JoeShmoe17 Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 I am delving into the world of online dating again. This girl sent me a message the other day and we exchanged a few messages pretty quickly back and forth. I wasn't really attracted to her but figured maybe I could give it a shot, so I asked if she wanted to meet up sometime next week (and gave specific day options). She said sure that she would love to and either of those days would work. The problem is, I am thinking it was a bad idea because the more I look at her profile the more I am not attracted to her and not looking forward to getting together at all. What is the best thing to do in this situation, and which would make her feel least bad? 1) Brave it out and go on a date anyway even though I am less than excited and not really attracted. I figure this could go a few different ways, best case scenario we are both interested or neither of us are interested and we're on the same page - worse case scenario this leads her on more and I am still not interested. 2) Just don't write back anymore or follow through with making plans 3) Write back saying I am sorry and not interested in meeting up after all 4) Some other option I didn't think of I know I am putting a lot of thought into this considering it is online dating, but I just prefer doing the 'nicest' thing whenever possible. Thanks.
meerkat stew Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 Would probably go with 3. and cite undefined personal reasons as the excuse. "Hi walkonthebeach42940203, I know we had discussed meeting, and am sorry, but for personal reasons, won't be able to meet after all. Best wishes to you."
D-Lish Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 You don't owe her too much at this point. BUT, since you did set up a date, I'd think it responsible to cancel with her.
SoulSearch_CO Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 Please do NOT do #2 - that's so cruel. I think #3 is the best option. Just tell her you don't think it's going to work. Be a gentleman - because if betamanlet is right, she'll run like hell to get away from you.
txsilkysmoothe Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 Tell her the TRUTH just as you said it here. "I've read through your profile again and I really don't think we are a match. I'm new at online dating and moved too quickly when I asked you to meet. I'm sorry and best wishes in your search." Not doing this or completely blowing her off may lead to her posting a thread on LS titled "Why did he blow me off?" "what happened?" "Did I do or say something wrong?" I reply to every single email I receive through online dating. It's just the "human" thing to do. Men email me back and thank me for replying (even though I'm not interested) because so many women never respond and leave them hanging, wondering. That is just rude.
Author JoeShmoe17 Posted January 23, 2010 Author Posted January 23, 2010 Great, thanks everyone, that's helpful. I went with option #3 and apologized for canceling and essentially said that I didn't think we would be a match and best of luck on her search. My next question and looking ahead, if she does respond asking why she doesn't think we would be a match, do I need to respond to this or any future messages she sends, or is it okay to let it go at that point and not respond since I sent the short but sweet message wishing her luck?
txsilkysmoothe Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 Great, thanks everyone, that's helpful. I went with option #3 and apologized for canceling and essentially said that I didn't think we would be a match and best of luck on her search. My next question and looking ahead, if she does respond asking why she doesn't think we would be a match, do I need to respond to this or any future messages she sends, or is it okay to let it go at that point and not respond since I sent the short but sweet message wishing her luck? It is very unlikely she will reply at all. She may send a "good luck to you too." If she replies in any other way -ignore it- it would be an indication she does not have a "healthy mind" and she will never be satisfied with any explanation on your part.
stevejohnson1976 Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 I fell into a similar situation. GO ON THE DATE. Use it for practice. The more dates you go on, the more comfortable you will feel around the stunner you go out with down the road. Just go grab a drink or something. I actually got roped into a full dinner with my train wreck.....
Ilovecake Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 I would say number one choice would be go on the date, worst case scenario she's a dud you never have to talk to her again. You never know you might make a nice friend or at least some sort of connection. I think you are putting way too much thought into this and that is why you are losing all interest. That's the problem with online dating, people treat it like shopping and put way too many restrictions of the people they're willing to meet. They nitpick every little speckle and trait. In real life when we meet someone face to face we make allowances for slight quirks because other personality traits outweigh them. However if you do decide to blow the date off. Let her know in a nice way, don't just leave her hanging. If you leave here hanging you'll feel some release but on the other end of that you'll ruin this girls day and possibly damage her ego. Let her down gently, I'm sure you would want the same courtesy if the shoe was on the other foot.
citygal1 Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 Either # 1 or 3. I don't think I would have anything to lose to going out on a date in this situation. I would keep the date relatively simple such as having a few drinks or going out for. The date could go better than expected. If the date didn't work out, then there simply wouldn't be another date. I think # 2 would definitely be rude.
alphamale Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 3) Write back saying I am sorry and not interested in meeting up after all ^^^^^ this
BobSacamento Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 Yeah I would write back and say you aren't going to be able to meet up after all. Keep it short. I've made this mistake before.
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