well even do it again, come crawling out the woodwork to ask for yet another chance. If that ever happens, remember how you feel right now, and telll him were to go. As for now, forget him, let your heart heal and move on, you deserve better xx
ty1987 Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 I'm really sorry to hear about you situation. You were not wrong to give him a second chance, as it sounded like he was truly over his ex and genuinely wanted to be with you again. I know it might not make you feel any better, but I know exactly how you feel. I've been there myself, and know how hard it can be when you give yourself to someone and they proceed to completely destroy you. If this guy ever tries coming back into your life, please please please don't accept him. Like the above poster said, remember how you feel right now and move on with life. It's so hard to move on at times, but it's all we can really do. I hope things work out for you darling.
HLP234 Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 That is sad and people like that make me mad. I would not have taken them back, no matter what they said. You did not do anything wrong and now you just have to forget him completely. Sometimes people feel like they are over something but in reality he has probably been doing the same thing to many others. Just using people to get his fix and then realizing he has problems that no one can fix but himself. Don't worry or think about it any more. I would take the time to worry about yourself and make sure you get the treatment you deserve. Its a lesson where you learn to take everyone in very cautiously. You will get better with time and it may be a while but by taking the time to heal by yourself is the best way to go about it I think.
madisonlayne Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 The best predictor for future behavior is past behavior. This man may very well continue to yo-yo with you until you put an end to it, or he could completely disappear. Either way: Wash, rinse, repeat.. Believe in the abundance of the universe. There are tons of men out there that will share great chemistry with you and treat you right. Don't allow one bad apple to spoil the bunch. It hurts, I know, but the majority of people have to go through the "wrong" ones before reaching the "right".. No reflection on you. You didn't do anything wrong. It's his loss.
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